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The Secret Sexual Preference...
12 years ago
I observed a conversation today, that frankly, made my head hurt.
A group of people were discussing sexual preferences, and it was entirely couched in expressions like "gay, but doesn't mind girls too much" and "straight, but doesn't mind a guy sucking his dick.", and it made me wonder how the current generation seems to have completely missed out on the perfectly usable concept of "bisexuality". It's like they're bound and determined to divide everything into two camps and no "middle-ground", just people way on the fringes of either camp.
Bisexual does not mean you like both sexes equally, it means you like both sexes, period. The degree to which you like one sex or the other is entirely variable within that range; an individual can like one sex more than the other to an infinite number of degrees.
Not only does the concept seem to be ignored, but in many places it seems to be actively discouraged; demonized as "indecisive", "promiscuous", "opportunistic" by both homosexual and heterosexual camps, often in a blatant attempt to coerce those who are as yet undecided, into one camp or the other, continuing this whole childish "us or them" mentality.
In this day and age, when it's increasingly obvious these schism are not merely no-longer-viable, but actually doing us harm, personally, socially, politically, I think it behooves us as both individuals and as a group, to grow-up a little and accept that there is more to the world than "us and them", that two opposing points of view is neither the only option nor the best option.
-Edit----
I'd like to thank Webster for informing me of the concept of "bisexual erasure"; I'm a relatively private person, personally, and very comfortable in my own sexuality, so I don't feel much need to go out and explore the subject generally. reading up on the concept was very enlightening in light of my own observations.
A group of people were discussing sexual preferences, and it was entirely couched in expressions like "gay, but doesn't mind girls too much" and "straight, but doesn't mind a guy sucking his dick.", and it made me wonder how the current generation seems to have completely missed out on the perfectly usable concept of "bisexuality". It's like they're bound and determined to divide everything into two camps and no "middle-ground", just people way on the fringes of either camp.
Bisexual does not mean you like both sexes equally, it means you like both sexes, period. The degree to which you like one sex or the other is entirely variable within that range; an individual can like one sex more than the other to an infinite number of degrees.
Not only does the concept seem to be ignored, but in many places it seems to be actively discouraged; demonized as "indecisive", "promiscuous", "opportunistic" by both homosexual and heterosexual camps, often in a blatant attempt to coerce those who are as yet undecided, into one camp or the other, continuing this whole childish "us or them" mentality.
In this day and age, when it's increasingly obvious these schism are not merely no-longer-viable, but actually doing us harm, personally, socially, politically, I think it behooves us as both individuals and as a group, to grow-up a little and accept that there is more to the world than "us and them", that two opposing points of view is neither the only option nor the best option.
-Edit----
I'd like to thank Webster for informing me of the concept of "bisexual erasure"; I'm a relatively private person, personally, and very comfortable in my own sexuality, so I don't feel much need to go out and explore the subject generally. reading up on the concept was very enlightening in light of my own observations.
* murrs and hugs you*
"BI-Sensible... now that is a really NICE word.. I like that wolfie.. thanks! (and thank you for the above explanation too.. very enjoyable and like you said, knowledge is indeed that which gives one better arms against those who would force that 'Us or them" mentality onto anyone who they run into...
When I came out there was this whole thing where bisexuals were weird "weak sisters" - there was this attitude that any moment now we'd find some girl and of course we'd run off with them 'cause we were never really Gay enough. Something like that. I'm embarrassed to admit that this was in my 20s and it's... well... been more than a decade since. A lot of people around me while we were all in our 20s, we could seriously see the world as really polarized, in some places as a lot more polarized than it actually is or was - but it sure sounds like that was true of my father's generation and my grandfather's as well when those guys were in their 20s.
As for the bisexuality, don't get me started on how hetero/homosexuals are saying they can't trust bisexuals in romantic situations just because they're attracted to both sexes or past experience that's been replicated by hetero/homosexuals just as often.
*sad chuckle*
Yes, and as always uncomfortable truths are ignored. Like how many heterosexual and gay people cheat on each other.
