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I'm sorry... (Please read everyone, its important)
16 years ago
Does anyone even read Journals anymore?
This is all this journal is about. A big sorry to my mate, master and my close friends.
Right now, I go through a very important phase of my life. My schoolish career is almost over, and next comes taking a job and social duty. And that for the rest of my life. Too make this all more stressful, I go through a strange phase I can't explain.
In the last time, or lets say since last summer, my mind won't work right anymore. Sure, I was kinda effed in that regard always, with a very bad memory, and hallucinations I can't really explain and stuff I don't wanna mention here. But...it has never been this bad.
For some reason, some reason I can't explain that is, I'm either very aggressive to my friends or kinda desinterested.
I hate it.
I hate me because of it.
I hate seeing me either being desinterested/forgetful about friends or the other thing quiet and hurt them, I wanna hurt myself badly for it.
All I can say is, sorry. I dunno if I will get through this phase without loosing any of my friends, and I just hope you guys can spend enough nerves and forgiveness while this lasts. Hopefully not long.
To my mate,
Celshin and my very close friend 
stitch-mimulus : I'm sorry I've been so silent even though I force myself to talk to you two. I really don't want to hurt you two, you're very important for me and you know how much I mean that. Please forgive me.
To my master,
synxirazu-niam : I'm sorry I'm such a bad pet sometimes. You really are very important to me and I hope I still am to you too.
To one of my closer friends,
luircin : I'm sorry for being so easily annoyable, and aggressive, and the rest I did. I know you know what I mean. Believe me, I don't want to hurt you or stress you, and I feel always extremly bad when I did. Sometimes I even think about not speaking to you anymore to avoid hurting you. PLease have patience with me.
To
melfice : I'm sorry to get so angsty and competetive over the last weeks so fast. Like I said, I don't know why I do, but it really makes me feel like avoiding you so that I don't hurt you too.
To
Edofenrir : Sorry we had some very bad arguments over rather pointless stuff. I know your life aint easy and making it harder by arguing and annoying you is the least you need. I'm sorry.
To my older friends, namely Pouncey, Devil-Amada, DJ-Galven and Hal: I'm sorry for ignoring you sometimes, or not responding. I should be thankful I have loyal friends like you, and you were here for me since my start in the fandom, or at least near its start. Also sorry for not linking your names, but I just forgot some of your pages name, sorry. x.x
To my pet,
wingcommanderrudoji : I'm sorry I'm not the best master, but I really love talking to you. Don't get a big head over this, but you're one of the strangest yet interesting personas I know and I'm very thankful you choose me as your master.
I'm really sorry for all of it, to everyone here mentioned and some not mentioned. I'm sorry I fuck things up repeatedly and having a bad phase. I'm so very sorry. :C
Right now, I go through a very important phase of my life. My schoolish career is almost over, and next comes taking a job and social duty. And that for the rest of my life. Too make this all more stressful, I go through a strange phase I can't explain.
In the last time, or lets say since last summer, my mind won't work right anymore. Sure, I was kinda effed in that regard always, with a very bad memory, and hallucinations I can't really explain and stuff I don't wanna mention here. But...it has never been this bad.
For some reason, some reason I can't explain that is, I'm either very aggressive to my friends or kinda desinterested.
I hate it.
I hate me because of it.
I hate seeing me either being desinterested/forgetful about friends or the other thing quiet and hurt them, I wanna hurt myself badly for it.
All I can say is, sorry. I dunno if I will get through this phase without loosing any of my friends, and I just hope you guys can spend enough nerves and forgiveness while this lasts. Hopefully not long.
To my mate,
Celshin and my very close friend 
stitch-mimulus : I'm sorry I've been so silent even though I force myself to talk to you two. I really don't want to hurt you two, you're very important for me and you know how much I mean that. Please forgive me.To my master,
synxirazu-niam : I'm sorry I'm such a bad pet sometimes. You really are very important to me and I hope I still am to you too.To one of my closer friends,
luircin : I'm sorry for being so easily annoyable, and aggressive, and the rest I did. I know you know what I mean. Believe me, I don't want to hurt you or stress you, and I feel always extremly bad when I did. Sometimes I even think about not speaking to you anymore to avoid hurting you. PLease have patience with me.To
melfice : I'm sorry to get so angsty and competetive over the last weeks so fast. Like I said, I don't know why I do, but it really makes me feel like avoiding you so that I don't hurt you too.To
Edofenrir : Sorry we had some very bad arguments over rather pointless stuff. I know your life aint easy and making it harder by arguing and annoying you is the least you need. I'm sorry.To my older friends, namely Pouncey, Devil-Amada, DJ-Galven and Hal: I'm sorry for ignoring you sometimes, or not responding. I should be thankful I have loyal friends like you, and you were here for me since my start in the fandom, or at least near its start. Also sorry for not linking your names, but I just forgot some of your pages name, sorry. x.x
To my pet,
wingcommanderrudoji : I'm sorry I'm not the best master, but I really love talking to you. Don't get a big head over this, but you're one of the strangest yet interesting personas I know and I'm very thankful you choose me as your master. I'm really sorry for all of it, to everyone here mentioned and some not mentioned. I'm sorry I fuck things up repeatedly and having a bad phase. I'm so very sorry. :C
Sorry Argy... T.=.T
you should be more carefull about emotions of others
i accept ur sorry but that evenning thing hurted me alot and imnot over it still ...
keep working on you is all what i can say maybe it become fine
imnot mad on you .. *hugs*
I can honestly say (from experience) is to try to not pressure yourself too hard, it'll really, REALLY, have an effect on your head. As for people, well, people are people, and sometimes it's hard for people to understand these things.
Still, I can accept that some people might be a lil hurt by all this, but it's your life, man. Take as much time as you want trying to piece it together. Just take care of yourself as best you can really.
Methinks I'm rambling a bit now, so I guess I'll try and sum it up:
- It's normal to be feeling like this, the window of security is shrinking so to speak.
- As hard as it might be to yourself and others to accept, you ARE the Number 1 guy in your life now.
- Try to pace yourself, I don't know how things are in Germany but it's a good idea to not freak yourself out over being jobless and whatnot.
I don't know if anything I said will help, but, wellll, one can hope. :3
Wishin' you the best, buddy.
Second thing is, starange things is that my life works okay right now except...this. School is okay, I have a job soon, its guaranteed...so why do I act like some lunatic at points?
I hope you'll make it through this intact. :: keeps huggling ::
I've never really been in your situation, so I don't have much advice to offer, other than that you've been a good friend to me, and it's perfectly understandable to not reply all the time. : 3
If you are going through changes in your life, and are afraid that I might be offended if you don't talk to me for a long time, relax, for my mind doesn't work like that. If you don't have the spirit at the moment, you don't need to force yourself to talk to me.
Take as much time as you need. And while you're doing that, don't focus on me, focus on you.
Good luck, and may hope be your guardian, my friend.
*hugs tightly*
Essentially, you have a right to be pissed ^_^