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eureka
12 years ago
“And it is still true, no matter how old you are -- when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.”
As a lot of you have noticed I haven't really been myself for a while and the past few nights I've been trying to reflect on why that is. Last night I think I had one of those eureka moments and suddenly I feel much calmer about my situation.
As most of you know, I'm a babyfur but primarily I'm an adult baby. I know weird right? But to me there's really no difference between the two, whether my mindset is gem the baby squirrel or Sammy the baby version of myself I'm still just me and I need to feel looked after.
When I moved house back in March I thought it would fix a lot of problems in that department of my life. Me and my husband met through an ageplay website, he became my daddy figure and I was his little girl but as the years grew on he kinda grew out of the whole ageplay thing but I haven't and it's something I need in my life.
I put it down to the fact that there was no space in the house to play that the place was cluttered and untidy.
But we moved 6 months ago now into a much bigger place and I had even imagined having a proper sized nursery for me to play in. 6 months ago....
All my baby stuff is still in the boxes I packed it in. I have no nursery. I think I have been read one bedtime story this year, haven't even tried out the bath in the bathroom.
These are all silly things but I really miss my daddy person. I truly do need to feel like I'm being looked after, like when I do the housework I'd like to get a star for it or just.... Well.... I feel like a freak sometimes needing this sort of lifestyle. I've spoken to my husband lots of times about it, even cried myself to sleep over it which is silly. But nothing changes, he apologises that he didn't realise it was that important to me but then the next day it's as if the conversation never happened.
I love him dearly I really truly do, and finding someone else to look after me would just feel like I'm cheating on him, which means I'm stuck.
That's what's been getting me down recently, that clearly it wasn't the house that had broken our daddy/baby bond. Something else has broken it but I just don't know what that is or how it can be fixed or even if it's possible to fix it. Maybe if I was skinny he would love me in that way again, or maybe it's because I'm no longer 24? I don't know I really don't but whenever I ask him about it I never get a solid answer so I just don't know what to do.
Anyway that's what's kinda been eating at me the past few weeks. I dunno why it's been so potent recently, normally I can ignore this sort of stuff or it pops up for a day or two then goes away again, bit recently it's been at the forefront of my mind for ages and it's effecting my moods and well yeah that's why I've been all emotionally all over the place.
Thanks for sticking by this psychotic little squiggle lol. I appreciate it. I'm sure I'll be fine, I just need to figure out what I'm supposed yo do.
As most of you know, I'm a babyfur but primarily I'm an adult baby. I know weird right? But to me there's really no difference between the two, whether my mindset is gem the baby squirrel or Sammy the baby version of myself I'm still just me and I need to feel looked after.
When I moved house back in March I thought it would fix a lot of problems in that department of my life. Me and my husband met through an ageplay website, he became my daddy figure and I was his little girl but as the years grew on he kinda grew out of the whole ageplay thing but I haven't and it's something I need in my life.
I put it down to the fact that there was no space in the house to play that the place was cluttered and untidy.
But we moved 6 months ago now into a much bigger place and I had even imagined having a proper sized nursery for me to play in. 6 months ago....
All my baby stuff is still in the boxes I packed it in. I have no nursery. I think I have been read one bedtime story this year, haven't even tried out the bath in the bathroom.
These are all silly things but I really miss my daddy person. I truly do need to feel like I'm being looked after, like when I do the housework I'd like to get a star for it or just.... Well.... I feel like a freak sometimes needing this sort of lifestyle. I've spoken to my husband lots of times about it, even cried myself to sleep over it which is silly. But nothing changes, he apologises that he didn't realise it was that important to me but then the next day it's as if the conversation never happened.
I love him dearly I really truly do, and finding someone else to look after me would just feel like I'm cheating on him, which means I'm stuck.
That's what's been getting me down recently, that clearly it wasn't the house that had broken our daddy/baby bond. Something else has broken it but I just don't know what that is or how it can be fixed or even if it's possible to fix it. Maybe if I was skinny he would love me in that way again, or maybe it's because I'm no longer 24? I don't know I really don't but whenever I ask him about it I never get a solid answer so I just don't know what to do.
Anyway that's what's kinda been eating at me the past few weeks. I dunno why it's been so potent recently, normally I can ignore this sort of stuff or it pops up for a day or two then goes away again, bit recently it's been at the forefront of my mind for ages and it's effecting my moods and well yeah that's why I've been all emotionally all over the place.
Thanks for sticking by this psychotic little squiggle lol. I appreciate it. I'm sure I'll be fine, I just need to figure out what I'm supposed yo do.
-kneels down and looks into Gem's eyes sweetly with a simple smile- I disagree completely. There are times when you're only able to get something by taking it. You need to have him know 150% what is going on in your mind. He's a guy, and won't pick up on the small talks or hints like a woman/babygirl will.
You'll need to make it very known. Sit down and tell him straight up, even if you have to be an Adult about it, that you see your Daddy/babygirl relationship slipping out of grip. Don't just tell him about it...tell him that you need that part of relationship because you're not being fully satisfied without it. Without it, you are not 100% yourself, and that will only lead to an Identity Crisis.
