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The Worst Movie I've Ever Seen
15 years ago
Last weekend, I saw Frank Miller's The Spirit. After much consideration, I've decided that this is, bar none, the worst movie I've ever seen.
How bad is it? Let me put it this way. I've been re-watching all (yes, ALL) of Mystery Science Theater 3000 recently, and this movie is much more actively bad than the worst monster schlock films they do. Most of the MST3K films are unquestionably bad, but their worst sin is usually being far too slow-moving -- a single, simple monster concept stretched to take up an hour and a half of film time. They just don't hit with the egregious full force that The Spirit does, trying to gouge out your eyeballs and poison your brain at every turn.
Let me put it another way. When I watch a movie perform a sin against cinematography, I sigh. This is reflexive, it's not something I do on purpose. There were points in this film when these attacks came in such rapid succession that I physically ran out of breath to sigh with.
So what's so bad about The Spirit? I'm glad you asked!
First off, the writing. This movie reads like it was written by a prepubescent boy, like Axe Cop. But unlike Axe Cop, which revels in its own nonsensical surrealism, The Spirit stamps its little feet and demands to be taken seriously. It's alternately HUGELY campy (campier than Adam West Batman), and trying to be dark and edgy (showing bloody caved-in heads and such). The two just don't mix.
The hero also seems to have hypnotic control over women. Every woman in the movie, including mistresses under the arch-villain's control, can be seduced by The Spirit when he whispers four words into their ear (presumably "I have a penis"). The panties drop so fast I'm amazed their shins don't break. This would have at least some plausibility if the lead was charming or handsome, rather than the ham-fisted ball of blandness that he is.
Then, there's the acting. Sam Jackson is here, camping it up as The Spirit's arch-villain The Octopus, which is actually enjoyable on some level. At least until he decides to put on his Nazi uniform, where it just goes bizarro. Almost everyone else is Green Screen acting here -- they're not quite sure what to emote because they don't have a clear idea what's going on. Everyone, that is, except Stana Katic as Morgenstern, who belts out her lines at the top of her lungs, as if she was the junior drama club member with something to prove in a high school play. Genuinely cringe-inducing, every time.
And then there's the plot. The Spirit is a man who was a cop, was shot to death, and came back to life and took up the vigilante lifestyle allied with the chief of police. Okay, very Batman. Towards the end of the movie, it is revealed that The Octopus developed a serum that could resurrect the dead and give a person permanent healing super-powers. But because he didn't want to test it on himself, he tests it on this cop that just died. Really? REALLY?!?! You're an evil genius about to give somebody super-powers, and you chose a cop?! A COP over, say, a henchman, or a bit criminal, or just some random guy?
He's not the only person doing inexplicable things. The police let The Spirit just commandeer their vehicles at will? A villaness photocopies her butt and leaves it at the crime scene?! A black market antique arts dealer sells The Golden Fleece and throws in the Blood of Heracles for free?!??!??!!
Then there's even disrespect to the source material. I'm no fan of the original comic, but they didn't even try to stay in the same world. The Spirit isn't supposed to have super-powers. The Octopus is never supposed to be seen without his mask. These are basic elements! Without these, it is not The Spirit!
The only way I can feel at all good about this movie is that it was rented it from Netflix, so I haven't spent one red cent on it directly.
Oh yeah, spoiler alert. This journal contained major plot spoilers. If my spoilers made you end up not see The Spirit, you're welcome.
How bad is it? Let me put it this way. I've been re-watching all (yes, ALL) of Mystery Science Theater 3000 recently, and this movie is much more actively bad than the worst monster schlock films they do. Most of the MST3K films are unquestionably bad, but their worst sin is usually being far too slow-moving -- a single, simple monster concept stretched to take up an hour and a half of film time. They just don't hit with the egregious full force that The Spirit does, trying to gouge out your eyeballs and poison your brain at every turn.
Let me put it another way. When I watch a movie perform a sin against cinematography, I sigh. This is reflexive, it's not something I do on purpose. There were points in this film when these attacks came in such rapid succession that I physically ran out of breath to sigh with.
So what's so bad about The Spirit? I'm glad you asked!
First off, the writing. This movie reads like it was written by a prepubescent boy, like Axe Cop. But unlike Axe Cop, which revels in its own nonsensical surrealism, The Spirit stamps its little feet and demands to be taken seriously. It's alternately HUGELY campy (campier than Adam West Batman), and trying to be dark and edgy (showing bloody caved-in heads and such). The two just don't mix.
The hero also seems to have hypnotic control over women. Every woman in the movie, including mistresses under the arch-villain's control, can be seduced by The Spirit when he whispers four words into their ear (presumably "I have a penis"). The panties drop so fast I'm amazed their shins don't break. This would have at least some plausibility if the lead was charming or handsome, rather than the ham-fisted ball of blandness that he is.
Then, there's the acting. Sam Jackson is here, camping it up as The Spirit's arch-villain The Octopus, which is actually enjoyable on some level. At least until he decides to put on his Nazi uniform, where it just goes bizarro. Almost everyone else is Green Screen acting here -- they're not quite sure what to emote because they don't have a clear idea what's going on. Everyone, that is, except Stana Katic as Morgenstern, who belts out her lines at the top of her lungs, as if she was the junior drama club member with something to prove in a high school play. Genuinely cringe-inducing, every time.
