So - it's come to this. This is a long, unpleasant journal, and if you read all of it, I am already deeply grateful. There is no TL;DR because the context is vital to my plea, and in fact this post could easily be expanded to 10x the length it already is.

I have have pride issues - like, Walter White pride issues. I do not like to do this, but at this point, I simply have no other choice. I am now going to share some deeply personal information that I would much rather keep private. I do so because I feel that I cannot make my plea without providing some kind of context for our predicament.

For nearly a year now, my wife catwolf and I have tried to support ourselves with our furry art. We clung to solvency, just barely.

Until last May, I had a career in the video game industry. This ended with the failure of my Kickstarter bid - my development partner (and funding source) dismissed me at that time.

Catwolf and I also renewed our apartment shortly before - one of the biggest mistakes we've made. We love this place, but the rent killed us. Yet, we somehow managed to pay rent and our bills, on time, until now. A few minutes ago we served with notice that we must pay the remainder of our rent, or face eviction, in 3 days.

We cannot afford this place, and we knew we needed to move after our lease is up this coming May - we just thought we could hang on until then. Then something happened last September which I am deeply ashamed of - resulting in my arrest, a weekend in jail, and a non-stop progression of bills for court costs, required classes, and testing which will not end until November of this new year. My wife and I were able to make enough money to scrape by - until this incident happened. It has now proven to be too much for us.

Allow me to preemptively answer some of your questions:

Did you really think you could make a career out of drawing furry art?
Yes, we really did. And we could've done it, too, had I not been an idiot last September. We're paying for my mistake in a harsh way now.

Why didn't you go out and get a 'real' job?
I've thought about that a lot. For 15 years I had a mediocre career in video games - with a series of expensive duds (including 4 shipped titles by major publishers) and non-starters as a legacy. Every studio I worked for ended up getting bought by a larger conglomerate that cared much less about its employees than the previous owners. My friends and former colleagues have gone on to have successful careers at other studios, with great titles on their resumes and secure futures. I grew bitter and jaded as a result. After being laid-off by my last employer, I went on to throw in with former co-worker from that last job to found our own independent studio - this lasted for a few months, but she abruptly ended the relationship. She cited the quality of my work - and this was the final blow. I was utterly despondent and just didn't have it in me to fight for a place in this industry any more. I wanted to be successful, on my own terms, even if that meant a serious pay cut. And for a while, it worked out. I could've prolly made more money slinging chicken at the KFC down the road, but I really wanted to draw, get better at drawing, and I felt like I had a reasonable chance of achieving actual success - if we could just make it through these next few months.

Wait - 15 years in the industry, shipped titles, all those connections... surely it can't be that hard to land a position at a game studio with that kind of resume?
Indeed. In fact I believe I could attain a reasonably good position at a stable studio with little trouble. There is just one problem: I am a dad. They live with and are mainly supported by their mom and step-dad (I really don't want to get into this too deeply here - but she's very patient with me and understanding of my situation). I love my children more than I can possibly say - and I will endure poverty before moving away from them. For how high-tech this area is, the games industry in Colorado is remarkably thin - I am in contact with the few studios out here, and I may in fact have something lined up in the coming months, but it will not be soon enough. Rest assured that if anything comes up out here, I will be taking it. Short of that, I am also applying for more mundane jobs where I can find them - it ain't easy though.

Why don't you sell your car?
Much as I hate to, I am (I do so love my car) - that process is already in motion, but again, will not happen soon enough.

No savings? 401k, etc.?
Burned though what little of that I had a year ago. No doubt we should've been smarter about it - as well as many other things. Captain Hindsight would have a lot of advice for us.

Pffff. You got yourself into this - you can/should get yourself out. Why am I even reading this...
Quite right. Again - you have no idea how much it hurts my pride to be posting this. I've always thought of myself as a resourceful, responsible, contributor to society - a survivor. Not a welfare case. But last week I got started on food stamps (a HUGE help) - and - well here I am. If it bothers you - I understand, and kindly ask that you voice your criticism privately or elsewhere. I need help, right now.

Well what is it exactly you are asking for?
Money, simply. I want more commissions - my queue is a few weeks deep at this point. Any money given to me will result in artwork. As dire as things are, I still cannot ask for 'charity'. I will also discuss loans, if that's what you want to do. Be aware I already owe a debt.

How much?
I need $210 in 3 days, and about $250 more soon after that - else I face re-arrest and 18 months jail time.

Shit son. Well what's gonna happen next month?
I sure as hell don't know. To be honest, I am terrified. I need to get a job ASAP, and I think I will, but who knows just when. When May rolls around, and we can finally move, things are going to get a LOT easier for us, and I am cautiously optimistic that things will turn around for us this summer.

Waaaaiiit - what did you get arrested for??
I've disclosed a lot of personal shit here - please let me keep this last bit of info to myself. Just believe me when I say it was very stupid, very serious, and very personal, and I am again very ashamed. I cannot take it back, and am most sorry that others, including my dear family, must also suffer because of it. What does not kill you makes you stronger - but that part where we get stronger isn't going to happen for a long time. At the moment it's doing everything it can to grind me under its heel - and it is so hard to maintain a positive attitude. If you know me, you know that I am generally of sunny disposition. I worry about what is going to become of me - I don't ever want to stop smiling and loving life like I always have. - but I see the cracks and they are spreading.

Once again, thank you for reading this. I may or may not answer other questions you might have - but you are free to ask regardless.
Heeerng.