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I'm officially back!
10 years ago
Where have I been you're probably not asking yourself?
Ha Ha.
I would love to fill you folks in!
January I wound up in the psych ward of my local hospital for reasons I shall not disclose at this time! But long story short I was diagnosed with a colorful array of mental conditions including, but not limited to; depression, bi-polar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety and borderline personality disorder. This put me on an array of medication that was costing me $200 a month! Woo boy! And that's just January, folks!
So I got a roommate and lost my job shortly after that, going back and working for my mother. Not so bad right? Well are you in for it!
Roommate turned out to be a passive/aggressive mess and totes screwed me over when it came to bills and my overall mental health. Whereas my mother's favorite past time was making me cry and break down in front of people by misgendering me, belittling me, and just overall treating me like something she scraped off the bottom of her shoe.
So my mental health continued to worsen over the months. I couldn't even bring myself to enjoy ColossalCon and had more than my fair share of breakdowns and spent 90% of the convention drunk and begging for food and money. It was a great time. I'm glad I went, folks.
Then Anthrocon came around and I was bound and determined to enjoy myself if it killed me. Which it almost did. My landlord, stepmother and father blew up my phone the whole time. I got evicted and almost locked out of the house from my stuff since my roommate decided to bounce quick as fuck, not paying shit. That was cool. So I stopped my meds then and there, not being able to afford to, ya know, exist. That con I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes each day and was drunk almost the absolute entire time. End of the con, honestly, and I will say it because hiding it just eats at me more, I was going to attempt suicide. I was at my wits end and slowly telling people goodbye, but a small group of people rallied together and picked my ass up, much to my dismay.
and 
are the ones to thank. And I have many times.
After Anthrocon was hard, having two days to pack my shit and move it into my friends house where I am currently staying. Not having a job is killing me and I have applied everywhere I can fucking walk to, for I lack a car. My depression is getting worse, I am constantly having anxiety attacks and I can't afford meds, food, cigarettes or weed. So surviving is really fucking terrible for me right now.
OH! And let us not forget how my therapist has dropped my case because I moved. I can almost absolutely say goodbye to getting my letter to start T. I am currently pleading my case to my therapists supervisor and my case-worker who is all for them sending me a letter to get my hormones for my gender reassignment.
But that is where I am in life right now. Trying to start over after my family has shut me out and I have but a few friends to assist. My mother is getting better with how she treats me, which is helping. I can only hope everything works out in some way.
But thanks for reading. There's my pity story. May open up perler commissions to make a few bucks here and there for food and smokes. Also need to pay my friends back somehow for all they have done. And for pretty much keeping me under suicide watch 24/7 without being overbearing. You are all amazing.
Special shout out to 
for being a sweetie and feeding me at anthrocon.
That's all I guess. That I can think about, at least.
-Max
