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HIV & World AIDS Day: Consider this... [edited.]
17 years ago
When they come for me... I'll be gone
--
--
After having spoken to legal counsel, I am heavily editing this post. I also have made a formal apology to the party I have accused.
The post:
Being told you have HIV is a hard thing to come to terms with. Being comfortable with the fact that you will probably have to take medication for the rest of your life, at least at some point, and that doesn't guarantee you a suffering-free life?
That's hard to come to terms with.
The one thing you need to remember, above all else, is you can NEVER GET TESTED ENOUGH. Do it on a bi-weekly basis if you want. You might feel like it's overkill, but at least there won't be very long of a period where you've got it and don't know.
I am secondarily infected. I got it from having consensual unprotected sex with my PERMANENT MATE (he is my husband!), but because we both were of the understanding he was clean, when he wasn't. He did not know, nor did I.
This could happen to you too.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, in this scenario.
I have edited my entry because, on the bottom line, what I did was a very bad choice on my part. I chose to, without permission, out someone's HIV status to the INTERNET. The fucking internet. Yeah, well, not all choices are thought out completely, and mine was not. I was concerned with making sure people knew to get tested and knew the scoop, but what I didn't realize was that look- the internet is viral. People talk and repost and spread and absorb. I was so distracted by my concern for anyone else in this boat (it's a shitty boat to be in), that I didn't realize the true effect of what would happen.
I do agree with people that the way I chose to inform was a bad decision.
I do agree with people that giving people HIV without informing them of their risk first is a VERY BAD THING ™. Legally, however, there is no way to prove that he- or anyone- is doing this. The lawyer friend of mine I spoke with told me, "Look. The only thing you know is what YOU, YOURSELF, experienced. Someone else can tell you all they want to, but it doesn't mean it's true."
What that means is- while people have come forward and blamed the accused, it doesn't mean they're not just jumping on the bandwagon. Consider this before taking any action on your own, I implore you.
The damage has already been done by this post, editing aside.
I would like to thank everyone for their support of me and my husband during this difficult time, but please remember- even if the accused did do those things (felony charges if he's charged)-- he, too, has to deal with his status and has to make amends with himself in the end.
I should only have been concerned with myself, in this scenario. I may be brave for admitting my HIV status... but I'm cowardly for pointing a finger at him at the same time. True or not, it's a shitty thing to do, and I am sorry.
</ /3
Please, just remember, it may be closer than you think. You can help this infection stop its spread, by making sure that if you have it, you don't pass it on; that if you don't, you keep it that way.
The post:
Being told you have HIV is a hard thing to come to terms with. Being comfortable with the fact that you will probably have to take medication for the rest of your life, at least at some point, and that doesn't guarantee you a suffering-free life?
That's hard to come to terms with.
The one thing you need to remember, above all else, is you can NEVER GET TESTED ENOUGH. Do it on a bi-weekly basis if you want. You might feel like it's overkill, but at least there won't be very long of a period where you've got it and don't know.
I am secondarily infected. I got it from having consensual unprotected sex with my PERMANENT MATE (he is my husband!), but because we both were of the understanding he was clean, when he wasn't. He did not know, nor did I.
This could happen to you too.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, in this scenario.
I have edited my entry because, on the bottom line, what I did was a very bad choice on my part. I chose to, without permission, out someone's HIV status to the INTERNET. The fucking internet. Yeah, well, not all choices are thought out completely, and mine was not. I was concerned with making sure people knew to get tested and knew the scoop, but what I didn't realize was that look- the internet is viral. People talk and repost and spread and absorb. I was so distracted by my concern for anyone else in this boat (it's a shitty boat to be in), that I didn't realize the true effect of what would happen.
I do agree with people that the way I chose to inform was a bad decision.
I do agree with people that giving people HIV without informing them of their risk first is a VERY BAD THING ™. Legally, however, there is no way to prove that he- or anyone- is doing this. The lawyer friend of mine I spoke with told me, "Look. The only thing you know is what YOU, YOURSELF, experienced. Someone else can tell you all they want to, but it doesn't mean it's true."
What that means is- while people have come forward and blamed the accused, it doesn't mean they're not just jumping on the bandwagon. Consider this before taking any action on your own, I implore you.
The damage has already been done by this post, editing aside.
I would like to thank everyone for their support of me and my husband during this difficult time, but please remember- even if the accused did do those things (felony charges if he's charged)-- he, too, has to deal with his status and has to make amends with himself in the end.
I should only have been concerned with myself, in this scenario. I may be brave for admitting my HIV status... but I'm cowardly for pointing a finger at him at the same time. True or not, it's a shitty thing to do, and I am sorry.
</ /3
Please, just remember, it may be closer than you think. You can help this infection stop its spread, by making sure that if you have it, you don't pass it on; that if you don't, you keep it that way.
If the world was now like it was way back then.. before this happened.. Gosh..
im not afriad Kitsuneko *hugs* ill always be here for you both.
I wish you the best, you perhaps may find good jobs to afford thsoe meds.
Dont sell yourself short just yet.
<3
anyways i feel bad for you 2 and hope you'll be able to get through it with as little difficulty as possible. and no worries about losing a friend in me, you aren't the first person i've known who has HIV. you're still the same awesome person and it's not like i could catch it from a hug and using the same utensils, or any other way an uninformed person may think it can be contracted.
hang in there and hopefully you wont get too much negative reaction from all this. *hugs tight*
It wasn't meant to keep out the good people though!