It's like people preaching the 'sanctity of marriage' to deny gays the right to marriage, while the divorce numbers clearly show that there is little 'sanctity' left anyway.
But yes, seeing everything in black and white makes things more simple for people. Even as we do acknowledge, that few things (if any) are si clearly cut.
So now I'm a Don'tGiveAFuckSexual. Oh you have a gender? That's cool. :3
I swear, I could go out into my backyard and find ROCKS with higher IQ's than many of the people on this planet these days.
And I did say that bisexual meant "The degree to which you like one sex or the other is entirely variable within that range; an individual can like one sex more than the other to an infinite number of degrees."
In the case of the Kinsey Scale, it renders labels like heterosexual and homosexual relatively moot; individuals who are Kinsey 0 (absolutely heterosexual) or Kinsey 6 (absolutely homosexual) are an aberration, since the majority of any observed set is statistically most likely to fall between the two points (essentially, everyone is "bisexual" to some varying degree). The trouble is we had a helluva time getting society to accept two possibilities. We're having a helluva time getting them to accept a third. Getting them to accept an infinite number of possibilities ......?
I prefer "pansexual" anyways.
It makes sense logically if you think about it: no matter how you slice it, if you have *any* level of interest in both sex, you are by definition *bi*sexual. How far that interest skews is essentially just numbers - "heterosexual but..." is not heterosexual, "gay but..." is not gay, they're both some level of bisexual.
Because of the nature of the internet (it's harsh) they will learn pretty quickly and their parents will have less control over what they learn. While the surface of this may seem bad, consider that most parents only want their children to learn of the religion they were brought up with, and are only in that religion because it's all they know. That's one example out of a lifetime of experiences, and most parents will teach their kids that only what they know is right.
Once everyone is thoroughly confused about what is right and wrong, then you have perfection. Because there is no right or wrong, so now everyone knows the truth, at least until they try to define anything as absolute, then things will settle again.
Because the internet mostly shares information, ultimately people will gain more relevant knowledge through it than through local people. Things like racism and sexism have a difficult time existing here and the result is usually chaos.
While polite conversation seems rare online, the reason is because of cultural and social separation. Even within the same country you will find that wildly different ideals exist. For example, Quebec is known over here for being snobbish about their language and typically refuse to acknowledge anyone speaking English even if they can understand it. And near to them is a place where so few people live that you could have a school from grades 1-8 and only have thirty students total. They are relatively nearby, but have wildly different opinions and morals.
My reason for believing the internet aids intelligence is that when I was in grade five I came up with a theory that matter has an opposite, "anti-matter" that could destroy a physical object on an atomic level. I came up with the idea because we were working on negative integers and I had recently read an article about how soundwaves could be cancelled out by equal-opposite soundwaves. So to me it made sense, but when I tried to explain it to my friends all I got were phonecalls to my mom when I got home, and the teachers weren't agreeable either. When I got to high school I finally had access to a library computer but more importantly the internet had greatly improved it's information base with Wikipedia.
I found out that not only was I right, but the idea has existed for over fifty years, and is used in medicine and other things. After that I learned more from the internet than my teachers and friends. A lot of useless information, but after high school it turns out that most of the information there was also useless, so I was way ahead of them.
I don't know if you remember much of between grade five and grade 10, but profanity was their way of proving that they were grown up and no longer just a little kid, and to be called a kid was an insult. I don't typically swear IRL because It's more fun to see people react when I do swear, but my classmates were extremely loud and used profanity as often as they could.
And while it was safe to assume the teachers knew what they were saying, I always questioned what I was being taught.
To say that kids are different now than they were is the most popular conversation from the beginnings of human history. There are ancient Roman walls with graffiti that basically says "Secundus is gay", which right now is a popular way of getting back at somebody for some small slight. A hundred years ago many of the same complaints we have now existed, mostly about the creation of the telegram and how short texts will ruin letter writing and basically ruin the youths of that generation.
I don't put a lot of faith in how people think things are different now, seeing as a lot hasn't changed in at least 2000 years.
