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STAR TREK: repairing the timeline
12 years ago
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Here's how to repair the timeline and fit the Abrams TREK films into continuity, once and for all.
This needs to be the first scene of the next Star Trek movie:
ESTABLISHING SHOT - SPACE - EXT
The bulky shape of the new Abrams Enterprise is facing off against an entire squadron of Klingon ships. They swarm in from all sides, riding on a crescendo of orchestration.
cut to:
NEW ENTERPRISE BRIDGE - INT
Between lens flares, we see the lanky, scruffy-headed form of New Kirk™ sprawled casually across the captain's chair, at Bridge center.
Uhura: Captain, we're being hailed.
New Kirk™: Onscreen, baby.
The face of a Klingon military leader appears on the main bridge viewscreen. He is battle-scarred, coated in sweat, and foaming at the mouth slightly. He points a taloned finger at New Kirk™ and snarls
Klingon General: We have you outgunned one thousand to one. I give you this one chance to surrender before we blast you out of the stars!
New Kirk™: Fuck you.
Klingon General: You will not surrender?
New Kirk™: Aw hells no!
New Kirk™ slides a pair of sunglasses on and strikes a gangsta pose.
New Kirk™: I'm James. T. muthafukkin KIRK, Bitch! BOOM!
New Kirk™ slaps his hand down on a big, shiny red button, that reads simply BOOM.
NEW ENTERPRISE EXTERIOR - SPACE
A giant rocket flies out of the center of the Enterprise's deflector dish, blowing up the Klingon general's ship. A chain reaction begins, as each exploding Klingon ship causes the next one to likewise explode. They go off like a string of over-sized firecrackers, spewing fire and wreckage in all directions, and in slow motion to the backing vocalization of a chanting choir.
NEW ENTERPRISE BRIDGE - INT
New Kirk™: Yeeeeeah! That's what I'm talkin about!
At this point, a silhouette stands up, as if a man sitting in the audience in front of the viewer has risen to their feet. He begins to nudge his way along, attempting to leave the theater row where he has been sitting. It is clearly the silhouette of Captain Kirk, as played by William Shatner. Behind him, as the movie continues to play, we see scenes of New Kirk™ snogging with Uhura, as rave-lighting pops open from hidden panels, and loud dance music begins filling the bridge. On the movie screen, Enterprise personnel begin tearing their clothes off and dancing.
Kirk: Excuse me! I need to leave! I think I'm going to be sick! Excuse me!
A second silhouette rises to it's feet in his wake. This is recognizably the silhouette of Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock:
Spock: Captain?
EXT - MOVIE THEATER AT STARFLEET HEADQUARTERS
A crowd of futuristic press surround the theater as Kirk and Spock exit, camera drones swooping around, flashbulbs popping. A wave of reporters jam in from all sides, microphones at the ready. Kirk and Spock pause near a poster for STAR TREK 3; The Kirkening, NOW PLAYING. Kirk shakes his head in disbelief and attempts to move on, through the crowd.
Spock: Were you not enjoying the film, Captain?
Kirk: They got it wrong! They got it completely wrong! The ship, the crew...and their portrayal of me, well...
Spock: The film was not entirely without merit.
Kirk: You would say that, they gave you a cameo!
Reporter 01: How inaccurate was it, Captain Kirk?
Kirk: Completely. it was never like that. WE were never like that.
A camera drone coasts in, lens on Kirk's face. Kirk turns and looks directly into the camera.
ANGLE: through the camera drone's lens. A pictographic overlay reads CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK.
Reporter 02: Then how was it, really? Tell us!
Kirk gazes out through the lens, directly at the audience. A weary gaze that mixes both anguish and hope. Every tough decision the man has ever had to make in his entire starfleet career is etched in the lines of his face. He steels himself, and speaks...
Kirk: It was like this...
Launch into OPENING CREDITS
This needs to be the first scene of the next Star Trek movie:
ESTABLISHING SHOT - SPACE - EXT
The bulky shape of the new Abrams Enterprise is facing off against an entire squadron of Klingon ships. They swarm in from all sides, riding on a crescendo of orchestration.
cut to:
NEW ENTERPRISE BRIDGE - INT
Between lens flares, we see the lanky, scruffy-headed form of New Kirk™ sprawled casually across the captain's chair, at Bridge center.
Uhura: Captain, we're being hailed.
New Kirk™: Onscreen, baby.
The face of a Klingon military leader appears on the main bridge viewscreen. He is battle-scarred, coated in sweat, and foaming at the mouth slightly. He points a taloned finger at New Kirk™ and snarls
Klingon General: We have you outgunned one thousand to one. I give you this one chance to surrender before we blast you out of the stars!
New Kirk™: Fuck you.
Klingon General: You will not surrender?
New Kirk™: Aw hells no!
New Kirk™ slides a pair of sunglasses on and strikes a gangsta pose.
New Kirk™: I'm James. T. muthafukkin KIRK, Bitch! BOOM!
