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Venting over life (feel free to ignore)
11 years ago
Honestly, today has been . . . I don't know what today has been. I'm struggling to feel anything beyond a 'meh' in regards to a reason to do anything.
Part of it, I think, is that I'm confused on what exactly I want to do with my life right now. I'm in my 4th year of university of a zoology degree, but is this REALLY what I want to do with my life? The kind of job in this field that i had always wanted no longer exists. The era of the naturalist like Jane Goodall is over, and have been over for a long time. So much of a zoologist's job when doing research now is the collection of scientifically useable data and the writing up of papers to share this knowledge. And, honestly, that's NOT what I want to do. I am HORRIBLE at writing papers. They are just so dull and uninspired to me, I just can't do them. Is trying to get into a career where I hate 90% of the job worth it for that 10%? I honestly don't know anymore.
But I feel a bit trapped. I'm 4 years into this. If it hadn't been for my bursary I would be over $45000 in debt. I feel like I've sunk so much time and effort into this degree that backing out now would be a waste of everything I have done. A waste of all that time, and all that money. But that's even if I CAN survive out this year. I'm doing so horribly in my classes this semester, even while trying my best. I just don't know what to do anymore.
The fact that I've found a community recently that helps me express my creative side isn't helping. I hadn't touched this creative side since High School, basically. And it makes me remember why I took art through those 4 years. Even though my art sucks, my writing isn't bad. But that's a problem. I have a fair few friends who make their living off of art, both some that I have met online and some that I went to school with. They may live modestly, but they live making their money by doing something they LOVE. I don't have the skill to be able to do that with art itself. MAYBE I'd have the technical skill to do so with writing, but not in practice. Art can be appreciated quickly, in a glance. Writing takes time to digest. It's nowhere near as profitable.
I guess, in short, I'm whining over nothing. I'm whining that I wish I had the capability to support myself while being able to do something I love to do. And I'm not sure that what I decided to go to school for is such a thing anymore. Just kinda showing how young and naive I am. Maybe we send our children off to university too soon. Just because they are 18, 19, 20, 12, etc doesn't mean they know what they want to do anymore. But in this day and age, in this economy, do we really have a choice? We have a surplus of workers but a steadily decreasing number of jobs. Not everybody can have a job that they enjoy.
I know there was something else I wanted to say, but really I cant even remember it anymore, and I've rambled long enough.
Part of it, I think, is that I'm confused on what exactly I want to do with my life right now. I'm in my 4th year of university of a zoology degree, but is this REALLY what I want to do with my life? The kind of job in this field that i had always wanted no longer exists. The era of the naturalist like Jane Goodall is over, and have been over for a long time. So much of a zoologist's job when doing research now is the collection of scientifically useable data and the writing up of papers to share this knowledge. And, honestly, that's NOT what I want to do. I am HORRIBLE at writing papers. They are just so dull and uninspired to me, I just can't do them. Is trying to get into a career where I hate 90% of the job worth it for that 10%? I honestly don't know anymore.
But I feel a bit trapped. I'm 4 years into this. If it hadn't been for my bursary I would be over $45000 in debt. I feel like I've sunk so much time and effort into this degree that backing out now would be a waste of everything I have done. A waste of all that time, and all that money. But that's even if I CAN survive out this year. I'm doing so horribly in my classes this semester, even while trying my best. I just don't know what to do anymore.
The fact that I've found a community recently that helps me express my creative side isn't helping. I hadn't touched this creative side since High School, basically. And it makes me remember why I took art through those 4 years. Even though my art sucks, my writing isn't bad. But that's a problem. I have a fair few friends who make their living off of art, both some that I have met online and some that I went to school with. They may live modestly, but they live making their money by doing something they LOVE. I don't have the skill to be able to do that with art itself. MAYBE I'd have the technical skill to do so with writing, but not in practice. Art can be appreciated quickly, in a glance. Writing takes time to digest. It's nowhere near as profitable.
I guess, in short, I'm whining over nothing. I'm whining that I wish I had the capability to support myself while being able to do something I love to do. And I'm not sure that what I decided to go to school for is such a thing anymore. Just kinda showing how young and naive I am. Maybe we send our children off to university too soon. Just because they are 18, 19, 20, 12, etc doesn't mean they know what they want to do anymore. But in this day and age, in this economy, do we really have a choice? We have a surplus of workers but a steadily decreasing number of jobs. Not everybody can have a job that they enjoy.
I know there was something else I wanted to say, but really I cant even remember it anymore, and I've rambled long enough.
I'll skype you later, okay?
So just take time to think about it calmly, and talk to a few folks. I'm sure you have your go-to contacts.
I've talked to my mum, and one close friend that I had before the FBA. Both were basically like "well, you have to do what you need to. Sometimes people don't find what they want to do on their first try." My mum suggested going to talk to my head of department here at the school, not sure about that because the head of my department isn't even really part of my department anymore because my school keeps screwing things up.
But, well, things will work out in the end... I hope.