I know there are possibly 40 Zillions journals made beseeching the help of the audience to help make ends meet. For a while, I never thought it would come to that, for me. Honestly, I never thought I would have the talent to have the gaul. There were numerous points, in my time here on FA, where I thought I would give up art and move onto something that could make me more cash, and just give it all up. I am here, now, thankful that I didn't give up my passion merely for profits, because I am now in a position where I am literally going to have to rely on art, for the first time in my life, to make ends meet.

I have always had jobs, never anything glorious, and so, my mate Jarrick has worked full time long and hard at a job that treats him like fodder to help sustain our lives. We do not live lavishly. We are not impoverished, but we do find ourselves with moths flying out of our wallets by the end of the month and hardly any ability to improve or save for emergencies. We live in a small one bedroom one bath apartment and support my disabled mother together, and we do not receive any public assistance for our lifestyle.

Our rent costs $610 a month, and our bills (phone, netflix, internet, PG&E) comes out to be $250, our food (animals included) budget is $200, and our gas, medical debt and loan and interest charges comes out to be about $200. So, every month we pay around $1000 to $1500. This is essentially what I need to earn for one or two months before my mate can get into a new training class but he doesn't start until April 22nd, and will not receive his first check until May. My job currently does not pay enough on it's own to cover rent and bills for an entire month, I can't even get a full time shift, and being on call restricts my ability to get a new job that in not flexible. This is why I am here, on FA, asking for help and telling this story I otherwise would feel too embarrassed to share, but my ass really is on the line and I literally can't afford to reserve some pride in the situation.

I am trying to be calm and collected about this, but I am really fucking desperate. I am finding it incredibly hard to not sound like a whiny little bitch and, at the same time, trying not to come off as a prideful ass-hat that is otherwise too good to accept money. Asking for money and attention is hard for me, honestly, because it makes me feel like a failure in every way. I do not want to be homeless again, I can't bare to see my mate and my mother literally on the street. Again.

Please help me do this. I know this sounds cavalier, and it is, it really is, but if you can donate anything, literally, anything, you would have my deepest appreciation and respect. If you can, please also commission me. Below, I will have a list of things I can do. I am already humbled at the fact I have nearly 4000 watchers to be able to share my moment of desperation with in the first place. That said, if you cannot donate or commission me, it would also be really helpful if you could spread the word and let others know I am open for commissions and desperately need temporary relief until my husband can get this job.

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There are a number of ways you guys can help:

----PASS IT ON For everyone who has ever received a commission from me and liked what you received, please recommend me to others including groups.

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DONATE Anything, literally, anything would help. I have set up a donate button. PLEASE USE IT and don't send gifts because paypal has been known to shut down accounts for it. DONATE BUTTON HERE

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SHARE THIS JOURNAL , I will be holding a RAFFLE for people who at the very least can share this journal and let others know I'm open for commission and need help. Raffle held HERE: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4460769/ I will do one full color picture for every 30 people who share.

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COMMISSION ME I am opening for a number of things, which you can see below. Slots are open until the goal amount is reached. Please, to help me stay organized, use this commission form: COMMISSION FORM I cannot guarantee it will be done very fast, but it will be done within 5 months, no matter how many commissions I get. Speedpaints are likely to be done faster. This is my promise.

EXAMPLES:

$10 monochrome headshot: One two

$25 1 hour speedpaint: one two three four

$35 2 hour speedpaint: two three four

$45 detailed bust/digital badge: one

$75 wing it full body with ground element and texture background: one two three four five six

$100 full scene or couples pic with minimal scenery: one two three four five six seven

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LIST Merged with my current worklist. Current worklist will NOT have shifting due dates, except possibly earlier due dates as I will, of course, have to increase productivity:

-guardiankitsune PRIORITY http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10839196/
- Suki_Wolfram - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10453507
- Zamobafood ref sheet and detailed bust- full paid http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10669094/
-Xavier - half paid - partially sketched
- Spotted Humor
-Slaughterfox - PAID[s] http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10506672/
-[s]Raust $35 speedpaint paid http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10294772/
- Sareena 1 hour speedpaint PAID http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10708436/
- [whosat(?) 2 hour SP PAID http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10871777/
- neopuc 2 hr SP PAID
- Syntharia 2 hr sp PAID http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10377369/
- candykittycat detailed bust PAID
- Bostitch Wing it PAID
- Rithnok PAID
- MandaCat1984 Sphinxify PAID
- Aerys Full scene PAID
- nielsdejong Full Scene PAID
-Foxystallion Monochrome bust and 3 hour speedpaint - PAID
- Mrawl- Sphinxify PAID
-Bloodwriter monochrome headshot PAID
-Dragonaion 2 monochromatic headshots PAID
-Romanthony and palmon Auction PAID
-Auctions #2 Romanthony