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MY Transformers movie
18 years ago
General
Okay, by now everyone in the universe knows I hated the Transformers movie. Hated, hated, hated, _hated_ it. But merely offering criticism is not constructive. Therefore, I present my idea for a completely different movie, while still salvaging a few elements from Bay's film that, admittedly, were pretty cool. Note: this is a replacement, not a sequel.
*****
The movie starts off already on earth. It's well after midnight. We see a slick blue and white Plymouth Prowler come driving out of the distance, looking very out of place [ http://www.seriouswheels.com/pics-2.....owler-last.jpg ]. The area is a near-deserted manufacturing quarter bordered by woods. Lots of empty lots and burned out factories. The Prowler seems to be searching for something, then stops abruptly, backs up, and settles over a certain spot. In close-up, we see a drill come out of the underside of the car and burrow into the soil. The camera cuts back and forth between the drill and the car's driver; a nondescript man who looks totally emotionless. Then the drill seems to hit something. We switch back to the driver, and he says one word, "Jackpot" before suddenly winking out in a flicker of static. Seconds later, the car starts folding in and spreading out, the moonlight reflecting off the metal, as it becomes a tall, extremely agile robot. He speaks into his wrist: "This is Mirage reporting. You were right, Shockwave; biggest deposit of energon we've located in weeks. And the best part is, there's not an Autobot in sight."
"Think again."
Mirage whirls around and comes face to face with Bumblebee [Alt mode: Porsche 911 Turbo http://www.dragtimes.com/images/947.....-911-Turbo.jpg ]. The two of them circle each other clockwise as the camera circles counterclockwise. Both robots hurl clever taunts, letting the audience know they both serve as spy for their side, and that they've run into each other so much they've almost come to enjoy their rivalry.
Just as Mirage is about to counter something Bumblebee's said, an energy blast knocks the poor yellow 'bot off his feet. Out of the woods come an army of Decepticons, led by Starscream [still a F-22 Raptor, but with a _normal_ looking face and body]. A black military-grade Humvee comes charging out of the trees and two smaller robots; Ravage and Rumble, come bursting out of the passenger doors. The satellite dish on the back end becomes Lazerbeak, and the Humvee itself becomes Soundwave [revealing silver and blue in robot mode]. Also in the charge are Barricade and Blackout [cop car and helicopter, respectively; two of the things about Bay's film I do admittedly like, but they're redesigned to look a lot more G1].
As the formidable group of Decepticons surrounds Bumblebee, all hope looks lost for him. Until the Decepticons themselves suddenly come under fire. It's an ambush! An Autobot team starts shooting from hiding places within the derelict buildings and, taking advantage of the Decepticon's surprise, Jazz [still a Solstice, but with his old smooth personality back; none of this retarded 'gangsta' shit] zooms in, barrels bumblebee up onto his hood and, tires squealing, drives him to safety.
With the Decepticons now all out in the open and at a disadvantage, the Autobots blaze away at them like target practice. The camera follows Jazz as he takes Bumblebee back to Ratchet [something like this: http://www.squad10-9.org/_borders/ambulance.jpg ], who repairs his blast wound as if it's nothing. Fighting for the autobots is Ironhide [ Chevrolet Avalanche http://www.leomartinchevrolet.com/n.....LANCHE_RED.jpg ], Sunstreaker [ Lamborghini Concept S (but yellow) http://www.skinz.org/cars/lamborghi.....llpapers-2.jpg ], Sideswipe [ Lamborghini Diablo GT http://www.kitcar.com/KitCarsForSal.....pollock-ma.jpg ] and Tracks [Chevrolet Corvette Moray concept http://www.automecnet.com.br/sm/not.....ette_moray.jpg ]. All of them are blasting away like mad while building debris explodes all around them.
The strategy works for a while, with the Decepticons taking heavy fire. Then suddenly Megatron's voice rings out from all of their communicators [and yes, it's Frank Welker]: "Fall back, you fools! I'm releasing the prototype!!"
"But my lord!" Starscream protests, "The last one was so unstable it exploded!"
"Then it will do more damage than *you* have!!!" Megatron thunders.
