We now return you to your regularly scheduled senseless rambling already in progress. Be sure to check out Part One if you missed it.

My plan was to drive until I was too tired to continue and then stop some place for the night. I made it to Wilkes-Barre, much further than I thought I would. That’s not to say the plan went off without a hitch though. Most places that I went into looked at me like my hair was on fire when I said that I was trying to book a room without a reservation. Did that stop being a thing at some point? When did people stop doing that? I’ve always been of a mind to just go to the place I’m closest to when I need sleep, and I never had the feeling that I was alone in that regard. There are obviously people still doing it, as I went to three different places that were sold out of singles. Such a strange thing. This must be how Lucius feels when he journeys to Not-Texas and finds that everything is radically different for no apparent reason and people take twenty minutes to try and wrap their head around why he’s ironing a sopping wet pair of jeans and treating this operation as if it’s normal behavior.

After hearing “Oh, well you can book a double for $149.” for the third time I decided to check out a Motel 6 that I’d spied from across the street. I know that place doesn’t have the best reputation, but I don’t need a lot of frills and services if I’m just going to sleep there. I did end up deciding against it after I drove there though. I made a couple circuits around the perimeter and for the life of me I couldn’t tell if the place was abandoned or not. It was a moot point though, because either it was and I couldn’t stay there, or it wasn’t and I really didn’t want to. If that place actually was open for business the best I could expect from it was just getting robbed, with the worst being somewhere between asbestos poisoning and an attack by vengeful spirits.

I did finally manage to find a Best Western on the outskirts of town that at least had a king room open. That I could justify booking for just me. They asked if I’d stayed at a Best Western before and I didn’t think I had so I said no, but they disagreed, oddly enough. Apparently I’d stayed at one five years ago and they kept track of that for unknown and presumably sinister reasons. Seriously though, why they needed to know that never once became relevant. I’m not part of anyone’s ultra deluxe silver platinum crystal chalice of opulence mega rewards club, nor do I have any interest in being in one. I just don’t travel enough to justify that and again, I value my protocol of “closest to the place I got tired” lodging selection. I’d hate to have to only stay at one particular franchise.

In any case, I got into my room without further difficulty and got to bed. I actually had a great deal of trouble sleeping, which I was at an utter loss to explain given that I ought to have been in very desperate need of sleep by then. Still, I made out okay and was on my way again. I made it to Casa Luxie in good time and started my adventure there. I don’t think I’ll go day by day on this part because it’s not as relevant and damned if I can’t keep any of those days straight anymore regardless. That’s another disadvantage of going for a visit right after a con, I suppose. You’re having trouble keeping yourself together and don’t really want to do much of anything for several days. Not the best mindset to be in when you’ve still got traveling to do. I still managed to have quite a good time though. After I got settled in we watched Brazil get mercilessly teabagged by Germany in the World Cup for a couple hours. When I was gone for a few minutes to do laundry and Luxie said that there were two goals while I was away, I wondered what sport we were watching.

First up was New York City. I’d never been there that I recall, which surprises a lot of people since I’ve lived in New York State for many years. Of course, that usually stems from a misunderstanding of the state’s geography. I bet there are lots of people who are a five hour drive away from NYC that haven’t been there. And of course that five hour figure is under ideal traffic conditions, which haven’t existed in the city ever since the invention of the automobile. Driving isn’t the way to get to that city anyway, so we were fortunate to be near a train station that could get us there. I’ve never had much occasion to ride trains, but it seems to be a pleasant enough experience. I suppose they have their niche in those handful of situations wherein they actually are the best travel option. Usually they’re at a notable time disadvantage, but skipping the city traffic and not having to find parking are invaluable advantages at our destination, so that worked out great.

The Empire State Building was the first thing we went to. It was heavily commercialized, as one might expect for a place that’s so famous. It’s kept up quite nicely, as befits a building whose main business is people dropping in to have a look around. It did feel kind of sterile and impersonal being shepherded around through the narrow visitors’ accessways. Following one long string of velvet-roped corridors this way and that was not what I had in mind for the visit, really. I was also baffled by how the sign for the bathrooms would always lead you to one that was way on the other side of the concourse instead of a conveniently located one. Very strange. I suppose it’s a necessity to put through the volume of people that the place does on a daily basis. It was certainly worth doing though. Great views and architecture and all that. It’s something that one ought to do once.

