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Just told my mother I am asexual
12 years ago
And it...went surprisingly well all things considered.
As most of my close friends know I come from a christian family, and am christian myself. However, my folks and I do not see eye to eye on MANY different things, sexuality being one of them.
However, the reaction my mother gave me was the best I could hope for. She told me she is perfectly okay with it and accepts it. It does come across to her as not 'normal', or that something must have 'caused' it, but honestly she can't really understand being a sexual person.
I love my mother, and she in turn loves me and is the very best mother I could ever ask for. I have not wanted to make it known on any of my websites aside from my twitter I was asexual simply because I'm pretty sure my Mom sometimes randomly visits my art sites and....I wanted it to be from MY mouth that she learned this.
Sadly, she believes that I probably will not be able to be married by 'remaining this way' or 'living this lifestyle.' She, of course, put it as delicately as possible. I have to agree with her, the chances of having a successful marriage without sex being a huge factor is slim to none. Only 1% of the entire human population is asexual. To ask for somebody not to be sexual with me all the freakin time in an exclusive relationship probably won't happen. But....I'm okay with that.
I am not a sex negative person, but it is not something I am interested in or want to engage in actively...I like being a virgin. Its something I treasure, as 'old-fashioned' as that may be. This is how I live.
I would love to find a life partner to share my life with and would love to do whatever I could to make him happy (I am a 'straight' asexual, I can only see myself with a man, ever.) but at the same time....I would hope he could do the same for me.
So I accept that I may spend my life single or never in a solid relationship. That is fine. There are so many other wonderful and beautiful things to do in the world, and a beautiful family to share it with.
I do wish my mother would not think of it as 'something unnatural', but she is being open-minded and careful with me and being very kind and accepting. I could ask nothing more from her. My father however....? Yeeaaah not telling him.
It is nice to have it off my chest however, and not feeling like I am hiding something from my family. I just joined AVEN, an online asexual forum, and am feeling a lot of peace and comfort in knowing I am not alone and that there are others like me I can speak to. They are all such loving and kind people.
It is nice to find peace. Even if I am an extreme oddball in the world. xD
As most of my close friends know I come from a christian family, and am christian myself. However, my folks and I do not see eye to eye on MANY different things, sexuality being one of them.
However, the reaction my mother gave me was the best I could hope for. She told me she is perfectly okay with it and accepts it. It does come across to her as not 'normal', or that something must have 'caused' it, but honestly she can't really understand being a sexual person.
I love my mother, and she in turn loves me and is the very best mother I could ever ask for. I have not wanted to make it known on any of my websites aside from my twitter I was asexual simply because I'm pretty sure my Mom sometimes randomly visits my art sites and....I wanted it to be from MY mouth that she learned this.
Sadly, she believes that I probably will not be able to be married by 'remaining this way' or 'living this lifestyle.' She, of course, put it as delicately as possible. I have to agree with her, the chances of having a successful marriage without sex being a huge factor is slim to none. Only 1% of the entire human population is asexual. To ask for somebody not to be sexual with me all the freakin time in an exclusive relationship probably won't happen. But....I'm okay with that.
I am not a sex negative person, but it is not something I am interested in or want to engage in actively...I like being a virgin. Its something I treasure, as 'old-fashioned' as that may be. This is how I live.
I would love to find a life partner to share my life with and would love to do whatever I could to make him happy (I am a 'straight' asexual, I can only see myself with a man, ever.) but at the same time....I would hope he could do the same for me.
So I accept that I may spend my life single or never in a solid relationship. That is fine. There are so many other wonderful and beautiful things to do in the world, and a beautiful family to share it with.
I do wish my mother would not think of it as 'something unnatural', but she is being open-minded and careful with me and being very kind and accepting. I could ask nothing more from her. My father however....? Yeeaaah not telling him.
It is nice to have it off my chest however, and not feeling like I am hiding something from my family. I just joined AVEN, an online asexual forum, and am feeling a lot of peace and comfort in knowing I am not alone and that there are others like me I can speak to. They are all such loving and kind people.
It is nice to find peace. Even if I am an extreme oddball in the world. xD
I myself is pansexual, which I feel might be close to asexual.
Being Asexual means you have little to no sexual attraction for people of whatever gender or desire for sexual activity.
Pansexual means you have a sexual attraction to people of any gender or gender identity at all.
These two are not similar at all.
You have a romantic attraction AND a sexual attraction. They just generally tend to match up.
