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Let's get this started
13 years ago
General
So, yesterday was the one month anniversary of me becoming a furry. I wasn't going to be a furry. I was content being a human who loved furries who would let furries love them. But then the wolf stepped into my mind.
But wait, perhaps I should back up a bit.
Just about 5 years ago, I met IRL a friend from the local gay.com chatroom. We'd been bantering back and forth for a few years, slowly circling each other in cyberspace. I started pressing for a real life meeting. He finally agreed, and we ended up going to see David Byrne together (a tour which is documented in the excellent film Ride Rise Roar, which I highly recommend.)
We had a great time. Fantastic conversation, excellent show, entirely pleasant night (even if I was sick and was keeping my distance to keep from spreading my germs). I can't remember if he talked about being a furry that night. He might have.
I know he did shortly thereafter. I think I went out to visit him a few months later, and that's when he introduced me to the furries.
I'd never heard of furries before. I'm not blind to the fact that there are a zillion subcultures on the planet, and that I don't come in contact with many of them. I've been a member of a couple of subcultures which remain invisible to the unaware eye for decades.
I won't say that I was immediately drawn to the fandom. I wasn't. From my outside vantage point, it felt silly, a bit childish, and bordered on the absurd. But my friend was REALLY enthusiastic about this. And I want to understand my friends. So, over a few years, I ended up watching endless hours of videos and livestreams with him. Uncle Kage lectures, Funday Pawpet Show, con videos (from fursuit parades to panel lectures to talent nights and more), YouTube offerings of all sorts.
Oh, and the art! So much furry art was shared with me. Drawings, animations, music...
That's what planted the seed in me that this was a group I needed to pay more attention to. There was so much bold and amazing creativity happening. As an outsider, I felt a bit frustrated that so much of it was inwardly directed back toward the fandom. But I had a doorway, a window in the form of my furry friend. He was willing to share when I was in his space, and I was happy to soak it all in. I'd never encountered anything like it before, and while I still felt distanced from it all, I could not help but be fascinated.
My fascination was held at bay by two things. First, this whole anthropomorphic animal thing... I just could not find a part of myself which identified with it. I mean, it was cute and all, but there was not any resonance within me toward it. And I'm not someone who just joins things because they are cute. My lifelong drive is toward authentic self-expression. Anything that makes my soul sing, I jump into with complete abandon. But the world is full of shiny things, and I only pick up and incorporate the ones which feel like they are a part of me.
The second was, well, was my friend. He was not just furry, he was FURRY. Like, Evangelical fervor furry. He had Very Strong Opinions about the right way and the wrong way to be furry, and he was sharing them with me. A lot. And the way he was presenting it all, it felt to me like something which I really could not buy into.
And yet, he was surrounded by all these really wonderful people, and he had such amazing fun things going on in his life. I could not help but want to be a part of it, even with an outsider status.
So, one night when he told me he was having some furries over for a house party, I hopped in my car and drove to his place, uninvited and unannounced. Had a great time hanging out with the gang. Learned about some new music, saw some amazing art, had great conversations.
And two days later, he kicked me out of his life. Said I had gone off into some kind of anti-furry rant and he never wanted to speak to me again.
My world collapsed. One of my best friends was gone. I couldn't picture anything I'd said which was anti-furry, but apparently I had crossed an unknown line at some point. I was alone, and lonely, and heartbroken.
Time passed.
I wasn't shunning furry things because of this incident. I was watching FPS once a month or so, I was wandering around FA, looking at what was available to non-members. I was keeping track of the cons I had previous exposure to online through videos and such. It was all so energetic and fascinating, but still was something at arm's length for me.
Time passed more.
I wasn't able to shake my friend. He was a hungry ghost, consuming my energy. No matter how hard I tried, he would never move into the background for me. My anger and frustration with how I felt I had been treated simply would not go away. It had been nearly 18 months, and it was consuming me. I had to do something.
Frightened out of my skin, I sent a single line email to my friend who I had not spoken to in a year and a half.
"I think of you often and hope you are doing well."
I got a response within 30 seconds.
Warm and welcoming and apologetic. Nothing like I was expecting.
Suddenly, I had my friend back. And what is this? He wants me to come visit him?
Nothing could be more terrifying. The last time I was at his house, it led to the destruction of our friendship.
But... he invited me. So I manned up and drove to his place.
The first half hour of me being there was a careful negotiation. We were standing in his living room talking. He was telling me about life during our break. He'd been through some really intense times, life-changing times. I was wary but receptive.
And then the breakthrough came, and we recognized each other as old friends.
So my interest in furry was renewed. His attitudes about the fandom had moved from being very hard-line and evangelical to something much more accepting of a variety of approaches. And his new viewpoint was much more welcoming for me, as someone who was content to be outside looking in, admiring all the creativity but not feeling much connection.
But the lure was still there. My friend's new approach was more inviting, less strictive, and gave me space to approach the fandom on my own terms rather than his. I started toying with the idea of being a furry, but I still had no part of my soul which identified with an anthropomorphic animal. I was a human, standing outside, loving the furries but never feeling a part of the phenomenon that is the fandom.
Then, one day, on my 45th birthday, I was out driving a delivery route for my job, and suddenly this door in my mind opened, and this wolf stepped through it.
I could not shake the image. This greymuzzle hippie wolf, large and proud, who wasn't hiding anything. He bore aspects of my physical self, he WAS me, but he also was this wolf.
Suddenly, I had become a furry. No looking back now.
