I have begun writing a story about Leophan. You might call it an origin story, because it is supposed to establish Leophan's personality both for me and for everyone else who might be interested.

There are three reasons I now post the intro as a journal.

1. I want to comit myself to finishing the story.

2. I want feedback.

3. I want to make it more likely that only people watching me read this.

So, here it is:


Leophan – The shadows within.

Leophan stood alone. The room was dark but his night vision made it all look clear as day. Somewhere it lurked, the shadows. He turns around abruptly, barely catching sight of something moving in the corner. There, almost hidden, a shadow. No, not a really a shadow, shadows can't move on their own, and they do not have a physical form. Yet, this had. Leophan reached out his paw to touch it. The shadow begins to seep into the wall, getting away from him. Leophan shoots forward like only felines can and reach into the shadow. As his paw touches the shadow a scream fills his head. It gets louder and louder. Now the shadow clings to his paw. The screaming gets louder and an image of a person screaming forms in Leophans mind. He knows who it is, he is certain of it, the face is so familiar, but he can't place it. A burning feeling begins to spread from where the shadow is clinging to his paw, Leophan screams and tries to get it off. He slams his arm into the wall but the shadow just spreads outwards. The pain grows and Leophan starts to panic, the image in his mind keeps getting clearer, but the identity of the person still escapes his mind. The pain grows, Leophan screams again, louder and louder, until it turns into a roar of pain, a howl of agony. And then he woke up.

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now that you've read it. What do you think? Is it decent writing? Any gramatical errors? The title is a working title, but I'll stick with it unless I come up with something else while writing. It fits the story as it stands in my head right now.

All sorts of feedback encouraged!