Immediately, all the Decepticons scatter for the woods. Mirage gives Bumblebee a 'we'll meet again, squirt' smirk as he transforms and vrooms away. The Autobots all wonder what the heck's happening. The battlefield is suddenly deserted.
"Hey Prime," Ironhide radios in, "They all just... chickened out!"
"I don't think so," Sunstreaker replies as he stares ahead in horror.
We only see it for a second as it rushes straight at us, but what we do see is terrifying: A humongous, eternally shifting robot-shaped mass of black metal two stories tall, with blazing bright silver slits for eyes. It is stuck in an eternal flux of transformation. It never stays in the same form for long, it constantly adapts, and it can mimic any type of vehicle the situation calls for (though not well; only in general appearance and function). It is Megatron's most brilliant creation ever. Pure, adaptive power with no will of its own. It is the ULTRAFORMER. [Just imagine what Takara and ILM could do with this concept!]
We do not see what this hellish thing does to the Autobots, although the sounds we hear indicate they are getting their shiny metal asses kicked, and _badly_. The camera pans up into the night sky, then picks a single spot in space and zooms in onto it incredibly fast.
We hear Optimus Prime's voice: "Cybertron. A world consumed by war. Our home."
As he narrates, we pan over the planet, never quite getting a good look, but we can clearly see it is a planet ravaged and burning. "We are one race, but we have been divided by conflict for millennia. I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. We stand against the greatest evil in the galaxy; the mad tyrant Megatron." The camera now switches back to earth, showing flashbacks of the Transformers' arrival, previous first encounters, and earlier battles. Many, many characters make cameos "Together with his ever-growing army of Decepticons, he has brought sorrow and suffering to every world he has touched. Earth is just one of many. However, it is the planet most rich in a life-giving substance we call energon. Both sides need it desperately. Megatron is determined to get every last drop, even if it means exterminating all life on Earth in the process." The camera pans over all the Autobots in vehicle mode, gleaming and regal, finally settling on Prime himself [something similar to this, but with cobalt blue also: http://www.hobby101.com/My%20Semi%2.....ruck%20001.jpg ] "Our goal is to stop his insanity, and to protect humanity, even as we hide in plain sight among them. We are..."
"The Transformers!"
These words fill the screen as an ass-kicking rock version of the original TF theme pounds through the theater's speakers. Roll credits.
*****
And that's just the opening scene.
In addition, the film would feature as few human characters as feasibly possible. But Spike Witwicky (definitely keeping Shia LeBouf) is a big part, as the Transformers' inside link to humanity. Dane Cook could make a cameo (like he wanted to!); he'd be great as a crazy 'conspiracy theorist', trying to tell the world about giant robots. Shockwave and Megatron both would have eschewed the idea of choosing eath modes. Megatron's alt mode is that of a pointy Cybertronian jet (maybe like Sixshot's jet mode, or Megs' Cybertron toy form), while Shockwave is a purple tank-thing dominated by a bigass cannon. Arcee would be in there as a sleek motorcycle [ http://www.wheelhound.com/images/Ducati_1098.jpg ], and therefore one of the smallest Autobots besides Blaster; a boombox Spike could carry with him to gather information. The Insecticons are also in there somewhere (in place of that _thing_ they called Scorponok). Other possible characters include Inferno, Hoist, Hound, Thundercracker, Skywarp and maybe even Bonecrusher (from Bay's film), although they'd all likely get very little screentime. Given that this is all probably beyond Industrial Light & Magic's current technological capabilities, it might be better to just make the whole damn thing CG. Making it a 'cartoon' might also take off some of the needless melodrama that bogged down the live action version so much. And dammit, all the robots' faces would NOT look like bizarre, terrifying alien insect things!
