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From Bad, To Worse, to Condoms?
12 years ago
So, I had my ultrasound the other day...and lo and behold, the problem that has been causing me pain and bleeding (lower abdominal) and a bevy of other issues....my IUD moved forward and down a bit.
UGH!
Well At least I'm lucky it didn't puncture my damned uterus!
I don't know if you all know this about me, but I have a phobia of pregnancy. The movie Alien comes to mind...Seriously. It's up there with like anyone who is afraid of heights or spiders or peanut butter, whatever, it's an actual phobia.
"Tocophobia- Fear of pregnancy or childbirth"
see.
So yeah, I need to get it removed asap. It still works, it's just not 99.9% anymore, we are thinking it is somewhere between 80%-75% effective at the moment.
So I asked about Tubal Ligation, and it was a no for me (the Dr specifically said he would advise against it for me considering my medical history). Too much weird medical shit, plus it's a MUCH more invasive surgery then say a vasectomy. So Juin is going to be getting snipped....
Except he never got his promotion at work to full Assistant Manager and got on the company health insurance...and he can't now because he is on a fucking nebulizer 2x a day and can't fucking BREATHE!
So yeah, a vasectomy without insurance is anywhere between $500-$750......
So, I'm not getting this IUD taken out for sheer fear of pregnancy, and I don't trust condoms 100%.....
(I'll get back to the condom thing in a moment)
So Until he has his appointment to get snipped, I just have to hope I don't accidentally sneeze or something and puncture my uterus. I am not in a SUPER large amount of danger, otherwise they would have taken-it out right then and there, but the risk of puncture is a LOT higher then it was.
I have had the IUD since I was 21, and I wasn't supposed to be having to make these kinds of decisions until I was say, 30ish, I had 2 good years left at LEAST and Juin and I had been talking about going ahead and getting the vasectomy for a while.
So that was devastating. I fought like a son of a bitch to get the damned thing so that I would be in control of my body and it's reproductive capacity.
Oh and while they were in there rooting around, a cyst WAS detected, but it was most likely ovulatory(for those that DON'T know, all women when they ovulate develop a small cyst that the egg is inside, when it ruptures is when the egg is actually in place to make a baby, I did not know this, so some women have larger cyst and can feel themselves ovulating, and others can't)
So with this information, Lucky us, Juin hasn't been able to breathe, I have been in pain, we hadn't had sex in about 5 days or so. So We dodged a HUGE Bullet there. Finding out the fucking IUD moved is a HELL of a lot better then finding a wee person in there....
So then later on the next day, wait, lemmie start back a bit.
You all know I have this weird rare genetic type of OCD Yes? Ok well if you didn't know now you do. Anyway. It has gotten a LOT worse since I had the brain surgery. More blood flow to the parts of the brain that control the crazy and all that. My type of OCD is of a Hoarding variety and we all work very hard to make sure I don't go into the bad zone (i.e take out the trash when the time is proper, dishes, food, things that would be bad to be left around. I am not too bad, it;s mostly clothes and for some reason mountain dew bottles, and Rx bottles, and weird shit I have laying around)
Anyway, we are getting our house re-appraised for refinancing. Tis a good thing. An Appraiser must come out and look at the house to make sure we aren't hiding gigantic holes and such. This is a BAD thing. This means a stranger will be going in my room and measuring and looking around......
So yeah, I basically have been working on it for bits and pieces, until the day of the actual thing. And my mother actually said to me "I will not let your damned OCD ruin my appraisal"
Nice huh..
So I went to LaLa land and somehow managed to clean my room entirely.
This would seem like a good thing, except now every time I go in there, I start getting heart palpitations and a physical panic attack. My Blood Pressure has even been higher which is REALLY odd for me. Since this is a physical reaction, I have no way of stopping it. SO I have been living with Juin basically half of last month and all of this month.
Why not move things back, well I can't fucking remember where I put anything!
I like disassociated so hard it was basically like I wasn't there when I moved things.