New Kirk™ slaps his hand down on a big, shiny red button, that reads simply BOOM.
NEW ENTERPRISE EXTERIOR - SPACE
A giant rocket flies out of the center of the Enterprise's deflector dish, blowing up the Klingon general's ship. A chain reaction begins, as each exploding Klingon ship causes the next one to likewise explode. They go off like a string of over-sized firecrackers, spewing fire and wreckage in all directions, and in slow motion to the backing vocalization of a chanting choir.
NEW ENTERPRISE BRIDGE - INT
New Kirk™: Yeeeeeah! That's what I'm talkin about!
At this point, a silhouette stands up, as if a man sitting in the audience in front of the viewer has risen to their feet. He begins to nudge his way along, attempting to leave the theater row where he has been sitting. It is clearly the silhouette of Captain Kirk, as played by William Shatner. Behind him, as the movie continues to play, we see scenes of New Kirk™ snogging with Uhura, as rave-lighting pops open from hidden panels, and loud dance music begins filling the bridge. On the movie screen, Enterprise personnel begin tearing their clothes off and dancing.
Kirk: Excuse me! I need to leave! I think I'm going to be sick! Excuse me!
A second silhouette rises to it's feet in his wake. This is recognizably the silhouette of Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock:
Spock: Captain?
EXT - MOVIE THEATER AT STARFLEET HEADQUARTERS
A crowd of futuristic press surround the theater as Kirk and Spock exit, camera drones swooping around, flashbulbs popping. A wave of reporters jam in from all sides, microphones at the ready. Kirk and Spock pause near a poster for STAR TREK 3; The Kirkening, NOW PLAYING. Kirk shakes his head in disbelief and attempts to move on, through the crowd.
Spock: Were you not enjoying the film, Captain?
Kirk: They got it wrong! They got it completely wrong! The ship, the crew...and their portrayal of me, well...
Spock: The film was not entirely without merit.
Kirk: You would say that, they gave you a cameo!
Reporter 01: How inaccurate was it, Captain Kirk?
Kirk: Completely. it was never like that. WE were never like that.
A camera drone coasts in, lens on Kirk's face. Kirk turns and looks directly into the camera.
ANGLE: through the camera drone's lens. A pictographic overlay reads CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK.
Reporter 02: Then how was it, really? Tell us!
Kirk gazes out through the lens, directly at the audience. A weary gaze that mixes both anguish and hope. Every tough decision the man has ever had to make in his entire starfleet career is etched in the lines of his face. He steels himself, and speaks...
Kirk: It was like this...
Launch into OPENING CREDITS
=^.,.^=
But that's just my cynical little take on things..
Now if you will excuse me, I am going to go watch some classic Doctor Who...
=^.,.^=
In every Trek series up to this one pretty much every temporal problem could be resolved within the span of a single episode.
Now? Elderly Spock screws up with a silly MacGuffin and nobody even attempts to fix the problem. Its like the TNG episode Yesterday's Enterprise (a great episode, btw) only it never ends and nobody notices the change. Lazy.
Really it has been decades and if people know anything about comics, this is how franchises like Superman, Batman, Spiderman, etc. survive in the comic series (not even talking movies).
TOS: Mirror Mirror
The Alternative Factor
Turnabout Intruder
TNG: Yesterday's Enterprise
Parallels (in which Worf experiences several alternate realities, and its suggested there is many more)
DS9: Crossover
Through the Looking Glass
The Visitor
Shattered Mirror
Voyager: Before and After
Timeless
Oblivion
Shattered
So Star Trek, as you can see, has never ONCE, dealt with parallel dimensions and alternate realities...except of course the many times they have....oooops! I hear the sound of your argument crumbling to rubble.
This new Star Trek movie series is just another example of alternate reality/parallel universe being explored. But its not Star Trek anymore? I submit that Gene Roddenberry would praise the exploration of how the world he created progressed under a different set of historical events. After all he clearly made it a point to explore the idea, and Rick Berman continued that exploration...and now JJ Abrams is carrying that tradition on by exploring the idea more deeply.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/vid.....-Into-Darkness
*spend next twenty minutes laughing his ass off*
I kinda liked the first one but I don't have good memories to compare it to.
Though I liked DS9 and Voyager I never liked Enterprise. I only liked a handful of episodes of TNG and thought the original series and films were terrible and fully understand how the series ended up being cancelled the first time.
It's like someone's dad, ranting and raving that his kids won't listen to the jazz that enriches his life, and instead listen to that newfangled noise that passes for music these days, not realizing that being right is irrellevant, you can't make someone like something any more than they can force you to like something.
If you're right, history will be on your side. Until then, quit telling people who like the Abram's reboot universe they're stupid. It makes you look like a petty, bitter asshole and doesn't make them take your favorite incarnation any more seriously.
http://blip.tv/confused-matthew/gen.....rkness-6590455
http://io9.com/star-trek-into-darkn.....-faq-508927844