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Post Bender Review (PBR)
18 years ago
Oh wow, so FA is back at last, just in time for me to finish up my holiday bender.
Here's a quick summary of the fun bars I toured this weekend:
"The Rockbar" has a fantastic dance floor and massive crowd if you hit it at just the right moment. The bar can go from empty to standing room only in about 20 minutes. The music is fun, if you like 80s metal and hard rock. They have $2 PBR all the time, and even serve shots of Mad Dog 20/20. Wenesday nights there have a much more 80s vibe, since the DJ for Lip-Gloss is there (see below).
"Chaser" (Not a bar, but those pills that you take to prevent hangovers) seems to work best when you take a couple at the end of the night, and are sure to drink a bloody mary as soon as you wake up. ...following it with a few more pints doesn't hurt as well.
"Lip-Gloss" the 80s/hip/dance night at the club LaRumba is guaranteed, the absolute most fun you can have in Denver on a Friday night. $2 PBR or Gin and all the hottest singles around (depending on your taste of course. Think of every girl there as being a suicide girl.) I was of course intrigued by a punk girl with a silly hat that had wolf ears. The dance floor there is insane, and packed all the time. The club almost always plays great music, with as wide a range as Thriller by Michael Jackson, Y-Control by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and London Calling by the Clash along with typical club stuff like Gorillaz, the Faint and Daft Punk. Not enough can be said about how awesome Lip-Gloss is. No matter how shitty life might be, I always manage to have the time of my life there.
"Pints Pub" is an English brewpub that makes 6 different beers in house, and boasts the largest single malt whiskey selection outside of Great Britain. However, they were not playing any soccer matches, nor even had the right channels.
"The English Bulldog" is a pub that apparently holds the second oldest liquor license in Denver. They open at 7am on Saturdays so that people that follow international soccer (like my drinking partners) can wake up at ungodly hours and drink a few pints of London Pride while watching the match.... we had about 9 while we were there.
"Barracuda's" is my favorite bar to start the night/day/morning. They have cheap and excellent food, and the best nachos around. You can also feel better about your own drinking habits when you see a few old people stagger out of there at 1 in the afternoon.
"The Uptown Tavern" is very much a yuppie/jock bar, but offers 2 for 1 drinks on Sunday nights. While the bar may suck on the whole, they almost redeem themselves with a mini-bowling alley in the game room that's more fun then you'd think.
"Charlie Brown's" is an ancient hotel dive bar and doesn't have any tap beers, but they do have karaoke, which is pretty fun. The key is to sing something that will make everyone in the bar sing. I suggest Piano Man.
If you'd like to know more about the bars of Denver, consult your local library... or drunk.
Here's a quick summary of the fun bars I toured this weekend:
"The Rockbar" has a fantastic dance floor and massive crowd if you hit it at just the right moment. The bar can go from empty to standing room only in about 20 minutes. The music is fun, if you like 80s metal and hard rock. They have $2 PBR all the time, and even serve shots of Mad Dog 20/20. Wenesday nights there have a much more 80s vibe, since the DJ for Lip-Gloss is there (see below).
"Chaser" (Not a bar, but those pills that you take to prevent hangovers) seems to work best when you take a couple at the end of the night, and are sure to drink a bloody mary as soon as you wake up. ...following it with a few more pints doesn't hurt as well.
"Lip-Gloss" the 80s/hip/dance night at the club LaRumba is guaranteed, the absolute most fun you can have in Denver on a Friday night. $2 PBR or Gin and all the hottest singles around (depending on your taste of course. Think of every girl there as being a suicide girl.) I was of course intrigued by a punk girl with a silly hat that had wolf ears. The dance floor there is insane, and packed all the time. The club almost always plays great music, with as wide a range as Thriller by Michael Jackson, Y-Control by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and London Calling by the Clash along with typical club stuff like Gorillaz, the Faint and Daft Punk. Not enough can be said about how awesome Lip-Gloss is. No matter how shitty life might be, I always manage to have the time of my life there.
"Pints Pub" is an English brewpub that makes 6 different beers in house, and boasts the largest single malt whiskey selection outside of Great Britain. However, they were not playing any soccer matches, nor even had the right channels.