It might be misleading for me to advertise myself as bisexual, because of popular misconceptions. Others might very well think that means I'm attracted to both sexes equally or that I am polyamorous or whatever -- when in reality my attraction for the occasionally random guy irl rarely exceeds "he looks nice," when I'm strictly heteroromantic, and when I'm the monogamous type. I also feel that I wouldn't really fit in with bisexual groups for the same reason I wouldn't fit in with furry culture (conventions, fursuits, and the like). Don't get me wrong, I don't condemn any of those things, but it's just not me. This is probably a horrible analogy, but joining a bisexual forum or group would feel a lot like me joining an alcoholics anonymous session. As someone who drinks once a year or less and who has never been drunk, I would not be able to identify emotionally with the struggles other people have had, or how they were judged or whatever. They might be annoyed and confused as to why I even attended.
Unfortunately, when describing yourself broadly with a label, you don't have the time to write paragraphs, so it's just easier to avoid confusion by avoiding the terms altogether. The only time I don't mind being labeled as bisexual or furry is when it's by people who actually know that those terms cover a lot of ground.
Such as, a man hits on a bisexual woman that identifies as a lesbian. It becomes a very terrible thing, because the girl characterizes his advances as being as futile and rude as a straight man hitting on a lesbian. It brings to mind mental images of the experiences lesbians have had to deal with, with straight men claiming the only thing wrong with them was that the "right man hadn't humped them right" to turn them straight. When in reality, she just wants a reason that goes beyond herself why she rejects the man. So it's word play used to social advantage.
'Straight' is it's own culturally distinct 'Thing' by default, and has been since we started giving a crap and keeping track of such labels for the most part.
Since the 1960's homosexual rights activists have worked really really hard to make 'Gay' it's own culturally distinct 'Thing' as well. Nobody's done that for Bisexuals and human beings have a tendency to view those not explicitly of 'Our Group' with distaste and suspicion, so self-identified bisexuals come to be seen as interlopers in this or that group and are not welcome, and so this encourages people not to see themselves as Bisexual but as 'Gay/Straight, but with a few caveats'.
The girl who's, "A Lesbian, but will fuck a cute guy." is effectively Bi, but wants to appear Gay so she can hang out with and be welcome among gays and enjoy the cultural benefits of same.
In many minds proclaiming bisexuality makes someone neither fish nor foul, so then the cool kids won't hang out with them.
So, yes, the whole 'bisexual erasure' thing has been around long enough to be mentioned in comic books before a lot of the people participating in that conversation were born.
Then again, Roberta Gregory has been living this sort of thing longer than most of us; she was born in 1953.
Thus we tend to label ourselves into an easy to understand, politically correct model that everyone can draw past experiences and expectations from. Something unique is new and scary and people don't relate to it.
Furries are an exception to this the majority of times. In my mind this makes sense as we relate to one another as anthropomorphic animals. If I can relate to you primarily as what your species are, say a wolf or a sheep (sexually or not), then accepting your gender should be less difficult. But naturally, we all have preferences and ideal mates.
on a side note, I've heard of bisexuals getting picked on by their 'more gay' beheran because they aren't 'queer enough'. A famous case itwas a group of bi-sexual men were kicked off of a gay softball league for not 'being gay enough' - http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/sto.....storyid=100299
And the closest thing we've had to a bi-sexual activitist? The best I can think of is a pro-wrestler: http://technorati.com/videos/articl.....ler-makes-his/
In Mainstream society, if you're Straight you can hang out in a Sports Bar and watch Football on the big-screen and maybe play some pool.
In Mainstream society, if you're Gay you can hang out in a Gay Bar and watch pretty-bois and drag-queens strut and mince about and maybe play some pool.
If you tell anyone you're Bi, people at the Sports Bar or the Gay Bar will look at you like 'Well what are you doing here then?' ..and they won't let you play pool.
Maybe we should just bring-back pool halls?
(The opinions expressed are mine solely, and were not meant to offend anyone. If I did, I apologize now. Don't flame me or the original poster Wolfkidd.)
Life is too short not to forgive each other.