I have a friend I would probably define as a heterosexual biromantic. She is completely uninterested in ever having sex with me, but she holds my hands, sits in my lap and kisses me constantly as well as always ending every conversation we have with "I love you."
hmm, i think i find the term panromantic a little confusing, especially with the example. if the romantic link is not sexual, is it not more of a general personality attraction that would usually be placed as friendship? (i have known people who sound similar, but i wouldn't have been inclined to define it as romantic. still, i know everyone is different, so if they feel that best suits them, then that's just fine. i'm jut not sure it's something i fully understand, even if i realise there are different types of love and attraction).
I'm glad that you got it off your chest though Tartii....-huggles and nuzzles your cheek-
That is EXACTLY how I see it! And I explained that to her as well. It makes me nervous that people will only be interested in 'dating me' at first just because they find me sexually arousing. LMAO. I find it really strange and awkward. xD
I want a relationship to not HAVE to have sex in it to work! I believe there is so much wonder and other things to focus on, you don't need that. But its such a big part for people and something I cannot just understand. So I'm like,"eh, okay. XD"
Me, I want someone that's there for me the next day when I can just sleep with you (literally sleeping next to me) and wake up the next day to know that your there for me and you slept well. Or someone to have breakfast with and ask "how's your day?" and really care.
Probably one of the reasons I like baggy clothes as well and prefer to dress as a tomboy. Or another reason I don't like to wear revealing swimsuits. Somebody looking at me in such a way I...just makes me uncomfortable. x-x
I told my mom I want to wear swim trunks and she was just like 'wat'. xD
Well, I like the tops and shorts sets they have out at least on that case ^w^
HOW DARE YOU NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX AND POSSIBLY RISK STDS AND OR TEEN PREGNANCY! YOU MARCH RIGHT OUT THAT DOOR AND COPULATE MISSY!
I can't see it being a thing to be upset about, unless you're like their only child and they reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally want grandkids
As a mother, she just wants me to be happy in life, and she knows that, choosing to be okay with how I am, that can be hard. Her mind-set is,"sexual drive is a part of nature, it drives creation and is given to us as a form of pleasure. To be the extreme few of a population who don't...its an oddity and not natural/normal."
So that is how she sees it. Its hard to explain, but I completely understand her viewpoint. :3
Well, I'm glad you had a nice talk with your mom and that it went well!
You're a pretty cool person. I find that you're unique. I hope that you one day find someone who will treasure you and respect you as well. ^^
But honestly, good for you! It can be really hard to tell family personal things like that, especially when they don't fit into the 'norm' or fall under 'expected behavior'.
You're lucky that you have someone like her in your life!
When I am going to kiss someone I want it to be out of love or affection. If somebody is looking to kiss me as a form of sex, or in hopes of it its like...."that...no...."
It really irks me. x-x Lol. Don't give me attention because you want that from me. xD
People think you can't have love without sex....and it's pathetic.
THAT IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST THINGS THAT BUG ME TOO FFF. To say you cannot have love without sex is really...reeeaally freakin sad. ;;
Clean loves FTW
Clean luvs band together for GREAT GLORY!
Awwwwwww yisssssss
Try checking out asexuality.org! It might answer some of your questions! :3
Don't get me wrong, I'm not sex-negative. I just see no need for it haha. But like you said, if it happens it happens. WHATEV.
That being said I'm also EXTRA weird because I'm abstinent anyway xD (which isn't hard if your asexual) so that kinda makes it even harder for a partner. xD
-kitty huggles-
I agree wit u tho, I mean physical attraction is okay but it's not "the wrapper" if u catch my drift its the stuff inside that really counts ^^
Thankfully my sister already has a daughter, so my mother's want for grandchildren is sated, but I'm going to be rooming with someone who very openly states their want to have babbies with me and I'm just.... eeehn... no. I don't want that. I don't want to be seduced, or even touched all that much.
Bleh.
If they make you uncomfortable now, living with them might not be a very good idea. :c
Stay safe, and stay happy. ^^
For the record it was not a 3-sum. We are furries. It was pretty normal to us and not a big deal.
I feel that knocking should be a more common practice.
My mom lost a lot of sleep over it thinking I was lost and making bad decisions or something.
I don't even know how I should feel about that cuz I don't really understand why it matters what I decide to do since it doesn't hurt anyone XD
One time during a family reunion I went down stairs to get something for the kids and was quick about it cuz I wanted to hang out with everyone. It took me about 5 seconds and when I came back my mom was in the middle of talking about me and I heard her say "That is not my son anymore" to my whole family. She still doesn't know it was me standing behind her saying "Hey, be careful, he could hear you". She thought it was one of my brothers. I just walked away.
Glad it went fairly well for you though ^.^
Just mutual respect. :3
Needless to say... a small conflict erupted.