Considering we're facing possible retaliatory litigation, I think the negative backlash has yet to rear its head, but hopefully we make it through okay.
Means a lot. I don't wanna be someone else to people, you know?
p.s. I will start on your ref sheet soon. :3
I will not simply pity you or your mate, nor will I look at you any differently. I will pray for you and anyone else that will fight for your cause. I've had my scares more than once and I know it's not something one just purely from being careless.
If you didn't know or haven't found out all ready, having sex with anyone, under any circumstances without disclosing that you have HIV/AIDS counts as attempted murder.
I don't often say this with such sincerity, but I wish you both the best.
The battle is uphill and since he wants to retaliate with litigation I really don't know that we'll win.
*sighs*
heavy burden to bear, regardless.
As for the guy who raped your mate, I hope his dick rots and falls off!
It doesn't matter how you got it, but now you have a death sentence. :'(
Thank you for the support. :)
One of the men at the establishment had gotten down to a cell count of 12. 12! He was labeled full-blown AIDS when that happened and the doctors were saying he wouldn't live a month. He's survived for ten years since then and he's raised his cell number.
I do hope you and your mate are careful and I want to congratulate you for coming out to say this. It's never easy.
While it's a just cause, I just wish Breast Cancer Awareness month didn't overshadow AIDS Awareness that time. Both are serious conditions and the education needs to get out there; the red AIDS ribbon was the first ribbon too!
As for the bastard who started this.. I have a Baseball bat for him...
:)
Thank you for the support (on both posts)- we appreciate it. Heavy burden to bear, for sure. :(
I wish you two all the best. Significant strides in HIV treatment have been reached in recent years; I hope for you and your mate that they pay off soon.
I want you to know, whatever anyone ever says to you, that you are a living, breathing, feeling, loving human being and nothing can ever change that. Don't listen to slanders if you hear them, just remember that.
*smiles*
And remind me, if I ever meet you at a con, to give you a hug. Not just because of this, but I think someone that has this much of my respect in general deserves to have me show it to them, and you've got it in spades.
My best to both of you. I've two friends who're HIV positive, as well, and I've seen how it affected them. They've both been great friends, and they're both tough, tremendously good people.
I'm sure you've got all the friends you can manage, but if you'd like another sympathetic ear to gnaw on, my IM contacts are in my profile. Feel free, anytime at all.
wish I could say or do more...believe me if I could give my arm or even my soul to heal you both I would, you both truly deserve it <3
My only hope is that you find treatment (even if it is wishful thinking) as soon as possible as well. I've got my tails crossed.
Be strong, and find your solace in each other and in those who care for you, and know that nothing is more important than that you live your lives to the fullest that you can.
They say there are no such things as strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. *hugs* And you are mine. Both of you.
This has affected me too, one of my good friends in fact. Same guy, too.
Needless to say, I'm not letting this just HAPPEN without saying something.
And if you don't mind me asking where in Michigan is this happening, being that I'm a fellow Michigan resident.
Generally, though, central ann arbor.
As for being judged? Ashamed? It's a virus you contracted without even knowing. There is nothing to judge. The only fur that is going to be judged knows who he is. And I really hope he is strung out for it.
Again my heart goes out to you. It really does. Justice will be prevailed. Don't you worry.
Ingenious panda.
It's very terrible that it happened, but really, caution.
I honestly doubt there was any rape happening.
How can people be so cruel?!
Shorter lifespan? I has it. Organs and systems shut down if I dont take care of myself? SAME HERE
Live. HIV is not a death sentence.
I can't begn to imagine the situation. But I can offer you my support and prayers. And also, prayers that the carrier will realize just what they're doing.
I can't say that I'm going through the same since I haven't had anyone. This "guy" must be brought to justice!
He won't get away with such a horrible crime! >:(
You can't be ashamed of anything at all hon, it was never you or your mate's fault. The only person that shame and guilt should fall upon should be that "guy".
I'll keep my eye out and kick his ass when he tries to make a move on me! x3
*Pow!* Right in the kisser! >:3
That person isn't a fur at all if he tends to do this! He should be labeled as a sexual predator! This is horrible >=/
I wish you both the best for your lives, please try not too let it get to you to much. Hopefully there will be a 'cure' or at least a more efficient form of the HIV medicines being released at some point.
Again, my deepest condolences too you both...
I love my mate unconditionally, and if I could go back in time and not get this, but it'd mean I wouldn't get my mate? I'd go through this all over again.
I doubt he would have had a choice in the matter, whether a condom was used or not.
Jesus goddamn christ on a nacho cheese covered unicycle.
And also, you're welcome in advance. I'm really that much of a jaded, unsympathetic asshole regarding unproven statements.
But, stay healthy and strong - ARVs can be a bitch, but they'll help when it comes time that you actually need them. Really, I hate that HIV and other such infections have become some kind of moral attribute rather than just the physical pathogens that they are. Don't let it define you. :)
It is great that you and your mate have prevailed love wise over the virus, you two are still alive and can continue to try and make the best of things. You must continue to fight, i believe they will find a cure.
Your energy is strong, i am sure you both will be able to overcome this together.