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First post
17 years ago
Well, I finally, finally got around to getting a FurAffinity account. At first I blamed it on new registration being down, but it's been more than that. I have kept drawing the whole time, but I have been grossly negligent when it comes to actually posting anything. I have a long habit of repressing this side of me, and old habits die hard. Well, no more! At least, not as far as FurAffinity is concerned. I will make it a point from here on out to spend at least an hour online every day, browsing, reading, and posting. There is no other way to meet people.
A bit about myself is in order, I suppose. I have never considered myself an artist, or an animal lover, or homosexual, for that matter. I was a mathematician, an engineer, a scientist, as well as an avid reader of science-fiction. I wasn't into that artsy stuff, there was no career in it, there was no practical use. No, I wanted to change things, I wanted to solve all the world's problems, and with enough scientific knowledge, I could do just that. Any imaginative urges would have to take a back seat.
I learned one thing after another about scientific theory, and about applying that theory, and about the economy, and about politics, and more than anything about the problems in the world, and over the course of many years I came to a conclusion I simply could not avoid, despite many increasingly desperate attempts: Science cannot, by itself, solve all the world's problems. What's more, the method that society was using to apply scientific discoveries was doing far more harm than good. From a systems-level perspective, it becomes clear that we're systematically destroying ourselves (not to mention everything else) and calling it progress. Perhaps Sir Ken Robinson put it best when he said, "If all insects disappeared from the Earth, all life on Earth would end within 50 years. If all humans disappeared from the Earth, within 50 years all life on Earth would flourish."
But where did this realization leave me? I wanted to be an engineer and to apply science for the betterment of all society, but the ways in which science needed to be applied were increasingly losing support. I could be extremely successful, financially speaking, if I were to work on a top-secret defense project, or join the Department of Homeland Security, or took a job with a major government contractor, but I just don't think I could live with myself. At best, I would be a tool for them to use to achieve others' political objectives, which would be dictated by the same code of greed and corruption that controls our political system. Furthermore, any typical engineering job would leave me behind a desk for 60 hours every week with no opportunity to pursue the things that I really thought would help people. In a society that was pushing increasingly for greater effort and commitment, I would have to sacrifice my health and very likely my sanity just to maintain such a position, and without a rock-solid belief in the value of what I'm doing, I just can't manage that, and I don't particularly want to.
In the void that was left over in the collapse of my belief system, I began to reconsider things. Without that happy delusion, what did I have to hold on to? What did I have to keep me going? I considered what in my life made me truly happy, and I realized that my fondest memories had nothing to do with math and science. They had rather to do with friends, both human and animal, my imagination, and yes, my sexuality. The first I had had in high school, but I had left it all in the name of a "good" career. The second was the primary thing that kept me going, and I cherished it dearly, but it was in the end just another escape unless I made some expression of it. The third I had ignored or even actively repressed for my entire life save for in my imagination, as it would most certainly have been detrimental to my career.
I discovered the furry fandom roughly five years ago, and I became increasingly attracted to it. It seemed a perfect forum for the expression of my true self, the one I had been repressing, as I had long ago preferred to imagine myself as an anthropomorphic lizard. It never occurred to me that anyone else might understand or relate to that. It represents, for me, an opportunity to be myself without fear of ridicule, and hopefully meet a few kindred spirits along the way.
- Kasseth the Disillusioned
A bit about myself is in order, I suppose. I have never considered myself an artist, or an animal lover, or homosexual, for that matter. I was a mathematician, an engineer, a scientist, as well as an avid reader of science-fiction. I wasn't into that artsy stuff, there was no career in it, there was no practical use. No, I wanted to change things, I wanted to solve all the world's problems, and with enough scientific knowledge, I could do just that. Any imaginative urges would have to take a back seat.
I learned one thing after another about scientific theory, and about applying that theory, and about the economy, and about politics, and more than anything about the problems in the world, and over the course of many years I came to a conclusion I simply could not avoid, despite many increasingly desperate attempts: Science cannot, by itself, solve all the world's problems. What's more, the method that society was using to apply scientific discoveries was doing far more harm than good. From a systems-level perspective, it becomes clear that we're systematically destroying ourselves (not to mention everything else) and calling it progress. Perhaps Sir Ken Robinson put it best when he said, "If all insects disappeared from the Earth, all life on Earth would end within 50 years. If all humans disappeared from the Earth, within 50 years all life on Earth would flourish."
But where did this realization leave me? I wanted to be an engineer and to apply science for the betterment of all society, but the ways in which science needed to be applied were increasingly losing support. I could be extremely successful, financially speaking, if I were to work on a top-secret defense project, or join the Department of Homeland Security, or took a job with a major government contractor, but I just don't think I could live with myself. At best, I would be a tool for them to use to achieve others' political objectives, which would be dictated by the same code of greed and corruption that controls our political system. Furthermore, any typical engineering job would leave me behind a desk for 60 hours every week with no opportunity to pursue the things that I really thought would help people. In a society that was pushing increasingly for greater effort and commitment, I would have to sacrifice my health and very likely my sanity just to maintain such a position, and without a rock-solid belief in the value of what I'm doing, I just can't manage that, and I don't particularly want to.
In the void that was left over in the collapse of my belief system, I began to reconsider things. Without that happy delusion, what did I have to hold on to? What did I have to keep me going? I considered what in my life made me truly happy, and I realized that my fondest memories had nothing to do with math and science. They had rather to do with friends, both human and animal, my imagination, and yes, my sexuality. The first I had had in high school, but I had left it all in the name of a "good" career. The second was the primary thing that kept me going, and I cherished it dearly, but it was in the end just another escape unless I made some expression of it. The third I had ignored or even actively repressed for my entire life save for in my imagination, as it would most certainly have been detrimental to my career.
I discovered the furry fandom roughly five years ago, and I became increasingly attracted to it. It seemed a perfect forum for the expression of my true self, the one I had been repressing, as I had long ago preferred to imagine myself as an anthropomorphic lizard. It never occurred to me that anyone else might understand or relate to that. It represents, for me, an opportunity to be myself without fear of ridicule, and hopefully meet a few kindred spirits along the way.
- Kasseth the Disillusioned
You'll find nothing but acceptance here, I speak as one of those who hid everything they were for a long time, and I hope you find happiness. Your scaly/sharkie self is much welcomed, and I look forward to your future works. :)
In the couple drawings we can see here now, you have a knack for genuine emotion and well drawn figures. I'm sure this will only improve as time goes on.
As far as my artwork goes-- I suppose it will improve, with time. I still can't help but be humbled by how far I am from drawing like I want to, and I just don't have the time to pursue it like I'd like, you know?