I don't want my nieces and nephews thinking that it's wrong to be gay or to hug or show affection to the ones you love.
The world can always use more hugs and affection ^.^
I think it's really stupid that sex has to be a major role in most relationships.
I really hope that if you do find that man, he will be the best he can for you and appreciate you for you <3
^_^
I honestly don't see any issue with being asexual at all. :3
Also there are far worse things a parent could hear from their child and be upset about.
Either way, to have accepting parents is a blessing in itself.
I wish you the best of luck my dear.
i'm glad things went well and i know it's not easy to come out about things in a christian family. my story's not the same as your's but my parents found a way to help me with what i had to say and it was nice to know my parents were there for me too.
So my family already think and accept the fact that I am gay, and most seem to consider me as such, even though that really isn't the case. I'd be a bi asexual :) But explaining this is a lot more complicated and probably wouldn't be worthy of my efforts to try.
like that exists
Which is nice.
You are one lucky bum!
It is a rare privilege, and one I cherish. Yes we have our ups and downs, and yes I get angry with them...but when you learn what other people have to go through....my heart just melts for those people. :c People who are not blessed with a family like mine...I try to be the family for them. ;;
I will say hon, you don't have to worry too much or settle, or get forced into open relationships or anything like that
You're brave and loved for telling her. Good job
All the same, though, you've got boobs of steel for actually facing your own parents to say this to them. I have to respect you for that.
..not that I don't respect you. You know I respect you. Good luck out there. ~<3
You know it's funny, sometimes I like to look at it but honestly I don't want to do it. XD
And recently I've been wondering if I may be somewhat of an asexual. Sex isn't important to me at all and I believe you don't need it to have a successful relationship. I really don't understand the whole "need" for it. :/
The part of this post that matters:
It's good that your mother is at least accepting. In time she may understand that life is more than just sex, it's about loving someone spiritually and being close and in touch.. Just being.. Being able to communicate and understand one another to the point you can just share your feelings with them and know they feel something similar. To be close but not driven... To know someone is there for you in life and loves you unconditionally.
(And with that I totally just drew way too much from my emotions and personal views and wants.. Now I feel vulnerable. But at the same time it's at least something.. You know how it is when you keep things to yourself for so many years you wind of wasting other people's time with your own emotional stuff)
Meanwhile as my spirit recovers have a strawberry (Or random fruit of your choosing) I'm going to go do something else now.. I left too much of myself within this post.
I'm also an asexual, Christian female and really I don't see what the big deal about any of it is. I mean, what's so bad that you don't have any interest in sex? There's no worries with catching anything, and it's definatly the best way to go if you don't have any desire for kids or whatevs.
For me I don't really think I could tell my parents that I'm asexual, but at the same time I see no reason to bring it up; it's not like they're forcing guys on me or anything(yet lol) XD. I still commend you though that you'd tell your mom even if the reaction she gave was a bit...unnecessary(?). Like I said, I just don't see what her problem with it was...
Plus I really agree with you that a good relationship wouldn't NEED to have sex to work(though I've seen some people refer to it as a 'perk'). It's just sad how some women are being looked at as more or an item than a respectable human, and I can't stand it when a guy comes around and it's all they wanna talk about, jokes every once in a while is fun but if that's the majority of what you talk about UGH. Like you said; I have nothing against sex (we're on fA for crying out loud) but I personally don't want it and don't need someone else to tell me I do.
I'm an ooollld fashioned kind of gal; I ALWAYS like the man to make the first move, be a gentleman, all that good stuff. Like, really, not even considering making a sexual move until marriage because to me that is a good mate that shows they're accecpting of you and respect you as a person.
YEAH BLARBLARBLAR I'm done now holy crap, sorry...
I love'em bunches, but when i say i dont like sex they always just give me this, "and your mine?" look
Luck out there looking for a mate hun ^___^, im still lookin hehe
I like the way you think and so happy your mum took it well, I also hope you do find the right guy one day! :)
Much love form Sparky~
i'm glad you've found out who you are and your parents still love and support you. never forget that! however, as a fox, i hope you get to experience sex at least once in your life, on your own terms of course. it's an incredible thing! i am a fennec and may be biased. but it is indeed my favorite <3 but good for you! asexuality is a part of life for lots of people like all other sexualities. it's always weird talking about this stuff with parents and the fact that you did it is great.
Good luck in your search. It might be less likely, but it's not impossible.
Good to hear the reaction wasn't overly reactive.
(at least I don't think I am)
If that made any sense at all.
