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Cassandra and Wonderduck 2
17 years ago
Both Lizzie the Lizard and Cassandra Cow appears on stage
before an audience.
Lizzie: We would like to welcome a very special guest with us tonight.
Cassandra: So please welcome our dear little friend.
He is big and powerful Wonderduck.
Wonderduck flew in on stage.
Wonderduck: Greeting's fair citizens.
Lizzie: Good evening Wonderduck it's nice to have you here.
Wonderduck: It's nice to be here ladies.
Cassandra: So Wonderduck tell us what it's like to be a superhero?
Wonderduck: Well my busty bovine, that is an excellent question.
It is...SUPER!
Lizzie: Ah. So when did you discover your powers?
Wonderduck: Well it started when I learn to fly. And you know what?
I flew!
Cassandra: But lots of ducks know how to fly.
Wonderduck: Yeah but not many can go up to 500 miles per hour
on a dime!
Lizzie: So besides flying do you have any other powers?
Wonderduck: Yes of course I have X-ray visions.
Lizzie: So you can see through clothes?
Wonderduck: Of course I can see through anything...except silocones.
By the way you got a beautiful pair on Lizzie.
Wonderduck gets slap by Lizzie.
Wonderduck: OUCH! What those are good ones. Like Cassandra you
both got super hooters.
Cassandra: Uh so Wonderduck do you have any archenemies?
Wonderduck: Yes I got two of them.
Lizzie: Who are they?
Wonderduck: Daffy and Donald ducks.
Cassandra: So you can fly and have X-ray visions.
Lizzie: Those are the same powers as superman. Do you change your
costume in a phone booth?
Wonderduck: Why the hell would I do that?
Lizzie: Superman does it.
Wonderduck: The guy has issues.
Cassandra: I notice you now got a big D on your costume now.
Wonderduck: Oh my other costume is at the dry cleaners. I got this
one from E-bay by mistake. I think I'll make it my new theme song.
DA, DA-DA DAH!
both Lizzie and Cassandra laughed.
Wonderduck: What? It's catchy.
Cassandra: So I heard you got a girlfriend now. Does she have any
powers?
Wonderduck: Well...once a while. During a phase called Menopause.
She becomes evil, and I cannot defeat her! Little children run in
terror. And big dogs hide under the couch.
Lizzie: So do you do poses?
Wonderduck: No, not since I have to pose like this!
He stick his head looking upward.
Wonderduck: But I no longer do it anymore.
Cassandra: Why?
Wonderduck: I can't see over my friggin duckbill.
Cassandra: So do you have any weaknesses?
Wonderduck: Cupcakes...and porn.
Lizzie: What?
Wonderduck: Well not at the same time! I need a free hand.
Lizzie: So do you have ways for people to call you for help?
Wonderduck: As a matter of fact I am in a meeting with the
Comissioner to create a spotlight at night to light up the sky
with my symbol.
Lizzie: What's that?
Wonderduck: A big duckbill in the sky. Only the problem is sometimes
it doesn't look like a duckbill...not exactly a cupcake either. Now then...
Suddenly a Roosterman appears on stage.
Wonderduck: EGADS! It's one of my villains. The Red Hot Rooster.
Red Hot Rooster: BUCK! BUCK-BUCK BUCK! It is I the Red Hot Rooster.
Lizzie: Your a villain?
Red Hot Rooster: Yes I'm a villain!
Cassandra: What kind of villain?
Red Hot Rooster: A terrifying villain. Are you girls scared?
Lizzie/Cassandra: No.
The little rooster tries to growl and cluck at the same time.
Red Hot Rooster: Now?
Lizzie/Cassandra: No.
Red Hot Rooster: BOO! How about now?
Lizzie/Cassandra: Not really!
Red Hot Rooster: God damn it.
The audience starts laughing.
Red Hot Rooster: SILENCE! I COMMMAND YOU!
Lizzie: So Red Hot Rooster how did you come by your super villain
name?
Red Hot Rooster: If you must know I wasn't always called Red Hot
Rooster. I had another name but for some reasons the censors wanted
me to leagally change it.
Cassandra: What did you use to be called?
Red Hot Rooster: Red Hot Cock! I don't know why they won't let me use
my old name. * to the audience* SILENCE! I COMMAND YOU!
Wonderduck: Beat it you reject from KFC! I am Wonderduck the most
powerful waterfowl in the universe!
Red Hot Rooster: Well I am the most hottest Rooster in the universe.
Chicks dig me! By chicks I mean babes! I can create fire and burn
anything to the ground.
Wonderduck: Well I carry the most powerful tool in the world.
Cassandra: What's that?
Wonderduck: Duck tape!
Lizzie: Really? So do I. When Cassandra and I feel kinky.
Cassandra: Um before you two go into battle do you two have to go to
special schools to be super heroes and villains?
Wonderduck: I do.
Red Hot Rooster: Ugh...we use to have a school for villains.
Lizzie: What happen?
Red Hot Rooster: New guy. He practise to be a suicide bomber.
Cassandra: And what did you villains learn after that?
Red Hot Rooster: Location, location, location. Now if you two excuse us.
Wonderduck: We have our epic battle to settle. Got the checkerboard?
Red Hot Rooster: Yes and I got the checkers!
Lizzie/Cassandra: THAT'S WONDERDUCK AND FRIEND...UH FIEND
EVERYBODY! Good night!
before an audience.
Lizzie: We would like to welcome a very special guest with us tonight.
Cassandra: So please welcome our dear little friend.
He is big and powerful Wonderduck.
