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RAGE journal
14 years ago
Not a whore for attention, not seeking sympathy. Just saying it like it is.
Although it's got fuckall to do with you, maybe it will make me feel a bit better writing this down.
So ever since I got sick a few months ago my friends have been avoiding me like the plague. Couldn't figure out why. Maybe they were busy. Maybe they didn't like the ex party animal anymore. Maybe I'm just a dry and washed up old cat, I don't give a fuck.
But when a FRIEND dates a person's ex mate, I think you have the right to know. Not mentioning any names but I found out this has been going on for a few months now.
"they were waiting for the right time to tell me" i'm told.
"they didn't want to hurt me more when I was in a stressed state" I'm told.
Well that's complete and utter bullshit. I deserve to know from my 'friends' what the fuck is going on. I deserve to know from 'my friends' that this and this is happening.
My best friend's excuse for not coming to see me is that I live too far away. Bullshit, it's five minutes drive from the 'other best friend'
Well, whatever. I was the bigger person tonight.
I was not a coward and I went down to the house, and I confronted the friend and the ex face to face to find out what the fuck is going on.
I lost my temper when they mocked me.
I asked the girl "do you think what you're doing is OK?"
Her response was "Are you going to hit me now?"
That made my blood boil. Instead of raising a hand I said I wanted to speak to the ex.
He also made a mockery out of me. I shouted and walked away before I lost my temper, revving my bike waaaaay into the red as I pulled off.
In short, you know who you are - you are now dead to me. I have no friends.
Friends do not do that to each other.
Go. And. Fuck. Yourselves. In. The. Ear.
Peace out
EC Tiger
EDIT
===
And if any of you people discussed here read this
Best Friend
Remember who rushed to your ride 120kph down the main road in heavy traffic to push your car.
Remember who came to check if you were alright when you had an accident.
Remember who was there to listen to your problems with an eager ear, and cheer you up afterwards.
Yeah, I was stressed too, and I whined too.
Yeah maybe I owe you some bucks.
But for fucks sake, I don't deserve to be written off like that.
Ex
You're the only POES at the end of the day.
You are what held me back when I could have pursued new love. I asked for some time to clear my head before I got sick. You saw me about a week before I cracked.
But some time is too much to ask.
"Good things are worth waiting for." Fuck me Charlie.
You taught me that nothing is worth waiting for and not to trust any man's word again.
Little brother.
Dude, you disappoint me most of all. I remember when I met you you were timid, shy and scared of everything. I taught you to fuck the people and be your own person, that the world is a place to explore not hide from.
Of all people I thought you would tell me the truth. But you kept it from me. Good as your intentions were, you're still making stupid mistakes, and I cannot forgive this. Friends do not keep such secrets from each other.
Ex's new mate
I'm not mad at you for dating him. I'm fucking pissed off that you were in my house a week ago, and I gave you a present in good friendship, and you have the nerve to keep such a secret from me. I'm embarassed to have called you my friend.
Darren.
Shout out to the last person I thought I could trust, my best friend's ex mate. Met up with him at the bar and he told me what was going on.
Although it's got fuckall to do with you, maybe it will make me feel a bit better writing this down.
So ever since I got sick a few months ago my friends have been avoiding me like the plague. Couldn't figure out why. Maybe they were busy. Maybe they didn't like the ex party animal anymore. Maybe I'm just a dry and washed up old cat, I don't give a fuck.
But when a FRIEND dates a person's ex mate, I think you have the right to know. Not mentioning any names but I found out this has been going on for a few months now.
"they were waiting for the right time to tell me" i'm told.
"they didn't want to hurt me more when I was in a stressed state" I'm told.
Well that's complete and utter bullshit. I deserve to know from my 'friends' what the fuck is going on. I deserve to know from 'my friends' that this and this is happening.
My best friend's excuse for not coming to see me is that I live too far away. Bullshit, it's five minutes drive from the 'other best friend'
Well, whatever. I was the bigger person tonight.
I was not a coward and I went down to the house, and I confronted the friend and the ex face to face to find out what the fuck is going on.
I lost my temper when they mocked me.
I asked the girl "do you think what you're doing is OK?"
Her response was "Are you going to hit me now?"
That made my blood boil. Instead of raising a hand I said I wanted to speak to the ex.
He also made a mockery out of me. I shouted and walked away before I lost my temper, revving my bike waaaaay into the red as I pulled off.
In short, you know who you are - you are now dead to me. I have no friends.
Friends do not do that to each other.
Go. And. Fuck. Yourselves. In. The. Ear.
Peace out
EC Tiger
EDIT
===
And if any of you people discussed here read this
Best Friend
Remember who rushed to your ride 120kph down the main road in heavy traffic to push your car.
Remember who came to check if you were alright when you had an accident.
Remember who was there to listen to your problems with an eager ear, and cheer you up afterwards.
Yeah, I was stressed too, and I whined too.
Yeah maybe I owe you some bucks.
But for fucks sake, I don't deserve to be written off like that.
Ex
You're the only POES at the end of the day.
You are what held me back when I could have pursued new love. I asked for some time to clear my head before I got sick. You saw me about a week before I cracked.
But some time is too much to ask.
"Good things are worth waiting for." Fuck me Charlie.
You taught me that nothing is worth waiting for and not to trust any man's word again.
Little brother.
Dude, you disappoint me most of all. I remember when I met you you were timid, shy and scared of everything. I taught you to fuck the people and be your own person, that the world is a place to explore not hide from.
Of all people I thought you would tell me the truth. But you kept it from me. Good as your intentions were, you're still making stupid mistakes, and I cannot forgive this. Friends do not keep such secrets from each other.
Ex's new mate
I'm not mad at you for dating him. I'm fucking pissed off that you were in my house a week ago, and I gave you a present in good friendship, and you have the nerve to keep such a secret from me. I'm embarassed to have called you my friend.
Darren.
Shout out to the last person I thought I could trust, my best friend's ex mate. Met up with him at the bar and he told me what was going on.
Your everywhere. X.x
Not to say these are your feelings bout it all, its just this song came straight to mind.
And it sucks that all this is happeneing. This world just keeps lacking honesty. No one is safe.
I mean... ow. That sucks like I can't even begin to imagine.
Sounds like someone started a "kick the EC while she's down" party. Next time they try to sink the boots in, claw their eyes out, okay?
Keep your chin up, EC! *hugs*
I didnt want to face any of this because it isnt my problem, I am not a apart of any of this but I totally understand that if I was in your shoes I'd be angry too. You still have me as a friend, and wantever to tell me or think of me after this, I dont care because even though Im gay I love you.
My big 5 problem and avoiding is 2 things, extreme amount of workload that I need to uncover and my high stress limit is over the top and the only thing I learned can cure it is lans. And I lan alot nowadays because of it. Unfortunately I'm uncomfortable to go to any pub or bar anymore because of personal reasons regarding the people there and stuff.
PS I posted this publicly to show everyone that you could also be talking about me, Im not her or your ex but I knew about the whole thing and I didnt approve of it at first but they were going to let you know, and I would be holding their hands the whole way through it. I'm sorry for what happened...
Notes:
* Not knowingly anyway, but I tend to be a bit ignorant** when it comes to people in general so I might do something unknowingly, because I'm an idiot. But I try my best to avoid these kinds of things however.
** "[A] bit ignorant" being a vast understatement, I'm downright oblivious to social etiquette and protocol.
--Trapa <- A friend of a friend.