So I went in today to see the dentist about my broken tooth. The examination and xrays alone [since I hadn't been in for 5 years] cost us near $300. They put together a treatment plan and figured out all that I needed done. As it is I have to go in tomorrow so they can put in a medicated filling so that it won't get abscessed and need a root canal [expensive and painful]. The appointment tomorrow is $200+ so that is money coming straight out of what was at one point my savings for a laptop [responsibilities before "fun" and all that]. So that is all my Christmas money gone, my savings from earlier this year will be going into it as well. My mother says when everything is done, it will cost us a little over $3000 total for all the visits to get everything fixed.

Is this my fault for not taking care of them when I was younger? Yes.
Is this my consequence for not going to get cleanings etc done in 5 years to keep them healthy? Yes.

Only recently have I really woken up to the requirements of being a responsible person. Only recently have I managed to dig myself out of depression enough to even try and take care of myself. Just in time to find my body and mind crumbling at my feet. It is needless to say stressful. This is money me and Strype just do not have. He is busy enough taking care of the month to month living expenses with what little help I can give but now any help I could is gone because it will all be going to fixing my mouth. Thankfully not all at one time but over enough time in big enough chunks that we are kinda stuck.

We have asked for so much help over the years, it feels really shitty to be coming out to the fandom to beg for help again. Honestly it takes all I have today not to buckle under all this and break into tears. I fear if I let myself cry I won't have the strength to fix it. I don't want to fall back into the depressed lethargy of just doing nothing. We just cannot do this alone. We really can't. I want to make everything in my life right but for this I need help. Most of the things I strive to fix just take time, this is the big one that will eat me alive if I cannot fix it. My mom is going to talk with my dad to see what help they can give financially but honestly I do not expect much, my dad has only been back working for a year now and they have their own expenses to catch up on, not to mention she has to help my brother get is wisdom teeth removed like she did for me. They are coming into retirement very soon and have very little money of their own.

I feel miserable today because of all this, when my tooth broke I cried my eyes out on the phone to my mom because I felt so ashamed at how badly I felt I had messed up. I know it is my own fault but it is a matter of too little too late. Only the last few years have I taken proper care of myself, and really it was too late then, the cavities had formed and just started to spread. I am doing what I can to slow the damage till it can be fixed, thankfully it isn't as bad as it could be.

The only reason I hadn't gone to my dentist sooner to care for my mouth is it just keeps falling to the bottom of my financial food chain. Every time I save for anything something more immediate comes along and eats up that money. Then every time I think I am finally in the clear and start putting money aside for things that could improve our life or stretch the reach of my business something new breaks. This time it was sadly part of my body I am terrified to lose. I have nightmares about my teeth falling out or bursting from my head. Or my mouth being full of fragile little teeth that I cannot speak around but have to constantly yank out to breath or talk. I can't just say fuck it and not take care of this. I just do not know what I can do to make all this money myself. We do not have a dental plan, and working freelance has cons like these.

My plan so far is to double-time it on commissions and start streaming when those are done to take in sketch commissions or donation streams to maybe build a bubble of funds for whatever the next appointment is when it comes. This is me openly saying I am accepting donations, and if you are commissioning me in a legit form then I also accept tips. Until this is fixed I really need the help.

All of those who know me know that I have a hard time asking for help or accepting gifts. This is really hard for me, for us both, but Strype and I do not know where else to turn. There are only so many hours in a day to work and he takes in so much as it is. If I could charge what he does then we would be fine but I am just not far enough along to justify it. I am going to spend every hour I can working to save but again, only so many in a day.

So feel free to commission me! Donate! Throw Tips! Give me ideas for money making gimmicks or themes for my commissions! Plug this journal! Send commissioners my way! Any thing you can do will help and I will keep pumping out pretty arts both for hire and to say thank you to you all.

Paypal address for donations: coopers_notes[at]hotmail.com [please mark accordingly]

If you want a commission please note me, my prices are in the commission information section of my page.

I need to plan something to really say thank you to those that help out but in reality I do not expect the help. I just didn't know where else to go.

Maybe I will start a donation comic, it'll be both experience for me and posts for you all [cuz I need more things to post outside commissions if I have time]. I don't really know, it depends on how timing and schedules collide.

So please help. If you can. Any way you can.

EDIT: RARARAR my face hurts , I feel like poop, bluh dead xnx [just got the temp medical filling]