And then there's the plot. The Spirit is a man who was a cop, was shot to death, and came back to life and took up the vigilante lifestyle allied with the chief of police. Okay, very Batman. Towards the end of the movie, it is revealed that The Octopus developed a serum that could resurrect the dead and give a person permanent healing super-powers. But because he didn't want to test it on himself, he tests it on this cop that just died. Really? REALLY?!?! You're an evil genius about to give somebody super-powers, and you chose a cop?! A COP over, say, a henchman, or a bit criminal, or just some random guy?
He's not the only person doing inexplicable things. The police let The Spirit just commandeer their vehicles at will? A villaness photocopies her butt and leaves it at the crime scene?! A black market antique arts dealer sells The Golden Fleece and throws in the Blood of Heracles for free?!??!??!!
Then there's even disrespect to the source material. I'm no fan of the original comic, but they didn't even try to stay in the same world. The Spirit isn't supposed to have super-powers. The Octopus is never supposed to be seen without his mask. These are basic elements! Without these, it is not The Spirit!
The only way I can feel at all good about this movie is that it was rented it from Netflix, so I haven't spent one red cent on it directly.
Oh yeah, spoiler alert. This journal contained major plot spoilers. If my spoilers made you end up not see The Spirit, you're welcome.
I personally choose Red Zone Cuba for the worst I know of, with the caveat that there are a ton of them that I haven't seen and thus don't know of.
I promise you, that is a fun night in the making! It is hysterical.
Just to give you a taste...
"You did it to be immortal...why?!"
"...to live forever."
No, I'm not making that up!
I want more Sin City movies before Frank Miller has fully lost his mind, if he hasn't already. ;_; "the goddamn batman," and all those such things.
This was a major Hollywood release with big, big names and big, big money behind it.
The movie itself was silly and boring.
I thought it would at least be low budget torture-porn but alas it was garbage.
I mean, obviously the 2nd and 3rd people in the chain are going to die.
Even the most incompetent doctor (or bag boy for that matter) knows you can't survive off a diet of feces (unless it's magic feces, but that's for another day).
They haven't mentioned anything to me about my wit yet though
It's generally considered to the the single worst film MST3K has ever done.
And that's the problem. If you'd have seen the cartoon, you'd know just how badly Shymalan butchered the story.
But don't take my word for it:
http://rufftoon.deviantart.com/art/.....78244&qo=5
http://rufftoon.deviantart.com/art/.....78244&qo=4
http://rufftoon.deviantart.com/art/.....78244&qo=3
http://rufftoon.deviantart.com/art/.....78244&qo=2
http://rufftoon.deviantart.com/art/.....78244&qo=1
http://rufftoon.deviantart.com/art/.....78244&qo=0
is very very hugh on my own list of "this movie sucked ass"
- Fennec
I literally shut the movie 30 min in when I realized it wasn't going to get funny.
It's just comics (many of which are very funny) talking about a joke (rather than reciting it), then you find out the joke really isn't funny at all.
I guess that's the point, it's a joke that's not funny, rather it's horrible and offensive and you trick the listener into sitting through it.
Since I'm not appalled or amused by the idea of fisting, diarrhea, golden showers, and incest (well incest is nasty, but not to the point that I'd be impressed by someone yammering away about it), I found the movie to be the worst 30 minutes I ever sat through.
note: you might think a movie about fisting, diarrhea, and golden showers would at least be arousing but since it's Gilbert Gottfried.....
i didnt see that "movie," but i read up on it heh. Most of the example "jokes" just try too hard ;) real offense take finesse har har.
If remote is out of batteries I'll curse a blue-streak that would put that whole DVD-2disc set to shame.
Basically, I'm not impressed by 100 jokes about crapping in someones mouth or packing their anus full of vomit and skull-fucking them because I say shit like that all the time.
That's $20 I wish I would have spent on crack.
Okay, that got a LOL out of me.
I might as well have fun for a few hours.
Though, nothing will ever match the pain I suffered sitting through Oliver Stone's Alexander on HBO or Alvin and the Chipmunks in a theater on Christmas.
I got dragged into seeing this turd in the theater and in the last quarter some black lady started talking on the phone and I PREFERRED LISTENING TO THAT than the rest of the movie.
IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE REFRESHING ONE-CALORIE WONDER THAT IS DIET PEPSI
They are all, however, available as a torrent set, but you didn't hear that from me. >_>
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120207/
I watched that crap for 30 min and I didn't see a superhero yet so I went back to watching Mike Rowe jam his arm up a cow's ass.
Also, I am reminded of the most hilariously apt movie review I’ve ever seen, in a copy of the magazine that comes with (or at least used to come with) the Murky News—that is, the San Jose Mercury News. It was for . . . Battlefield Earth.
The standard format for a movie review was a full page, a third of it occupied by a large still shot and the rest, three columns, filled with text. This review, in its entirety, consisted of a single sentence: “Do not see this movie.” But the editor still retained the full-page format. That’s a hell of a statement for a newspaper or magazine to make.
