Bad Ideas explained: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/321008/ Includes index.

"I need a door-stud to announce party guests."

Well, that job description was the truth, just not quite the whole truth. It had to be a stud. He would announce that party guests had arrived at the door. Any ideas of answering the door, greeting, and properly enunciating... well, those weren't detailed for good reason: they did not apply. No, he was up well-bound above the door and inside rather than on the ground outside or floor inside to greet guests. The guests pulled the bell-pull rope (and quite vigorously, it seemed!). That made the big spring-loaded wheel spin, it was like like giant recoil starter for an engine,... and weights flew out from the wheel from the centrifugal force. And hit him, hard, right in the balls. He couldn't help but cry out in pain. The horn shoved in his mouth meant he couldn't actually say anything, but he could yelp and scream, or perhaps bellow was the better term, thus announcing arrivals.

It seemed like the Mistress's servants took their sweet time about answering the door, too. The guests would sometimes ring a few times, each time a bit harder and more impatiently. The evening had just started and the guest list was quite large. It was going to be a long, painful night.

At long last it seemed everyone had arrived and he had some respite. Seemed. Every once in a while someone would come out and give the bell-pull a good yank, seemingly just because they could. And later as the guests left, they must've been encouraged to say a hearty 'goodbye' to the helpless door-stud. He was apt to be sore for days. The only question remained... did he really want to completely escape this, or repeat it in a few weeks time?