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SARAH PALIN'S HILARIOUS VAGINA
17 years ago
*I've thought about getting a tattoo. Maybe an arrow pointing to my asshole that says, 'Insert Quarter, Receive Shit'.
*Sudden realization: You never see mint-flavored soda. Why?
*MCDONALD'S FRENCH FRIES ARE MADE OUT OF MIDGETS.
*AT THE DELI
'Do you have deep-fried rat feet?'
<shakes head>
'Well that's good, because no one would eat them.'
*Paris Hilton! Covered In Raw Sewage! Millions Rejoice! Film At Eleven!
*Q: What's big and hairy and surrounded by Indians?
A: A scrotum pole.
*Question: Can people with Alzheimer's really celebrate Memorial Day?
*Winner, 'Least Purchased Cereal Of The Millennium' award:
Racism Puffs
*Q: What do you get a watersports fetishist for their birthday?
A: A German chocolate urinal cake!
*Just because you never hear about children being raped by penguins
DOESN'T MEAN IT NEVER HAPPENS
Penguin Rape: It's Everyone's Problem
* A man walks into a talent agent's office.
He has his wife with him. They're both wearing spandex. He tells the talent agent he has an amazing act.
The talent agent says, "Okay, show me."
So, the man turns on a tape player and rousing music begins to play. His wife rips off her outfit, then lies down on the floor on her back, legs spread like the letter V. The man crouches, then leaps into the air, coming down and stomping on his wife's stomach as hard as possible. At the moment of impact, three thousand live spiders shoot out of her cunt and spray all over the office.
Then the man blows a whistle and the spiders, who have been painstakingly trained, all run up his legs and crawl up his ass.
The man and his wife stand up and say "TA DAA!"
The talent agent stares, slack-jawed, then says, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?
And the man says, "The Aristocrats!"
*Isn't it funny, how you never hear about pussy farts in church?
*Sudden realization: You never see mint-flavored soda. Why?
*MCDONALD'S FRENCH FRIES ARE MADE OUT OF MIDGETS.
*AT THE DELI
'Do you have deep-fried rat feet?'
<shakes head>
'Well that's good, because no one would eat them.'
*Paris Hilton! Covered In Raw Sewage! Millions Rejoice! Film At Eleven!
*Q: What's big and hairy and surrounded by Indians?
A: A scrotum pole.
*Question: Can people with Alzheimer's really celebrate Memorial Day?
*Winner, 'Least Purchased Cereal Of The Millennium' award:
Racism Puffs
*Q: What do you get a watersports fetishist for their birthday?
A: A German chocolate urinal cake!
*Just because you never hear about children being raped by penguins
DOESN'T MEAN IT NEVER HAPPENS
Penguin Rape: It's Everyone's Problem
* A man walks into a talent agent's office.
He has his wife with him. They're both wearing spandex. He tells the talent agent he has an amazing act.
The talent agent says, "Okay, show me."
So, the man turns on a tape player and rousing music begins to play. His wife rips off her outfit, then lies down on the floor on her back, legs spread like the letter V. The man crouches, then leaps into the air, coming down and stomping on his wife's stomach as hard as possible. At the moment of impact, three thousand live spiders shoot out of her cunt and spray all over the office.
Then the man blows a whistle and the spiders, who have been painstakingly trained, all run up his legs and crawl up his ass.
The man and his wife stand up and say "TA DAA!"
The talent agent stares, slack-jawed, then says, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?
And the man says, "The Aristocrats!"
*Isn't it funny, how you never hear about pussy farts in church?
:<
Jamaica
Ooo I wanna take ya
Bahama
Come on pretty mama
Here comes Santa Claus
Right down Santa Claus Lane
Row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row...
...I recall getting something similar to that as actual output from an early chat AI back in the late 90's.
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
and this is how it goooooes
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
and this is how it goooooes
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
and this is how it goooooes...
yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people started singin' it not knowin' what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because...
This is the song that never ends,
yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people started singin' it not knowin' what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because...
This is the song that never ends,
yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people started singin' it not knowin' what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because...