"The English Bulldog" is a pub that apparently holds the second oldest liquor license in Denver. They open at 7am on Saturdays so that people that follow international soccer (like my drinking partners) can wake up at ungodly hours and drink a few pints of London Pride while watching the match.... we had about 9 while we were there.
"Barracuda's" is my favorite bar to start the night/day/morning. They have cheap and excellent food, and the best nachos around. You can also feel better about your own drinking habits when you see a few old people stagger out of there at 1 in the afternoon.
"The Uptown Tavern" is very much a yuppie/jock bar, but offers 2 for 1 drinks on Sunday nights. While the bar may suck on the whole, they almost redeem themselves with a mini-bowling alley in the game room that's more fun then you'd think.
"Charlie Brown's" is an ancient hotel dive bar and doesn't have any tap beers, but they do have karaoke, which is pretty fun. The key is to sing something that will make everyone in the bar sing. I suggest Piano Man.
If you'd like to know more about the bars of Denver, consult your local library... or drunk.
Some of the best ways to avoid a crippling hangover, in my experience, are never drinking into an empty stomach, and remembering to keep yourself hydrated. (Quaff a liter of water or so before going to bed.)
It really isn't THAT bad but it's cheap and it gives me crazy headaches. And i'm not a hipster fag
And really, I would describe the taste of canned PBR as damp and rusty metal shavings.
Hamm's is very bad as well. I would also nominate Lost Lake and Ice House (which might only be available in kegs). My favorite part about the Olympia grenade bottles were the little puzzles under the caps, but those bottles aren't available out here any more. Olympia is also the company that makes PBR... meaning that its supposed to be the "Blue Ribbon" winning version of Olympia I guess.
The hands down most foul beer i've ever had was a microbrew called golden gate beer. It was made by a respected microbrewery and they hyped it as their "opus" as in like it was going to be so good it would define the company and high end bars and liquor stores advertised it. It finally came out, and was so bad they simply couldn't sell it and it eventually ended up in piles in the corner for 1$ a 6 pack of bottles. My dad being the cheapskate he is of course bought like 10 of them and even though he doesn't get drunk he managed to choke em down just cuz of what a "great deal it was". It litterally tasted like how radiator fluid smells. It was god awful and put all other bad beers to shame, even the "Jalapeno and pepper" beer my buddy brewed.
As for cheapness... Out here I don't think there's anything you can get cheaper in a can than PBR other than maybe Lost Lake.
And that's what gives you the headache.
Also, most modern breweries de-ionize their brews, because it picks up a lot of metal ions from all the pipes and brew vats. PBR does not. Also, Fleishmann's vodka does not. If you wanna get rid of those ions and make the booze slightly less painful to drink, pour it over a Brita filter (or any other filter that claims to remove "heavy metals" or "lead" from water) and each pour should remove about 10% of the ions. Keep in mind that this is 10% of the remainder, so there's a diminishing point of return after about five runs.
Someone at the UW-Madison actually made that their grad project: how to remove heavy metals from cheap beer for under twenty bucks. This is the only reason I know.
There's another way to do it that involves electric current, electrodes, and a pitcher, but I doubt either of us have the electrical know-how to do it.
You Finns are spoiled by not having any baptists or methodists running around blaming their problems on booze and thus getting laws passed that make the booze either illegal or just really crappy.
Of course if you REALLY wanna get rid of that taste, you'll need to bust into a drive-thru car wash late at night and steal their deionizer. With that, you could make cheap booze taste like very expensive booze. If you don't mind having a giant machine that looks like two scuba tanks hooked up to a car engine, which is loud as hell and uses as much power as your washer and dryer, of course.
Can you believe that everyone in college and in all the jobs I got fired from thought I was a lousy scientist?
hangover is couple of things. All the toxins from the booze you drank are circulating in your blood, and your kidneys have been working overtime to get rid of them. But the kidneys are also removing water from your bloodstream along with those toxins. So the kidney;s stop working to keep you from dehydrating too much. You need to add water back into your bloodstream so your kidneys can process the rest of your blood to get rid of the remaining toxicity. The asprin just help with the headache until the toxins are gone.
The bruises from teh bar fight you got into, you are on your own for them.