To my watchers: This journal is an open letter to someone I've never addressed here before. You don't know who I'm talking about, I assure you, so don't try to guess. (And for the few of you who know, don't mention anything.) I want to clarify this so no one thinks this is about my recent encounter with gmilf72. He'd be the first one to tell you he has no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. If you're not who I'm writing to, you can completely ignore this. There is nothing here but hatred. And as repulsive as this is, I will not apologize for one single word. This bitch has it comin'. All of it.

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Have you ever been raped?

I ask because I honestly think it'd be the best thing for you. The experience of being forced to surrender completely to someone else's will would provide great humiliation, which is exactly what you need. You need something to crack through that unbearable stench of narcissism around you and make a real human being out of you. Hell, if the rape is sufficiently traumatic it might even germinate a tiny seed of empathy in you. (More on that later.) You might want to start taking walks by yourself in the poor section of town. And bend over a lot.

Let's assume for a second that some of what you told me earlier is true. Obviously I believe you when you say you're female, since I already gathered that from your self-righteousness, your pettiness, your stubbornness, your batshit craziness and your infinite ability to ignore reality when it suits you. You say you're a "smart, pretty rich girl". I believe only one of those three adjectives is true. You're obviously neither smart nor pretty, because people who truly are don't grossly brag about it. Later you flaunt your alleged 158 IQ. Personally, I've taken a bunch of IQ tests; some from the internet, some from books, some administered by a psychiatrist. The scores varied quite a bit. Past average, but with about a thirty point difference. One of the ones I took online was so ridiculously high that I immediately dismissed it as flattery, trying to get me to buy 'enhanced results' from the site. But the point is, I don't know what my IQ really is and you don't either. If you've taken multiple tests, I'll bet you've believed the one that gave you the best score and ignored the others. Or you took one online and didn't realize that they ALWAYS report you're a genius. Either way, it doesn't matter a damn thing. The only true measure of intelligence is how you use it. And even if your score were twelve times higher than mine, I'd still call you stupid for choosing to act the way you do. (You're probably too young to realize the future you've set up for yourself. Maybe you'll look back when you're in your thirties and realized you ignored the only person to ever tell the truth about you, and that now it's too late. Gosh, I hope so.)

But maybe it's not your fault you're such a cunt. If you really are a rich, spoiled daddy's girl, that explains a lot. You've probably never suffered. Oh, you might protest that you certainly have. But you don't know what it's like to be homeless, or starving, or dying or insane or persecuted or any kind of REAL pain. I will bet anything, judging by your actions, that you have never known what it's like to lose something so important to you that it destroys a part of you permanently. So you're incapable of empathy. Empathy is feeling another person's pain as your own; and if you don't even know what it's like, then how can you conceive of anyone else's? I've seen dozens of trolls like you. You think you're playing some grand game, but all you really are is a bratty kid in the dirt pulling the legs off insects. Trolling takes virtually no effort, especially when you ensure your victim can't fight back. Congratulations; you're winning at a game so easy a cerebral palsy victim could do it.

(There's plenty more bullshit in your emails. Maybe you are telling the truth, but what reason would I have to believe you? Let's ignore your claim that you're going to art school. Your only submission on DA looks an awful lot like something Bryce drew for you and you didn't bother to give him credit for. Let's also ignore your claim that one of my friends sold me out and gave you my personal info. Right; because that's LOTS more plausible than you just looking it up on any online phonebook. And let's also ignore your claim that your uncle worked on the Disney Afternoon shows. Really? Because my uncle is Santa Claus! And my aunt is Queen fucking Elizabeth!)

Let's also ignore your claim that you're "winning". How? Explain that. Because from my perspective, it looks an awful lot like you haven't done a single thing to me. Point to one thing you've done. ONE. Or is this all a big game in your mind? Like, you set up little traps where if you can get me to react a certain way, that means you've 'won'. Gee, I'll bet it's real easy to win when you're the only one who knows the rules, and also the one who declares herself the winner. Tell me; how is your satisfaction any different from some geek who gets all excited because he beat some video game? At least the geek could point to his high score. What can you point to? You haven't changed my life in any way. I'm still going to draw the art that you hate and write whatever I feel like. I haven't changed an iota of my daily routine because of you (If I wasn't writing this to you now I'd be doing some other damn thing on the computer.) You said your grand goal was "to see your depravity exposed to the community, and I shall, in my own due time." What community? And again I ask, what could you possibly expose!? That's the problem with someone like me who believes in being open and honest about myself; there's nothing you can threaten me with. You're gonna call my house? Ooooh, I'm so scared! You actually think he's gonna talk to you, or even understand what the fuck you're yapping about? Name one fucking thing you've done to me. And putting my private info online doesn't count because you've done nothing with it yourself. If you hoped someone else would, then sorry, they haven't. It's been there for months and I haven't seen one single repercussion. Hey, maybe you can have your $300 imaginary private eyes fly out here and throw imaginary eggs at my house!

I HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR FROM YOU. How can I say that with confidence? Because in order for you to actually do anything real to me, you'd have to expose yourself to an element of risk. And as I've repeatedly said, you're too cowardly and weak to do that. Probably too damn lazy too. You're not going to do anything beside send me snarky emails. Because if you went farther than that I might be able to press criminal charges. (I can just imagine how a person like you would do in jail! Or what Daddy's face would look like if the cops showed up looking for you! That'd be priceless.) The very thing that makes you so disgustingly arrogant is what makes you ultimately powerless. If you really are so damn rich, are you seriously going to jeopardize that just to fuck around with some fat furry? I don't think so. I have nothing to fear from you.

So how about you move on? Go find someone else to pester, like the insect you are. In the meantime, I'll be imagining you on your hands and scraped knees in an alley with some bum clutching the sides of your head and shoving his cock down your throat. He grunts like an animal while he pumps into you. All you can smell is the nauseating stench of his sun-baked body odor. This man has not showered in weeks, maybe months. You feel dirt and tiny fragments of broken glass digging into your palms as your arms shake from the effort of holding yourself up. He slams into your throat, making you gag and puke a little. His pubic hairs are in your teeth. Your mouth burns with the taste of your puke, his filthy meat, his cum and your own vaginal blood after he took your hole moments ago. Your mind screams at the thought that he might have gotten you pregnant. That his seed is going to grow inside you, and you're going to have to ask your Daddy for an abortion. As this disgusting, barely-human monster uses your face for his fuck-hole, all you can think is, "Why me? Why me? Why me?" Until finally, from deep, deep in your brain, you hear a reply back: "Because this is exactly what you deserve."