It's not like I will return or anything....I just kinda...lose it when I don't talk anymore.... this journal is kinda one of the only things that can rest my sad mind and heart... My works have disappeared and I don't think I want to re-add them because it will make me go back in time if i do... Sorry...I just live a life full of cycles and depressions... When I'm happy at one point...I go sad at another... this is my 4th time cleaning up my submissions... and who knows when the 5th might come...

I lived a life of cycles. I lived in a world of lies with a mind that switches the truth with lies. I do stuffs with no idea that I am lying to myself again... I really don't stay happy for more than 2 days... I would easily fall into a sad lonely depression...even when I was never much noticed or of a concerned of for a while... I just want to stop seeing the lies in front of me....all the fears and false... the pains and sufferings... I want it all to end....

I just want a friend who really does care... someone who really does think of me more than a normal depressive friend... however lets not lead that to a relationship cuz we know it won't last. please don't misunderstand me...because i'm always misunderstood and no one ever much knows my situation at most... and I'm not asking for attention...kinda....but.......really...I just want that friend who treats me more than how I'm treating myself everyday... treating me with the good things....more than me treating myself with the bad things.... and I seriously CANNOT cry over my own sufferings so even if my sister or mom dies or I lose everything I hold dear to me...I can't cry... I really can't....