So I digress. I was at Juin's and my mother calls all panicked because I got a letter from a law firm for something the Alaskan chapter of the Farima dance company was doing.
It had me listed as Farima's personal assistant Director, instead of the Assistant Director of Florida. So I had to call Farima, wake her up (though why she wasn't already up at 10am on a Thursday I have no idea)
I told her what was happening, and then drove to my house, called her again and such. THEN she accuses ME of Panicking and freaking out and such. What the every holy fuck!?!?!?!?!
I just saved HER ass., and yeah, my mom shouldn't be opening my mail, as a number one, she freaked, not me. Then Farima accuses me of playing the "blame game" and causing drama and such, and suggests that perhaps it would be better if I was listed as just a dancer instead of an Assistant director...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!
Juin and I help her get her business cards done and do her ENTIRE website, create her logos, banners, new letters, as well as I help her sell her stuff, and am her emergency contact while she is in Turkey. Cause apparently any "american" who goes over there right now MUST have someone back on american soil they can e-mail if the person gets kidnapped or something. Her mother is in Iran at the moment visiting family, so I am it...WHY am I the one I have no clue, but there you go.
So basically the title I was listed under was fucking true since I was the one alerting her to this letter, and she gets bitchy with me.
I already feel like I have lost or am losing my art. I feel like in this world of dance there is no place for me. I am supposed to be doing a Persian classical Dance of the Peacock on the 18th and I have to make the entire costume from scratch AND choreo a dance. Then we are going down to Tribal Solstice for about 5 days in Ft.Lauderdale. That means gas, food, boarding costs for Nahmbo, etc etc.
I can't go to my home because I start to panic. I have the basic necessities here at Juins, but not my computer or tablet. We keep getting one bout of bad news after another and just UGH!!!!!!!!!
So...
Yeah....
I guess now to the fun part?
Condoms....
Juin and I are regaled to using back up birth control. I have used condoms in the past, but since I have had the IUD and Juin and I were both safe, we never really had to use them. We've been together for almost 4 years....
So to say it's a huge change is an understatement.
We got a variety pack of Trojan condoms. it;s got twisty ones, warming ones, the excite/intense (can't remember) and a sensations (her pleasure) ones.
There is another variety pack we saw yesterday we might try.
They're definitely different form how I remember them back when I was 17 I'll tell ya that!
It's fun, kinda. We are like back at that new exciting stage in the relationship where you first start having sex together, and it's all new and fresh and exciting.
I gotta hand it to the Condom companies though. Instead of building a better mouse trap (cause nothing in the WORLD will ever feel like real intercourse with nothing but you and your partner) So they decided to not make it feel the not the SAME, but concentrate on making it feel DIFFERENT. like make the condoms do things that the human body cannot do to up the fun of being safe.
SO what kind of condoms do you all use or like? And why?
Do you have a favorite, least favorite. Fun experience where you got your socks knocked off?
We are trying different ones currently to get some we like. I sorta like the variety pack because we don't know what kind we grab, tis a surprise for both of us and that has been fun.
So yeah. I will say that Yesterday ( Saturday the 8th) was the first good day Juin and I have had in a while. We got free ice cream on a customer appreciation day at our favorite ice cream place. I got my new (used) Nintendo DS that I bought form a friend of mine, so that can help calm the nerves and such. So things are starting to get better. Slowly but surely. So we'll see what this next week holds.
I have a week to make a peacock costume and choreograph a dance, let's see if I can do it!
Oh yeah and SEX!!!!!!
UGH!
Well At least I'm lucky it didn't puncture my damned uterus!
I don't know if you all know this about me, but I have a phobia of pregnancy. The movie Alien comes to mind...Seriously. It's up there with like anyone who is afraid of heights or spiders or peanut butter, whatever, it's an actual phobia.
"Tocophobia- Fear of pregnancy or childbirth"
see.
So yeah, I need to get it removed asap. It still works, it's just not 99.9% anymore, we are thinking it is somewhere between 80%-75% effective at the moment.
