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An Artist's Life: Why do they close themselves off???
10 years ago
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Hiya guys!
So a recent comment got me thinking....I'd really like to explain why some artists I think start to 'close themselves off' from other people! Now, mind you, this is just my perspective! I thought about typing just a response to this person...but thought heck, it would serve better as an actual journal. So kudos to you, individual! I appreciate your comment, it will let me put down into words what I've thought about for awhile!
First of all, again, this is just how my experience as a full-time artist goes. So let me start off by explaining how my usual work day is........which is 24/7.
- Get up, eat, stretch a bit to get blood flowing.
- Immediatly check e-mails to see if I got a response from commissioners. A good 30-40% of my worktime is taken responding to commissioners I'm already working with. E-mails really are a huge part. Communication is key. I gotta keep up with them, otherwise I feel like I'm doing them a great injustice. I do miss responding to some people, or emails get lost. Lot's of ground needs to be covered.
- After emails are checked, I check my FA. Go through art submissions, read all my comments (literally not a single one goes unread, even though I don't respond unless I got a response handy!) and up till recently...check notes. Checking notes gets exhausting on this website. I mainly do it to keep up with artists I'm either planning things with or have commissioned, OR reports of art theft. I also try to take time to comment on my friends work, or at least +fav it. Giving my friends support is super important to me!
- Draw. For. Hours. Every two hours (if I'm keeping up with it) I take a break to get up, grab more ice water, and just...take a small break. Usually paired with nibbles. I never am not thinking about art. It's always on my mind. From thinking of concepts/layouts for commission pieces, to ways I can bring more money in/creative ideas people might like...to how I will approach tweaks to fixes commissioners have asked for. I am almost never in 'work mode'. There is literally almost no time for myself if I want to keep up with my monetary goals and needs. Lately this has been extra hard on myself because of financial......surprises. I have a habit of working myself into a frenzy, especially if there is something I really want. If I know what I want I work my ass off for it.
- With whatever little time I have left in the day I MAY play games, or try to chat with my current friends. It's pretty hard to keep up a good, constant and positive interactive social prescence online. It's why I love twitter, I can leave short little bursts and nobody really expects responses to them. Skype I feel very guilty or pressure if I am not responding to my friends as often as I'd like. Most of the time I'm really piss poor at keeping up a conversation. But I do try. On my 'off days' (which are usually forced by crashing/artblock/illness) I am much better at it. But even then I'm not always available because...well...I WORK at the computer. I don't want to spend longer at it than I need to tbh. I like to be outside socializing rather than stuck behind a screen for longer than needed. Plus if I'm at the computer I feel this need to work or to produce something.
And of course, there is the life outside of the internet.
Now with all this, try to imagine getting the common note of "no subject" "hi" "do u rp" ect. Those I have zero energy to respond to. And, sadly, I've had to start deleting also the notes that ask about commissions cuz...it says on my profile not to and I literally just don't have it in me to respond if other people can't read through things first.
And then there are the individuals who really feel like we could be GREAT friends from what they've seen me do, express my interests in or portray myself. And I'm happy you think I'm worth being a friend with! But.........okay I've been burned a lot. Often many 'friends' will rise out of the dust only when commissions are open, or if they have an idea and really want me to draw it.........ect. It's disheartening.
You have to understand that nobody owes you a chance for you to be their friend. To have such a mindset is sadly extremely selfish. I'm sure this is not most people's intent! And I'm sure your reasons to want to be friends is not at all based on 'i like ur art' or this person is on a pedestal and you want to be associated with them!! That's fine! But....there is so much struggle already with me balancing everything. To ask me to also take the time out of my day to chat with you and get to know you and let you get to know me....just....please....don't. I'm very easily guilted, and will feel bad. I already feel bad turning down skype requests!! But pushing to get to know me online is the worst possible thing.
"Then how the heck are people supposed to get close to you? You are missing out on possible great friendships!!"