Wonderduck flew in on stage.
Wonderduck: Greeting's fair citizens.
Lizzie: Good evening Wonderduck it's nice to have you here.
Wonderduck: It's nice to be here ladies.
Cassandra: So Wonderduck tell us what it's like to be a superhero?
Wonderduck: Well my busty bovine, that is an excellent question.
It is...SUPER!
Lizzie: Ah. So when did you discover your powers?
Wonderduck: Well it started when I learn to fly. And you know what?
I flew!
Cassandra: But lots of ducks know how to fly.
Wonderduck: Yeah but not many can go up to 500 miles per hour
on a dime!
Lizzie: So besides flying do you have any other powers?
Wonderduck: Yes of course I have X-ray visions.
Lizzie: So you can see through clothes?
Wonderduck: Of course I can see through anything...except silocones.
By the way you got a beautiful pair on Lizzie.
Wonderduck gets slap by Lizzie.
Wonderduck: OUCH! What those are good ones. Like Cassandra you
both got super hooters.
Cassandra: Uh so Wonderduck do you have any archenemies?
Wonderduck: Yes I got two of them.
Lizzie: Who are they?
Wonderduck: Daffy and Donald ducks.
Cassandra: So you can fly and have X-ray visions.
Lizzie: Those are the same powers as superman. Do you change your
costume in a phone booth?
Wonderduck: Why the hell would I do that?
Lizzie: Superman does it.
Wonderduck: The guy has issues.
Cassandra: I notice you now got a big D on your costume now.
Wonderduck: Oh my other costume is at the dry cleaners. I got this
one from E-bay by mistake. I think I'll make it my new theme song.
DA, DA-DA DAH!
both Lizzie and Cassandra laughed.
Wonderduck: What? It's catchy.
Cassandra: So I heard you got a girlfriend now. Does she have any
powers?
Wonderduck: Well...once a while. During a phase called Menopause.
She becomes evil, and I cannot defeat her! Little children run in
terror. And big dogs hide under the couch.
Lizzie: So do you do poses?
Wonderduck: No, not since I have to pose like this!
He stick his head looking upward.
Wonderduck: But I no longer do it anymore.
Cassandra: Why?
Wonderduck: I can't see over my friggin duckbill.
Cassandra: So do you have any weaknesses?
Wonderduck: Cupcakes...and porn.
Lizzie: What?
Wonderduck: Well not at the same time! I need a free hand.
Lizzie: So do you have ways for people to call you for help?
Wonderduck: As a matter of fact I am in a meeting with the
Comissioner to create a spotlight at night to light up the sky
with my symbol.
Lizzie: What's that?
Wonderduck: A big duckbill in the sky. Only the problem is sometimes
it doesn't look like a duckbill...not exactly a cupcake either. Now then...
Suddenly a Roosterman appears on stage.
Wonderduck: EGADS! It's one of my villains. The Red Hot Rooster.
Red Hot Rooster: BUCK! BUCK-BUCK BUCK! It is I the Red Hot Rooster.
Lizzie: Your a villain?
Red Hot Rooster: Yes I'm a villain!
Cassandra: What kind of villain?
Red Hot Rooster: A terrifying villain. Are you girls scared?
Lizzie/Cassandra: No.
The little rooster tries to growl and cluck at the same time.
Red Hot Rooster: Now?
Lizzie/Cassandra: No.
Red Hot Rooster: BOO! How about now?
Lizzie/Cassandra: Not really!
Red Hot Rooster: God damn it.
The audience starts laughing.
Red Hot Rooster: SILENCE! I COMMMAND YOU!
Lizzie: So Red Hot Rooster how did you come by your super villain
name?
Red Hot Rooster: If you must know I wasn't always called Red Hot
Rooster. I had another name but for some reasons the censors wanted
me to leagally change it.
Cassandra: What did you use to be called?
Red Hot Rooster: Red Hot Cock! I don't know why they won't let me use
my old name. * to the audience* SILENCE! I COMMAND YOU!
Wonderduck: Beat it you reject from KFC! I am Wonderduck the most
powerful waterfowl in the universe!
Red Hot Rooster: Well I am the most hottest Rooster in the universe.
Chicks dig me! By chicks I mean babes! I can create fire and burn
anything to the ground.
Wonderduck: Well I carry the most powerful tool in the world.
Cassandra: What's that?
Wonderduck: Duck tape!
Lizzie: Really? So do I. When Cassandra and I feel kinky.
Cassandra: Um before you two go into battle do you two have to go to
special schools to be super heroes and villains?
Wonderduck: I do.
Red Hot Rooster: Ugh...we use to have a school for villains.
Lizzie: What happen?
Red Hot Rooster: New guy. He practise to be a suicide bomber.
Cassandra: And what did you villains learn after that?
Red Hot Rooster: Location, location, location. Now if you two excuse us.
Wonderduck: We have our epic battle to settle. Got the checkerboard?
Red Hot Rooster: Yes and I got the checkers!
Lizzie/Cassandra: THAT'S WONDERDUCK AND FRIEND...UH FIEND
EVERYBODY! Good night!
Thank you so very much! Your writing is awesome!
My favorite bit...
Lizzie: Those are the same powers as superman. Do you change your
costume in a phone booth?
Wonderduck: Why the hell would I do that?
Lizzie: Superman does it.
Wonderduck: The guy has issues.
Beautiful!
THATS SOME FUNNY SHIT!!!
my fave part is your posing with your head up.. you dont do it anymore cause you cant see over your bill. :P nice!
But i love your take on it, Very nice and funny. :3