The plot would center not only around the quest for energon and keeping out of sight of the human military, but the Autobots trying to deal with this new threat of the Ultraformer. At one point Optimus himself battles the thing hand-to-hand, apparently killing it, but he comes very close to dying himself. Unfortunately for everyone, the Ultraformer Prime fought was only the prototype: Megatron still has the REAL one waiting in the wings. Exponentially more powerful than the first. However, it realizes almost as soon as it is brought online that it is one of the most powerful Transformers ever created, and therefore sees no need to follow Megatron's orders. It rips Megatron literally in half, busts the shit out of the other Decepticons and escapes. Mirage, who has wisely saved his own skin by hiding and watching, realizes _everyone_ is screwed unless this thing is taken down immediately. He decides to seek help from the Autobots. He finds Bumblebee and lets the smaller 'bot kick his ass to prove he's not lying. Faced with this information, the still-recovering Prime has no choice but to call for reinforcements from Cybertron, even though he knows the Autobots there probably can't spare anyone either. Still, a few of their best warriors are sent. Ultra Magnus, Hot Rod and Grimlock, anyone?
Needless to say, it eventually all comes down to the Transformers, Autobot and Decepticon alike, fighting the continuously growing and learning Ultraformer. Spike even convinces Prime to 'go public' and ask humanity for help. There'd be a humongous battle with all sides, including the military, throwing everything they have at the titanic black beast, and it simply adapting instantly to everything. Of course, eventually Prime would think up a clever way to destroy it (possibly by having everyone all attack all at once from different sides with different weapons and making it over-adapt to expose its weak spots. Can you picture Optimus AND Megatron both rushing in to deliver the death blow from opposite sides simultaneously!?) and Earth is saved. Mirage defects and joins the Autobots permanently, and both sides retreat to pick up their wounded and fallen and fight again another day.
Now, honestly, wouldn't you rather have seen THAT in theaters?
*****
The movie starts off already on earth. It's well after midnight. We see a slick blue and white Plymouth Prowler come driving out of the distance, looking very out of place [ http://www.seriouswheels.com/pics-2.....owler-last.jpg ]. The area is a near-deserted manufacturing quarter bordered by woods. Lots of empty lots and burned out factories. The Prowler seems to be searching for something, then stops abruptly, backs up, and settles over a certain spot. In close-up, we see a drill come out of the underside of the car and burrow into the soil. The camera cuts back and forth between the drill and the car's driver; a nondescript man who looks totally emotionless. Then the drill seems to hit something. We switch back to the driver, and he says one word, "Jackpot" before suddenly winking out in a flicker of static. Seconds later, the car starts folding in and spreading out, the moonlight reflecting off the metal, as it becomes a tall, extremely agile robot. He speaks into his wrist: "This is Mirage reporting. You were right, Shockwave; biggest deposit of energon we've located in weeks. And the best part is, there's not an Autobot in sight."
"Think again."
Mirage whirls around and comes face to face with Bumblebee [Alt mode: Porsche 911 Turbo http://www.dragtimes.com/images/947.....-911-Turbo.jpg ]. The two of them circle each other clockwise as the camera circles counterclockwise. Both robots hurl clever taunts, letting the audience know they both serve as spy for their side, and that they've run into each other so much they've almost come to enjoy their rivalry.
Just as Mirage is about to counter something Bumblebee's said, an energy blast knocks the poor yellow 'bot off his feet. Out of the woods come an army of Decepticons, led by Starscream [still a F-22 Raptor, but with a _normal_ looking face and body]. A black military-grade Humvee comes charging out of the trees and two smaller robots; Ravage and Rumble, come bursting out of the passenger doors. The satellite dish on the back end becomes Lazerbeak, and the Humvee itself becomes Soundwave [revealing silver and blue in robot mode]. Also in the charge are Barricade and Blackout [cop car and helicopter, respectively; two of the things about Bay's film I do admittedly like, but they're redesigned to look a lot more G1].
As the formidable group of Decepticons surrounds Bumblebee, all hope looks lost for him. Until the Decepticons themselves suddenly come under fire. It's an ambush! An Autobot team starts shooting from hiding places within the derelict buildings and, taking advantage of the Decepticon's surprise, Jazz [still a Solstice, but with his old smooth personality back; none of this retarded 'gangsta' shit] zooms in, barrels bumblebee up onto his hood and, tires squealing, drives him to safety.