Guys, people are not obligated to get to know other people. If a friendship will happen....it will happen when you least expect it. It doesn't happen or become genuine when you persue/push for it USUALLY. My friends I usually make through others through skype calls, or MAINLY conventions/meeting in person first!! I'm very visual...and being visual is I feel much more comfortable when I see someone!
I'm very often under lots of stress (my fault most of the time), so asking or demanding artists become more available to you, or getting upset at them because they close themselves off is cruel. Sure, some I suppose could be holding themselves up on some super high pedestal and snorting at 'lower class' or smthn idk....but most artists aren't like that at all.
We are humans. We see ourselves as nothing more than someone who just happens to draw and really loves doing it and making people happy with it, or getting feedback from it. If we are making friends with OTHER artists...its usually cuz we can really...REALLY relate. And boy gee-howdy do other artists like venting to each other. There is SO much to relate with. And you shouldn't fault them for that.
I can't change people's opinions or fix their grudges, but please.........pleeeaaaseee understand at least my stance. We cannot take the time for everyone...there is only one of us. And only so much we can do. Being an artist is not easy.
I hope this..........clears some stuff up? ;u;
Guess that's all I really gotta say. Peace!
So a recent comment got me thinking....I'd really like to explain why some artists I think start to 'close themselves off' from other people! Now, mind you, this is just my perspective! I thought about typing just a response to this person...but thought heck, it would serve better as an actual journal. So kudos to you, individual! I appreciate your comment, it will let me put down into words what I've thought about for awhile!
First of all, again, this is just how my experience as a full-time artist goes. So let me start off by explaining how my usual work day is........which is 24/7.
- Get up, eat, stretch a bit to get blood flowing.
- Immediatly check e-mails to see if I got a response from commissioners. A good 30-40% of my worktime is taken responding to commissioners I'm already working with. E-mails really are a huge part. Communication is key. I gotta keep up with them, otherwise I feel like I'm doing them a great injustice. I do miss responding to some people, or emails get lost. Lot's of ground needs to be covered.
- After emails are checked, I check my FA. Go through art submissions, read all my comments (literally not a single one goes unread, even though I don't respond unless I got a response handy!) and up till recently...check notes. Checking notes gets exhausting on this website. I mainly do it to keep up with artists I'm either planning things with or have commissioned, OR reports of art theft. I also try to take time to comment on my friends work, or at least +fav it. Giving my friends support is super important to me!
- Draw. For. Hours. Every two hours (if I'm keeping up with it) I take a break to get up, grab more ice water, and just...take a small break. Usually paired with nibbles. I never am not thinking about art. It's always on my mind. From thinking of concepts/layouts for commission pieces, to ways I can bring more money in/creative ideas people might like...to how I will approach tweaks to fixes commissioners have asked for. I am almost never in 'work mode'. There is literally almost no time for myself if I want to keep up with my monetary goals and needs. Lately this has been extra hard on myself because of financial......surprises. I have a habit of working myself into a frenzy, especially if there is something I really want. If I know what I want I work my ass off for it.
- With whatever little time I have left in the day I MAY play games, or try to chat with my current friends. It's pretty hard to keep up a good, constant and positive interactive social prescence online. It's why I love twitter, I can leave short little bursts and nobody really expects responses to them. Skype I feel very guilty or pressure if I am not responding to my friends as often as I'd like. Most of the time I'm really piss poor at keeping up a conversation. But I do try. On my 'off days' (which are usually forced by crashing/artblock/illness) I am much better at it. But even then I'm not always available because...well...I WORK at the computer. I don't want to spend longer at it than I need to tbh. I like to be outside socializing rather than stuck behind a screen for longer than needed. Plus if I'm at the computer I feel this need to work or to produce something.
And of course, there is the life outside of the internet.
Now with all this, try to imagine getting the common note of "no subject" "hi" "do u rp" ect. Those I have zero energy to respond to. And, sadly, I've had to start deleting also the notes that ask about commissions cuz...it says on my profile not to and I literally just don't have it in me to respond if other people can't read through things first.