The tickets for the Empire State Building came with free passes to a harbor cruise. I liked that idea, and the price was right, so we went for it. By boat is actually a great way to see the city. Most skyscrapers are hard to see from up close, and the buildings are too densely packed to see much of anything from street level. The waterways are nice and clear, and many of the things one might wish to sightsee at are conveniently quite close to the waterfront. A nice experience in all. I do like riding around on the deck of a ship, something that I got a staggering lack of opportunities to do when I was in the navy. The parts of the ship that I spent much of my time in were quite short on sea air and sunlight, tending to resemble factories and cheap trailers more than they did a ship. So that was a nice reminder of why I did actually like the water at one point.

I’d really had my heart set on seeing the Book of Mormon. It had been out for some time, so I was thinking that it wouldn’t be too hard to get seats for it. More proof that I have never done this, advance tickets were actually something in the $240 range. Most of the other shows that held any interest were priced similarly. Apparently the discounts are pretty deep if you buy them same day and just take whatever is left, so we went with that. They wouldn’t be the best seats, probably, but it’s Broadway. They don’t have any bad seats. Rather slim pickings when we got there though. Lots of things I’d seen already or had never heard of. I’d no desire to see Cats or Les Miserables again, but I recalled Avenue Q as being a lot of fun when I saw it last, and decided that I could put up with it again. For $55 apiece I’d say it was still a pretty good option.

We thought that we might fill the gap before showtime by going to the planetarium at the Natural History Museum, but when we got there the next planetarium show wasn’t for several hours. So we settled on just getting food and being comfortably early to the show and just having that be that for the day. We found a little sportsbar pub thing that seemed homey enough. It was packed to the gills with Argentina fans, so I’m glad the game went the way it did. That place could have gotten ugly otherwise. There was another oddly named drink that I was tempted to try there. Angry Orchard plus Fireball Whisky yielding a concoction with the dubious moniker of “Angry Balls”. Tempting as it was, they had a house cider that I’d never heard of, so I went with that.

The show was every bit as entertaining and wonderfully audacious as I remember it being. Certainly worth seeing a second time. It was a really nice and laid back theater too. They let us bring drinks in with us, and even offered a free service where they’d bring the drink right to your seat. I’m a bit dubious about what a good value that was, since mixed drinks cost $11 anyways, but it was a good gesture I guess.

After the show we met some of Luxie’s local friends and went to some little café that served nothing but tiny pies. They were delicious little pies, mind. Almost good enough to make up for the slap in the face that was paying $7 for one, or the fact that it was raining in there because they’d neglected to consider the meteorological complications of running the air conditioner with the door wide open all day. Ah well, you’ve got to expect the cost stuff I suppose. Everyone that’s in New York is trying to make a profit and also sustain the opulent and comically expensive enterprise known as ‘living in New York City’. So yeah, very true sentiment that it’s a nice place to visit, but I can’t stay there for very long without my wallet succumbing to exsanguination.

The next big item on the list was a trip to Sandy Hook so that we could hit the beach. I figured that since we were headed in that direction we might also hit up Lion King, since we know that his door is always open. I’ve always thought of New Jersey as a rather small state that the interstate highway system has been engineered to force as many people to drive through as possible, so I was under the impression that traversing it would be rather simple. This proved to not be the case, with Cape May and Lion King being about two hours past our ultimate target. Still, I thought that it would be worth going, especially given that Luxie and LK had never had the occasion to encounter each other within the meatspace, so that made the trip worth it I think.

The unexpected driving time expenditure didn’t leave us a lot of time to do a whole lot, but I think the three of us made a pretty good team there, so we really didn’t need anything fancy. Luxie and LK got along like they’d been hanging out together for years, so I may have patted myself on the back a little for helping to arrange that. We ate dinner at a nice Greek place, sat around a campfire and talked long into the night. A good visit, if a short one. We were on our way the next morning.

I’d been doing much of the driving so far because we’d taken my car. Luxie brought tunes though, and that was a big contribution. He’s got a much more sophisticated transmitter for playing music in the car than I do, and it’s a beauty of a machine. It actually worked nearly the whole way, and on a not-particularly-low-traffic frequency as well. I’ve really liked my iTrip, but I’m finding myself having to stop very frequently to find an empty station that I can transmit on if I’m in a heavily populated area. I just thought that it was the way things were and dealt with it. I don’t know why it never occurred to me how much more powerful a transmitter you could run from a 12V source than a 3V one. I ordered one as soon as we got back. With luck, it’ll arrive before my next trip and I can take it for a spin.

