OK, a quick update.

I kind of... got into a panic state when I realized just how much work I really needed to do before 'x-day' and how little time I had to do it.

I'm still in that state, but starting to feel more optimistic.

Once I started really working at it, I felt like I had absolutely NO time at all and got really panicked/crazy.

Basically I've been spending about the last month, or 3 weeks, or whatever... running around trying to find 'real' jobs, trying to find a place to stay, selling my things, and researching what to do if I become homeless. Pretty much my entire life has focused on nothing but this fear of the future.

For a while I was even extremely intent on becoming purposely homeless and making a plan to walk across the entire country as a vagabond. No joke. (Actually, it even still seems kind of like something I might enjoy, outside of the not knowing when/where/how I'll eat next... but I've ultimately decided against it...)

I've left many of you here stranded and confused and worried... and I know I should have come back and said something, but honestly I pushed everything to the back of my mind and just went crazy.

I'm still feeling a little crazy but a bit less so now... I actually have been calmed down for about a week now and trying to like, return to normal life while working on figuring out my future.

A few things really calmed me down. One is I started practicing/following Wicca again. Two is my friend told me if I needed a place to stay, I could stay with him. (He is a starving artist, too, so I would feel bad, but at least I have a 'last resort,' and he's a really great guy I would feel very motivated around even if I felt bad about mooching off him for a bit... and I could always just spend a little time with him trying to figure out where to go next while keeping off the street). And three is the amazing support of my husband who I've rekindled with in this tough time... The devotion he showed me even when I was a wreck and not being very kind to him at all... and all the motivation and strength he's given me... really helped me work things out with him).

Just so you guys know, he's also poor and cannot even afford to support himself. He often choses what to live without month to month, and he's slowly moving to the point where I am now. So if I were to live with him, I'd just throw him into the situation I'm in now, forcing him to support me. And I never would want to do that to him. I mean, I could stay with him for a little bit, but I'd have to leave soon after. And even then I feel bad even for a little bit. I've been mooching off people long enough, that it's really to the point where I just have to choose to be homeless instead of continuing this cycle. I mean, a lot of the reason we're in this situation now is because my dad couldn't afford to support two grown men who came to him because they had nowhere to go.

Anyway, we lose this place on the 16th, so in 5 days. I haven't found a job but I've sold a lot of my stuff and made a little bit of money (I didn't really have much worth selling, and the only thing I kept was video games... everything else -- all my collectibles, furniture, etc. -- gone!), and I know my friend, my mom, and my husband would all let me stay a week or two with them if I really needed it. So I do have places to go for a bit. But in these last 5 days, I'm really going to be thinking about where I'm going and trying to figure SOMETHING out that won't burden or hurt ANYONE in the process. I'm hoping to just luck out and get an awesome job that could either support both my husband and I, or at least myself and stay with my friend or something for a little until I can get myself settled on my own.

So I'm still going to be absent from FA for a little.

Thanks to those of you who worried about me, and I'm really sorry to put you through that. But it's motivating to know that people care, so thank you thank you thank you. And really sorry to those of you who have commissions waiting. Everyone has said "Don't worry about it!" but I still feel bad making you wait. I am not taking the money out of the paypal account so I can refund you guys if it comes down to it. But I'm going to keep it in there until the last minute or until someone wants it back (which is perfectly fine if you feel that way!)