So it's a new year, and a lot of people take that to mean the opportunity for new beginnings, new possibilities, and a reinvigorated sense of hope. ...So then why am I seeing my friends--people I care about--still posting about so much pain and despair? Yes, the arbitrary position we've defined for the turnover of our calendar year doesn't really change the gradual movement of the world and our lives in it.

But as a culture, we decided that this was supposed to be a time for hope, and yet some of us have turned that into a burden, where we feel like we need to take on more responsibility, to focus on things we hate about ourselves that we wish to change. And that, I think is causing some of my friends to get more depressed and distraught than is really necessary. ...And that hurts me, because it hurts me to see people I care about so upset.

So I'm gonna lay down some alternatives to the traditional resolutions. If you want to get healthier physically or financially or declutter your home more or whatever else, that's fine...but at least consider these points as well:

1. Accept that you are already beautiful and amazing. If the new year granted us all just one wish, my wish would be for everyone I care about to see within themselves all the wonderful qualities I see in them myself. I didn't become your friend arbitrarily. I didn't accidentally trip over a few phrases, like slipping on a banana peel, and fumble my way into a relationship with you. I love you because of who I've seen you truly are, and as down on yourself as you may feel right now, I personally don't think any less of you, because I still remember all the great qualities you have within you. If you need to make a list of reasons why you and your life are just plain awesome, then do it, but please stop feeling like you're not good enough yet, because you already are.

2. Know your values, and live them. So many resolutions come from a place of hating that we aren't something instead of exalting what we already are. I'm not saying you should be willfully ignorant of your own limitations as a person, but simply that you shouldn't get so caught up in this idealistic image of who you THINK you're supposed to be that it bums you out when you can't attain it. Instead, figure out what it is you stand for in life, and resolve to pursue that even more. You'll wind up growing in ways you never thought possible, and you'll more easily shed the need to define your self-worth based on the input of others around you.

3. Let go. Let go of the need to control every minute detail of the chunk of world immediately circling your life. I know this is a truly frightening concept, but if you refuse to let go, then you refuse to open yourself up to all sorts of possibilities--possibilities that could lead you down new, exciting, refreshing roads in life you never even knew could exist for you. Don't get so wrapped up in one goal or one path or one definition of "success" that you fail to see all the other opportunities out there.

4. Be candid. This is a particularly scary thing in our culture, because we're raised to be tactful, to walk on eggshells around each other's emotions. But what does that get us, when we treat everyone as such an emotionally fragile creature? Just more fragility and less opportunity. Have the courage to be bold, to speak what's on your mind. Ask for what it is you really want; the readiness of the world to give to you may surprise you. This isn't meant to be any of that woo-woo "Law of Attraction/The Secret" crap, because there will be plenty of things you may ask for but never receive; no, this is simply a reminder that if you NEVER ask, then the answer is always "no." And if you never speak how you REALLY feel to people, then they will never know how to best interact with you.

5. Work on joy, and share it. You have people all around you, whether you know them yet or not, who want nothing more than to see you flourish into the most fully realized version of yourself possible...but they won't see that if you keep retreating to the shadows. Happiness isn't merely a matter of your brain's chemistry functioning right. Sure, on a purely physiological level that may be true, but pragmatically, we manifest in our lives our own happiness through practice. It's taken me a lot of work to reach a level of happiness I have right now, and I'm still trying to get better at it. Sometimes I feel depressed or alone, but those times are fewer and further between than they used to be, because I've found that I can increase my overall happiness in life by working towards what I value in life and sharing the experience with others as well as being more giving with others around me. There are few joys more grand than knowing you've done something to make someone else happy. But never forget that happiness takes WORK, and it's arguably the most worthy work there is, and you end up creating something truly beautiful in your life and the lives of those around you when you do so.

6. Be the change you want to see in the world. That's a paraphrase of a larger quote by Mahatma Gandhi, and the sentiment still rings true today. We usually make New Year's Resolutions out to be about change in our personal lives, to be a "me"-focused shift. But what if instead we saw what could benefit the world, and we worked towards that? Anymore it seems our culture has elevated certain celebrity positions into effigies of saviorhood, as if we rely on other people we deem "better" because of their station (which usually has to do with little to nothing more than fame alone) to free us all from whatever bonds of evil have seemed to entrap us. But the world doesn't really work that way. TRUE change for the better comes from group participation; it comes from enough people in society climbing on board and acting of their own volition towards a better world. But that change doesn't have to start with someone in the media's limelight. Be that change yourself, not for fame or glory, but simply because you know within your core (after proper introspection) that it's the right thing to do.

7. Be patient. New Year's is seen as a time for change; out with the old, in with the new. But true change typically happens on a much longer timeline than a single day, week, month, or even year (depending on the change desired). Start laying the groundwork, but give allowances for life and the world to move at their own pace. Be patient with others, because they have their own journeys to foster. But most of all, be patient with yourself. Resolutions to change--if they are going to last--require planning, effort, and sometimes a lighter touch than you might think. Think less of your life as a mold of clay you can easily reshape within hours, and more like a rich, vast, varied garden--or even a forest--that requires a little pruning here, a touch of water there...something that requires care and nurturing love to help grow over time. Give yourself the room to grow, and take into account all factors that may be helping or hindering that growth.

8. Enjoy the ride. There's a saying that I like that says, "Right Now is where we spend 100% of our time." New Year's Resolutions cause us to want life to hurry up so we can get to this point where we're thinner, more physically fit, have more income, be further along in our career, or whatever else...as if attaining these goals will FINALLY bring us the happiness we've been missing in our lives. We keep looking to the future for peace and happiness so much that we forget that Right Now is really all that matters, because Right Now is really all we can experience. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't work or make plans for what you may enjoy in the future, but simply that you shouldn't be so far-sighted that you forget to stop and smell the roses. You're on your way through life, tending your garden, but Out There In The Future isn't necessarily any better (or worse) than Right Now. You only THINK it is because you HOPE it is. But part of the path to genuine happiness I've found includes taking time to relax and take stock of your immediate surroundings, of recognizing all the amazing, beautiful attributes of all that life is right at this very moment. When you start to appreciate Right Now, you find all the power, peace, and possibility it inherently contains.

We make resolutions because we feel like our lives aren't good enough yet, but that mindset itself causes us pain and distress. Let's make 2015 going forward a better model for ourselves. If you feel the power of this list and know other people who could benefit from it, please share and forward this. Best of luck to you in all you do. I love you.