Anyways, I let Luxie take a turn at the wheel because he actually knows Sandy Hook. I’d never been there before, and I was assuming that the roadways would be an incomprehensible stygian pit with no escape. What I found when we got there was indeed convoluted and baffling, but for entirely different reasons. Now, I give Texas a lot of shit for doing a lot of things radically different for no logical reason, as if they were trying to show off that they don’t really need this cumbersome mantle of statehood and could do their own thing if they really wanted like a listless college dropout explaining the grandiose plan that will finally get him out of his mother’s basement, but at least Texas is screwy in a lot of charmingly benign ways that don’t really affect one’s affairs in the state. New Jersey is a different story.

I’ve discussed how most of their business comes from people who are unfairly shunted down the trap-filled causeway of the New Jersey Turnpike by frustrating iniquities in this nation’s ground transport infrastructure, so this fact makes it all the more baffling that New Jersey would be so openly hostile towards the people that are occasionally forced to be there. If practical obligation is the only thing that gets people into your state, might you want to… not be insufferable dickwads to them? That they might return at some point of their own volition? Yeah, too much to ask. I know.

I’ll speak firstly of a legal catastrofuck that I was reminded of on our way to the beach. It is illegal for a non-professional-gas-pumper to dispense gasoline into a car in New Jersey. Why? Because fuck you for thinking you’re smart enough to pump your own gas, twit! Or so I was forced to presume at the time. I did some research on the subject because apparently I really love being pissed off, and to that end, I think that I’ll share my conclusions on the subject. So, in the states of New Jersey and Oregon, you are not allowed to pump your own gas. Why this is the case is a question people have been asking for quite some time, as evidenced by the mounds of answers that I found in my cursory search of these fine internets. This article from Mental Floss attributes it to both states just not trusting you to fill up your car with sweet, sweet explosion nectar without going full John McClane on that gas station’s ass and blowing the place to smithereens.

As a result, gas station attendants have to go through a safety training course designed with nothing else in mind than seeing to it that the arthritic 75-year-old who's currently entering his sixth decade in the gas pumping game doesn't accidentally set you ablaze while you wait in your vehicle. Because that always makes for just the worst gas station trip ever, am I right? The one where you're just trying to enjoy your day when some lug nut accidentally sets himself on fire? Actually, the safety argument did probably hold some water back before measures were put in place that made pumping gas a less explosion-laden experience. Of course, those measures started showing up as early as the 1940s, and self-service stations started becoming the law of the land shortly thereafter ... except in Oregon and New Jersey.

It's hard for me to imagine that this boils down to anything other than money. Obviously, a lot of jobs would be lost if the bans were lifted, but I doubt it's the gas-pumping jobs people are worried about preserving. Especially not gas station owners. Additional training probably means paying more and all sorts of other hassles they'd prefer to eliminate if they could. No, I imagine the answer lies somewhere in the framework needed at the state level to keep a stupid law like this in place. That red tape and hassle probably keeps food on a lot of tables in those states, and somehow, they've managed to successfully argue for their existence for decades now. Of course, state law means state agencies. In Oregon, which I looked at because their stupid laws are at least easy to research unlike New Jersey, things apparently run through the Cardlock program, which is funded through license and customer fees. In other words, repealing these laws would result in gas stations no longer having to pay money to the state. While it's definitely a bullshit law, the real victims here appear to be the gas and oil companies. If that's the case, I care a lot less.

Fortunately for the part of my psyche that doesn’t want my anger to be quelled or rationalized, our arrival at the beach provided me with a brand new example of why I ought to despise this state. We got to the gates leading into the park, which were closed, and we were turned around because the park was full. Yeah, wouldn’t have figured that out on my own, jackass. Probably because it wouldn’t have been true, given the steady stream of cars leaving the place. I think my new name for New Jersey will be the “That’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard” state, because apparently this is not an isolated incident, here or anywhere else in the state. The beach closes daily for that reason, as do the two other things in New Jersey that people actually want to go to. What kind of freak is going around saying “Oh, we’ve got something that people actually like in New Jersey? Well close that shit and tell them to go home!” Once again, I did some rage-research, because I’d really hate to be this pissed off without a good reason.

