His bladder had lots of little mineral crystals in it that blocked him from being able to pee, causing his bladder to fill up and stretch to a life threatening size. This happened to late at night to go to any local vet so I had to wait till morning when they opened to help him. It was the worst night of my life by far, and I've been through a lot of tough shit in my days.
When I finally got him to the vet they said it was a serious case and he had suffered a lot of internal damage to his bladder being stretched and severely weakened and the muscles surrounding it were also in extremely bad shape, they said it would be extremely costly to try and help him but I chose to give it a shot, I would've done just about anything at that moment to save his life, if only to at least give him a chance at a better more pleasant final night of being alive than that hell of agony and torture he had to go through the night before.
They took him in and did their best, and while they were able to get his urethra clean från the blocking crystals they also said he was in bad condition and I should prepare for the worst. They kept him over the day and I picked him up to keep him at home over night to see if he would recuperate with proper medicines and stuff to help and I was to bring him back to the vet this morning to see if he had been able to pee and empty his bladder properly, if he was unable to do this by himself then the damage was too severe and there was no way of saving him.
Last night was bad but after I gave him the first medicine at least he was starting to feel better, the swelling went down, the influence of the drugs were starting to wear off and he slowly started acting like himself again.
I was so out of energy from crying and in pain because of all the tension and worrying that I decided that I should rest just for a short while, he was still resting inside a cat tube play toy thingy at this point, and I fell asleep almost instantly.
I woke up about an hour later, no pain, no feeling of sorrow and sadness, I honestly felt fantastic, almost euphoric, as if all my troubles has just gone away. I realized why almost instantly, my cat had come up in the bed and was pressed against me like he always does every night when we go to sleep, and it just hit me that there was literally only one thing that could make me survive this, and that was my cat showing me that he was able to enjoy life till the end, rather than having to die a painful horrible death. And so, I pretty much accepted that he would not make it and was because of this able to fully enjoy the rest of the night with him and make it into the best night of my life (even with the eventually sad outcome included) because he was there and he was himself, not that cat from the night before in so much pain that was literally giving up and just laying there wanting to die but a cat that was able to get up and eat, play and just be himself as if he was perfectly fine. It warmed my heart to see him able to enjoy life and live life to the fullest like he should before the end rather than being in pain and agony before the end.
I did everything in my power to give him a worthy ending in life, and I'm still here to remember him because I was able to give him this.
If I would have failed to give him that second chance at a worthy ending then I would not have been able to live with myself and would have done the only thing I could, making up for failing his life by giving mine.
Now instead I owe my life to my cat several times over, and I will honor his life by living mine.
I love my cat beyond what can be measured in words, he not only gave me reason to survive but reason to live, in all my worst of times what kept me going, what got me out of bed in the morning, what got me to eat and sleep to be able to wake up alive the very next day no matter how much my life sucked in all other ways was him, always him, only him. I was in pain and had no energy to do anything and the weather was bad but I'd still go out just to buy cat food and litterbox sand, I lived for him and he was my reason to live.
I will always treasure the time we had together and my memories of him and us together will never fade, all his toys and other stuff, all the photos and all the videos I have of him and us will keep my memories fresh for the rest of my life.

My beloved Kalle, now you can rest in peace and you never have to suffer again, this was my final gift to you.
I will miss you forever, you gave me life and meaning when I thought it was over and kept me going through what otherwise would've been the end of me.
You were my all, and I gave it my all to help you to the very end.

Kalle
3 May 2010 - 5 October 2012


As you may understand by reading this, all art I am working on will be on hold for a while, I just can't focus and do that right now.