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Gluttony By The Numbers
15 years ago
A few weeks back, someone posted a Pet Peeve journal, grumbling about things that bothered them in weight-gain and gluttony scenes in stories and cartoons, including "disporportionate expansion": characters who devour huge portions and barely bulge, or characters who scarf down something fairly modest and swell immensely. Even the classic scene of Templeton at the Fair suffers from this -- from both aspects in the same scene.
I posted a response confessing that such things distracted me sufficiently that I'd created a spreadsheet to estimate just how big a belly should be after a meal of a given size.
I immediately got a response asking if I could share that spreadsheet.
Alas, I've forgotten both the original poster and the respondant who requested the file, but I finally sat down and got my rough-and-ready reference into something a little easier on the eyes.
Needless to say, it's really just designed to give a ballpark estimate, and has a few unrealistic assumptions:
The Spreadsheet Assumes:
1. Your meal averages out to about the density of water (1 gram/cubic centimeter).
2. Your stomach expands as a perfect sphere. No gravity, no real difference in tissue elasticity. (Note that most humanoid torsos are flattened front to back.)
3. The “waistline” calculations won’t start working properly until the values are substantially larger than your “unfed” dimensions.
Despite all this, it works just fine for rough approximations. If there's demand and my math fu is up to it, I’ll work up a spreadsheet for flattened ellipsoids.
I should note that this is not a weight-gain spread sheet. It's strictly an approximation of how big that undigested lump of food should be after you've cleared out the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet, you greedy bastard.
Here's the OpenOffice Calc version of the spreadsheet, for the cool kids.
Here's the Excel version, for you poor sots still stuck with Microsoft.
Excel will actually open ODS files these days, but I put the XLS version up just in case someone has an older version of MS Office.
darkwulf calls this "number porn".
I posted a response confessing that such things distracted me sufficiently that I'd created a spreadsheet to estimate just how big a belly should be after a meal of a given size.
I immediately got a response asking if I could share that spreadsheet.
Alas, I've forgotten both the original poster and the respondant who requested the file, but I finally sat down and got my rough-and-ready reference into something a little easier on the eyes.
Needless to say, it's really just designed to give a ballpark estimate, and has a few unrealistic assumptions:
The Spreadsheet Assumes:
1. Your meal averages out to about the density of water (1 gram/cubic centimeter).
2. Your stomach expands as a perfect sphere. No gravity, no real difference in tissue elasticity. (Note that most humanoid torsos are flattened front to back.)
3. The “waistline” calculations won’t start working properly until the values are substantially larger than your “unfed” dimensions.
Despite all this, it works just fine for rough approximations. If there's demand and my math fu is up to it, I’ll work up a spreadsheet for flattened ellipsoids.
I should note that this is not a weight-gain spread sheet. It's strictly an approximation of how big that undigested lump of food should be after you've cleared out the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet, you greedy bastard.
Here's the OpenOffice Calc version of the spreadsheet, for the cool kids.
Here's the Excel version, for you poor sots still stuck with Microsoft.
Excel will actually open ODS files these days, but I put the XLS version up just in case someone has an older version of MS Office.
darkwulf calls this "number porn".
Thanks for sharing!
Definitely could satisfy the big fat dragons...at least for a while.
When I was just a little bat, sleeping in on weekends, I'd lie in bed watching my digital clock, pretending the numbers were a scale measuring my weight, sloooooowly increasing, pound by pound, as I imagined eating and eating and eating.
Of course, once an hour, a great, big, forty-pound treat would roll around.
Mmmmph. Maybe I'll "sleep in" this weekend.