Think of it this way: Gemma doesn't understand why she is so fascinated by these dreams, and is even holding back on writing down the dreams for her Therapist, especially when her Brothers are in danger in the dream. Your Daddy is the Therapist, and without the full facts and demands, the problem won't get fixed and your relationship will sour because it will nag at you over time. You are Gemma, and you need to know that the Lifestyle will only become Dreams if you don't let it stay a Reality. Also, he will be able to tell you fully what he likes/dislikes about that lifestyle now that he's been with you, once you demand to continue.
_____
Good luck, hun <3
I'd say you should look and see if "is this the person I want to go to for a good huggle?" still is true. I suspect it probably is still the case. Sounds like you need one and I hope he always gives ones just as wonderful as the first. And hopefully that will help bring you a little closer to where you want to be.
Cheers,
LilSimba
Do you need a hug?
Your cute comic helped me find a way to sleep better at night, and I'm honestly considering buying a pacifier.
And now people would probably not like me much for saying that, but what about baby fure and Gem? How Paul is relating him self intro it? You make a lion character for him, but other then that i did not think he feel that much related to this world as you do, but in the last 2 years, Gem hade taked much biger place in your life, you say you are as much as Gem that You are as Sammy or as your adult self, but did it realy true for everyone who know you?
Personaly i feel that you become much more like Gem then you was 3 years ago, or maybe it just me.
My advice would be to talk about it with Paul, about the place of your furry self and how he see it.
*hugs*
I created Paul a furry character because gem is me and having a relationship with anyone other than Paul even in a fake comic still felt weird.
The train museum I knew was a very important part of Paul's life I accepted it and helped out whenever I was needed, including digging bargain out of a field on Valentine's day, washing a train on boxing day and spending an entire Easter bank holiday weekend digging meter deep trenches to lay cable. I supported him throughout the whole of the train museum thing, hoping he would realise I was being a good girl. Missing him all the weekend's he sacrificed his time up there. It was his dream so I embraced it too. Yep it wasn't my cup of tea but when we first met the museum didn't exist. So I didn't know any of that was going to happen. However we met on an ageplay website so he knew exactly what he was getting into. But I'm guessing it was just a phase for him, whereas for me it's part of my deep down who I am person.
I hope all gets better so you can be true to your happiest you.
I hope it gets better man, i really do
Secondly, I just have to say your devotion to your husband is nothing less of pure love. I have seen relationships fall about almost instantly for lesser reasons but you've been trudging on strong, head up high and helping your husband in every way you could with what he wants while he... neglects your wants.
With both of these in mind, I really do wish some great solution comes to you. You are a person with absolutely no bad bones in your body (as my family would say.) Someone who deserves a truly angelic life for being so darn sweet and kind it makes it hard to believe such a genuinely good person still exists in this day and time. I really wish the best for you, Sammy because I think you deserve better than that. *Hugs*
It makes me sad to see a sad squiggle (not that I don't want to see you post about it)
Some people do lose interest in this stuff, or don't particularly want or need it to be a life style for them. For us its more fun as a sometimes thing, like cake. But the thought of participating in it as a baby or caretaker mostly everyday is not very appealing.
It seems to me that there could be a failure of communication going on, you say you are telling him how you feel yet hes not acting on it, then its possible that you are not being direct enough (my point about using language like, "well maybe we could Blah more sometimes, its kinda important to blah").
If he is getting the point though but not responding then he should at least tell you why not, be it your weight, age, just is not that interested in age play anymore, or some other reason and the failure to communicate his feeling is on him.
I doubt that he "loves" you less because of your weight, though it may be possible that there is less physical attraction whch may have been an important part of the age play for him. And when something like that happens it is often hard for you're loved ones to admit it because they dont want to hurt you. That being said keep in mind that it is very difficult to lose weight unless you yourself want to, if you only try and do it because its what they want, i think you may have a difficult time staying motivated.
If something like that is the problem I would really recommend trying to get in shape together or if he already is in very good shape, exercising together, its a great bonding activity and helps to keep each other motivated. I do have personal training experience, so if you ever want health and fitness advice, please feel free to note me.
I really can't offer much more advice then this since i really don't know you folks, but best of luck.
I'm so sorry I can't think of anything to say...
You could even offer up a simple reward system for the both of you. (kind of like for kids but make it so it works for you as adults) Like say, have a project where the two of you go to work and you pick one thing a day that made you smile or happy and you have to share it with each other. each time you do you get a point. when you have say...10 points he has to do something for you within reason and vice versa that you REALLY want to do. for example he gives you a massage before bedtime. or (whoever cooks less often) has to cook something special for dinner.
*snuggle hugs you tight* Hope this helps baby girl. I just wish I could do something more for such a great person such as you.
P.S. your "size" is never an issue. If someone tells you it is they are being doodie heads and need a good time out.
Tho I bet it would help at least a lil bit if you did get the nursery room set up.
Hope you get to feeling better soon. *huggles*
PS. Did ya know Eureka is a name of a town in the state I live in?
First off, *HUGS* They are good for you and sharing is built into them!
