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To those who can understand me, please help me
15 years ago
It's tough, it really is tough. I have two families, one that is my genetic real life one, and one that is my fellow furries/voraphiles family. Though, we all only have one mother and it appears that mine has a cancer that is going to kill her in the next few days, weeks, months....
I'm currently with her, in France, but my life is in Canada, with my wolf since a year now, where I wanted to be as it's where I have the best chances to meet and spend time with my fellow online growing family, where my job is.
My boss is very understanding and allows me to stay as long as I need here without being payed of course. Delmir, my wolf has also shown great understanding and even offered to move back to Vancouver until I would eventually come back, in which case we would both restart a new life in Montreal whenever we'd be both ready for it again. Somehow, I'm not sure it is a very sane plan.
I have taken the decision to come back on the 21st of May, but I'm not sure if it's the best decision. People around me in France seem to make me feel guilty about the fact I want to leave my mother. I admit I feel cold hearted to do it. There are two kinds of thoughts I get from my relatives and friends: either that the decision belongs to me, or that I should absolutely stay in France with my mother. I have heard nobody telling me I should absolutely go back to Montreal. Should I take the conclusion that I should stay? I also have to keep in mind that I seem to be of great help, because my father also has cancer, is old and getting weak. My 2 brothers have a job and, while they can come every now and then, cannot assist my parents 24/7.
I admit that, whenever I hear my mother manifesting any sort of pain or uncomfortableness, I feel worried and want to stay by her. I think if I went back to Montreal, I'd feel this amplified by the fact I cannot stay by her in the difficult times.
On the other side, if I decided to stay in France, I'd be leaving my virtual family, my wolf all alone with the appartment and the consequences of this could happen to be irreversible.
In both cases, I feel guilty, in both case, I will regret something. what I would regret the most is hard to define. I would like to say something like, I'm leaving for a couple of months, going to Montreal on the 21st, and then, go back after two months in France, but then, if my mother got to pass away in the mean time and I could not get a chance to be by her, I may never forgive myself about it. On the other side, if I stay by my mother and that she lasts a year or more, is it going to be sane for me?
I'm lost and while I don't expect anybody to take a decision for me, I'd appreciate some indepth thinking and advice, I really need anybody to help me with a clear objective view on this.
Thanks.
I'm currently with her, in France, but my life is in Canada, with my wolf since a year now, where I wanted to be as it's where I have the best chances to meet and spend time with my fellow online growing family, where my job is.
My boss is very understanding and allows me to stay as long as I need here without being payed of course. Delmir, my wolf has also shown great understanding and even offered to move back to Vancouver until I would eventually come back, in which case we would both restart a new life in Montreal whenever we'd be both ready for it again. Somehow, I'm not sure it is a very sane plan.
I have taken the decision to come back on the 21st of May, but I'm not sure if it's the best decision. People around me in France seem to make me feel guilty about the fact I want to leave my mother. I admit I feel cold hearted to do it. There are two kinds of thoughts I get from my relatives and friends: either that the decision belongs to me, or that I should absolutely stay in France with my mother. I have heard nobody telling me I should absolutely go back to Montreal. Should I take the conclusion that I should stay? I also have to keep in mind that I seem to be of great help, because my father also has cancer, is old and getting weak. My 2 brothers have a job and, while they can come every now and then, cannot assist my parents 24/7.
I admit that, whenever I hear my mother manifesting any sort of pain or uncomfortableness, I feel worried and want to stay by her. I think if I went back to Montreal, I'd feel this amplified by the fact I cannot stay by her in the difficult times.
On the other side, if I decided to stay in France, I'd be leaving my virtual family, my wolf all alone with the appartment and the consequences of this could happen to be irreversible.
In both cases, I feel guilty, in both case, I will regret something. what I would regret the most is hard to define. I would like to say something like, I'm leaving for a couple of months, going to Montreal on the 21st, and then, go back after two months in France, but then, if my mother got to pass away in the mean time and I could not get a chance to be by her, I may never forgive myself about it. On the other side, if I stay by my mother and that she lasts a year or more, is it going to be sane for me?
