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for the # with this
13 years ago
ok, here i go.
only some people do know this, but due to an accident (i wont go into detail) i got some trauma.
one of them is a constant chronic headace, which is quite painfull, one of the other things is: i started bedwetting
i live on dorms, have other students near me all the time, and to be honest, i am scared shit that they will find out.(in the end they will somehow)
aswell i have parents who particulary dont care about privacy (which is odd, because dutch people tend to care allot bout it), so i dont realy thrust them....
went to the docter before, to get a perscription for diapers, well they are expensive, (the price already makes no sence) and i have no way of getting GOOD & RELIABLE diapers.
only instead of getting what i need, they did allot of exams on me (CT, CAT, echo, ect)
but i felt after each medical exam more and more sick, scared, touched, groped, and picked at.
So i basicaly quit, after i kept hearing they cant find anything, from this i felt worse and worse.
do i feel better now?
NO
the fact of being so cautios and suspicious, think every step through, not having one to support me in all of this,
and dealing with the fact i NEED diapers like a baby, which is horribly hummiliating makes me just sick more.
dealing with mood swings, which keep growing worse and worse by the day
nervous about someone in my room, or greeting me when i wear (in the morning, when im wet and smelly)
im realy starting to deteriorate, and im not shure how to handle this stuff.
on some occasions i have had babyfurs saying, lucky you, free diapers, well so-far i didn't get diapers (had to buy them, costing about 25 € for crappy kiddy pullups), and that comment is like a stab in the heart, so they have no idea.
well let me tell,
- you need to wear every night,
- when you go to a friend,
- to school-camp (from a student work group),
- sleep over at practical training,
- when going to do bush-craft for a while
- or whatever shit you do when you go sleeping somewhere at (hotels love diapers *sarcasm*)
basicaly on situations where you dont want it, you still have to.
im scared people will ridicule me (which probably will happen anyways if i dont tell) when i tell
people dont care about how you feel, if they just can gain one single moment of epicness and positive attention (making fun of others) then they'll do it
now this surgery is comming up (for inguinal hernia), i need to go to hospital for it, and well, if something happens there, who will they tell aswell ....
im scared shit of the surgery itself, since of my trypanophobia (fear of needles) and this is just another thing i cant handle..
the problem with this, you just cant flee from it, its everywhere around you.
already a lot of furs should have figured out i wear diapers... but still this is the worst post i ever did make
*sigh*.... so now you know what goes on in this feral....
thanks for the fur who wants to support me where he can, even we dont know for that long.
if you deside to be a dick on this, then i see what "friend" you are worth, and it tells what kind of person you are (hahaha-look-at-him,-he-is-in-a-wheelchair-hahaha-person)
only some people do know this, but due to an accident (i wont go into detail) i got some trauma.
one of them is a constant chronic headace, which is quite painfull, one of the other things is: i started bedwetting
i live on dorms, have other students near me all the time, and to be honest, i am scared shit that they will find out.(in the end they will somehow)
aswell i have parents who particulary dont care about privacy (which is odd, because dutch people tend to care allot bout it), so i dont realy thrust them....
went to the docter before, to get a perscription for diapers, well they are expensive, (the price already makes no sence) and i have no way of getting GOOD & RELIABLE diapers.
only instead of getting what i need, they did allot of exams on me (CT, CAT, echo, ect)
but i felt after each medical exam more and more sick, scared, touched, groped, and picked at.
So i basicaly quit, after i kept hearing they cant find anything, from this i felt worse and worse.
do i feel better now?
NO
the fact of being so cautios and suspicious, think every step through, not having one to support me in all of this,
and dealing with the fact i NEED diapers like a baby, which is horribly hummiliating makes me just sick more.
dealing with mood swings, which keep growing worse and worse by the day
nervous about someone in my room, or greeting me when i wear (in the morning, when im wet and smelly)
im realy starting to deteriorate, and im not shure how to handle this stuff.
on some occasions i have had babyfurs saying, lucky you, free diapers, well so-far i didn't get diapers (had to buy them, costing about 25 € for crappy kiddy pullups), and that comment is like a stab in the heart, so they have no idea.
well let me tell,
- you need to wear every night,
- when you go to a friend,
- to school-camp (from a student work group),
- sleep over at practical training,
- when going to do bush-craft for a while
- or whatever shit you do when you go sleeping somewhere at (hotels love diapers *sarcasm*)
basicaly on situations where you dont want it, you still have to.
im scared people will ridicule me (which probably will happen anyways if i dont tell) when i tell
people dont care about how you feel, if they just can gain one single moment of epicness and positive attention (making fun of others) then they'll do it
now this surgery is comming up (for inguinal hernia), i need to go to hospital for it, and well, if something happens there, who will they tell aswell ....
im scared shit of the surgery itself, since of my trypanophobia (fear of needles) and this is just another thing i cant handle..
the problem with this, you just cant flee from it, its everywhere around you.
already a lot of furs should have figured out i wear diapers... but still this is the worst post i ever did make
*sigh*.... so now you know what goes on in this feral....
thanks for the fur who wants to support me where he can, even we dont know for that long.
if you deside to be a dick on this, then i see what "friend" you are worth, and it tells what kind of person you are (hahaha-look-at-him,-he-is-in-a-wheelchair-hahaha-person)
i still hope for one of the tricks to work out
Also, you caught me in the middle of a Diablo 2 session with some folks, so forgive me for not answering on Skype.
I know how embarrassing bed wetting is... I wet the bed almost every night until I was 13 years old.
Just hang in there, and know that God will help you through.
I hope things get better for u, Best idea would just be to quit being so self conscious of others, who cares what they think or say. At the end of the day you are still who you were before the accident and if they can't except that then we know who's the REAL baby. (them)