So I asked about Tubal Ligation, and it was a no for me (the Dr specifically said he would advise against it for me considering my medical history). Too much weird medical shit, plus it's a MUCH more invasive surgery then say a vasectomy. So Juin is going to be getting snipped....
Except he never got his promotion at work to full Assistant Manager and got on the company health insurance...and he can't now because he is on a fucking nebulizer 2x a day and can't fucking BREATHE!
So yeah, a vasectomy without insurance is anywhere between $500-$750......
So, I'm not getting this IUD taken out for sheer fear of pregnancy, and I don't trust condoms 100%.....
(I'll get back to the condom thing in a moment)
So Until he has his appointment to get snipped, I just have to hope I don't accidentally sneeze or something and puncture my uterus. I am not in a SUPER large amount of danger, otherwise they would have taken-it out right then and there, but the risk of puncture is a LOT higher then it was.
I have had the IUD since I was 21, and I wasn't supposed to be having to make these kinds of decisions until I was say, 30ish, I had 2 good years left at LEAST and Juin and I had been talking about going ahead and getting the vasectomy for a while.
So that was devastating. I fought like a son of a bitch to get the damned thing so that I would be in control of my body and it's reproductive capacity.
Oh and while they were in there rooting around, a cyst WAS detected, but it was most likely ovulatory(for those that DON'T know, all women when they ovulate develop a small cyst that the egg is inside, when it ruptures is when the egg is actually in place to make a baby, I did not know this, so some women have larger cyst and can feel themselves ovulating, and others can't)
So with this information, Lucky us, Juin hasn't been able to breathe, I have been in pain, we hadn't had sex in about 5 days or so. So We dodged a HUGE Bullet there. Finding out the fucking IUD moved is a HELL of a lot better then finding a wee person in there....
So then later on the next day, wait, lemmie start back a bit.
You all know I have this weird rare genetic type of OCD Yes? Ok well if you didn't know now you do. Anyway. It has gotten a LOT worse since I had the brain surgery. More blood flow to the parts of the brain that control the crazy and all that. My type of OCD is of a Hoarding variety and we all work very hard to make sure I don't go into the bad zone (i.e take out the trash when the time is proper, dishes, food, things that would be bad to be left around. I am not too bad, it;s mostly clothes and for some reason mountain dew bottles, and Rx bottles, and weird shit I have laying around)
Anyway, we are getting our house re-appraised for refinancing. Tis a good thing. An Appraiser must come out and look at the house to make sure we aren't hiding gigantic holes and such. This is a BAD thing. This means a stranger will be going in my room and measuring and looking around......
So yeah, I basically have been working on it for bits and pieces, until the day of the actual thing. And my mother actually said to me "I will not let your damned OCD ruin my appraisal"
Nice huh..
So I went to LaLa land and somehow managed to clean my room entirely.
This would seem like a good thing, except now every time I go in there, I start getting heart palpitations and a physical panic attack. My Blood Pressure has even been higher which is REALLY odd for me. Since this is a physical reaction, I have no way of stopping it. SO I have been living with Juin basically half of last month and all of this month.
Why not move things back, well I can't fucking remember where I put anything!
I like disassociated so hard it was basically like I wasn't there when I moved things.
So I digress. I was at Juin's and my mother calls all panicked because I got a letter from a law firm for something the Alaskan chapter of the Farima dance company was doing.
It had me listed as Farima's personal assistant Director, instead of the Assistant Director of Florida. So I had to call Farima, wake her up (though why she wasn't already up at 10am on a Thursday I have no idea)
I told her what was happening, and then drove to my house, called her again and such. THEN she accuses ME of Panicking and freaking out and such. What the every holy fuck!?!?!?!?!
I just saved HER ass., and yeah, my mom shouldn't be opening my mail, as a number one, she freaked, not me. Then Farima accuses me of playing the "blame game" and causing drama and such, and suggests that perhaps it would be better if I was listed as just a dancer instead of an Assistant director...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!
