So i kept telling myself that i'd made enough whiney journals, but i kinda wanna keep a log of all this myself >.> never been very good at doing actual journals or diary things, and it just feels like it'll be good for me to do so. So what i've decided to do, is to edit this journal over and over for a little while so express my feelings, without filling up everyone's inbox, but they can still check if they really wanna know how i'm doing.

I kinda feel like i need to do this as a way to help me keep track of time as well, because i would SWEAR that several weeks have passed since he left, when in actuality . . . this is day number 4 x.x

That being said i think i'll do a recap of what happened what days, and again this is more for myself than anyone else, but you are all welcome to read it

Wednesday July 17th - Wolf leaves a lot later than he should have, largely in part due to me being very clingy and sad about him leaving. . . lots of tears were had, and i think making him remove his tag from my collar to symbolize what was really happening hurt one of the most, but it did have to happen.

Thursday July 18th- Honestly i don't even remember much of this day . . . it's become such a blur.

Friday July 19th I really need to give a good shoutout to  silverpalth and  Takathekitty for coming over to visit me and help me get through that night, it was really rough especially since i had to work that day x.x I also got the wonderful text from wolf saying that he made it to texas safely, so at least that was some good news.

Saturday July 20th Work was pretty rough again, but i managed to make it though, and took myself and  Kdevan to the Delaware furbowl, x.x damn do i hate those stupid toll roads >.> 12 bucks in tolls *gripe gripe gripe*. Thank you to everyone who was there and gave me support at the meet, :D i had a great time even though i forgot my fursuit head and couldn't suit ;-;, ah well i went ahead and got in the human pic this last time :P for any of you who don't know what i look like, i'm hidden in there somewhere, almost like a where's waldo :P. I also met up with some of the gettysburg furs that night and they came back to my place and kept me company saturday night into sunday.

Sunday july 21st- i'd like to thank  spookythewolf  wolffan98  Minarabbit and :iconrenamon1983 for your guys support and hugs, especially when i broke down again. I thought i was doing alright and that i was over at least the majority of the pain . . . yeaaaaaaa-no. I ended up texting wolf about something and how derpy he and i were about whatever, and he made the comment "we're quite the pair aren't we?" just saying that we're both total derps and my reply was "Yea we are" and then "well. . . at least we were" . . . and that simple change in wording broke me allll over again ;-;. On a much much happier note, they were also able to help me rearrange the furniture that my pet had moved in from his apartment to here like at the beginning of the month. So now the Furniture in the living room is actually placed in a very welcoming manor, :D makes this feel much more like a home and a lot less like just . . . a thing? i dunno it makes me feel better >.< that's what's important so thank you again guys :D

Monday July 22nd- Short day at work today so that's pretty good, I was suppose to have someone come over and hang out today, but those plans seem to have fallen through x.x so i'll probably start texting people here when i'm done with this journal to see who's available. I'm also starting to worry about other things now too =/ i mean my bday is a little over 3 weeks away. And really i don't have much to show for my life x.x another year gone, another year wasted. All i really did this entire past year, was work at shitty jobs, make very little money, and move away from family. I like the fact that i'm not being reliant on my family to survive, but at the same time it's not like i really have much of a survival at the moment, I really need to start looking at better jobs, and making enough money that i can afford to regularly visit a chiropractor, and massage therapist so that i can get my messed up back fixed a bit. If i can do that, then i can possibly get back into nursing, even if that's not really what i want to do with the rest of my life. If i do manage to get back into nursing i either need to start networking and finding people who have family members who need taking care of, so i can kinda work for them directly, :P or find a rich cub who can hire an actual CNA to take care of them XD. . . heh heh yeaaa i know better than to think that would ever happen :P. Oh speaking of my license i guess i should get around to getting my PA CNA license reciprocated into MD huh, hmmmm.

Tuesday July 23rd - a big thanks to  strawbunny and rexxie and her boyfriend (who's name I will butcher if I try to so it from memory) for helping through that day. Even though it was overall good day, I got some bad ish news as well. The 3ds I'd been working on for a month now is fully dead, so all 300 street passes and puzzle pieces I got at ac are down the drain, plus now I don't have a 3ds,so unless someone wants to sell me theirs I guess I'll just cave and buy one :(
Wednesday July 24th - really crappy morning, I went to bed (much later than I should have for such an early shift) but before sleeping my back hurt me really bad, I got up and tried to stretch out felt this pop and then I didn't hurt anymore. I was like "Ohhh I think i did something right, first time in a long time I haven't hurt. . ." seconds later "oh oh shit nope nope, I did something wrong, I think i just pulled something, at which point I did the things I should have done the first time my back got hurt, I ran for the ice and ibuprofen to make the swelling stop, and even as I write this a day later I'm still using ice X.x, so hopefully whatever I did won't make matters worse. on a better note, my pet ended up coming home early, so i didn't have to sleep alone last night :3, and while I don't think this will fully fix the problems, I think it should definitely help.

Well that's all for the moment, thank you all for your kind words and your help getting me through this rough time. I never realized just how many people i had to really cared about me :) and it's great to see, thank you guys. Also, i'm sorry i haven't replied to everyone's comments, i kinda fell into a slump after the first journal, but i'll see if i can get back around and reply to them individually here soon. Thanks again guys :D

~ps, my personal drama aside, i just this very second (like a few hours after writing the journal) saw this, and i think everyone else should, this almost brought me to tears as well https://twitter.com/LettersOfNote/s.....66242227458048