With the Decepticons now all out in the open and at a disadvantage, the Autobots blaze away at them like target practice. The camera follows Jazz as he takes Bumblebee back to Ratchet [something like this: http://www.squad10-9.org/_borders/ambulance.jpg ], who repairs his blast wound as if it's nothing. Fighting for the autobots is Ironhide [ Chevrolet Avalanche http://www.leomartinchevrolet.com/n.....LANCHE_RED.jpg ], Sunstreaker [ Lamborghini Concept S (but yellow) http://www.skinz.org/cars/lamborghi.....llpapers-2.jpg ], Sideswipe [ Lamborghini Diablo GT http://www.kitcar.com/KitCarsForSal.....pollock-ma.jpg ] and Tracks [Chevrolet Corvette Moray concept http://www.automecnet.com.br/sm/not.....ette_moray.jpg ]. All of them are blasting away like mad while building debris explodes all around them.
The strategy works for a while, with the Decepticons taking heavy fire. Then suddenly Megatron's voice rings out from all of their communicators [and yes, it's Frank Welker]: "Fall back, you fools! I'm releasing the prototype!!"
"But my lord!" Starscream protests, "The last one was so unstable it exploded!"
"Then it will do more damage than *you* have!!!" Megatron thunders.
Immediately, all the Decepticons scatter for the woods. Mirage gives Bumblebee a 'we'll meet again, squirt' smirk as he transforms and vrooms away. The Autobots all wonder what the heck's happening. The battlefield is suddenly deserted.
"Hey Prime," Ironhide radios in, "They all just... chickened out!"
"I don't think so," Sunstreaker replies as he stares ahead in horror.
We only see it for a second as it rushes straight at us, but what we do see is terrifying: A humongous, eternally shifting robot-shaped mass of black metal two stories tall, with blazing bright silver slits for eyes. It is stuck in an eternal flux of transformation. It never stays in the same form for long, it constantly adapts, and it can mimic any type of vehicle the situation calls for (though not well; only in general appearance and function). It is Megatron's most brilliant creation ever. Pure, adaptive power with no will of its own. It is the ULTRAFORMER. [Just imagine what Takara and ILM could do with this concept!]
We do not see what this hellish thing does to the Autobots, although the sounds we hear indicate they are getting their shiny metal asses kicked, and _badly_. The camera pans up into the night sky, then picks a single spot in space and zooms in onto it incredibly fast.
We hear Optimus Prime's voice: "Cybertron. A world consumed by war. Our home."
As he narrates, we pan over the planet, never quite getting a good look, but we can clearly see it is a planet ravaged and burning. "We are one race, but we have been divided by conflict for millennia. I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. We stand against the greatest evil in the galaxy; the mad tyrant Megatron." The camera now switches back to earth, showing flashbacks of the Transformers' arrival, previous first encounters, and earlier battles. Many, many characters make cameos "Together with his ever-growing army of Decepticons, he has brought sorrow and suffering to every world he has touched. Earth is just one of many. However, it is the planet most rich in a life-giving substance we call energon. Both sides need it desperately. Megatron is determined to get every last drop, even if it means exterminating all life on Earth in the process." The camera pans over all the Autobots in vehicle mode, gleaming and regal, finally settling on Prime himself [something similar to this, but with cobalt blue also: http://www.hobby101.com/My%20Semi%2.....ruck%20001.jpg ] "Our goal is to stop his insanity, and to protect humanity, even as we hide in plain sight among them. We are..."
"The Transformers!"
These words fill the screen as an ass-kicking rock version of the original TF theme pounds through the theater's speakers. Roll credits.
*****
And that's just the opening scene.
In addition, the film would feature as few human characters as feasibly possible. But Spike Witwicky (definitely keeping Shia LeBouf) is a big part, as the Transformers' inside link to humanity. Dane Cook could make a cameo (like he wanted to!); he'd be great as a crazy 'conspiracy theorist', trying to tell the world about giant robots. Shockwave and Megatron both would have eschewed the idea of choosing eath modes. Megatron's alt mode is that of a pointy Cybertronian jet (maybe like Sixshot's jet mode, or Megs' Cybertron toy form), while Shockwave is a purple tank-thing dominated by a bigass cannon. Arcee would be in there as a sleek motorcycle [ http://www.wheelhound.com/images/Ducati_1098.jpg ], and therefore one of the smallest Autobots besides Blaster; a boombox Spike could carry with him to gather information. The Insecticons are also in there somewhere (in place of that _thing_ they called Scorponok). Other possible characters include Inferno, Hoist, Hound, Thundercracker, Skywarp and maybe even Bonecrusher (from Bay's film), although they'd all likely get very little screentime. Given that this is all probably beyond Industrial Light & Magic's current technological capabilities, it might be better to just make the whole damn thing CG. Making it a 'cartoon' might also take off some of the needless melodrama that bogged down the live action version so much. And dammit, all the robots' faces would NOT look like bizarre, terrifying alien insect things!