And then there are the individuals who really feel like we could be GREAT friends from what they've seen me do, express my interests in or portray myself. And I'm happy you think I'm worth being a friend with! But.........okay I've been burned a lot. Often many 'friends' will rise out of the dust only when commissions are open, or if they have an idea and really want me to draw it.........ect. It's disheartening.
You have to understand that nobody owes you a chance for you to be their friend. To have such a mindset is sadly extremely selfish. I'm sure this is not most people's intent! And I'm sure your reasons to want to be friends is not at all based on 'i like ur art' or this person is on a pedestal and you want to be associated with them!! That's fine! But....there is so much struggle already with me balancing everything. To ask me to also take the time out of my day to chat with you and get to know you and let you get to know me....just....please....don't. I'm very easily guilted, and will feel bad. I already feel bad turning down skype requests!! But pushing to get to know me online is the worst possible thing.
"Then how the heck are people supposed to get close to you? You are missing out on possible great friendships!!"
Guys, people are not obligated to get to know other people. If a friendship will happen....it will happen when you least expect it. It doesn't happen or become genuine when you persue/push for it USUALLY. My friends I usually make through others through skype calls, or MAINLY conventions/meeting in person first!! I'm very visual...and being visual is I feel much more comfortable when I see someone!
I'm very often under lots of stress (my fault most of the time), so asking or demanding artists become more available to you, or getting upset at them because they close themselves off is cruel. Sure, some I suppose could be holding themselves up on some super high pedestal and snorting at 'lower class' or smthn idk....but most artists aren't like that at all.
We are humans. We see ourselves as nothing more than someone who just happens to draw and really loves doing it and making people happy with it, or getting feedback from it. If we are making friends with OTHER artists...its usually cuz we can really...REALLY relate. And boy gee-howdy do other artists like venting to each other. There is SO much to relate with. And you shouldn't fault them for that.
I can't change people's opinions or fix their grudges, but please.........pleeeaaaseee understand at least my stance. We cannot take the time for everyone...there is only one of us. And only so much we can do. Being an artist is not easy.
I hope this..........clears some stuff up? ;u;
Guess that's all I really gotta say. Peace!
I'll take this into consideration, heck download it and keep it somewhere just to reflect on it.
Thank you so so much, I'm not your most frequent commentor, or even ever gotten art from you (We all know finances are hard, specially you, you're a full timer). But I want you to know that I appreciate all that you do, especially this, and you'd shed some light on some of my wonders.
...*hug*
though i actually think that first what other people should hear about artists is that we're also simply humans, we have our needs, our fears and we can be introverts, don't like someone with no reason and have no time to respond or have too much of free time. it all depends on a /person/, that's why it's nice when artists lets their watchers and fans know a bit of their lives. someone may call it "personal shit which shouldn't be shared publicly" but sometimes it's a simple call for understanding and because you can't or dont want to respond to everyone personally.
I often talk to people on skype, but they'll send me a message, I'll read it, think "I'll respond to that as soon as I'm done this" and then... finishing that leaves me responding hours later.
Honestly, I feel like I'm a really bad friend at times. But I've just been so BUSY, working, drawing or making fursuits, that I don't have time to be social. I don't have time to chit-chat. I guess that's why I've stopped pining over friendships, and have been pining to be noticed for the hard work that I do instead (art/suits).
It doesn't help when you get burned out for more than just one day. I've spent like, the last week extremely burnt out/grumpy. That's why I chose to do nothing today, when I know I should be working - I just couldn't. I needed a break, even though I've spent the majority of this break just thinking to myself "you shouldn't be taking a break, you should be working".
Getting out and away from my workspace is probably a good idea - it might end up being the only way I can ever unwind.
I get those "no subject" notes with just "hi" in them, ones asking if I RP, or the really forward "*gropes your butt.*" If it's just a simple greeting, I'll just say hi back. I don't want to close myself off or feel like I'm above them. But if it's the really forward RP stuff, yeah I'll ignore that.
All of these notes just saying "hi" and nothing else, or people who are really "begging" for friendship, so much that you feel so bad for them that you almost accept any and all Skype requests...