I do believe that I mentioned blue laws once already in a different thing that I was frustrated about. The fact that I don’t remember clearly is a disquieting testament to how unreasonably long this journal is becoming. In any case, blue laws are legal measures enacted to restrict the sale of certain items at certain times. Like how you can't buy liquor on Sundays in some states. These tend to be laws enacted back when people took their religion seriously. Like Puritans or whatever. That party-rocking group gets the blame for Minnesota's blue laws, which used to ban everything from working to sex to making loud noises on Sunday. So be prepared for a slow business day if you’re a really loud prostitute in Minnesota. In most cases, common sense prevailed, and these measures were overturned at various points throughout history. Bans on car and liquor sales remain though. Because that's what the Puritans wanted, obviously.

Several states in the Northeast, including Maine, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts, still observe shopping restrictions from the Puritan days, but no one in that region puts blue laws to more insane use than New Jersey. Yeah, bet you thought I’d gotten off-topic didn’t you? My indignant rage never forgets. Specifically I’m speaking about Paramus, New Jersey, which was once ranked the 21st best place to live ... in New Jersey. To be fair though, Newark didn’t even make the list. That seems like a fairly low showing, considering that Paramus is in the heart of Bergen County, which happens to be the most visited shopping destination in the state. Even better, Paramus itself is home to the biggest malls in the county. So, within that retail kingdom, Paramus is king. And they fucking act like it.

As you've probably gathered, blue laws are the problem. Bergen County has lots of them, but none are as restrictive as what Paramus makes people deal with. Essentially, on Sundays in Paramus, you can't buy anything. ANYTHING. Unless you need it to live, pretty much. The words used are "worldly employment," if that gives you any idea of what kind of things you can't do. There are a few exceptions. You can still buy food and medications. Just because it's a law intended to serve one specific religion doesn't mean it's not flexible. Hey, there's even an exclusion for cigarettes, because religious people are sometimes huge hypocrites.

No booze, though. No booze, no clothes, no shoes, no video games or Scooby Doo-themed decks of playing cards... no "worldly" fun, basically. It's that word that makes this seem like a law driven by dedication to Jesus, but it's definitely not. The real problem is traffic. Because it's such a heavily visited shopping destination, Bergen County in general is plagued with traffic jams on a daily basis. They don't keep their blue laws on the books to respect the Lord; they keep them on the books so you stay the fuck out of Paramus for at least one day each week.

Does that sound dickish to you? I agree! Though I will reluctantly admit to seeing some of the logic in it now that I’ve taken this closer look. It's not like they aren't giving anything up by asking for a day of solitude each week. Did you see the part where I said Paramus is the biggest shopping destination in the state? People would spend a lot of money there on Sundays if they could, probably on a wide variety of things. Nevertheless, voters in Paramus have shot down every attempt to overturn the blue laws and have vowed to do so from now until the end of time. See, some things in life really are more important than money. It just so happens that you staying the fuck out of town for a day is one of those things. Good for them, I guess. We agree, actually. I want to be in New Jersey exactly as much as they want me to be there. None at all.

I do recall once having a point to all this… ah yes that’s right, the beach trip. Which, despite my hating everything about everything forever, actually went quite well. The big sales hook (hah!) of this beach was that it was clothing-optional. That was something I’d never experienced before, so I was glad to have the chance. The first thing that struck me about the beach was why is this parking lot in a different fucking zipcode? Must you ruin EVERYTHING, New Jersey? But really though, the first relevant thing that struck me after I’d crossed the tremendous expanse of forsaken blasted lands that led to an actual beach was what a complete non-issue it was that most people were naked. A surprise, though in hindsight it really shouldn’t have been.

I suppose that’s rather the point, really. Seeing as being outside naked is a very much anti-non-issue anywhere else. I don’t know what I was expecting, necessarily, but the environment was very welcoming and relaxed. I guess I should have expected that, as that’s all the place is. It’s just a beach that people hang out at, with the minor distinction that you can take off all your clothes without getting arrested. A pretty nice setup in all. In due time I slipped into the local attire and commenced relaxing. I even brought one of the cans of hard cider that Lucius gave me. I do hope he’ll appreciate the fact that his gift was most thoroughly enjoyed in the most relaxed and easygoing circumstances possible.