Juin and I help her get her business cards done and do her ENTIRE website, create her logos, banners, new letters, as well as I help her sell her stuff, and am her emergency contact while she is in Turkey. Cause apparently any "american" who goes over there right now MUST have someone back on american soil they can e-mail if the person gets kidnapped or something. Her mother is in Iran at the moment visiting family, so I am it...WHY am I the one I have no clue, but there you go.
So basically the title I was listed under was fucking true since I was the one alerting her to this letter, and she gets bitchy with me.
I already feel like I have lost or am losing my art. I feel like in this world of dance there is no place for me. I am supposed to be doing a Persian classical Dance of the Peacock on the 18th and I have to make the entire costume from scratch AND choreo a dance. Then we are going down to Tribal Solstice for about 5 days in Ft.Lauderdale. That means gas, food, boarding costs for Nahmbo, etc etc.
I can't go to my home because I start to panic. I have the basic necessities here at Juins, but not my computer or tablet. We keep getting one bout of bad news after another and just UGH!!!!!!!!!
So...
Yeah....
I guess now to the fun part?
Condoms....
Juin and I are regaled to using back up birth control. I have used condoms in the past, but since I have had the IUD and Juin and I were both safe, we never really had to use them. We've been together for almost 4 years....
So to say it's a huge change is an understatement.
We got a variety pack of Trojan condoms. it;s got twisty ones, warming ones, the excite/intense (can't remember) and a sensations (her pleasure) ones.
There is another variety pack we saw yesterday we might try.
They're definitely different form how I remember them back when I was 17 I'll tell ya that!
It's fun, kinda. We are like back at that new exciting stage in the relationship where you first start having sex together, and it's all new and fresh and exciting.
I gotta hand it to the Condom companies though. Instead of building a better mouse trap (cause nothing in the WORLD will ever feel like real intercourse with nothing but you and your partner) So they decided to not make it feel the not the SAME, but concentrate on making it feel DIFFERENT. like make the condoms do things that the human body cannot do to up the fun of being safe.
SO what kind of condoms do you all use or like? And why?
Do you have a favorite, least favorite. Fun experience where you got your socks knocked off?
We are trying different ones currently to get some we like. I sorta like the variety pack because we don't know what kind we grab, tis a surprise for both of us and that has been fun.
So yeah. I will say that Yesterday ( Saturday the 8th) was the first good day Juin and I have had in a while. We got free ice cream on a customer appreciation day at our favorite ice cream place. I got my new (used) Nintendo DS that I bought form a friend of mine, so that can help calm the nerves and such. So things are starting to get better. Slowly but surely. So we'll see what this next week holds.
I have a week to make a peacock costume and choreograph a dance, let's see if I can do it!
Oh yeah and SEX!!!!!!
As far as the rest of it. There seems to be a bit of an up swing. So we'll see if we can keep it going.
I am at my house today and so far I have already had an anxiety attack and heart palpitations. My mom's answer is just retarded. "Do some dancing that will help you relax" Um..sure, dancing is great, but it's not going to stop this reaction I'm having about my room.....
-facepalms-
If you're in no immediate need of additional condom options, I'd like to suggest looking at Rip 'n Roll. They have a grand assortment of additional condom choices with very reasonable pricing (especially when you look at the cost of condoms on the shelf in a drug store). For example, they have a 36 pack sampler of textured condoms for about $24 + $5 shipping. They also throw in a freebie with each order, either 12 regular condoms, or something else in their list. Effectively, you can get up to 48 condoms for just under $30.
Since they ship from Clearwater, FL, I think you'll get the package from them quickly (2-3 days), even with their cheapest shipping option.
After all, if you're going to do condoms, do all the fun ones. :3
And yes they are SUPER expensive. We depred and the first round of 12 we got at the drug store, fucking $16! Then wised up and went to Wal mart, same brand, different variety pack AND the ones we had for like $6-$7
Not sure how long it would take for this situation to resolve itself, so yeah I'll take a look. Sounds fun!
I prefer more of the textured things. I'm not too keen on the different "lubes" and "sensations" my vagina gets confused, then it gets sad..and you don't want a sad vagina during sex.