But wait, perhaps I should back up a bit.
Just about 5 years ago, I met IRL a friend from the local gay.com chatroom. We'd been bantering back and forth for a few years, slowly circling each other in cyberspace. I started pressing for a real life meeting. He finally agreed, and we ended up going to see David Byrne together (a tour which is documented in the excellent film Ride Rise Roar, which I highly recommend.)
We had a great time. Fantastic conversation, excellent show, entirely pleasant night (even if I was sick and was keeping my distance to keep from spreading my germs). I can't remember if he talked about being a furry that night. He might have.
I know he did shortly thereafter. I think I went out to visit him a few months later, and that's when he introduced me to the furries.
I'd never heard of furries before. I'm not blind to the fact that there are a zillion subcultures on the planet, and that I don't come in contact with many of them. I've been a member of a couple of subcultures which remain invisible to the unaware eye for decades.
I won't say that I was immediately drawn to the fandom. I wasn't. From my outside vantage point, it felt silly, a bit childish, and bordered on the absurd. But my friend was REALLY enthusiastic about this. And I want to understand my friends. So, over a few years, I ended up watching endless hours of videos and livestreams with him. Uncle Kage lectures, Funday Pawpet Show, con videos (from fursuit parades to panel lectures to talent nights and more), YouTube offerings of all sorts.
Oh, and the art! So much furry art was shared with me. Drawings, animations, music...
That's what planted the seed in me that this was a group I needed to pay more attention to. There was so much bold and amazing creativity happening. As an outsider, I felt a bit frustrated that so much of it was inwardly directed back toward the fandom. But I had a doorway, a window in the form of my furry friend. He was willing to share when I was in his space, and I was happy to soak it all in. I'd never encountered anything like it before, and while I still felt distanced from it all, I could not help but be fascinated.
My fascination was held at bay by two things. First, this whole anthropomorphic animal thing... I just could not find a part of myself which identified with it. I mean, it was cute and all, but there was not any resonance within me toward it. And I'm not someone who just joins things because they are cute. My lifelong drive is toward authentic self-expression. Anything that makes my soul sing, I jump into with complete abandon. But the world is full of shiny things, and I only pick up and incorporate the ones which feel like they are a part of me.
The second was, well, was my friend. He was not just furry, he was FURRY. Like, Evangelical fervor furry. He had Very Strong Opinions about the right way and the wrong way to be furry, and he was sharing them with me. A lot. And the way he was presenting it all, it felt to me like something which I really could not buy into.
And yet, he was surrounded by all these really wonderful people, and he had such amazing fun things going on in his life. I could not help but want to be a part of it, even with an outsider status.
So, one night when he told me he was having some furries over for a house party, I hopped in my car and drove to his place, uninvited and unannounced. Had a great time hanging out with the gang. Learned about some new music, saw some amazing art, had great conversations.
And two days later, he kicked me out of his life. Said I had gone off into some kind of anti-furry rant and he never wanted to speak to me again.
My world collapsed. One of my best friends was gone. I couldn't picture anything I'd said which was anti-furry, but apparently I had crossed an unknown line at some point. I was alone, and lonely, and heartbroken.
Time passed.
I wasn't shunning furry things because of this incident. I was watching FPS once a month or so, I was wandering around FA, looking at what was available to non-members. I was keeping track of the cons I had previous exposure to online through videos and such. It was all so energetic and fascinating, but still was something at arm's length for me.
Time passed more.
I wasn't able to shake my friend. He was a hungry ghost, consuming my energy. No matter how hard I tried, he would never move into the background for me. My anger and frustration with how I felt I had been treated simply would not go away. It had been nearly 18 months, and it was consuming me. I had to do something.
Frightened out of my skin, I sent a single line email to my friend who I had not spoken to in a year and a half.
"I think of you often and hope you are doing well."
I got a response within 30 seconds.
Warm and welcoming and apologetic. Nothing like I was expecting.
Suddenly, I had my friend back. And what is this? He wants me to come visit him?
Nothing could be more terrifying. The last time I was at his house, it led to the destruction of our friendship.
But... he invited me. So I manned up and drove to his place.
The first half hour of me being there was a careful negotiation. We were standing in his living room talking. He was telling me about life during our break. He'd been through some really intense times, life-changing times. I was wary but receptive.
And then the breakthrough came, and we recognized each other as old friends.
So my interest in furry was renewed. His attitudes about the fandom had moved from being very hard-line and evangelical to something much more accepting of a variety of approaches. And his new viewpoint was much more welcoming for me, as someone who was content to be outside looking in, admiring all the creativity but not feeling much connection.
But the lure was still there. My friend's new approach was more inviting, less strictive, and gave me space to approach the fandom on my own terms rather than his. I started toying with the idea of being a furry, but I still had no part of my soul which identified with an anthropomorphic animal. I was a human, standing outside, loving the furries but never feeling a part of the phenomenon that is the fandom.
Then, one day, on my 45th birthday, I was out driving a delivery route for my job, and suddenly this door in my mind opened, and this wolf stepped through it.
I could not shake the image. This greymuzzle hippie wolf, large and proud, who wasn't hiding anything. He bore aspects of my physical self, he WAS me, but he also was this wolf.
Suddenly, I had become a furry. No looking back now.
There are a few people around who are like your friend used to be, but most of us are a pretty accepting lot, if a bit inclined to make decisions about friends with our penii rather than our brains most of the time :OP Hopefully you'll enjoy being part of the group as much as you have watching us from the sidelines.