And now I'm going to have those nightmares again. *sigh*
The worst movie's I've ever seen have been George Clooney's, "Solaris" and Sean Connery's, "ZARDOZ."
Also, I prefer the 1980s Clash of the Titans, the remake I heard had some racial propaganda, A big black Pegasus scares off the White Pegasuses. *groan*
The spirit really is an ungodly mess in which the only thing I thought was funny was Sam Jackson saying that foot creature was really weird. Other than that it should be avoided like I now avoid either Evil Toons or Vampire Dentist.
On the upside, Samuel Jackson made it tolerable, because that crazy arch-villain was the only thing keeping us entertained. xD Every time he came into a scene, we were laughing our asses off. xD
Worst movie I've ever seen? Grave of the Fireflies. It's an animated movie. It was long, dull, and depressing. Everything goes from great to bad to worse to WORSE to OH MY GOD KILL ME NOW~!! And instead of ending the move on some kind of happy note, everyone dies sad and alone. It's like a Shakespearean play without the comedy to make the death a bit more bearable.
Seriously. Grave of the Fireflies. Worst movie ever created.
And the little sister eats bugs and rocks and stuff, too ... before she dies. >_>
The Spirit is supposed to be a fun superhero flick, not nails on the chalkboard of the soul.
Shindler's List was depressing, but it was a good movie because it had a somewhat happy ending despite the horrible stuff happening in it. xD
The only good parts involved Samuel L. Jackson.
I bet this pirhana 3D will be an even BIGGER stinker - I have seen the original, and that was pretty bad, even for a b-film.
WAIT WAIT!
Wolfen, that is the worst film for several reasons. Worst werewolf film, one of the most pointless horror films and maybe the worst film Albert Finney was the main roll in.
Yeah it wasn't a well made film, but i've seen far worst! Try Bio-dome, and you will quickly change your mind! It is soooo bad: Let's hear it from N.C.! *clap-clap*
http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/vi.....18712-bio-dome
Now he just makes me twitch.
or perhaps it is...not sure how that works
However, I agree “The Spirit” is a horrible movie. I’m not sure if it’s THE worst movie ever, but it belongs in a list of the 10 worst movies ever.
“Manos”, “Plan 9” and Battlefield Earth” are horrendous, but at least you can laugh at them. Those are the kind of movies “so bad they are good”. Frank Miller’s “Spirit” is so bad it is stills bad. It has no redeeming quality. It’s a big W.T.F. of a movie.
Not even Samuel L. Jackson could save that crappy movie. And he is the guy who can play any role and make it look good… except here. (an perhaps that other movie with the snakes)
I don’t know what the hell Frank Miller was thinking (or smoking) when he made that movie. It was supposed to be a homage to one of the most famous classic comics. Apparently his idea of homage is corrupting the source material until is becomes unrecognizable.
So, as much as I like Frank Miller’s other work, I will be grateful if he goes back to comics and stays away from cinema.
But in the case of The Spirit there is no justification for the lousy result. They had money, state-of-the-art technology and even good actors... and yet they came out with a stinker.
ways to suck so I guess it's aptly named for Wind! (As in passing!)
But yes The Spirit is not good.
--
14 %
TOMATOMETER
Average Rating:3.5/10
Consensus: Though its visuals are unique, The Spirit's plot is almost incomprehensible, the dialogue is ludicrously mannered, and the characters are unmemorable.
--
As for all those that think MANOS is the worst movie ever made, you've not seen enough movies. Yah, MANOS is bizarre, but it's actually pretty well shot considering the cameras they had and the fact that it was shot wild. Heck, it even has music written JUST for it!
Considering its budget compared to a slew of hyped Hollywood mega spenders, MANOS is a darn good value to boot!
No folks, MANOS is nowhere near the worst movie ever made.
My pick for the worst movie I've ever seen is 'Biloxi Blues'. Here's Ebert's take: http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps.....IEWS/803250301
I'd watch every MST3K I have (And I have but the first 3 episodes)* many times over than to watch one frame of Biloxi Blues again.
*And Riff Trax, Cinematic Titanic, Fun With Flicks and The Film Crew.
I don't like movies, I don't bother watching them unless I'm sat down and forced to, it's a low form of art (imo) and a total waste of my precious fucking time. Unless I'm stoned or have something else to do (snuggle, draw a picture, jerk off etc), I don't watch movies. so I guess I'm more biased to hate it than most. Whatever. I'm glad I'm not crazy 'cos I dislike this movie.
I never thought about how the Spirit was practically a babe magnet. Now that I think about it you're right. However, wasn't there a female character that was like a nymphomaniac rouge? Don't quite remember.
I will thow this question out at ya'; do you think is The Spirits campiness was more like how Tim Burton did Mars Attacks, that this movie would have been a little more enjoyable? Epsecially to play a little more on the campiness of the old school comics.
This review saved me the trouble of seeing it though.
I cant imagine a movie being worse than that!.
Of all bad movies I ever watched Megaforce is the ONLY one I had to turn off halfway, I just couldn't stand it anymore!
>8)