Part of the selection methodology for this particular place and time was that the NJFurs were having a meetup then and there. I knew none of them, and for that matter, neither did Luxie. I’ve had good experiences with little furmeets in the past though, so I was all for it. Much as I tend to spew hatred and bile about New Jersey at the slightest provocation, it really is home to a lot of great folks. Though I didn’t retain any names (I never do anyway. I’m only good at cons because people wear nametags.), I had quite a positive impression of the group. You’d think that meeting a bunch of new people whilst either or both of you lack clothes would be awkward, but that actually went quite smoothly. Once again, total non-issue and I was worried for nothing. A tremendously refreshing feeling, really.

We got along quite well as we lounged in the sun and dipped in the ocean at our leisure. I found one guy who worked at FurTheMore and plans to staff again next year, so I’ll probably be seeing him again, whoever he is. Time moved quite quickly, as it seemed like just a brief moment before the sun was dipping notably in the sky. By the time we had retired to a little Italian restaurant for dinner it was nearly dark. Of course that had a lot to do with the driving delays brought on by the fact that left turns are illegal there GODDAMNIT NEW JERSEY! Is making sense illegal too? In any case, we were served entirely too much heavy, succulent food, so you know, a very authentic Italian experience. I was fortunate in that I ordered a lobster dish, the expense of which prevents them from trying to bury me in my meal. Of course that order was also motivated by the fact that lobster ravioli was something I’d never even heard of, let alone attempted to consume. It was a very delicious journey of discovery though.

Eventually we were all sufficiently stuffed and made our way to the exits. I stuck with my old tradition of driving until I was too tired to drive anymore and then handed it off to Luxie. He knew the roads close to home better than I did anyway. Of course that confidence led to him traveling much faster than I would’ve been when we were joined by a deer on our little drive. That worked out just fine for all involved, though. Certainly woke me up, that’s for sure. Did I mention that I just had my brakes fixed? Anyways, we were both alive if quite exhausted when we returned.

I had planned to leave the next morning, but I was again reminded of the advantages of driving myself everywhere and being on my own schedule when “Aw fuck it” began to look like a very attractive option. So I spent one more lazy day at Luxie’s before I was on my way again. There, now that I’ve finally gotten through all the wrap up for this con and trip to visit friends, I can get back to my preparation for my next con and trip to visit friends in a week!

Yes, during Anthrocon it came to my attention that opportunity is once again beating down my door. A little background here, then. My old ship is coming back from deployment at the end of this month, and right after that an old friend of mine, Ace, is getting transferred to San Diego. I haven’t seen him since I got out of the navy, and now that there will be a country between us I’m even less likely to have the chance to hang out with him in the future. He’s having something of a going away party at the start of August out near Chicago, so I was planning on attending that. At AC, Nevir informed me that he lives in Denver and would be happy to host me should I be interested in attending Rocky Mountain Fur Con the week after the party. That actually works out pretty well for what I had planned. There’s a dozen planes a day going from Chicago to Denver, so I should be able to find a quick and easy direct flight without any trouble.

As for filling in the in-between time, I actually have plenty of options. Well, I had plenty of options. I thought I had plenty of options. Well, I thought that I had some options and it turns out that I had some different, entirely unexpected options. It’s complicated, let’s back up a second. I have old friends from high school in Oxford, Ohio and Garrett, Indiana, and a navy buddy who lives in Canton, Ohio. I’d planned to visit all of them in some permutation along the way, but the intel that I got back from them has cinched all my hastily-made plans into some very confusing knots. My contact in Garrett has given me nothing but static. Unanswered messages and promises to call later, nothing useful. That’s wearing on me because I have plane tickets to book. It’s an easy flight, sure, but we’re getting close to crunch time here. Availability is going to drop off and cost is going to skyrocket as we get closer. I’m going to have to just go for it if I don’t hear from him soon.

Now, the complicated part. I talked to my friend in Canton, who told me that he plans to shortly cease being in Canton so I won’t be able to visit him there. He’s moving out to attend Miami College, in Oxford, Ohio. (Ohio has a thing about naming stuff after non-Ohio places.) That just so happens to be the same college that my friend from Oxford is going to. Or rather was going to. When I called him, he told me that he’s done now and is planning to move away from Oxford during that time period. So this just went from dropping in on a few friends along the way to trying to hit a bunch of literally moving targets. This trip is going to be a complete mess. I have no idea how I’m going to handle all this. For once I think the furry convention will be the least insane part of the journey!

So yeah, those are all the things that happened. Congratulations on your endurance if you actually read both of the journals that this little escapade took to describe. See ya next time!