I'm sure there are a lot of people here who have unfinished business, whether it's with used-to-be-friends, estranged family members, or stubborn heartless ex-lovers. I'm not stranger to that, but I often wonder how people go through life with it and not go insane.

I used to be friends with a great artist back when the Internet was still in its infancy (...now I feel old), then they had a bad break-up with another artist that I was also friends with. I didn't know how bad it was until too late and before I could get all the details, they got cut me out of their life. All I got is bits and pieces and things I should remember has been blocked out because I can think of what and when this all happened but not the why and how.

To this day, they despises me. For what, I'm still trying to think of. I wondered if they thought it was because I was still friends with her ex and I was their cronie willing to give any details on them so that they to throw in their face.

It haunts me everyday but it get worse during my time of the month (I seriously think I have PMDD instead of PMS). People tell me to "Just forget about it." "Don't stress on it anymore." "Go forward with your life." And I would get so mad when they spoke so awful about them. I do try to forget, trust me I do. I try to bury that thought in the deepest part of my mind but it comes back in full force once a month and it turns me into a blubbering mess that wants to do nothing but dig up a hole 8 feet deep and bury myself in it.

I often think I deserve this. I deserve to be spiritually tortured like this. Because I put them in so much pain and I didn't do anything to help them, it's their just revenge that these memories haunt me for however long they stay with me.

I've tried to think of things I could've done to change things. "Maybe we could still be friends if I did this or that" but of course, what's done is done and the rest is history.

All I wish for now is closure. If I could talk to them, see what really happened back then. I don't want their friendship back if they don't wanna be friends anymore. I don't want forgiveness. They could call me the most awful, heinous person next to their ex and I deserve to die and burn in hell. I just want closure and maybe, this pain will stop...