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On the past year (reflections on being a fur)
12 years ago
Today marks the day that I joined FurAffinity, and the furry fandom, just a year ago.
I can't believe it's been that long already. <3
In my time in the furry fandom, I've experienced everything from trying to be dragged into polygamous relationships, to lies, to slander, to overly emotional and sensational people.
I've encountered the love of my life, my first boyfriend, lied, cheated, manipulated others, drew into a giant depression, sucked up to popular furs and artists for attention, realized that this gets you nowhere, stopped giving a fuck, met my first friends, my longest lasting friends, my best friends.
I've been pet to a few (and realized perhaps all too quickly that being a pet doesn't suit me, as much as that's a craving I have, since the two relationships of the sort I've had have only lasted a week, at most, nonwithstanding my eagerness and responsibility to fulfill the role). Safe to say, I'm masterless now, and good riddance. The only one who owns me is my boyfriend, wholly, fully, and completely. <3
I've made and lost pets, and after a long, arduous struggle with it, have finally settled with the boys who I would willingly and lovingly give my life for, who I've chosen to devote my life to, out of sheer, human, platonic love.
I've gone from lonely boy in a lonely world to a proud master with beautiful pets, to a loving, idealistic, lovestruck boyfriend, to feeling wholly and fully complete and content in ways that I never thought I possibly could before.
I went from being a boy without family to finding my family, despite the distance between us, despite each of our persons being on the corners of the globe.
I've found questions to my answers, and even more answers that lead to greater questions.
I realized my mortality, and as much as it scared me, it no longer paralyzes me like it once used to.
I quit my addiction to ODing with sleeping pills and getting drunk on hard liquor nightly, thanks to the one boy who touched my life in a way that no one else had even bothered to.
I went from just wanting to fit in to being a part of this fandom that I so love, that accepted me and took me in, despite whatever personal beauty I might have that others might covet so much, despite others always telling me, "you don't belong here, you're not a furry 'cause you're too pretty." Bro, suck my dick. Most did.
I settled in, despite the small obstacles, and as a result, am now a happy and prideful fur.
I've realized just how big pieces of shit people can be. I've learned to set aside my feelings when dealing with business practices. I've been harassed, threatened with death, had someone actually tell me "if you don't break up with your boyfriend and date me I'm gonna kill myself." My very prompt and perhaps heartful reply was, "I guess you're gonna kill yourself, then."
Crazy things have happened this year. All over the board. It's been a giant rollercoaster ride, and I've made and lost friends. Made more than lost more, but alas. I can't complain.
Most importantly, I think, my mind has opened up like a butterfly in spring. I've learned that I wasn't as tolerant as I thought I was, and as a result, learned to be even more tolerant, more loving, more accepting, even if I did not understand. I guess you could say I turned over a new leaf of empathy for my fellow man. It tends to get me in more trouble than less, and tends to complicates relationships a lot, partially because I take the brunt of the responsibility of them on myself, but oh well. Such is life.~
Also, furries will wanna fuck anything that has a pretty face. Case in point. I've just learned to take leaking dicks as compliments and flattery, and move on. <3
I love it here. I love all of you. I love my boyfriend, I love my pets, I love my friends, I love my life. And I'm proud to say that
I'm a furry.
WHERE MY PRESENTS
The "you don't belong here, you're not a furry 'cause you're too pretty." is weird to me though. Some of the prettiest people I've ever met are furry...
I got a lot of shit at the beginning because of my physical attractiveness. People actually held it over my head like it was something I should feel guilty over, and should just leave for.
But here I am.
In short, I'm just glad to be your friend Phoe.
That is fantastic!
Keep being awesome!
If you keep drawing, more furry growth is to come. Wait until you see the flip side of "sucking up to artists". It's just as crappy. XD
I'll have that new fur smell ALWAYS.
(Yeah I'm just screwin' with ya. Don't ever take me too seriously. ^_^)
*Gives a vase of tulips*
Congratulations on one year Phoenixe, here's to many more!
Thanks for the good wishes.
I used to have manic despression but not anymore. Now you find a little about me and thank you sharing your story you just made me happy. I wish for your best my friend.
..But don't ever change.
There are plenty of certain things that keep me from feeling any bit of pride in my fandom (e.g. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHo_jqf_nyU ) and at the same time a few things that make me feel proud (e.g. Ken Ashcorp) of being a part of this.. can you even call it a fandom anymore? I can't think of a proper word to describe it.
I originally wanted to put in some quip about similarities between our beginnings and hoping that I never, ever become anything like you.
But I won't.
I don't know why.
I guess it's a bit of respect.
I hope you never become like me, too.
It's true that year passed by quite fast