The plot would center not only around the quest for energon and keeping out of sight of the human military, but the Autobots trying to deal with this new threat of the Ultraformer. At one point Optimus himself battles the thing hand-to-hand, apparently killing it, but he comes very close to dying himself. Unfortunately for everyone, the Ultraformer Prime fought was only the prototype: Megatron still has the REAL one waiting in the wings. Exponentially more powerful than the first. However, it realizes almost as soon as it is brought online that it is one of the most powerful Transformers ever created, and therefore sees no need to follow Megatron's orders. It rips Megatron literally in half, busts the shit out of the other Decepticons and escapes. Mirage, who has wisely saved his own skin by hiding and watching, realizes _everyone_ is screwed unless this thing is taken down immediately. He decides to seek help from the Autobots. He finds Bumblebee and lets the smaller 'bot kick his ass to prove he's not lying. Faced with this information, the still-recovering Prime has no choice but to call for reinforcements from Cybertron, even though he knows the Autobots there probably can't spare anyone either. Still, a few of their best warriors are sent. Ultra Magnus, Hot Rod and Grimlock, anyone?
Needless to say, it eventually all comes down to the Transformers, Autobot and Decepticon alike, fighting the continuously growing and learning Ultraformer. Spike even convinces Prime to 'go public' and ask humanity for help. There'd be a humongous battle with all sides, including the military, throwing everything they have at the titanic black beast, and it simply adapting instantly to everything. Of course, eventually Prime would think up a clever way to destroy it (possibly by having everyone all attack all at once from different sides with different weapons and making it over-adapt to expose its weak spots. Can you picture Optimus AND Megatron both rushing in to deliver the death blow from opposite sides simultaneously!?) and Earth is saved. Mirage defects and joins the Autobots permanently, and both sides retreat to pick up their wounded and fallen and fight again another day.
Now, honestly, wouldn't you rather have seen THAT in theaters?
Seriously man, is there any doubt that you have just kicked Bay's script squay-ar in the noots?
I am literally blown away here, Alex. How DID you come up with this? I know that we have talked and everything, but in 5 days, I don't think I could come up with a concept so full of whoop-ass and bubblebum (note: bubblegum is not required, thanks). You know what you should do? Submit this to an agent or somebody like that. SOMEONE up there has to like it.
All ass-kissing aside, this IS a very well thought out script, but I do have one thought. To me, and this is just my inner asshole speaking here, Ultraformer sounds a bit cliched, somewhat campy almost. It implies there was some kind of Megaformer before it, almost.
ALMOST. Then I realize that Alex wrote it and then it all makes sense and kicks ass again.
Do I think people would go see this? Absolutely, because I genuinely think that the movie-going public has had ENOUGH of movies that are based on concepts we all know and love try to retell the concept and fuck it up worse than someone with Downs Syndrome trying to play Beethovens Fifth on an accordion. Just tell the damned story please. Thats all I ever ask anymore when I go to the movies. I don't want YOUR opinion, Mr. Movie Director, about how it SHOULD have been made, I want what it IS. No more, no less. Hence why I liked the new Die Hard movie. No more than explosions aplenty, smartassed remarks, and at least one "Yippie-kai-ay, motherfucker!". And it delivered in spades.
See what I mean? Anyhow.... <steps off of soapbox now> again, nice concept, Alex. Way to put an end to it and really put your views into light.
Two Zephon Thumbs WAY up!!