It's hard to deal with, and I think I haven't found a way to deal with it myself yet. Ignoring the... "spam notes" is literally all I can do at the moment.
At the same time I try to interact with people a lot, like always answering each and every comment, note, shout, etc... And it usually takes up all of my monday to reply to everybody, and then I have 4 days of the week left to draw before my battery runs out x3 And I'm sometimes afraid it makes me seem like a very socialized person, though in reality, away from the screen, I'm super shy, inside my room all the time and meet up with almost nobody.. ever x3;;
Also... "You are my best friend! ...As long as you're open for commissions, of course!" is extreeeeemely annoying too indeed. I can only imagine what it's like for an actual REALLY popular artist like you >-<
As you said, there is only on of us. And sometimes people just think they deserve spending so much more time with you than everyone else and that you HAVE to accept their request no matter what..
It's just, yeah, really hard to deal with sometimes
I know I've made artists felt that way about me, more than once. And believe me, its just as bad of a feeling as when the artist goes through someone actually doing it to them.
And as for you tartii, if you're reading this, I deeply apologize if I made you feel that way. I tried my hardest to be professional, but I don't blame you for losing track of me. Thanks for airing this all out and letting us know what it's like to be on the receiving end.
And not just free art/discounted art, act! Its ebbed into my crochet work as well and it just gets so old. And it breaks my heart because I am not a mean or grumpy person D: but I don't like being forced/pressured into something! Or painted to be the bad guy! Like you said, if a friendship will happen, it will happen.
If its alright with you, may I make a journal linking back to this one?? I feel like this is totally worth sharing.
Though I don't wanna end up seeming like I'm copying you, your T.O.S. has already inspired me a lot to write my own one n.n;
I think a lot of people to tend to find me aloof and/or maybe even intimidating, even though I don't really think that I am! It just kinda comes with also secluding myself away while I try to get things done.
A slight addendum to what you said -
Sometimes I get grief from people who complain that I "don't talk to them anymore" (btw - it goes both ways!) but erhh...
Each day one or two people initiate a chat with me while I'm whittling away at a piece of artwork. This fills my conversation glass. I'm sated.
I actually do like to have a chat or two going while working on art. It's not distracting; it keeps me sane. :)
But one or two chats is all I need and can manage. So those people who reach out to me get a conversation. Those who don't, well... don't.
If I diligently chatted with everyone on my buddy list on a regular basis, I'd never get anything done at all.
Anyways! A few tips for the socially awkward folks on here trying to get an artist to warm up to you... I'm looking at all you "hi" notes people. :P
* Leave supportive comments on art and journals. Non-creepy ones preferred.
* Regularly attend artist streams and be sociable and friendly.
* Buy commissions!
* Post journals
* Design an attractive character. If you can't draw, find an artist or writer willing to work with you on it.
* Be active in the community, build up a good reputation. Make a web of friends.
* Attend cons
We're much more open to conversing with someone who has an actual presence on here than a complete stranger with no character, no icon, no journals, no watchers, no faves, etc. who just drops us a "hi" note and expects insta-friend and free art.
It's comforting to know there is someone else out there going through the same daily routine, facing the same social blockades. Thank you for this journal. It's brought me some peace of mind. <3
As for the dreaded 'No Subject' "hi" I usually take it by giving them what they give me. Usually it ends up:
hi
Hi.
how r u
I am fine, how are you?
gud wanna r p
and at that point I usually tell them I've gotten pretty picky with role plays (and I have) and one of two things usually happens. No response, or I get those pester-notes. I'm so bad at this kinda thing, if option 2 pops up. I dunno how to tell people 'you're not the kind I like to role play with' without sounding like some kind of asshole XD
Same goes for those who ask for my skype. Usually I give it to them without thinking...and regret it later :x
I hope things look up for you, and that this journal helps people understand your situation.
My journey usually gets stretched to this:
- Wake up late afternoon
- (sometimes) Lunch/dinner
- Check facebook and such
- Sit down and work
- Oh shit, it's morning already?