This is the song that never ends,
yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people started singin' it not knowin' what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because...
This is the song that never ends,
yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people started singin' it not knowin' what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because...
This is the song that never ends,
yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people started singin' it not knowin' what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because...
This is the song that never ends,
yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people started singin' it not knowin' what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because...
This is the song that never ends,
yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people started singin' it not knowin' what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because...
etc
- She didn't know which countries were involved in NAFTA.
- She thought Africa was a country.
- In an interview with Katie Couric, she apparently got butthurt for looking terrible in that interview.
I don't know if these are simply rumors, but if Fox News is saying this, even though a lot of Republicans didn't like Palin...well...here's where I got it from anyway:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWZHTJsR4Bc
It was so funny on The Daily Show, huh?
Anyway, I think these random journals are funnier if the title has nothing to do with the subject matter. I have a 'confusing my readers' fetish. ;)
Wait, so does that mean for every comment you get from a confused reader, you get an erection?
BTW, the alzeimer's joke was a big hit at my work this morning.
Jerk to that. :O
<fap fap fap nnnnnngh>
I'M A GODDAM UNICORN!!! :D
Now what are you?
It's delightful, it's delicious, it's delovelyyyyy
I have no clue how I know it ^^
Another pun like that:
It's not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!
"You there, how do you spell 'Those who don't know how to spell are idiots' ?"
I concur: What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic?
Iceberg.
Both my muse and mind have deserted me, so I shall have to resort to plagiarism. 'Course if I did it a lot, then it would be known as research!
"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
Also, who's Xanth? I know when you explain it, I'm going to feel so stupid.
Xanth is the magical, pun ridden alternate Florida written of by Piers Anthony. So far I think there's almost 30 books set in that particular world. Here's a link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xanth
Just keep in mind 'Everyone starts out stupid, it's only something to be ashamed of it you don't do anything about it.'
These aren't puns, these are just groan-inducing.
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced a large set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him what?
A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
Second:
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter belts out, "Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
One day, not long after Christmas, a horse mounted police officer met a little girl on a bike at the crosswalk. Looking down he asked her, "Did Santa give you that bike for Christmas?"
Smiling the child replied, "Yup, he sure did!"
The cop looked down for a second, then handed the child a $25 ticket, saying "Next year tell Santa to put reflector lights on it."
The little girl looked up at the cop and asked him, "Nice horse, did Santa give him to you?"
Chuckling the cop replied, "He sure did."
The little girl looked up at the cop a few seconds more before telling him, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_aristocrats
...hilarious, though! And let's not forget: free 'coloreds only' stickers in every box! Stick them everywhere!
Damn! Dem honkey's afta mah racism puffs, foo'!
Especially if it had the voice of Don Rickles.
If there was some way to weaponize your humor, we could take over the world.
Sounds like a rejected Tick villain...
http://www.explosm.net/comics/1443/
Other than that, pretty funny stuff. Though I never did like the idea of the Aristocrats joke... the whole point of it is for the people who know of it to laugh their asses off and see if they can get anyone who DOESN'T know what it is to laugh. It's basically trying to make sheep out of people with that whole "Well, I don't know what the hell they're laughing at, but I don't wanna look like an idiot, so I'm gonna laugh too" thing. No Soap, Radio's the exact same thing. I don't like anti-jokes. :/
And I dunno about that. To me, you don't have to understand the punchline to laugh at spiders shooting out of a cooze.
... that also would explain it... @.@
(i.e. excrement + exclamation or excrement + cremation)
;)
http://www.slashfood.com/2005/11/27.....nt-julep-soda/
HAVE YOU NOT SEEN MINT MENTOS AND DIET COKE? Seriously, it's the newest pop rocks/pixie sticks and soda.
Someone should totally do that with an enema. "Death by Mentos and Coke in an asshole."
MINT MENTOS AND DIET COKE BABY. EXPLODES ON CONTACT WITH AIR.
this thread deserves this
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1704222/
If this submission should be here, please contact the administrators immediately
Actually, they need to make it so you can type :penis: and little animated dicks will cum on whatever you're posting.