I don't get WHY on earth the condom people have thought that cold or that cool tingling is a good thing. My Vagoo gets fucking NUMB then I can't feel shit! And juin isn't small so that's saying something!
How is that supposed to make me come faster?
Is my vagina that different from the other girls?
That shit don't work for me.
Now warming is nice, but they give THAT to the guys! Hey their Dick's in a pusseh, it;s not gonna get cold...not in der....
But yeah, RnR generally is cheaper than walking into a local store for jimmy hats.
Also, I guess I'm just not into the special lubes for some reason. Beyond giving it a flavor, I find it to be pointless. Also, nonoxynol-9 tastes very, very bad. I've made it a point to avoid condoms that use it. :v
As our neighbor just said, we had our Greek Tragedy month. Everything just went to hell in a hand basket.
But it is starting to get better, I will say that.
But it's good that you are starting the re-building process.
Tis a long hard one, but it's good to be moving forward, weather that's up or down depends on days, then just having things suck.
I try not to give the rainbows and sunshine shining out their ass speech to people who are down on their luck. I often find like myself, they have heard it all and are tired of it and would just like for someone to say "Sorry things are shitty for you, that just sucks"
There was this whole web comic written about that actually.
And also that is another thing I am dealing with now, is a LOT of people are doing this whole "You're so strong, you've survived the shittiest of the shit before, you can do it again, and you'll just come out an even BETTER person and a STRONGER person!"
No I won't, Not I won't , sometimes I can't, I am going to slap you.... (not you personally but this shit people are saying is driving me nuts. \)
It's so easy for anyone to say you can become stronger and such... but only one who's been there will say something different. My comments usually go along the lines of "hang in there" or "keep it up, you are going good"
nothing like "you'll be awesome, bla bla bla" because is not about it, it's just to tell them you are there and want them to succeed and keep on
You are awesome Leon
Nothing like a screaming infant to remind you why you have safe sex ya know?
We actually never had to use condoms at all in our relationship. The IUD is great, and since I have never had children or anything else in my Uterus, I am surprised it was even ABLE to move. No earthly clue how it happened.
And you would think I would have felt something like that. But we caught it before I finished ovulating for this round. Dunno when or if I am going to have a period, that has been one of the other problems. I had been having this like weird bleeding, super light, and blood in the urine(sorry over sharing I know) for 3 months straight, and no period. Then I had a SUPER one that was so bad I couldn't leave the damned house. We went to the ER right before that, and IDK, maybe if they had taken an ultrasound then we would have found it sooner?
Not sure. I mean I was fine and there were no babies when I just had the ultrasounds, and we HAVE had sex a few times since I was in the ER. SO IDK.
Either way, we have found some fun condoms, maybe you and your mate can find ones that aren't too bad. I was presently surprised. As was Juin who has never really worn them before. So if we can both find some fun in them, I guess anyone can.
Actually, neither of my mates and I had used condoms with each other. One was snipped about 16 or so years ago, and the other wanted kids as much as I did, so we were *trying* to have a baby. Well, once that worked, yeah. Condoms until I got the depo shot (only hormonal BC I know of that wouldn't interfere with breastfeeding) and we had to wait a couple weeks to be sure it would be working before we could do away with the pesky latex.
But, funny part? Once the shot really kicked in, my libido crawled under a rock and died. So I guess it's back to square one.
That whole midwife thing just seemed medieval...and I think if you told someone you were going to a midwife they would be all "Oh honey you should get real Drs and modern medicine, this isn't the dark ages! Why you doin that to yo sef?!"
But when you say that you are with a Doula, people's responses are different. Am I Right?
Anyway, Juin will get the vasectomy, even if we have to hold a fucking fundraiser to get it. And things will go back to normal. I hope.
Yeah, hormones can do funny things, hence me using the Paraguard IUD (copper) it is non hormonal and more of a natural solution. Though I guess I can;t go around talking about how awesome it is for ling term Birth control anymore....