I'm lost and while I don't expect anybody to take a decision for me, I'd appreciate some indepth thinking and advice, I really need anybody to help me with a clear objective view on this.
Thanks.
I'm one of those who think you really have to make your own decision and do what you feel is right. I can't really give too much advice. I know it's a tough time for you and any decision you make will be made in a very emotional state, but I'd bet your virtual family and friends in Montreal will all agree that we're here to support you through this. Take your time for now, stay in France and figure this out.
Best wishes to you and your mother.
I appreciate to have such good friends.
My decision is taken and I will get back in Canada.
It's nice and special to stay with your mum, and hopefully your friend will be living alright by himself. Your family is important, but don't forget about your own family. :) Have you talked to your mum about it?
While talking to her might solve my dilemma, she is actually not aware that she is doomed. My father does not want to tell her, because she might lose all her strength and will to fight.
How can I leave her and tell her that we will see each other again, although knowing it's a potential lie?
It's what I did and I think I'll get back to Canada, see my post below for more details.
Thank you Scyllis!
I wasn't sure if she is a strong person, or not.
Remember that at the end of the day, you need to consider your own feelings and mental stability. Your mum sounds like a great person for thinking about you, too. Still doing her job as a mum :P
Good luck, Triple B :)
Being in France is hardly you leaving your Chosen Family or your wolf. Times are tough for you right now, and that is perfectly understandable...
But your immediate family can't expect to put YOUR life on hold because they can't seem to fulfil their part of the work. They have jobs in France and live there. You moved to Montreal, where you started your family as well as gotten a job and an apartment. Had you not been able to go to France, and this for whatever reason, what would they have done?
Whatever you do, do NOT feel guilty. As much as your mom and dad are important, I don't think that they would want you to sacrifice your life for them. I know my mom would never forgive me if I did it, so I can only assume yours wouldn't either.
Talk to them, ask them what they feel. Don't let your brothers get in the way of what you think you should do after having had a talk with your parents.
Take your time, talk with your parents and see what they think.
We, in Montreal, can eagerly await your return.
*hugs*
Take care of yourself and your parents in the meantime.
And believe me when I say that whatever happens, whatever your decision, we love you all the same. :)
I am going to cherish the time I can spend with her and indeed get back to Canada.
I of course will wait and see how things evolve while I'm still here and change my decision accordingly if need be, but for now, I'm gonna book a ticket back to Montreal.
I will still go back to Canada, after having talked about it with her.
It's not gonna be easy, both for her and me, it's how I think it should be.
Thanks again my orca friend.
They gave you life.
They gave me a life I've always tried and will keep trying to make them proud of.
I think what I really needed to do was to talk about it directly with my mother.
Without having her aware she was doomed, I could still talk to her about the fact of leaving for Canada and the eventuality I may not see her again.
She wants me to go to Canada.
While I know we all wish I would stay longer with my mother, we also are aware that it's not the best, for the both of us.
My mother is strong spirited and will do her best to live as long as she can for me and her relatives. I think I'm also strong spirited and will do my best to make the most of my life.
Unlike 20 years ago, we can keep in touch from across the seas. I'm intending to keep in touch with my mother and plan to go back and see her again.
It's not the easiest decision and I am aware I'll be considered as selfish or heartless, but what mattered the most was to see my mother and spend good time with her, which I'm doing right now. I cannot stay for weeks, months or who knows years. Otherwise, I would have never moved away to Canada and would have stayed living with my parents with the fear of losing them one day or another (my father has cancer for 13 years now and my mother always had hearts and blood issue). I prefer to leave while we are happy, at the peak of out time spent together, rather than stay and grow the fear of that day.
Thanks everybody for your help. I will probably need your support again at some point and hope I could offer you my own help whenever you need to.
BBB.