Obviously I don't see being an AB as weird. ^_^ You have a need to be nurtured and that's just that.
I'm sorry he's still not seeing how important it is to you -- or perhaps he sees it very well and just doesn't do anything about it. Now, I don't have any doubts that he loves you very much, which means that he must have reasons why he's quite deliberately not giving you what you need. I'm not a psychologist or anything, but I think there's something about being a daddy to you that somehow hurts him or makes him quite uncomfortable, maybe even on a level he's not aware of himself. If there were some way for him to find out what that is and deal with it, it could mean working toward a solution for both of you.
But anyway, I also wanted to say that you can work toward getting that room into shape as your new nursery, and I read above that he's agreed to move his computery thingies out of there so you can make that happen. It's weirdly similar to my nursery situation, where I had to get my things out of TJ's office and she had to get her things out of my nursery, and we talked about it for the longest time before we finally just did it. But that's probably that dimensional-twin thing in action again. What I really mean is that if you take steps toward what you want yourself, sometimes life can meet you the rest of the way ... or rather, making it as easy or likely as possible for what you want to happen can draw it to you like a magnet. Am I making any sense at all? Maybe I'm just babbling -- I'm a baby after all. But then you speak that language too. :)
but for what ever reason it seems his heart isnt in it anymore. and you shouldnt feel stuck. if any one ever says to just settle i say they are wrong a person should never settle for anything less then what would make them happy. if your husband loves you truly he should make more of and effort a nd if not there isnt anything wrong then gettign that attetion else w ere if thats what makes you happy and makes you function. if anything you can have a "nanny" or a close friend thers nothign wrong with a big brother or sister or what ever depending on the way you run your relationship such ans naguhty stuff and what not. i wouldnt see anything wrong in havin soemone in your life that can provide that you what he cant right now.
but that just how i feel about it. but i hope you get to figure it out Gem Gem it sucks seeing you upset so over somthign thats out of your control.
Maybe try a couple's counsellor? If you're having a hard time getting what you need, if he's having a hard time delivering on that promise (and I've no doubt that he wishes to be able to!) then talking with a counselor can help to open up those feelings and get everything sorted out.
They may try get her to stop being a little its not something we can let go of.
I'll bet even people who are not AB's should not trust a counselor who is more interested in changing who you are than in finding the best way for you and your mate to establish common ground and enrich your relationship.
I can say that thanks to you I was able to come out to my fiance of three years about me being an Adult Toddler, needing the extra attention and such, only difference between that and a regular AB I guess is the mannerisms of speach, and the desired level of helpelessness, thanks for giving me confidence, by showing us if we trust someone we can tell them anything, and if they reject us, then we can learn and grown from it, and if the don't reject, then it's good and we can live a happier life not hiding...
If a scared introvert who couldn't even tell her fiance about the fact that she was needing surgery, could some day tell him who she truly is, I believe in you to be able to overcome this hump in life, either by figuring out something new, or talking to Paul, or just being clever about it, how ever you do it, just make sure the result is a happy result and tell us about it, okay?
Seriously, thank you for writing like you do, and posting the journals you do, they truly give confidence to those who need it, and I hope they can give them to you too!!
I know how you feel... ish. I'm not a babyfur (though I've loved reading your comic!) so I don't understand that specific piece of what you're describing, but I *do* know what it's like to have a unique type of relationship with somebody- of having a part of yourself that you want to express, a part of you that *needs* to be treated a certain way; of finding somebody who fills those needs, all the worry about how they'd react to that part of you, the feeling you get when somebody does treat you like that, along with the sense of safety and belonging from knowing somebody who accepts and likes that part of you... and the fear and sadness that you feel when that's threatened, or seems to be fading. So my advice may be a little off base, but I do understand at least in part.
Remember, first, that this does *not* mean he doesn't love you, or that he's stopped caring about you. It doesn't even mean he doesn't want to be that way with you anymore (and it definitely doesn't mean anything is wrong with you!). It could be that he's just tired- not of you or this aspect of your relationship, but just tired/less energetic in general... but if I had to guess it's not any of these things, or even that he doesn't know it's important to you, but more likely that he isn't sure how to meet those needs for you- or possibly, not confident about meeting them, especially if it's been so long since you've done things like that. If you've told him how important this is to you, it might be time instead to work with him in finding ways to help him be comfortable acting that way again. Much of the specific things you mentioned were spontaneous things- the star for housework, the sense of being looked after, etc- but maybe you could find a few things you could schedule regularly and in advance, like having him read a bedtime story to you on Wednesdays (or whichever night works). Even if it doesn't happen every week or he misses some, something like that might help make him more comfortable/confident about it, or just get him back into the habit of it, or just make him realize how happy those things will make you in a way simply telling him won't, so that the more spontaneous things start happening again.
Second... you're not a freak! You're unique, and special; don't feel bad about it. Be glad you've learned what makes you happy, and don't be embarrassed about it. Be proud of that part of you! And don't feel bad about crying over it- it's something important to you, something you enjoy, something you miss, and that you're worried about losing. There's nothing to be ashamed over about being upset from that.
*nuzzles* I hope things get better, though. :(