But it lasts for 10-12 years, where as the Mirania only lasts for like 3-5 years.
It's 99.9% effective because you remove human error. The Dr puts it in, and you jsut leave it there. There are strings that hang from the cervix, but they are just to make sure everything is in the right place, and makes for ease of removal when it's time. Plus your partner can check the strong length to see if it;s moved.
Juin never felt the strings while we were having sex, and he hits the end. He said most he felt was when it was foreplay time and he could maybe feel something at an odd moment while touching m, but if anything that sort of upped the arousal factor because we knew we were safe.
I am starting to get fucking curious how I didn't feel this fucker move, and when it actually moved....
That's sort of bothering me...I think I would feel something like that. Unless it;s been on a slide for a LONG time and jsut moving only slightly over the past like 3-6 months.
I haven't heard many good things about the IUDs, and the thought of those scares the hell out of me. Besides, doctors are human too, and make mistakes easily enough. I guess I've just heard too many horror stories about those in particular.
The interesting thing is, uterine tissue (and intestinal, actually) only tend to respond to stretching and/or tearing with sensations that are noticeable. And considering what the uterus is made to handle, I'm not all that surprised. It's a pretty badass organ and can take a lot more then most people think. At least, since you don't *want* to get pregnant or have kids, though, there's no concern with it causing you any problems in that area. Still though, yikes.
I had a midwife treat me for my OBG stuff and she was awful. We almost came to blows in the office she was pissing me off so badly. She was telling me that my Birth control pill was not in fact interfering with other medications I was taking, when it was and vice versa. Because her little pocket manual didn't have as much info on those drugs as say..my fully licensed and practiced psychiatrist, who's area of expertise it actually was, she got bitchy. I literally had to bring in a note form my other dr to get them to stop writing me Scripts that I couldn't and wouldn't fill.
And the IUD horror stories..ugh...
Ok, most people either were alive at that time (I don't know how old you are) Or had parents and hear it fomr their friends.
In the 60-70s there were a couple different kinds of IUDs and they were not really much better then torture devices. The implantation of them was a rough procedure, and fucking trying to get them out. They caused a lot of pain and irreversible uterun damage to the point they were almost take off the market. But they were not and slowly but surely they made newer models that they were seeing lasted longer with less side effects, complications, pain or just general badness.
It is the #1 Birth control used in China, a place where population control is EVERYTHING. So the one I have and the Murina one are actually REALLY safe, and the risks of damage are almost completely obsolete now a days.
And as far as the Dr.s insertion, they take a LOT of steps to make sure that thing is placed right, and they check it often to make sure it isn't moving. Also you cna check yourself with the strings. If they are longer or shorter, or just odd in one form or another then you got a problem.
Unfortunately I am not able to reach my strings so I have Juin check them for me. Still works. Heck I've her more bad things about the Nuva ring or even the shot then the IUD.
IDK I have always had issues with OBs...I never seem to click with them, and they piss me off faster then any of the other Dr.s I see. Perhaps it's because most that I have seen feel it;s necessary to stick their nose in another part of my life or medical history where they have 0 expertise. That pisses me off a LOT. I expect them to check under the hood, do and oil change, make sure nothing is broken, and that's IT
I don;t need to here their opinions on my mental health, or my physical health or anything else. Fighting with me about prescriptions I take blah blah blah....
Just check and make sure there isn't a second head and leave the alone.
At least I finally found just that Dr. He is great.
And yikes, sounds like you really ran into a snooty midwife there. The ones I see have all been really nice, and do their very best to practice evidence-based care and stay informed... But then, I suppose that's too much to ask some folks. Just know they aren't all that bad, and I guess that's the most I can ask. :)
I've had issues with doctors pulling stuff like that before. The funny part is, my best friend in grade school grew up to become a psychologist, and her opinion was that I've got a pretty good handle on things. And I'm a diagnosed agoraphobe with PTSD and abandonment issues. The way I figure is, I have to live with my problems, mental and physical, so it's up to me to make sure they're being handled correctly. Congrats on finding a good doc!