BTW, this idea hit me just as I was coming out of sleep, as most of my good ideas usually do. The Ultraformer (could probably use a better name; it's just the first thing that hit me) came from thinking about the motion of how the Transformers in the movie transformed; how you couldn't really tell what was happening because too much was moving too fast to make out. So, I thought, why not make that into an *asset*? Why not a creature practically built out of xenophobia? Let the CGI guys go crazy and over-complicated on this fella, and keep the other Transformers simple and classic-looking.
And, gee, now that I think about it, the script is almost a big metaphor for all the original Transformers kicking the new movie's ass! ^__^
BTW, "worse than someone with Downs Syndrome trying to play Beethovens Fifth on an accordion" made me whizz my shorts laughing.
Y'know, you're right! This IS a metaphor for your idea beating the other one retarded. Neato! And I agree with you wholeheartedly on everything else you pointed out. TMNT is STILL the best movie to have come out this year, possibly because not ONE of the other movies came anywhere close to the rivalry between Raph and Leo like this did. Plus, Capt. Picard as the big boss man? Nice. Oh yeah, one other thing.....
NO SHREDDER! Thank God Almighty for that because you KNOW they'da messed that one up!
Still, with TMNT, I was thoroughly surprised, but in a very positive way how they spun the characters while staying very true to the core of the series. All in all, definitely an add to my already monstrous DVD collection.
Thanks for the props on the joke, again. It's nice to be appreciated.
WRITER: It's a really cool, fun movie, made almost entirely as a love letter to the longtime fans!
BIG SHOT PUFFING ON A CIGAR: Whaat!? That won't make any money!!!
Fucking Hollywood.
BTW, I'm also reminded of a friend of mine's review of Bambi 2; how there's this little asshole fawn who looks oddly like Kovu, who perfectly (and unintentionally) represents the 'new' Disney popping up and spoiling the classic Disney.
Oh, and did you know Corey Burton, voice of Soundwave, is also Dale from Rescue Rangers!?
And BTW, when was Shredder EVER an alien?
Aside from this being stated by the people who made the movie, you can see for yourself in the scene at the end where Splinter places Max's helmet on a shelf, there is also the Shredder helmet exactly as it was from the first movie, the TGRI cannister from the second, and even the damn time scepter from the crappy third one.
The cg TMNT is ABSOLUTELY a continuation of the live-action movies, and no connection at all to the recent cartoon.
But in this TMNT movie, he was not gone because of the cartoon alien thing. He was gone because in the second movie, he died (as Super Shredder, or at least he was supposed to have died - again), and this movie follows the continuity of the other live-action ones.
But I digress. The movie TMNT was a beautifully done piece, from Mikey's kiddish heart, Don's resourseful and technical nature, Raph's anger (extremely well portrayed), and Leo's heartfelt attempts to bring the team together again were very well thought out and put in the script. If you try to look at it from the recent cartoons, not much makes sense, but if you grew up with the Turtles and know enough about them (even the three movies), it works and works well.
Though I don't hate the new TF movie, TMNT does make me feel bad that TF didn't get the same treatment.
***
After the opening credits roll, the camera slowly pans in on a perfectly ordinary-looking suburban household. We see an average-looking high school kid getting ready for school, just finishing up his breakfast, chatting with his parents, etc. The audience wonders for a bit what this charming domestic scene could possibly have to do with the robot laser battle we just witnessed. Then the kid goes out to the garage for his bike, and when he steps in the door, he's shocked to find a hot pink & white striped Ducati motorcycle sitting there! "Arcee! What are you doing here?" Then he realizes. "Good news or bad news?" A little yellow light on Arcee's 'dashboard' lights up when she talks. She tells him it's real bad news and that Prime needs to see him urgently. Spike nods, knowing the drill. He opens his backpack and takes out a shiny red boombox. "Blaster, wake up." The boombox transforms into a two-foot robot who talks like a radio DJ. "I need you to fill in for me at school today," Spike says. "No problemo!" replies Blaster. "But this time, make sure I blink every few seconds! [classmate's name] said I was really creeping him out all day!" Blaster chuckles, then contructs a perfect hologram of Spike around himself. If you squint, you can just barely make out his outline around Spike's feet. spike hops on Arcee and heads off to the Autobot's mountain base.
