Haven't done one of these in a while, have I? Well, buck up and keep reading.

I worry about my health, as everyone does from time to time. Because of that, I've learned a lot about diet and nutrition, which really easy to learn. Like, incredibly easy.

So, when I start seeing something like THIS, it really fucking pisses me off.

Just a warning: this post is long, full of anger and a lot of CAPS LOCK.

So, I’ve seen this floating around a lot lately, and I’d like to make a few points here.

Firstly, this list is bullshit. If you are craving a food, it’s because of one of two reasons. The first is that you may have an addiction to these foods. I had an addiction to ginger ale for several months. It was not because I needed calcium, it was because I started drinking it to settle my upset stomach due to my anxiety and just kept of drinking it. The second reason is that YOU NEED THAT FUCKING FOOD.

If you’re craving a steak, it’s because there are things in that steak that your body needs. If you’re craving a steak and have access to only hamburgers, no amount of hamburgers will satisfy that craving. Both are made of cow and may have been prepared with some of the same herbs and spices, but that means NOTHING. There are a lot of things you can get in a steak that you can not get in a hamburger.

If you’re craving a baked potato, no amount of french fries, potato chips or tater tots will sate your hunger. If you’re craving a baked potato, you are probably craving the things that are in the potato skins, which are RARELY used in other potato dishes.

Going back to the list, there are a HELL of a lot of things in chocolate that you can NOT get in raw nuts, seeds, legumes and fruits. If you’re craving chocolate, it’s because there’s a part of your body that needs something that is in fucking CHOCOLATE that works in tandem with OTHER things that are in FUCKING CHOCOLATE.

If you’re craving sweets, your body may need the raw energy it gets from straight up SUGAR, which is basically all there is in sweets and candies. The energy your body gets from damned near EVERYTHING listed under what you “should” eat if you have a sweet tooth takes a HELL of a lot more production in the body before your body can actually USE it.

To simplify this (and shorten what would be a REALLY long post), I’m going to break this down into the basic food groups and then attack some of the REALLY stupid things in this god damned farce.

If you are craving grains, (bread, pasta, etc.), you need starch. Notice that starch isn’t even fucking MENTIONED after bread and toast on that stupid fucking list.

If you are craving vegetables, you need fibre.

If you are craving fruits, you need glucose.

If you’re craving dairy, you need calcium.

Meats? Nuts? PROTEIN.

Sweets? A quick energy fix.

Now…I see on this list that it actually gives recommendations for if you’re craving recreational drugs. Are you fucking kidding me? No? Seriously? You’re really not kidding? You are really absolutely serious?

IF YOU ARE CRAVING DRUGS IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE FUCKING ADDICTED TO THEM. You’re not craving drugs because your body is missing some vitamin or mineral, you’re craving drugs because YOU’RE FUCKING ADDICTED. No amount of ANY food will alleviate your craving for drugs. Why do you think a lot of smokers get fat when they quit? Because they keep fucking eating because no amount of eating will get rid of that craving for a DRUG.

If you’re craving solid foods over liquids, then you apparently need more water. Well, that’s just straight up fucking bullshit right there. If your body needs water, YOU WILL BE FUCKING THIRSTY. I see that it also says that you need “8 to 10 glasses of water per day”, which has conclusively been proven to be COMPLETE BULLSHIT. You need the amount of fluids that you crave. If you drink 8-10 glasses of water per day and you’re not too active, so your body doesn’t actually use it, you can literally DROWN YOURSELF OUT OF WATER.

I see coffee and tea on this list and one of the “things you really need” is fucking salt. I’m sorry, what? I drink coffee day in and day out and I eat a hell of a lot of salty foods. Shit, I have a lot of damned near everything on the list of “things you really need” for coffee and tea. The majority of what’s listed under coffee and tea comprises the majority of my entire fucking diet. And you know what?

I STILL CRAVE COFFEE.

Do you know why?

BECAUSE CAFFEINE IS A DRUG AND I AM ADDICTED TO IT.

Everything on this entire list is complete bullshit except for ONE SINGLE ENTRY.

If you’re craving salt, you need salt.

GOOD FUCKING JOB. I AM SO FUCKING IMPRESSED.

If you’re craving a certain kind of food, it’s because you NEED something in that food. Any other craving you have is wholly inconsequential to your diet because IT’S NOT FUCKING FOOD.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go eat some crackers. Why am I going to eat some crackers? Because I am craving crackers. Why am I craving crackers? Because I haven’t had many salts or starches lately.

IT’S THAT FUCKING EASY.

One final note? I like how the answer to overeating, at least according to this bullshit, is to eat more.

_{Other topics for considering in this post were a bit too political for my tastes. I like these journals to be about inconsequential things, not political views. That being said, one of the topics I was considering was how the bible basically says you can get as many abortions as you want because a child isn't considered to even be a human child until it's a month old. But that's something for another journal.}