I have PTSD (had a really bad bout of it last night) and from the most recent traumatic event I developoed Agorophobia, though I think I have always had a touch of it.
I also have that mood/psychosis dissorder they are JUST starting to have a name for?
My Dr said that they wouldn't have a name for my condition for about 2 years, and he hit the nail on the head.
I would LOVE to talk to you more. It is so rare to find other PTSD victims that are not military (unless you are then I apologize) But it's just different.
I was doing the Sufi whirling in hopes to help my specialized therapist start a group for trauma survivors and PTSD victims to help heal them using whirling. It is used in the Hospitals in Turkey for pain and Depression, and my Master's Master used it to help cancer patients take chemo.
So there is a good chance that the whirling will help.
Of course my master is currently not speaking to me so..not sure how this is all going to play out.
Anyway, I was just thinking last night, and this may be a question to take privately for notes..but how do you let people know. Do you suffer silently, or do you sometimes wanna just scream at everyone. Let them know how incredibly hurt you are so you can get more support and help.
I feel like lately I have been hiding in the dark and keeping my deep dark secrets from everyone. And it changes the way I am viewed. These awful things keep happening, and everyone is trying to poor me a glass of rainbows and sunshine saying I'll be stronger when it;s over, or I'll preserver/survive, I always do! Or my new least favorite, You'll be a better person once you get through this.
Fuck I am tired of getting through things!
I mean hell that is what PTSD freaking MEANS it means your mind DIDN'T get through shit, it protected itself so that you could get to safety, but that is the absolute basic most primal survival mechanism.
Anyway, if you want to take this particular conversation to notes, that's fine with me. I understand these things can be intense and private.
And of course I have given Midwives a chance. I chose her originally to have a more natural caregiver for that area. And I know that one bad apple doesn't spoil the bunch.
I also completely and totally respect your feelings about the IUDs, they're not for everyone, and some don't want them due to under education, some choose not to for your reasons, being educated on them and just not wanting to take the risks that are involved, since there are risks to just about every form of birth control, it just depends where ever your comfort level lies.
But it is nice to see strong Independence women taking control of their own sexual health and life. Your partners must be very lucky to have you! And I am sure you make an amazing mother
My PTSD came as a result of a bad wreck, in which my best friend died behind the wheel of *my* car. I still have trouble riding as a passenger at all, the only person I can ride with anymore is my husband, and even then I still panic a hell of a lot. The thing is, I had some symptoms of PTSD long before the wreck I was in, ever since my son was born by c-section. And symptoms of anxiety many, many years before that, even as a young kid. I usually tell people outright that I have problems with panic attacks, and they tend to be pretty understanding overall. It's not like you choose this, ya know? So I've never really made any effort to hide it.
I don't even know what to say, other than, *HUGS!* to you both.
There is always a place for you in dance. Always. And if you have to smack somebody in the head to keep that place, so be it. Hopefully that was more a case of her taking stress out on you inappropriately, and not something irrevocable. Either way, I don't want to see you lose hope in something so important and fundamental to you.
On the plus side, ice cream. Yay ice cream!
Cause right now I really don;t feel like there is a place in dance for me at all. I feel like it is yet another ream, another passion being ripped away, along with art.
I will try and keep my head up because I know that you, and others on here believe in me, and a few dancer friends once they know what's going on believe in me, and Juin of course. I will try.
And yeah, that free ice cream was just fucking awesome. Totally worth it after such a shit couple of weeks.
Let's hope the mammogram comes out ok...really worried about that one. :(
*hugs* Thanks for your kind words
I know that sometimes it feels like there is nothing and nowhere to belong (and goodness knows, you've had more than enough kicks to the metaphoric teeth to earn that feeling), but things will change. Like Spock said, change is the essential process of life. And you're quite due for some good changes. *shakes fist at the universe* And of course we believe in you; you're generally cool and particularly awesome.
Mmmm, free ice cream... :)
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you for the mammogram results.
*hugs back* It's easy to be kind to good people.