Instead of being all timid 'n stereotypical, I thought Arcee could still be girly, but also be brilliant. Like, Prime would use her for plotting strategy and thinking outside the box. I'm kinda stuck on why Prime would need Spike at HQ just then, but it's a good way to introduce us to his character and to get us into the base, where we see the results of last night's fight. Ratchet's running himself ragged tending to himself and all his comrades, all of whom are still in pieces, some ripped completely to shreds. (I can totally see Tracks lying on a hospital bed thingy, literally torn limb from limb, bitching and moaning about all the damage to his paintjob.) Thankfully, it's made clear that all their sparks are undamaged. Maybe we could actually see one; I'm thinking a big glowing crystal encased in a metal 'cage' of some sort.
When we first see Prime, he should look iconic as possible. Screw the semi cab idea I had before; he should look as much like his original G1 toy (or Masterpiece Prime) as possible. Perhaps he's busy communicating the situation to other Autobots around the globe. This would let us know the search for energon is going on everwhere, plus it'd be a great way to have a bunch of cameos.
***
Had a better idea for Soundwave. Instead of Ravage and Rumble just popping out of his doors, maybe they could be his armaments. Like, Rumble could be a big bazooka-like thing (which could split down the middle and become his pounder arms), and Ravage could be a sleek, deadly-looking machine gun. Lazerbeak's still a satellite dish, and Ratbat could be a laptop. Plus, all four mini-bots can flatten themselves and fit inside his chest when he wants them to. Soundwave himself has the ability to seperate his conscious self from most of his body, becoming a small 'bot Blaster's size and disguising himself as (why not?) a Bose radio.
Jus imagine the toy potential of this idea, given that they already have mp3-playing Music Label Soundwave and Optimus, with Rumble and Frenzy as adorable little headphones. Blaster and Soundwave could be the same size they are in the movie, fully transformable, and can sit on your desk and play tunes. If you'll excuse me, I have to go masturbate now.
***
When Optimus contacts Cybertron for reinforcements, he talks to Fortress Maximus, who would be this gigantic face that can barely stay in-screen. Perhaps Grimlock could appear for a few moments in his Cybertronian 'War Within' form. Similarly, it might be better if Shockwave was in charge of Megatron's operations on Cybertron, instead of being on Earth. Megs could hear of Optimus' plans and request backup of his own: the Constructicons.
***
It'd be a hoot to have Wheelie show up and say one line, just to piss everybody off. :)
***
After the final battle, when the Ultraformer (I have GOT to think up a better name for him) lies dead and defeated, there is a shaky moment when Prime and Megatron, exhausted and barely still standing, just stare at each other and silently wonder what will happen next.
Megatron, voice slurred with electronic static announces he has a little 'surprise' in store for Optimus. Optimus cuts him off though, saying that he fully expected their truce would end the second he was no longer useful to Megatron's needs. He informs his nemesis that while the battle was raging, he had Mirage plant a tiny, indetectible homing chip somewhere on him, and all he has to do is give word to the human and they'll unleash fifty missiles which will home in on him no matter where he goes. "I'd end this here and now," Optimus tells him, "but I don't want to risk any more human casualties. Pick up your wounded and go." Megatron is shocked speechless for a second, furious at this betrayal from his former spy and knowing that in his condition he can't possibly survive such a barrage. Then he starts to laugh darkly. "Touche, Prime," he says. Then limps off with the other Decepticons, already planning how to destroy Optimus the next time they meet.
After the credits roll, the camera cuts to night time in a forest somewhere. Rain is pouring down hard. We see a big chunk of the fallen Ultraformer lying on the ground. It's obviously been there a while, as vines 'n stuff are growing all over it. Lightning strikes a tree and it topples over, revealing a glowing pool of pure energon. The camera follows it as it gushes down and pools around the dead leviathan. It twitches. We hear sounds of gears grinding and energy surging, but the camera pans up before we can get a good look at what's going on. As the rain pounds down, we see a tall, menacing shape hesitantly get to its feet. Lightning flashes.
...it's Sixshot.
DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!
You, however, gave us, the loyal fans that we are, something so much better. A REAL story and a real PLOT.
