I miss... and love you my love... I wanted to be together... but a cold and bitter taste now lingers in my broken heart... Many times has my heart been broken before... But I never was able to have the chance to redeem myself for being unable to afford transportation and other things to see you once again... I wish it could of lasted longer so i could enjoy christmas with you... new years... 4th of july... on so on.... and repeat all it over again to enjoy being with you lex.... Now my heart is frozen... I feel cold... Hopeless... and weak.... My body is only able to move around... like as if it was a zombie... not caring where it goes... not bothering with the pain... I feel Emo all over again... Knowing that death is not the answer... but my heart wants to just stop the pain... you were the first one who ever showed true love and care for me while my past lovers only robbed me and dated another man... I feel like I am on a roof of a tall building... standing at the edge... but not jumping because my logic still exists... but my mind only can stay sane for a limited time... Knowing that soon it will corrode and warp with madness... Rotting with the poison of sorrow... and fear... My mind has already changed me into a different person... I hurt people when I dont mean it... I say things Which i would never say... I even forget who I really am...... I near the point that my doctor claims... I have Depression, mental instability, OCD, and Denial of reality... They want to throw me on drugs and medication... but they wont work... they brained scanned me... and my brain is damaged by the depression... I will never be the same person my doctor tells me.... its beyond repair... the doctor sees that I already am showing signs of short term memory loss... and my family feels like they are going to lose me....

The battle seems like its lost... but I got a job Lex... I am a Moderator of a website and am getting paid good money for it..... My role is being happy 100% and spreading happiness... but even so.... even If my job is to gather followers and give them a place to be happy and feel safe... That place is not my place... My place was with you...

I am sorry I couldnt change things soon enough... I am no longer Wesley or Aqwers or your little wolfy..... I am not even close to myself at all...... I am nothing who is something... a nobody who is a somebody... and a hope who feels hopeless...... I am now like the Mad Hatter at the Tea Party who seems happy... but is mad and insane with hardly any logic left...

I wish things were better for you... and I wish the best for you...... and If I die... Will you still remember me?
If I fall... will you help me up?
If I cry... will you cry with me?
and if I am no longer myself... will you still be there for me?