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Personal (Poetry Journal-Continually Updated) (c)
11 years ago
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PayPal: Mystic_Thunder42@yahoo.com I felt you jolt close
to my heart-
my body-
And just like that,
you were gone
again.
©
I am:
Lolthissia
As well as a 
And placed them in paraffin
Would you take a moment
To dissect them
And find all the little words
I forgot to say aloud?
©
Everytime I think of you-
And the way youd laugh,
And call me "cupcake".
My heart pulls apart
When I remember the way
You told me not to cry...
"Cryin wont get you shit, cupcake."
Somedays I pretend Im 12,
And we're sitting by the fire
Dancing and singing.
Somedays I remember that time is unforgiving.
Youve been gone for so long,
I cant remember your voice.
Sometimes I believe
You're standing here beside me-
Or warching old shows on your couch.
I forget that youre not there,
I forget that youre gone...
If only for that moment
I can see you laying with your hat
Over your eyes
While we watched Star Wars on repeat.
Everything is fading-
All our memories are photos
And no longer radio songs
Or late night cartoons.
Without you
I am burdened and sad.
My heart is heavy.
I miss you.
in a warehouse
we carried our weapons for war-
I thought we were just playing,
you did not feel the same.
You had guns;
you shot to kill.
I was not afraid,
I am not afraid.
---
I mourned the loss
of my beloved with
a salt packet and an MRE
three years ago
when I learned I'd be standing alone
with my back against the wall
until Life's evils over take me
and my bones cave in on themselves.
I once had a partner;
we were the unstoppable force
to be reckoned with.
He kept me grounded-
reminded me my strength
and fed my heart stones
whenever it grew soft.
I kept him stable-
held his belt and
prevented his going berserk.
---
He is gone now.
He was caught in a crossfire
and took the cowards way out
while I was being overwhelmed.
Left me here wondering what
I could have done to save him
rather than myself.
Would be silent for a moment
So I could sleep for just a second
Without hearing your voice or name.
Reach out and run
Your fingers through my hair-
Trace my jawline with your palm.
Brush my tears away gently
As if you are touching my heart.
I will let you in
Just long enough
To break every plaster
Bone
In my chest.
Like a shadow growing over the earth at dusk.
I wonder- does the old oak tree fear that the sun will never return?
Living in worry of the night never receding?
The sadness is eating me.
Slowly consuming my diluted mind,
smoldering the edges of my paper book eyes,
smothering the rescue teams who try to reach me.