- Eat something, then go to sleep (9am)
I usually don't need to check notes for commissions, because I get very few commissions. I work mainly with comics, so I get a lot of notes just when I open slots and such, but when I'm actually drawing them (that takes some weeks) I don't really get talked much.
(Except on Skype).
I explained this just to say that I understand completely what you mean about friendships, that they don't happen because somebody asks about it and forced friendships very usually will fail.
Also, after my own experience, I know some artists are very busy, and I feel kind of sad bothering them. That's why I almost never start conversations on Skype (I could be annoying somebody), why I tend to give space and why I try to keep the personality profile low.
I'm also kind of dumb and never know what to comment when I see pics I like. I usually fav and run. Sometimes I don't even fav, but that's usually a mistake of mine: I close the tab thinking I faved and I come to discover months later that I didn't do it.
All that is also related to the reason why I put "I don't RP" in my profile as visible as I could. Lemme tell you an experience I had.
Time ago I got a guy that tried to become friend of mine in a forced way. He said he loved my art and tried to snatch some free art. When I left clear that I don't gift stuff to random people [I do gifts for friends, but considering I rarely have time, gifts are rare], he said he was going to commission me a comic page [he didnt even knew I had a prices list, and when he saw the prices he complained because "all I have is $15"], then he wanted to commission a sketch of his fursona and mine having sex (I had reasons to think he was underage). And, in addition, he tried to rp with me. I said I don't rp with strangers, but he still spoke like
>Hello *I look all sexy*
<Hi, what's up?
>Nothing. Here not wanting to be eaten *I get closer to your mouth*
<Dude, I don't RP
>I am not RPing! Stop being a jerk to me.
Once I explicitly told him I didnt want to RP, and that he was forcing a friendship, he got super angry, said I was a jerk, that he had TDAH and Asperger, that he was super depressed due to his parents being cruel to him, that he was going to die and was going to be my fault, that RPing with me was in his bucket list and thanks to my selfishness he'd never fullfill it, etc.
I blocked him and then I discovered he was telling shit about me to some friends.
After that experience, I thought. I don't consider myself that popular or known, and my art isnt very nice, got this kind of interactions (and not just one, but this one was the worst one), then by golly, poor artists that are more known/popular. This must be why famous artists usually have their circle of friends and stick to them, and why its so hard to become their friends.
>If I, that I don't consider myself that popular or known, and my art isnt very nice, got this kind of interactions (and not just one, but this one was the worst one), then by golly, poor artists that are more known/popular. This must be why famous artists usually have their circle of friends and stick to them, and why its so hard to become their friends.
Mmf... anyway I hope the additional quiet helps. I, for one, much appreciate all the time and effort that you put into your pages, and that you take the time to read everything folks say. So THANK YOU for being such an awesome individual here. :)
Keep up the good work!
You just think you're better than me, but you aren't and you smell bad, and Kingdom Hearts sucks, and Disney sucks, and certain parts of Florida that have YOU in it also sucks, and crunchwraps suck ok maybe not but they do when you eat them, and dragons smell bad, and Batman is ugly, and Pokemon are dirty little flea-ridden failures, and orcas are just fat dolphins with anger issues, oh and Jurassic World was MEDIOCRE!!
TL:DR --
I can't count how many times people make me feel bad for not keeping up with them because I'm working so much that I'm just so tired that it's hard for me to do so.
I think its in your ToS already that people have to be patient but maybe state that you might take some time and you are a human being not a machine next time you open commissions.
I find it real amazing that you read all your comments, I don't see why people would even complain about not getting a reply, I believe that you read them and that should be enough.
Its also completely okay to relax and spend the time you have left to play games or enjoy your time with friends. people should never try to pressure you into contacting them more often.
Its important you use the time you have left to relax and enjoy yourself.
And about the notes with just "hi". "can I have a commission" or "wanna RP"
I love to believe these people either do not know how to read a profile, or are just too young to understand you actually do not want those.