=^'.'^=
Aliens with three genders, living together in marriage-like structures with more than three partners while some are homosexual, others heterosexual, some bisexual with some trisexuals.
We might loose a percentage of our populations because people won't be able to deal with that and their minds blow.
*sigh*
Why is it, that we (as a species) are simply unable to accept things that have been with us for a few thousand years and maybe even going back to the beginning of our species?
In all seriousness it's kinda crazy what some people do. Check craigslist some time. Lot of "I'm a straight dude but I love being boinked in the b hole by 30 plus guys once a month but I'm totally straight!" I can't face palm hard enough some days.
(He's Canadian, which is better.)
I've said it before, I'll say it again: Bisexuals are unique in that we are the only group in the world that people will tell you to your face that you do not exist.
On the other hand, I have noticed a push by some people for polysexual, or some other hyped terms to brand themselves with.
I think that many gay men go through a period where they first consider themselves Bisexual, before getting comfortable enough to define themselves as Homosexual. Thus, when they meet someone who is actually Bisexual, they automatically assume that person is just gay, but too chicken to actually come out and admit it.
it just goes to show that people, no matter who they are, really prefer things to fit into neat little "buckets". Strictly Straight or Strictly Gay are absolute identities that are so much easier for people to wrap their heads around than Bisexuality.
Yes, bisexual erasure has been going on for quite some time. People with analogue preferences don't fit in a hard, binary digital datasheet and it makes for rallying the armies difficult. I guess they want the "B" in LGBTQ (what, no love for the Pansexuals? Asexuals?) to be just filler? Granted, some groups want to remove the "T" from the equation, and all I have to say is "Look, a tranny threw the first brick at Stonewall. Cutting them off is cutting off your own heritage."
And if you're wondering what the difference between 'Queer' and 'Gay' is, that's more a distinction between Gender Identity and Sexual Attraction. Who you feel you are as opposed to who you want to climb in bed with.
Forget the gender binary, some of the diagrams of human sexuality I've seen use four dimensional geometry. (Biology, Identity, Presentation, and Attraction.) And none of those, not even biology, is a strict binary. Look up Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome sometime: there are a lot more people out there than you think who are genetically male but anatomically female... and who often won't even know they're genetically male until they get tested.
Alot of times picking a shade of grey is better.
The main thing that's different now than it was then, is that homosexual sex is only recently not illegal in many places. Lawrence v. Texas in the U.S. was only ten years ago, though about 2/3 of states had revoked the laws against it before then. The 20-somethings would be the first generation in Texas who would never have had to worry about getting thrown in jail for getting caught.
Of course, the insular self-protecting culture created by generations of active suppression is still there, and likely contributes to the fact that, as one person commented above, bisexuality is often treated even worse from the homosexual end than the heterosexual.
It honestly makes me wonder just how many people who tune into these sorts of conversations know what the 'B' stands for in LGBT... much less the T. Neither are really spoken of.
I doubt I can add too much to discussion that hasn't been brought up, save for my perspective. Perhaps by dint of inclusive like-minded friends who are more of a weathervane for my social feelings than random people ever will be, I don't find myself being tugged in one direction or another. I mostly just find myself being overlooked, maybe because I don't bother to identify myself as either gay or straight. My closest companion and I feel that your configuration doesn't matter if it's your intent to share something special with someone, so it feels like more of a non-issue with us what someone's got between their legs.
Be that as it may, I've a strong feeling that we'd meet the sort of reactions you're suggesting if we were to, say, go out and start advocating 'Bi Rights' or just drawing attention to our perception of our standing. As it is right now, our sorta-secret preference is...I guess...just not provocative enough to warrant much merit by the powers that be!
Or as you mentioned just classified and dismissed as promiscuity. It's a thing we humans do.
The point being a lot of people began to not want people to identify with any specific sexual preference, and just kinda be... everything. And honestly that bothers me more than you might think. Not that I matter all that much in this other than being the one talking about it here. I can accept a male exploring his female side and vice versa, but that shouldn't confuse things. I *still* don't understand how people claim there are more than two genders.