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Congestive Heart Failure.
12 years ago
*face on desk*
Dad has it.
.... He sounded good over the phone. But every time I hear a bit of good news, someone tells me about some horrible condition that makes me worry more. Is it treatable? Will he get better? All this worrying is doing a hell of a number on my bowels. "DAD HAD A HEART ATTACK. It's not that bad. IT WAS A WIDOWMAKER HEART ATTACK. Don't worry, it's treatable, go get some tests done. THE TESTS CANT BE DONE IN HIS CONDTION, GO SEE A CARDIOLOGIST NOW. Oh it's fine, his breathing is a bit better. OH NO, THERE MIGHT BE A BLOOD CLOT. Oh, it's just fluid, they're gonna clear out his lungs. HE HAS CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE. Then he talks to me on the phone, says that he feels okay.
Each shoe is dropping one after the other. Good, bad. Good, bad. I feel like I can't have any hope, or be happy even for a second, because something worse will happen.
The worst part of this is the fucking GUILT TRIP that Mom keeps forcing on me. I don't know if Dad agrees with her or not, but after she thought I hung up the phone, she explicitly stated that "He doesn't care about anybody but himself." I'm too exhausted and unhappy and worried to recount the whole conversation. But this notion she keeps bringing up, that I don't give a shit what happens to my dad, that I wouldn't care if he died or not... It's just fucking cruel. The doctors have given him medication, they're administering diuretic therapy right now. All this worrying about whether Dad's gonna be okay in the future or not... And this "You're a terrible son" shit that Mom keeps saying... If things keep going like this, it's going to give ME a heart attack.
OR, maybe I'm overreacting, and hearing her criticisms as something meaner... I dunno. I only got 2 hours of sleep.
Sigh...
Stream in 30 minutes.... http://www.livestream.com/beauscribbles
EDIT: Please refrain from the "Wow, what an awful, horrible, evil woman" and "Worst mother ever" comments. Yes, it's bad of her to say that, but to call her "worst mother ever" is WAY too harsh and exaggerated. Such comments will be removed.
Dad has it.
.... He sounded good over the phone. But every time I hear a bit of good news, someone tells me about some horrible condition that makes me worry more. Is it treatable? Will he get better? All this worrying is doing a hell of a number on my bowels. "DAD HAD A HEART ATTACK. It's not that bad. IT WAS A WIDOWMAKER HEART ATTACK. Don't worry, it's treatable, go get some tests done. THE TESTS CANT BE DONE IN HIS CONDTION, GO SEE A CARDIOLOGIST NOW. Oh it's fine, his breathing is a bit better. OH NO, THERE MIGHT BE A BLOOD CLOT. Oh, it's just fluid, they're gonna clear out his lungs. HE HAS CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE. Then he talks to me on the phone, says that he feels okay.
Each shoe is dropping one after the other. Good, bad. Good, bad. I feel like I can't have any hope, or be happy even for a second, because something worse will happen.
The worst part of this is the fucking GUILT TRIP that Mom keeps forcing on me. I don't know if Dad agrees with her or not, but after she thought I hung up the phone, she explicitly stated that "He doesn't care about anybody but himself." I'm too exhausted and unhappy and worried to recount the whole conversation. But this notion she keeps bringing up, that I don't give a shit what happens to my dad, that I wouldn't care if he died or not... It's just fucking cruel. The doctors have given him medication, they're administering diuretic therapy right now. All this worrying about whether Dad's gonna be okay in the future or not... And this "You're a terrible son" shit that Mom keeps saying... If things keep going like this, it's going to give ME a heart attack.
OR, maybe I'm overreacting, and hearing her criticisms as something meaner... I dunno. I only got 2 hours of sleep.
Sigh...
Stream in 30 minutes.... http://www.livestream.com/beauscribbles
EDIT: Please refrain from the "Wow, what an awful, horrible, evil woman" and "Worst mother ever" comments. Yes, it's bad of her to say that, but to call her "worst mother ever" is WAY too harsh and exaggerated. Such comments will be removed.
I can't believe that your mom is making things worse that way. Stay strong dude.
But anyway, I hope your Dad pulls through and recovers fully. It's good that he was in good shape before this, that will make full recovery much easier than if he'd been unhealthy to start with.
Not much I can say about all this to you. When my someone in my family says or does something like that, which isn't too often, I pretend to ignore it rather than argue in an attempt to diffuse the situation and hope they change their minds.
Though, i hope your dad gets better soon, and stay strong.
However, with your mother under stress, it's possible she's lashing out at anything just to try to deal with the situation in her own mind. She's most likely also frazzled by the conflicting messages and the feeling of hopelessness from a disease like this hitting your father, but focusing the stress on you really isn't helping in anyway; not unless you've been granted heart repairing powers from a radioactive meteor or something.
Hope things improve for you and your family. Emotions can easily run high during and after things like this, so hang in there and try to do what's best for you.
And I know it doesn't make anything better, but just know that you're not alone. If you could get a chance to talk to your mother alone, call her bullshit. Because it sounds like she's picked you to be her scapegoat right now...and it's not fair, and it's not healthy. My mom did that to me for -years- while her sister was ill & dying, and it almost destroyed our relationship. 8 years later, I can finally be alone in a room with her without one of us ending up screaming or in tears. (It's kinda weird, your mom used the same phrase as mine even) She needs to realize that god forbid the worst happen and your father isn't around anymore, she still will have you, but only if she doesn't drive you away. She will need you. I know that "starting an argument" sounds really fucking awful. But it will give her an outlet to go ahead and vent whatever passive aggressive rage she's got pent up, and since the metaphorical first cut is the deepest, that one has already been sliced, this may give a shot at getting things in the open to get fixed.
As for your mom, I would like to recommend getting stern with her, biting back. I fear that doing so though might just 'prove' her correct in her own mind, make her bitter towards you. Remind her, with some degree of force, to focus on her husband. She's likely stressed too and has no outlet for coping with it. Tune her out if she starts pulling that, or hang up on her. You don't need abuse right now.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/.....e%22+treatment
As you can see, there is a LOT known about treating this common illness. Your father will probably be prescribed several different medicines because there are several different things that need to be accomplished. First, his kidneys must be protected from further damage. He may need diuretics to help him get rid of excess fluids and salts. He probable has high blood pressure and, if so, will be treated for that, too. Don't freak out if his physicians put him on half a dozen or more medications. That does not mean that the situation is dire; it means that his doctors are doing a comprehensive job.
In addition to whatever your father's physicians prescribe, they might consider adding this inexpensive safe and long used herbal extract to his treatment. It reduces left ventricle remodeling and apototic heart muscle cell death by the means described in this paper:
http://www.spandidos-publications.c...../ijmm/21/1/117
More on the active ingredient:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21401606
One nice side effect - it improves erections. I kid you not.
As to your mother's reaction,