About the whole people trying to push their friendship upon you, That's just wrong in so many ways.
Friendships do not happen by asking, whining or constantly pushing oneself upon the person. Friendships happen just outta nowhere and I should stay that way imo.
"Then how the heck are people supposed to get close to you? You are missing out on possible great friendships!!"
If those friendships were meant to happen they would happen, no one can force a friendship, it makes me kinda annoyed people try to push this on ya so much.
Tbh 90% of the people trying to be "friends" Imo are people just trying to get free art or more popular, or to gain something out of the other before tossing them away.
At least it's been this way for me and why I do not easily believe in the offered "friendships"
That or they be a "friend" and later claim you got too popular or cared to much and after some good years spent together and just leave.
So it's only natural you wouldn't get all cozy with people since most of them are like that, again, In my experience.
(then again that was mostly on DA where i was well known and i'm having a new start here)
I fully understand why you are feeling this way, and really really hope that other people will see and understand you better as well.
There will always be people that just seem to be incapable to understand the life of an artist, but I understand you for sure.
(PS. I know I reply to you on twitter a lot but that's mainly because I am bored a lot and twitter is something I really like)
yay typos x3
I got one guy on DA and FB that at least monthly is asking me to be his friend. I've told him over and over that friendship is much more then me clicking a button to "watch" him in return. >_> But... he doesn't stop. Yeah, I am being stubborn with not friending him back..... but am I obligated to? No. I don't like his posts, nor his point of views.
Ack, I didn't mean to go on a rant XD Anyways... from one artist to another... I feel ya.
Good luck with your art and keep up the amazing work! ^^
I don't work 24/7 on art, but in a similar situation where i'm subjected to spontanuety (along with the fact i have a day job that's not consistent every week)
I guess different ppl are into "I want to be your frend" for different reasons, but how many are real? owo
I feel guilty about not accepting Skype/Steam requests and I'm at a point where I barely speak to anybody at all anymore, even friends I've known for a long time.
Commissions, correspondence with commissioners and watchers, gallery maintenance, inbox maintenance, email maintenance, advertising, posting update journals, all followed personal art (maybe) all take up most of my personal time right now. Pretty much any time I'm not at work is spent on one or several of these things.
I wish I could respond to the folks who want to chat or get to know me better, but as things stand at the moment, I simply do not have the time or energy. I feel bad because I don't want people to think I'm being a snob or holier than thou. I just have to prioritize my time and responding to those is often the very last item on my priority list.
This is actually why I rarely chat with folks via IM systems now. I have one or two close friends that I'll communicate with regularly but that's it.
It probably doesn't help that I'm an introvert and when I need to recharge I withdraw. I just want to grab my kitty and go play WoW, read or watch a movie and just...not talk to anyone lol.
A really good writing on the topic, well done. As others said, I would favourite this journal. And remember, a smile on your face is as important as the daily sunshine. <^_^>
I have a few good friends whom don't have to speak to me everyday to maintain our friendship. We talk a few times or hang out a few times a month or so and our bonds are very strong and we enjoy each other's company very much.
Art consumes all of my time, and I find peace in being left alone to draw and just "be". I'm very social and extroverted at cons, but for the most part I prefer to be left alone. I'm friendly for sure! It's just my preference.
I'm not sure I agree completely about your stance on friendships, though. However, I definitely don't think that everyone's worldviews should align with my own. That would be silly. I just don't think healthy friendships are unlikely to result of one person pursuing another. People catch each other's eyes and interests all the time with their behaviours, self-expression, and the way they interact with others, etc. I am no expert, but I'm under the impression that many friendships and even serious romantic relationships blossom from one person trying to get closer to another person they deem particularly worth-while.
Other than that, nothing you said is really hard to understand.
It was--and sometimes still is--a really painful realization for me that I don't have time to actively be friends with everyone who I conceivably could be. </3
My wish for you is just that you manage to glean as much happiness as possible from the people you do keep in your life.
Best and warmest regards,
Your fan,
~Dessy