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11 years ago
HEY hi all just a quick update of my status
-I've been sick for a full 2 weeks. One of them being the week I was all alone at home, with all the time in the world to do LOTS of pics as I had planed...but NOPE...got sick that week. Took me a full week to get better and last week, when I finally recovered I got all my family forcing me to work like a slave at home, friends who never invite me for hanging out suddenly decided to invite me to stuff (cinema, hang out late at night) (good things) but that took ALL my free time and worst was that they've chosen the days I was in worst mood, so sadly I didn't had as much fun.
I was going to draw all my late art yesterday and today....sadly I got a really bad news. I'm being forced to have Xmas dinner with Dad...long story short, we don't get along, many bad events (like he punched me off a chair when I refused to cut my long hair) and now he is sick in risk of loosing his life do to medical problems...I'm mad at him and he is mad with me, so he being this sick doesn't affect me...I don't feel sad for him, I feel sad for the fact that do to all our life events I don't feel sad for him.....I bet some 1 will try to ban this Journal cos I shared this thoughts...
SO, I don't want to see him, I don't want to spend time with him or be near him. He might pass away some time soon (a year or two) My family will force me to get a job, not cos I should be independent, but to pay for THEIR bills.....*sight*....is it that bad that I kinda hope that happens? :(
cos HE is one of the main reasons I CANT start my surgery and change gender....he...he will make my life a living hell....
so...yeah....having Xmas dinner with my "lovely" family....
I really wish I can simply SLEEP AWAY the remaining days of the year...including my B.Day...YEAH my real birth day is next week....I just like to say my B.day is on Halloween, cos that's my Fursona's B.day, do to the fact is my fav. celebration of the year...and also I always hope to get some B.day gifts in form of art early on the year....cos ALL my life I had the problem of being IGNORED by every 1 because my B.day is between Christmas and New Year, so usually people say "happy b.day" last day of class or work, ya know before vacations...or say "late B.day" at January, with the usual saying "ooh sorry for the late thing, sadly no gift cos I didn't knew/was late, maybe NEXT year"
this year have been the WORST of my life....haven't accomplished a single thing I had in mind, all my plans and projects have failed...and for once I wish and I'm asking for some nice art for me......I don't like to go ask for it, as, I can draw some for my self, or try commission some....but this have been such a bad year I'm loosing it...these last weeks have been really bad...makes me wanna give up on everything....
DAMN IT! I wanna cry right now but I cant...I cant cos my family will come and ask, and I don't want to explain/reveal all this to them....it will only cause me more problems...
*sight*
sorry for all this...my last Journals have been SHIT and me crying or being sad all over....but I cant hold it in any more...again this have been such a bad year, I cant keep holding back all this crap, hide all this bad and depressing emotions..........
I cant....
I still got many plans for the future...but right now I don't feel with the strength to accomplish any of 'em
AGAIN, I'll try finish my commissions as soon as possible....I really hate it this is starting to b something frequently on my gallery...LATE ART....so, sorry all
even when I spend hours in front of the PC doing NOTHING....but I feel empty...lonely, forgotten and extremely sad...and when I'm not, I'm raging with anger thanks to my family...
any way, hope ya guys are having a better year/Holly-days than me, I've heard some had a great year this year....sadly not me
maybe next year.....I know it cant be worst than this one...I hope
I'll be away for some days....I really need some days of peace, and something to cheer me up
Ill be all day on Skype if any of my friends read this...
(but not gonna add any new people to my skype, specially after posting this comment)
-I've been sick for a full 2 weeks. One of them being the week I was all alone at home, with all the time in the world to do LOTS of pics as I had planed...but NOPE...got sick that week. Took me a full week to get better and last week, when I finally recovered I got all my family forcing me to work like a slave at home, friends who never invite me for hanging out suddenly decided to invite me to stuff (cinema, hang out late at night) (good things) but that took ALL my free time and worst was that they've chosen the days I was in worst mood, so sadly I didn't had as much fun.
I was going to draw all my late art yesterday and today....sadly I got a really bad news. I'm being forced to have Xmas dinner with Dad...long story short, we don't get along, many bad events (like he punched me off a chair when I refused to cut my long hair) and now he is sick in risk of loosing his life do to medical problems...I'm mad at him and he is mad with me, so he being this sick doesn't affect me...I don't feel sad for him, I feel sad for the fact that do to all our life events I don't feel sad for him.....I bet some 1 will try to ban this Journal cos I shared this thoughts...
SO, I don't want to see him, I don't want to spend time with him or be near him. He might pass away some time soon (a year or two) My family will force me to get a job, not cos I should be independent, but to pay for THEIR bills.....*sight*....is it that bad that I kinda hope that happens? :(
cos HE is one of the main reasons I CANT start my surgery and change gender....he...he will make my life a living hell....
so...yeah....having Xmas dinner with my "lovely" family....
I really wish I can simply SLEEP AWAY the remaining days of the year...including my B.Day...YEAH my real birth day is next week....I just like to say my B.day is on Halloween, cos that's my Fursona's B.day, do to the fact is my fav. celebration of the year...and also I always hope to get some B.day gifts in form of art early on the year....cos ALL my life I had the problem of being IGNORED by every 1 because my B.day is between Christmas and New Year, so usually people say "happy b.day" last day of class or work, ya know before vacations...or say "late B.day" at January, with the usual saying "ooh sorry for the late thing, sadly no gift cos I didn't knew/was late, maybe NEXT year"
this year have been the WORST of my life....haven't accomplished a single thing I had in mind, all my plans and projects have failed...and for once I wish and I'm asking for some nice art for me......I don't like to go ask for it, as, I can draw some for my self, or try commission some....but this have been such a bad year I'm loosing it...these last weeks have been really bad...makes me wanna give up on everything....
DAMN IT! I wanna cry right now but I cant...I cant cos my family will come and ask, and I don't want to explain/reveal all this to them....it will only cause me more problems...
*sight*
sorry for all this...my last Journals have been SHIT and me crying or being sad all over....but I cant hold it in any more...again this have been such a bad year, I cant keep holding back all this crap, hide all this bad and depressing emotions..........
I cant....
I still got many plans for the future...but right now I don't feel with the strength to accomplish any of 'em
AGAIN, I'll try finish my commissions as soon as possible....I really hate it this is starting to b something frequently on my gallery...LATE ART....so, sorry all
even when I spend hours in front of the PC doing NOTHING....but I feel empty...lonely, forgotten and extremely sad...and when I'm not, I'm raging with anger thanks to my family...
any way, hope ya guys are having a better year/Holly-days than me, I've heard some had a great year this year....sadly not me
maybe next year.....I know it cant be worst than this one...I hope
I'll be away for some days....I really need some days of peace, and something to cheer me up
Ill be all day on Skype if any of my friends read this...
(but not gonna add any new people to my skype, specially after posting this comment)
like they are all together they always just give me 1 thing for all 3 celebrations
*hugs again* Take care!
*sight*
too much shit
And hey if you ever need to talk, feel free to look me up.
I can certainly relate, my father and I are on a "I see him, I break every bone in his body in a mad rampage from all the abuse he put me and my mother through when I was a kid" basis.
Father issues get messy.
*hugs*