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I *critically* hit that XD
17 years ago
"We are made to persist."
So, my friends 
mitsozuka and 
crimsonknight13 and another friend of ours were playing D&D last night. We started a new campaign, having meta-gamed it into a gunslinging steampunk setting.
I played a half-drow technomancer/gadgeteer; sorta like wiz/rogue gestalt character, but technology focused; name is
Vrag "braids" Vsegda, (CN)
Weapon of choice? A caster named "Jericho", or anything that isn't bolted down. Also, an unfortunate accident (boiler explosion) cost him both legs, his dominant arm, and his left eye (he's a lefty). He now has gnomish gearlimbs (auto-mail). And owes the gnomes a shit-ton of money.
mitsozuka plays a catfolk gunslinger; name of Jack Constance. (CG) He is also a smith.
Weapon of choice? Thunderhammer .60 caliber revolvers.
crimsonknight13 plays a satyr named Davon. (CN) Bard/dervish.
Weapons? Scimitars, oddly >_>
And the last member of the party is a Sniper Cleric named Rei. (CG)
The game started out normally enough; Davon and Vrag meet on the road to a town called Incarcera. Davon's a little green, so Vrag helps him out with equipment and such in exchange for some food.
Equipment leads us to Jack and Rei, and things go well enough that we decide to visit the local inn and pub. Bard does his thing to earn a room and board for himself and his travelling companion.
And things went awry >_>
The satyr's performance is somehow SO EPIC that a bar brawl ensues. During this brawl, some dude lunges at Braids and the DM does something as a silly joke:
The lunging fellow missed me and forgot to fall.
You Doug Adams fans know what this means XD
Being a scientist, and seeing the laws of physics so defiled, Braids smacks him with his wrench. the guy goes tumbling through the air and misses the ground AGAIN.
Finally Braids caves the guy's head in with a wrench and he falls.
The fight ends, and the satyr (being a satyr) propositions Braids. Braids takes a shot from his flask and follows him up to the room.
We were going to end it there....but the DM wanted to see how Braids did.....
20.20.20.20.20.19.
Braids critically hit that satyr...like the fist of an angry god XD. So epic was this sexual performance that the satyr DIED in the throes of epic orgasm (the cleric rez'd him in the morning).Braids commented," I killed TWO People last night! One with my wrench, and one with my HAMMER!!" And Braid's cock became a legendary artifact with the following properties:
"The Hammer"
Intelligent Shocking Burst Brilliant Energy Penis of Spell Storing +7
Ego- 55
17 INT, WIS 10, CHA 17
Blindsense, Darkvision, Hearing, all with a range of 120ft.
Speech
Telepathy
Lesser abilities:
Deathwatch/always active
Hold Person, 3x/day
Daze Monster, 3x/day
Greater Ability:
Deeper Darkness
Special Purpose: To defend Satyrs.
Special Purpose Abilities: True Ressurection
No fudging, and Mitso will confirm this... the DM rolled ALL OF THIS!!!!
Gary Gygax is rolling with laughter in his grave right now....
just like we were for the next hour, at least. I've NEVER laughed that hard....Ever.
mitsozuka and 
crimsonknight13 and another friend of ours were playing D&D last night. We started a new campaign, having meta-gamed it into a gunslinging steampunk setting.I played a half-drow technomancer/gadgeteer; sorta like wiz/rogue gestalt character, but technology focused; name is
Vrag "braids" Vsegda, (CN)
Weapon of choice? A caster named "Jericho", or anything that isn't bolted down. Also, an unfortunate accident (boiler explosion) cost him both legs, his dominant arm, and his left eye (he's a lefty). He now has gnomish gearlimbs (auto-mail). And owes the gnomes a shit-ton of money.
mitsozuka plays a catfolk gunslinger; name of Jack Constance. (CG) He is also a smith.Weapon of choice? Thunderhammer .60 caliber revolvers.
crimsonknight13 plays a satyr named Davon. (CN) Bard/dervish.Weapons? Scimitars, oddly >_>
And the last member of the party is a Sniper Cleric named Rei. (CG)
The game started out normally enough; Davon and Vrag meet on the road to a town called Incarcera. Davon's a little green, so Vrag helps him out with equipment and such in exchange for some food.
Equipment leads us to Jack and Rei, and things go well enough that we decide to visit the local inn and pub. Bard does his thing to earn a room and board for himself and his travelling companion.
And things went awry >_>
The satyr's performance is somehow SO EPIC that a bar brawl ensues. During this brawl, some dude lunges at Braids and the DM does something as a silly joke:
The lunging fellow missed me and forgot to fall.
You Doug Adams fans know what this means XD
Being a scientist, and seeing the laws of physics so defiled, Braids smacks him with his wrench. the guy goes tumbling through the air and misses the ground AGAIN.
Finally Braids caves the guy's head in with a wrench and he falls.
The fight ends, and the satyr (being a satyr) propositions Braids. Braids takes a shot from his flask and follows him up to the room.
We were going to end it there....but the DM wanted to see how Braids did.....
20.20.20.20.20.19.
Braids critically hit that satyr...like the fist of an angry god XD. So epic was this sexual performance that the satyr DIED in the throes of epic orgasm (the cleric rez'd him in the morning).Braids commented," I killed TWO People last night! One with my wrench, and one with my HAMMER!!" And Braid's cock became a legendary artifact with the following properties:
"The Hammer"
Intelligent Shocking Burst Brilliant Energy Penis of Spell Storing +7
Ego- 55
17 INT, WIS 10, CHA 17
Blindsense, Darkvision, Hearing, all with a range of 120ft.
Speech
Telepathy
Lesser abilities:
Deathwatch/always active
Hold Person, 3x/day
Daze Monster, 3x/day
Greater Ability:
Deeper Darkness
Special Purpose: To defend Satyrs.
Special Purpose Abilities: True Ressurection
No fudging, and Mitso will confirm this... the DM rolled ALL OF THIS!!!!
Gary Gygax is rolling with laughter in his grave right now....
just like we were for the next hour, at least. I've NEVER laughed that hard....Ever.
"That's how we find out who we are."
Do You Like Metal?
Art I owe people:
wildmark- Ongoing project
mitsozuka- Reference Sheet
foxystallion- Ongoing project
Do You Like Metal?
Art I owe people:
wildmark- Ongoing project mitsozuka- Reference Sheet
foxystallion- Ongoing project
yea, who knew I'd get a epic fuck in the first campaign? well, guess that's my monster charisma for ya!