I have just come back from seeing Piranha 3D with my brother. He has written a more objective review here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1672364/

I am providing my take upon what I was able to watch. You should read the other one first.

Now, keep in mind that I was able to watch Felidae on Youtube and that was a graphically gory film. [It was also cel-animated and the movie was a cartoon. That does somewhat diminish the effect of the gore.] I also enjoyed the remake of The Nightmare on Elm Street in theaters, so I know I can watch horror movies just fine when they feature genuinely scary stuff beyond blood and gore. And yet I found this film very hard to watch and couldn't keep my eyes on the screen. I guess I'm not used to Eli Roth levels of gore.

Now, as for what I have watched, here is what I have to say.

When I heard of this movie, I had my doubts, and my brother read a review that was to the effect of "if you go to see a killer piranha movie, you will see the fish swarm and people reduced to skeletons, and that is what you get." This gave us both the impression that this was some kind of a so-bad-its-good goofy kind of camp horror film. In the words of Tom: "Dooooon't Youuuuu Beleeeiive Iiiiit!"

[For reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM3f.....Wh3hQ&NR=1 ]

To address one of the main problems, I expected some gore. It is a modern horror movie. But the case here is quantity over quality. In fact, the two most hideous deaths are human caused due to panic [as well as one of the most moronic deaths I saw]. And i will explain them in the sequence I recall.

The Stupid one: I blame Mythbusters for making this an Eye Roller as they busted the myth that at metal cord snapping can slice a person clean in half. [It can do serious damage, but not exactly cutting through bone]. An extension cord swings from a tilting boat where a radio station was playing its Beach party music. The cord first appears to slice through a woman's bra and she seems just fine, even talking ["what the-"]. Then it turns out it was a diagonal slash and half her upper body slides off just before she falls into a bloody, gory mess. I think the damage would have been more evident immediately. They were clearly going for a gag there, but it just wasn't funny.

Second most hideous death I recall: A guy tries to get onto a boat, only for another boat to ram into him, popping his body like a blood balloon and sending his head skidding onto the boat. The only other time I saw a guy popping like a balloon when she shpould have been crushed instead was in the movie Robocop, and that did have me feeling sick when it happened. [Though in Robocop, it was openly justifies since the guy was melting after falling into toxic waste.]

Most hideous death: I'll describe it simply, so you don't get the urge to vomit like I did. [No. I did not vomit. But I got the urge.] A woman gets her hair tangled in Eli Roth's boat motor. He starts the motor, and her face gets ripped off as a result.

Bear in mind that the worst parts of the gore come in about two thirds of the way into the movie.

The non-gory parts were really just as hard to watch. Now, I'm used to nudity as a furry [Human persona, but I have an interest in furry characters]. However, I prefer more reason behind nudity than "It's a Spring Break Beach Party" in a movie. One of the main characters is a 17-year-old who gets hired on as a location scout by a porn director who is using the location [unaware of the killer fish] to shoot a porn video. Frankly, the director is an utter sleazebag and his women... well, if I were that kid, I'd be worried that their very existence on my planet might give me genital herpes. They may be sexy to most straight folks, but for me, I prefer my women with more functional brains. And probably not as one-dimensionally trampy. Actually, speaking of any likable women in this movie, I can count them on one finger. I shall let you imagine which finger.

The Teen lead's mom: The heroine of this picture, she's also a sheriff. And a pretty fair cop. Yes she screams, but that's understandable and she is genuinely competent. Every other woman in there seems to exist as fan-service to the average guy. Well, okay, there is one other exception. A little girl, but she's not very easy to like.

Now, why are the non-gory parts too hard for me to watch? Well, in a theater, other people are watching and thus doing the MST3K routine is not acceptable. Also, they tried for campy, but it came off as sleazy enough to make me feel dirty to even be in the theater.

So, should you watch this movie? Well, that is a matter of personal taste. If you are the kind of Gorehound that loves Elli Roth's work, then you might enjoy it as a brainless gore flick once you get past the one-hour mark. But if you are squeamish in the slightest, don't bother! If you are expecting any genuine scares, then don't bother. If you are expecting decent writing, don't bother. And if you want a goofy homage to Roger Corman's original, then DON'T BOTHER! If you want a better review, then look towards the top for a link to my brother's review. That will be more satisfying.

But in my final word, I think it more a disgusting movie than a scary one. If anything actually made it scary, it was the theater cranking the volume overboard on the surround sound system.

So, now my rant is done, here's some therapy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rvy6CFEN84Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2YDZc5RYDQ

Corgi puppies should make it better.