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more sage advice
13 years ago
General
“And it is still true, no matter how old you are -- when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.”
well it's 10:30am and I'm not blown up yet, so things are going good. I thought I better impart some more really important advice. things I have learnt through my 31 years here on this planet...
no matter how much the mud looks like butterscotch angel delight it does not taste like it no matter how many different Muds you taste
if your parents use your surname when talking to you, you are in trouble. if they also throw in your middle name then you need to RUN because you are in serious serious trouble.
never ever VEET your nether regions. (ow)
don't take the recommended dose of syrup of figs (laxative) then half an hour later decide it's not working so take a second dose then twenty minutes later impatiently swig half the bottle, because you WILL wake up at about 3am feeling like your being turned inside out. (I seriously thought I was dying)
if you ever get the chance to play in a children's playpatk ball pit. never under any circumstance chew any of the balls. you will be seriously ill for several days.
if you go to a children's birthday party expect to be ill for several days
don't spit on lightbulbs in order to teach your younger sister how evaporation works especially when the lightbulb has been on several hours it WILL result in a blown up lightbulb and a very angry gran who will use your full name and middle name when telling you off.
worms don't taste very pleasant
plugging forks into light sockets really really hurts
errr... that's all I can think of at the moment. looking at this list I'm surprised I'm not actually already dead. I've done some seriously stupid things in my life.. lol.
still alive hoping I make it to the end of the day. ... I will probably update this list as the day goes on
or better yet tell me stuff you've learnt in your life we will collate them all into a big life survival guide heheh
no matter how much the mud looks like butterscotch angel delight it does not taste like it no matter how many different Muds you taste
if your parents use your surname when talking to you, you are in trouble. if they also throw in your middle name then you need to RUN because you are in serious serious trouble.
never ever VEET your nether regions. (ow)
don't take the recommended dose of syrup of figs (laxative) then half an hour later decide it's not working so take a second dose then twenty minutes later impatiently swig half the bottle, because you WILL wake up at about 3am feeling like your being turned inside out. (I seriously thought I was dying)
if you ever get the chance to play in a children's playpatk ball pit. never under any circumstance chew any of the balls. you will be seriously ill for several days.
if you go to a children's birthday party expect to be ill for several days
don't spit on lightbulbs in order to teach your younger sister how evaporation works especially when the lightbulb has been on several hours it WILL result in a blown up lightbulb and a very angry gran who will use your full name and middle name when telling you off.
worms don't taste very pleasant
plugging forks into light sockets really really hurts
errr... that's all I can think of at the moment. looking at this list I'm surprised I'm not actually already dead. I've done some seriously stupid things in my life.. lol.
still alive hoping I make it to the end of the day. ... I will probably update this list as the day goes on
or better yet tell me stuff you've learnt in your life we will collate them all into a big life survival guide heheh
!!
Something tell me your Full name and middle name hade be use quit a lot so fare:P
I've learnt that, if your stomach feels off in the morning, do NOT try to remedy it with water. Diarrhoea will most likely be the outcome of that :c
Also, when jumping in a pit of foam blocks using a gymnastic's trampoline, beware of sharks(my cousin was playing with a toy shark and dropped it. that thing had a pointy fin)
No matter how cool the trick was, no one looks cool in the E.R.
Fireworks mean it when they say "Do not hold in hand"
I like Dr. Pepper, I like computers, computers do Not like Dr. Pepper
Reading instruction manuals is, in fact, more manly than crying like a girl because you were holding the wrong part of something when plugging it into the wall and shorted it out... through your hand and out your butt
When you are already doing push-ups for mouthing off to your Drill Sergeant, and he asks whet you learned, the correct answer is Not: "If I'm a smart-ass, I get to stop running, Drill Sergeant!" >.>
. . . especially don't do it in front of the entire Battalion
. . . at the top of your lungs
. . . particularly if you are, in fact, qualified to make those judgements
Just because a key looks like it would fit in that electric outlet, it doesn't mean it belongs there
I would also add
Even if it's all the cash you had on you, and even if you won't be able to get lunch without it, if it falls through the crack under the elevator/lift doors, it's gone. Don't try to get it back, even if you have figured out how to stop it between floors with the door open.
