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Coming out -- advice plz? :/
15 years ago
This journal deals with a really personal topic, so bear with me here. ^^;
I finally came out to my best friend earlier this week, something I've been dreading for -MONTHS-... and he took it surprisingly well. :3 *huggles him* But now the issue is: do I go for broke and just tell everyone?
I've never been very comfortable with being gay... Rarenth and Nalan-TheMuse have helped me a great deal with their continuous support (<3), but I still have that persistent fear of openly telling people. :/ I haven't even told my own parents yet. And I -do- feel like just getting it over with and admitting it, because I know I'll have to someday, but... I don't know if I'm ready. And I don't know how others will react.
The few people who know I'm gay seem to agree, at least to a point, that I should only confide in my closest friends. After all, I'll be a senior in high school next year, and high school is basically one giant drama-llama. That's the main thing I'm afraid of -- I'll tell one person, who will tell their friends, and so on, until the entire school knows, and drama ensues. There are already quite a few open bisexuals at my school, but the only gays I know of don't have the best reputations; in fact, back in middle school, I remember a gay couple being ridiculed and harassed because everyone thought they were strange. :/ Of course, I don't expect to be ridiculed to that degree, but... you never know, I guess. I don't want to risk coming out and then getting teased for it.
So... I'm struggling with who I should admit it to. Should I just come out and say "Guess what? I'm gay. Deal with it."? Or keep it a secret between myself and a few close friends?
What do you guys think?
I finally came out to my best friend earlier this week, something I've been dreading for -MONTHS-... and he took it surprisingly well. :3 *huggles him* But now the issue is: do I go for broke and just tell everyone?
I've never been very comfortable with being gay... Rarenth and Nalan-TheMuse have helped me a great deal with their continuous support (<3), but I still have that persistent fear of openly telling people. :/ I haven't even told my own parents yet. And I -do- feel like just getting it over with and admitting it, because I know I'll have to someday, but... I don't know if I'm ready. And I don't know how others will react.
The few people who know I'm gay seem to agree, at least to a point, that I should only confide in my closest friends. After all, I'll be a senior in high school next year, and high school is basically one giant drama-llama. That's the main thing I'm afraid of -- I'll tell one person, who will tell their friends, and so on, until the entire school knows, and drama ensues. There are already quite a few open bisexuals at my school, but the only gays I know of don't have the best reputations; in fact, back in middle school, I remember a gay couple being ridiculed and harassed because everyone thought they were strange. :/ Of course, I don't expect to be ridiculed to that degree, but... you never know, I guess. I don't want to risk coming out and then getting teased for it.
So... I'm struggling with who I should admit it to. Should I just come out and say "Guess what? I'm gay. Deal with it."? Or keep it a secret between myself and a few close friends?
What do you guys think?
uhm, well... I'm pretty much a low-sig kind of guy.... 'course, I didn't know I was bi until after high school, and I really only tell close friends, or other furs. and it's not like I have friends where I live. *sighs*
but, I mean.... it's your choice, hun. your decision. you have to pick what you think is right for you, what you can live with. but, either way, I hope it goes as well as possible, and I'll try to be there for you, if I can. thought that'd be easier if we could actually communicate on something other than FA =/
I'm gay myself, and came out to my closest friends and family (mother, bro and sis, cousins, no more). I think it's useless, and probably kinda dangerous to tell *everyone*. As you said, high school is not the best place for this kind of secrets. You will probably have a hard time dealing with it there, and if you're not comfortable with being gay, you'll really have sad days.
You can tell the friends you trust. They will keep your secret and stop the "Oh, look at that chick, she's damn hot, isn't she???" stuff, even for those who are comfortable with it (like my friends) they'll make fun of it to make you at ease, even making comments about guys to "share" some complicity with you, even if they're straight.
Your family, well, you'll have to tell them one day if you plan to have a BF ;) You can't lie to them until you're old or dead :P I don't know what your family thinks about gays, maybe they are not comfortable with us, you may have to have a looooonnnng discussion to reassure your parents but... Well, take your time. Don't tell them before you feel ready to do so. And maybe preparing them a bit to hear to news, it depends on the family you have...
Sorry if my comment is a bit long and messy, if you have questions or need anything, maybe I can answer, so please feel free to note me or sthg.
Cheers! (And congratulations for your CO to your best friend!)
This is coming from someone who came out about 8 months ago and was disowned. Not a fun experience, believe me. And I really wish I had been in college already, but i'm not.
