This is a letter I wrote to my father. He is trying really hard to be supportive but he didn't quite understand why I am transitioning. I am posting it here because several people have asked me when I knew and how I figured it out.

Dad,

I know it is hard to understand what is going on with me. You saw me born as your son, grow up like a little boy should, and become a man that was mostly respected. I want you to know the story from my eyes.

When I was very young and we were still living in Preston, I saw all the pretty clothes Macy got and couldn't understand why I didn't get the same things. I was the same as her in my mind. I asked mom for a dress and she said I couldn't wear girl clothes because everyone would laugh at me. I didn't understand that either because I thought I was a girl. I didn't know that I had different parts than the other girls.

After we moved to Rockfield, I again asked mom for girl clothes because I didn't feel right dressing like a boy. I got the same answer. By then I knew that I wasn't like the other girls and I came out different but I was still a girl in my mind.

As I grew up I began to see that I couldn't get away with being myself because there was no good place in the world for girls like me. I tried to blend in with the boys as good as I could so I wouldn't get any negative attention. It was going pretty good until I hit puberty. I started developing breasts and my hips broadened a bit. It wasn't as much as the other girls but it was enough to get the attention of the boys at school. They started saying terrible things to me. That's the reason I didn't want to change for gym class and I absolutely dreaded swimming at school.

I started feeling an attraction to some of the boys. My manly mask was beginning to crumble. I wanted to date and find someone to be with but I didn't know anyone who would be accepting of me. After I graduated and the army thing didn't work out I decided that there was no reason I couldn't find a man to be with. That kept me satisfied for a while.

I was becoming more and more uncomfortable with myself. I was well liked and respected by most of the people I knew but they weren't seeing the real me. They were seeing an act that I had spent 32 years perfecting. I have always been a girl. When I dream I am female and have those parts. That's how it has been for as long as I can remember. I realized that the act was making me feel terrible and depressed. I had to be the real me.

At first I thought I may just be able to dress like a woman and that would be enough. It made me feel a little better about it but people didn't react to it very well. They saw a big, hairy, bald guy in drag. I realized that I would have to be completely transformed to feel right. I feel really good about what I have done so far and I know that I will have the surgery one day. I am generally accepted as a woman everywhere I go now. Many people know what I'm doing but they just accept it and go on.

I know it is hard to understand and it will take a long time before you can think of your little boy as your daughter. I really appreciate the effort you have made. It means a lot to me. I am very lucky to have you as my father. Many men wouldn't be so willing to understand and accept their son doing what I am doing. Thank you.

I love you, dad.
Your daughter,
Rally