Also I completely understand you! But there's somehing I need to say
There are still good guys outthere! There are guys who are virgins And they are waiting for the right girl
Someone who can rely, can trust, can be happy, someone to love.... NOT just have sex
They still exist!! ^^ and I hope you can find one in the right time, no rush :D
Just keep being yourself! Stick the way you are!
And you will find someone who loves you, and take care of you the way you are! :)
And Im saying all Of this because my boyfriend is like this~ we have been very close to have a sexualrelationship but we haven't, we stop ourselves, then we hug; we know each other and we want to be married before all of this. Also we know there are risks. He caresabout me and love me in a pure way.
Once you find the right one, you will FEEL it :D just keep the head on!
Thanks so much for your sharing your story.
that being said, I could not, myself, see being in a completely sexless relationship. even if only occasionally,intermittently, or once every couple of months (which would still be 100 times more than I've had in the last 13 years, but I digress)
I think it's normal for younger people to not be interested in sex. Most teenagers do it out of curiosity or peer pressure. Then when they do know what it's like then they become addicted to it or want to do it more.
It depends on the way you say it... Like when you just say "I don't like sex" or "I'm not interested in sex" People will respond "Sure that's normal. Lots of people are not interested in sex and don't want to do it. Buuut you dont need to tell me any of this". That is what my parents would say if I told them this. They would take it nonchalantly. But it's weirder when you say "asexual" because no one really knows what that means.
I would describe myself as demisexual. But most people here would take it nonchalantly. They would say "Oh yeah that's good. I should do that too and have sex with only people I care about". They don't take me seriously when I talk about it. They think I'm just saying it to keep sex in closed relationships n such.
What I want to know is... are asexuals able to even have orgasms? Silly question but I hear a lot of asexuals say they don't like it so I would assume that I doesn't feel good at all.
Maybe this is sort of an unusual situation, but it seems significant to me that the only asexual person I'm aware of out of my friends has absolutely the most successful relationship out of any of us. Even though I'm not asexual myself, I've always felt that sex should not be any significant part of a relationship. It's there if you want it, but if you can't have a successful relationship without it, then you shouldn't even be with the person :P
I've told it to my girlfriend, but I'm not sure in what eyes she's looking at me now... I'm not sure if to tell my parents either, I think they're homophobic, but I can't think of a reaction of me telling them I'm asexual...
I'm an asexual and have no particular preference on who I'll spend my life with.
Asexual probably isn't what you'd call yourself, there are a number of spectrums but I doubt asexuality is specifically it :o
I personally see it as people who don't really see others sexually. They just can't. But they can have romantic feelings for them. For me I can only have romantic interest in a male, but I can't for a female. :3c
erk
okay whatever have fun!
For me, it's like, some sort of passion or desire simply has to be there. I literally can't perform or even start to if I don't have a strong desire to make the other person happy and make them feel good. Sex, for me, is a very intimate thing, and there's just very few people that I desire that kind of intimacy with.
I honestly kind of wish I wasn't that way, as it certainly makes me feel abnormal and has lead to problems in the past. Sometimes I just feel things would be a lot easier if I could have sex with someone just for the sake of having sex/fun, but someone trying to do so with me is actually a HUGE turn-off for me. If I feel like they're interested in sex with me only because they're horny and eager to please... it just completely doesn't work for me. I HAVE to feel that intimacy and affection, period.
In any case, I've also learned to just accept it and realize that I have far more important things to concern myself with than my sex life. Sex can be fun and make you feel good, sure, but I almost always feel like my time and effort could be put to better use elsewhere in my life, you know?
Anyways, didn't mean to make this comment completely about myself. :P I guess your journal just reminded me about my own seeming lack of interest in sex. It's great to hear that your mom isn't giving you a hard time for it though. :3
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/demisexualfurs
So you really aren't alone. :3 Wanting to have sex only with somebody you really feel close to is admirable to me. Not that casual sex is bad, but to me...somebody who is willing to wait and share that only with the right person is really kind of sweet. :3c
I guess I feel strange being this way while also being male. :P It just feels so backwards from what society says my role/mindset is expected to be.
And I wish I could claim that waiting to find the right person or people was some valiant effort on my part, but it honestly is just a total lack of interest; it's not something that I'm consciously doing, it's just simply the way my mind and body works, from what I've been able to determine so far at least.
Always good to know you're not alone though. Thanks again Tartii. :3
I'm bananaphoneSexual.
We only have sex when the RINGRINGRINGRINGRING, BANANAPHONNNNEE!!! CELLULAR, MODULAR, INTERACTIVEBOBULAR PHOOONNNE!!!
We're normal.