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things you do instead of sleeping: furry porn haiku
13 years ago
I spent an hour writing furry porn haiku on Twitter tonight.
two moans, repeated/one drawing cut up and moved/push button for cum
cum inflation time/the hindenburg is so hot/sie needs more boobs though
i'll draw anything/scat, cubs and guro are cool/no pony sex though
adoptable char/is it a boy or a girl/it's yiffy, who cares?
space cats with weird names/i invented a species/they all have three dicks
transformation kink/be anything but myself/wish I was a girl
my fursona nude/comments are all weird come-ons/hands out your pants please
cute little catgirl/murrfox wants to yiff her hard/so what if she's five
what did i just click/oh god where is the eye bleach/why am i so hard
obscure eighties show/draw the girl with huge titties/her dick is too small
here's my fursona/sie has blue hair and six wings/sie fucks everything
foxes are yiffy/dragons suck like a vaccum/all species are sluts
if you can think it/someone has drawn porn of it/yiff me, amoeba
mayo everywhere/who's gonna clean up this mess/oh wait it's just cum
meet my fursona/i pay for lots of butt shots/now i'm popufur
no sex for me please/i'm not that kind of furry/i just like giants
One dozen eggs and/one large jar of Vaseline/a bunny boy's dream (from Merry Calliope, which led me to reply...)
i don't think they'll fit/real creatures can't stretch like that/these eggs are so cold
chicken eggs are small/these are the size of my boobs/i'm unbirthing stars
i don't like babies/i just like being pregnant/sixteen wombs are fun
sit back and relax/feel me invade your bottom/cock transformation
who left that egg there/it doesn't smell like my cunt/hello, easter horse!
...and when I couldn't stop laughing at the lameness of that last one, I knew it was bedtime.
edit. then I wrote a couple more AAAGH GO TO BED PEGGY
antennas for sale/being made of flesh is dull/postfurry 4 lyfe
hot-swappable limbs/please don't take them all away/oh look i'm all we
i can't look away/your eyes are so beautiful/hello miss cobra
impossible kink/my fetish is so arcane/real sex is a dream.
i want to say no/this commission is creepy/art school was how much?
twenty buck drawing/sure you can yiff my 'sona/i'm empty inside
there's real work to do/but i just can't get started/hello, meme template
this commission sucks/why did i ever take it/fuck it, trace some porn
two moans, repeated/one drawing cut up and moved/push button for cum
cum inflation time/the hindenburg is so hot/sie needs more boobs though
i'll draw anything/scat, cubs and guro are cool/no pony sex though
adoptable char/is it a boy or a girl/it's yiffy, who cares?
space cats with weird names/i invented a species/they all have three dicks
transformation kink/be anything but myself/wish I was a girl
my fursona nude/comments are all weird come-ons/hands out your pants please
cute little catgirl/murrfox wants to yiff her hard/so what if she's five
what did i just click/oh god where is the eye bleach/why am i so hard
obscure eighties show/draw the girl with huge titties/her dick is too small
here's my fursona/sie has blue hair and six wings/sie fucks everything
foxes are yiffy/dragons suck like a vaccum/all species are sluts
if you can think it/someone has drawn porn of it/yiff me, amoeba
mayo everywhere/who's gonna clean up this mess/oh wait it's just cum
meet my fursona/i pay for lots of butt shots/now i'm popufur
no sex for me please/i'm not that kind of furry/i just like giants
One dozen eggs and/one large jar of Vaseline/a bunny boy's dream (from Merry Calliope, which led me to reply...)
i don't think they'll fit/real creatures can't stretch like that/these eggs are so cold
chicken eggs are small/these are the size of my boobs/i'm unbirthing stars
i don't like babies/i just like being pregnant/sixteen wombs are fun
sit back and relax/feel me invade your bottom/cock transformation
who left that egg there/it doesn't smell like my cunt/hello, easter horse!
...and when I couldn't stop laughing at the lameness of that last one, I knew it was bedtime.
edit. then I wrote a couple more AAAGH GO TO BED PEGGY
antennas for sale/being made of flesh is dull/postfurry 4 lyfe
hot-swappable limbs/please don't take them all away/oh look i'm all we
i can't look away/your eyes are so beautiful/hello miss cobra
impossible kink/my fetish is so arcane/real sex is a dream.
i want to say no/this commission is creepy/art school was how much?
twenty buck drawing/sure you can yiff my 'sona/i'm empty inside
there's real work to do/but i just can't get started/hello, meme template
this commission sucks/why did i ever take it/fuck it, trace some porn
Incidentally, the predecessor forms were also pretty indecent—this has a rather amusing example not entirely removed from the shock-value third-lines of many of yours (which are excellent, by the way!)
And I am delighted that my little bits of sarcastic filth fit into the grand tradition of ancient Japanese rap battles!
(sun on the petals/a shimaesen fills the air/cap in yo ass, blood?) I feel that English "haiku" are best when there's a sudden juxtaposition of imagery that creates a moment of confusion, which often leads to humor.
but some of them were pretty fucking hot at the time, and lots of fun.
this so many times over... XD
"if you can think it/someone has drawn porn of it/yiff me, amoeba"
if you can think it/ someone has made a meme out of it/where is that template
hello easter... elephant? O.O
....
The truthiness, it burns!
Sly observational genius, but still!
I ain't gonna say which haiku are mocking myself. But several are.
With a furious fetish for noodles
He'd fill up his pants
And do an odd dance
Before a large group of blue poodles.
You win one internet!
On the net there are people called furries
Who, it's said, are ever so pervy.
They yiff all the time
And spend their last dime
On their fursona looking ever so curvy.
Ok I'm no Wordsworth but you get the gist?