Might think of more later, but I have to go. *hugs to all for still being alive*
Even if you can squeeze your body through that narrow gap, your head isn't squeezable
If you draw stuff on your face with a marker and go to sleep, it will still be there in the morning, even if you've forgotten about it
dont try and sneak your babysitter's booze when she's not looking, your butt will be unhappy for sevral days. specialy if it looks like water or juice.
dont try and outsmart your babysitter by pretending to sleep and playing quietly till its suuuuper past your bedtime, no one will be happy about your crankyness (hey thats me today!)
never ever ever avoid your meds or double dose unless the dr says is ok...
and the best one
childproof isnt! usualy means harder for adults
ooh I still need to draw yoo sumfing too. I got the unicorn kigu yoo had at confuzzled so we're kigu twins now hehe
I actually didn't plug any forks in electrical sockets, which is good as well because it was curiously-made-electronic-thingie-put-from-things-I-didn't-know-from-the-tool-shed-because-it-looks-cool that was put into a socket
I kinda wish either time had been scientific experiments instead like your light bulb asplosion; these experiences just make me sound dumb and clumsy. >.<
http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1
You are a genius for finding this i've evn posted a journal pointing out it was you who started this funny insanity:)
Chibi Babyfur Huggies
Sylphie
If you go home crying at lunch and home time, those people are not your friends. Stop letting them abuse you.
You are good, never let anyone convince you otherwise
Never hide your true self away, it only hurts
Smile. It costs nothing.
Silly is usually best.
Lets see... What have I done?
Never ride your bike down a hill when you don't know how to ride yet.
Do NOT go in your sister's room.
If your sister is being a bitch, DO NOT mess with her.
If your parents tell you to do something, you better do it.
If your grandma tells you to stop texting because it's "family time" while your helping her make breakfast, just leave and go home.
Never leave your plushie lying around... Especially if you have dogs.
If something breaks while you're using it, expect to take all the blame for it even if it had nothing to do with what you were dong.
Don't try to argue with your parents even if you're being blamed for something you didn't do.
When your step siblings move out, throw a party... Most likely, they were the ones blaming you for stuff they did.
Do not give somebody bad news when they've had a bad day.
And that's how I lost my first finger nail.
So let's see, stuff I've learned, huh? Here's a few;
Never push a button you've never seen before just to see what it does! (I did that in 5th grade and ended up having a computer fall from the table and hit me in the head XD! Yes, it hurt, and yes it's a true story XD)
If you're bored on a family road trip, don't swallow a Lego to spice things up! (Yeah, I did that too. Only time I ever went to a children's hospital. Ended up more bored than when the fiasco started XD)
When a parent threatens with a punishment, never assume they're bluffing! (Even if they are, you'll end up regretting it)
Never paint your dad's toe nails while he's asleep! (My mom and my sister did that to my dad one year on Christmas eve while he was sleep. He was not happy when he woke up XD)
I'll add some more:
If you shave 'down there', DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PUT ON LOTION AFTERWARDS. For much the same reason you shouldn't put Veet on there. XD
Oh, and if the powder says 'medicated', don't dump it down your padding. My bottom was COLD for hours.
Don't be a lazy butt and use the swivelling desk chair to reach a high shelf. It will spin around and crack you in the bottom while throwing you off. (For serious...it was like riding a mechanical bull.)
No matter how much it looks like a mouth, the VCR does NOT want to eat crackers.
Also, the people in the TV don't need to be fed. And even so they probably wouldn't like the dried rice from the bottom of the salt shaker. So don't spend the half hour your mother is napping poking it in the holes on the back of the TV. (Mom always put a little in the shaker to keep moisture out of the salt.)
It's a melon baller, not an eyeball popper-outer. And no, you cannot use it on annoying siblings.
Do NOT start cooking something on the stove, then decide it's too boring to watch and go play a video game while yer waiting, 'cuz you WILL forget it's there until the smoke detector reminds you about it.
And when you come out and see it burning the wall in the kitchen, don't try to move it with your bare hand, 'cuz it'll burn your hand, too.
And when it's burning your hand, don't put it directly down on the floor, 'cuz it'll burn a hole right through the linoleum in 2 seconds, too.
And when you're trying to explain this whole mess, you might just as well admit to the whole thing, 'cuz the punishment's not really gonna get any worse, at this point...
First feedback my autobio can provide is, the adults put one log round on top of another log round, and then they only split the top one and they leave the bottom one there unfinished. They just do, okay? It's called a chopping block. They're not stoopid, they can't just not see the one they're leaving behind.. they're not stacking them on top of each other just to be clever. It's because the ground is muddy and uneven, so they use one round to act like a table, and to prop things up to an adult height to swing at.
On that note, three year olds should not wander over to the woodpile after the adults walk away and try to show them how things are done, either. That's how you lose a toe.
Mine's sewed back on now, but yours' might not get and there's nothing fun about ouch. T-T
Just because it looks like it'll fit up your nose, doesnt mean you should try, because hospitals are boring and tweezers up your nose hurt.
Also never leave VEET style creams on longer than it says on bottle anywhere on body.
Rashes na fun.
Also what if I used premium dirt I can buy to make mud.
Will that taste good?