Seriously, do you have, like, cans of "Write-Tastic Whoop-Ass" lying around somewhere? Cuz I want me one. Badly. ;)
I would like to take this opportunity to donate unto thee mad props for this feat of literary and cinematic superiority. Also I would like to take this opportunity to initiate a happy dance, just because I can. ^_^
Instead of Grimlock coming in to help from Cybertron, why not have him and the other four Dinobots be part of the worldwide search for energon? Can you just *imagine* the fun they'd have stomping around some Brazillian rainforest?
Then Blurr could be one of the reinforcements from Cybertron! John Moschitta's still around somewhere. Used sparingly, that could be freakin' hilarious.
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In the final battle, with Optimus and Megatron attacking the Ultraformer at the climax, Prime could give it a blast from the Autobot Matrix, and Megatron could open his own chest to reveal... Well, I'm not sure, exactly. But it'd make sense, given the dual nature of most hero-and-villain archetypes, that he'd have some sort of Matrix equivalent. Probably nothing like the collected wisdom of all the past Decepticon leaders; since there HAVE been no other Decepticon leaders, and they'd be too selfish to share their wisdom anyway. Megatron's power could come from some ancient Cybertronian artifact he stole and absorbed when he first rose to power. Whatever the circumstances, it's be cool as hell to see Op & Megs standing in a smoky crater on either sides of the bombarded-to-distraction Ultraformer, and simultaneously unleashing humongous energy blasts from their chests to destroy the screaming monstrous entity for good.
How does "XenoFormer" sound?
Instead of the computer animation people desining the look of the movies, go straight to Takara's toy designers. Give 'em general ideas on how the characters' robot and alt modes look, then let 'em go crazy. Once they're done, THEN give the toys to the CGI team. Obviously, there'd need to be some tweaking so the characters wouldn't look just like giant toys on screen, but this way kids (and collectors) would be psyched to be able to basically buy the exact same robots they just saw in the movie. Plus, then Takara wouldn't have to struggle with robot and vehicle designs that obviously cannot coexist. (movie Frenzy's CD player mode comes to mind)
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Optimus Prime will have his big silver trailer, and he will be able to combine with it, Powermaster-style, into Big Motherfucking Prime. (Not what he'd really be called in the movie, obviously)
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Since the Dinobots are probably too dumb to locate and transport energon on their own, they could be supervised by Cheetor and Rattrap. Let's just gleefully combine as many continuities as possible into this to get as many great charaters as possible on the screen! *tee hee*
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Have the Constructicons already on Earth. After the Ultraformer trashes Megatron and escapes, he is confronted just outside the base by Devastator. After a very short struggle, the Ultraformer basically worms its way into Dev's joints and forces him apart. Smaller robots go flying all over the place. When Megatron sends for reinforcements, Scourge, Cyclonus and Shockwave.
BTW, Alex you might get a kick out of this. Apparently there is a new game in development for PS3's Home (read: Sony's Lame-Ass Copy of Xbox Live) called PAIN. The premise? Simple:
Shoot a generic ne'er-do-well, trendy-clothes-wearin', nigh-indestructible dude out of a human-sized slingshot and let physics take over. Trailer here:
http://www.gamespot.com/ps3/action/pain/index.html?tag=result;title;1
I think you might like this, though to me, its still not enough to cough up $600 for. Still, square up your alley, man.
And PAIN is likely one of the more insane things I've ever seen. The concept is so retardedly simple ...yet I want to play it. Right NOW! Holy crap, this looks so astonishingly stupid it's guaranteed to be dumptruckfuls of fun. ^__^
"If we're gonna masturbate, let's go all the way with it, shall we?"
Holy god that was hil-freakin'-arious!!
You sir, are a master of wordage, pun, and general grammar BS-itude!!
About PAIN? Yeah the main chars' name is Jarvis Hoff and apparantly he built the slingshot "because he wanted to have fun". Gee, does this sound familiar to you? <eyes resident toonish fox that has a flair with fireworks and/or explosives>
And actually, I'm much more fond of vore and beheadings, actually. Though boom-booms do have their place. ^__^
*takes out the retard paddle* Ow! Ow! Ow!
Oh? We hadn't noticed.