Even tho im sure you all are tired of seeing these vent journals iv tried to hold off on doing them but i just gotta vent i cant take it anymore... i confess... i hate my life...

i hate almost everything about it right now....
My living situation is worse than it was before we got kicked out of our house.. as of right now i am currently sharing a 2 bedroom 1 bath trailer with at least 5 other people although most of the time i have a room to myself but no means of privacy at all x.x the cops have already been here twice and the first time they showed up (thank god i was at school at the time) they searched the whole house found all of my smoking stuff and confiscated it.. and the second time i had skipped out on school and no one really knew i was home (i could hear them outside of the room) and i was smoking in the bedroom but quickly covered the smells and locked myself in and tried to act like i was sleeping.. i started to cry.. i dont want my life to be ruined over things that im not even involved with.. not to mention i have a firm belief that the people im staying with are selling meth to make money cuz no one has a job around here except for my mom.... so im staying in this trailer for now until our house is done being fixed up for us to live in and the guy who is working on the house is the same guy who we are living with... i mean dont get me wrong i look up to this guy almost as a father since my real dad chooses not to be in my life and hes done so much for me i couldnt be anymore grateful... but hes such a asshole sometimes.. he completely despises my mother but loves me a 100% thats why hes fixing up this house for us but last week or so him and my mother got into the most ridiculous argument and he stops working for like a week and lays on the couch and does nothing o.o so.. were still waiting

And with my health.. my doc says i might have ulcers... i firmly believe this because im more stressed out than i have ever been and thankfully the meds my doc prescribed are helping somewhat but i dont want to live on pills for the rest of my life nor do i want to eat nothing but rice and water..... my stomach is the least of my worries right now tho.... iv been experiencing alot of nightmares and iv been depressed for the last week or so and its just getting worse.... im having nightmares about so many things i dont want to happen like the most reoccurring ones are about me and Ichis relationship ending over stupid stupid arguments and situations... and not to mention i start to over think things between us alot and im always constantly worried when legitimately our relationship is fine.. i mean he is one of the only things that bring me true happiness right now and im so grateful i dont kno where i would be without him right now<3 although other than him i am excited for halloween im already starting to order parts for my costume hopefully i can get it together before the month is out xP and i cant wait to show you all what im making :P

Theres good days and theres bad days but overall i feel like im stuck in neutral and i just want time to go faster so me and mom can have our own house where i can have privacy and a place to work and not have to worry about anyone else other than me and my artwork