All in all, because of the drama that i'm sure will ensue jut because it is high school, which is a drama-fest, I would strongly encourage you to not say anything until you're in college. It would be for the best, really. And I know how hard it is to keep such things a secret from the people in your life, but at least your best friend knows now. Take solace in that fact and just wait.
That's my opinion on the matter.
Sorry to hear; but at the same time, if your family is petty enough to do that, then they're probably not that much of a loss anyway.
"coming out" is not as much of a momentous occasion as everyone makes it out to be; truth be told, I think it's about as inconsequential as saying "I just pooped"
My point is that it's not worth putting yourself in a position of scrutiny and attention from your peers or anyone else, especially while you're still only in high school. You don't owe anything to them or your family, certainly not if it's gonna be something that's going to cause waves or some shit... people get really unnecessarily worked-up over finding out someone is gay, it's fucking retarded.
Plus, you don't know what may change over the course of the next few years. I thought I was "gay" during high school, and I came out to my ma.. she wigged out and sent me to a fucking sexual abuse counselor. To be fair, I also said I was furry, and I loved some dude on the internet (lololowtfgay), so as a single parent, she probably didn't see that coming, much less have any idea how to handle it hahaha :P
In the end, I'm not actually gay... I identify as pansexual, but those years back then were me trying to figure myself out. You don't really know yourself yet, so don't be so anxious to label yourself, either.
Just let it go; if it comes up in conversation, don't offer any input unless someone asks... and even then, if they ask if you're gay, the best response is "I don't know actually. Maybe, I'm not sure."
On the other hand yeah it's good to tell your close friends. But in high school it's best to keep it only among them and not mention it at school. In high school it has ways of getting back to your family.
Once you're in college on the other hand it's perfectly fine to be completely out like I am now. Everyone knows me as gay at my college and a lot of them even know I'm a fur and no one cares.
I just graduated from high school, and ive been out of the closet with all my friends since around sophmore year. I already know my mothers okay with me being gay, and the rest of my house hold has always told me they would be okay with it, but I have other reasons to believe that coming out to them would be detrimental to my relationship (because my grandmaw wouldn't let any male to spend the night again -_-), so I simply don't tell them, but instead I go on with my life, and conceal the dead give-aways.
As far as school goes, all of my friends, and a handful of random people knew, but it didn't affect my social status at all. Of course there were the giant homophobic jocks, and the people who are overly judgemental, but unless I flat out told someone, they didn't know. True that I went to a school with over 2000 students, 800 of which were in my class, but people were much more interested in gossiping other misconceptions about me, that, true or not, are simple to deny and are accepted as simple rumors.
If you need me to elaborate on anything, just ask, and I hope this all helps.
-Ebon
I never told my family about being gay while I was in school. I did tell all my friends though, and everyone in my senior class new about me being gay. More or less they were relieved that I wasn't a flamboyant over the top homosexual.
As for my family they ended up finding some of my stash about a year after I moved out. When they brought it up I didn't deny it. They acted... a bit disappointed. Like, my mom kinda went on about how it was because she was a bad parent. I wasn't disowned or anything like that, but to this day my mom doesn't want to believe that I'm "truly gay."
The funny part is, my older sister is gay too. The only reason she came out to me about it was because she stumbled on some of my stuff and felt safe telling someone else that was gay I guess. My parents still don't know about her.
My point is you shouldn't feel obligated to tell anyone anything about yourself unless you feel like it and are comfortable with it. I personally would say don't bring it up, but if they happen to ask you in a serious tone (cause a lot of times people tend to use gay as a ridicule or slang in negativity,) then if you feel cool about it then just say "sure" as if its nothing special.
Well, hope that helps. >.<
1) i will be kicked out
2) My dad, grandpa, and all my Male cousins will Kick my ass
3) People at school who dotn trust me or like me will have another reason to kick my ass :/
4) I probably cant show my face arround my family cause i'll be shunned
But hun it all depends on how your parents are ^^;
I am also very terrified of coming out. I come from a Muslim family so that makes things even worse for me! I'm only telling my parents after I'm financially independent and with a stable job because there is a very real possibility I fear of a fallout between me and my family.
Decide for yourself, do you think you're ready and can you take the consequences. Perhaps friends is good enough for now. Does your school have a rainbow alliance club?
If other kids got teased for it, you might, too. =/ Though I doubt they'd do it once you were in college.
And with your parents... I dunno. Depends on how they are. I know I'd never tell mine about my fetish, but that's a bit different from sexuality. >__>