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Diapers and Stupid People - Consider This A Suggestion
10 years ago
Ahh, "diaperfurs". The "adult baby", or even "babyfur".
Never had a problem with them on a whole? I always thought they were cute.
But every once in a while, you get a blithering idiot who just *has* to share their thing with the rest of the world, and they do it in a way that just sends people right over the edge.
I guess it goes in cycles. Back in 2003 or so, the babyfurs had to do a lot of self-policing. A few people did some really dumb things, and the other babyfurs read them the riot act. Several people got banned from attending any BF events, and had their accounts nuked on various boards, because they just didn't get the message. This wasn't out of any sense of civic duty, mind you, but because THE REST of the fandom completely lost their collective shit and were on a witch hunt.
So here we are again. Some of the "new kids" are exploring, and testing limits of what they can get away with.
That's a poor life choice, kids.
Because lemme tell ya? Today, I got to see some of the most rip-snorting rage, that at least one person has towards ABDFs, and it was frightening to behold. The rant they went on, the things they said, and the venom they spewed in all directions weren't just empty bloviating. This person was a seasoned veteran of the community, and a long-time convention volunteer. Someone with serious influence in the furry community, and someone who has the ear of half a dozen convention chairs. And they made use of that influence, too.
To be fair? They're in a position where they can't afford *any* sort of controversy. They have to protect themselves and their family, and any sort of question like, "Oh, you were at Diapercon?", would put them in very serious jeopardy.
Their anger and fear, while frightening to see, was justified.
So. Going forward?
All the ABDF folks that I know personally aren't just careful to keep their fun behind closed doors, they're absolutely paranoid about keeping things private. Seriously, if any of them ever saw some idiot walking around in public at a convention, wearing a diaper and acting like a baby, every one of them would take them aside for a private conversation.
I suggest that should be the norm.
You see someone doing stupid shit? Take them aside and tell them it's not appropriate. Give them a chance to scurry back to their room and change into something more appropriate. If you're watching your roommate putting on a diaper before heading out, don't let them do it.
If they don't listen, or tell you to fuck off?
Call security. Loudly if you have to.
Because this isn't about spoiling someone's fun. This is about your ability to have a healthy relationship with other people, and about how the furry community is viewed by others.
And as a 20-year veteran, I would really prefer that we do NOT become the butt of another decade of jokes and trolls.
Never had a problem with them on a whole? I always thought they were cute.
But every once in a while, you get a blithering idiot who just *has* to share their thing with the rest of the world, and they do it in a way that just sends people right over the edge.
I guess it goes in cycles. Back in 2003 or so, the babyfurs had to do a lot of self-policing. A few people did some really dumb things, and the other babyfurs read them the riot act. Several people got banned from attending any BF events, and had their accounts nuked on various boards, because they just didn't get the message. This wasn't out of any sense of civic duty, mind you, but because THE REST of the fandom completely lost their collective shit and were on a witch hunt.
So here we are again. Some of the "new kids" are exploring, and testing limits of what they can get away with.
That's a poor life choice, kids.
Because lemme tell ya? Today, I got to see some of the most rip-snorting rage, that at least one person has towards ABDFs, and it was frightening to behold. The rant they went on, the things they said, and the venom they spewed in all directions weren't just empty bloviating. This person was a seasoned veteran of the community, and a long-time convention volunteer. Someone with serious influence in the furry community, and someone who has the ear of half a dozen convention chairs. And they made use of that influence, too.
To be fair? They're in a position where they can't afford *any* sort of controversy. They have to protect themselves and their family, and any sort of question like, "Oh, you were at Diapercon?", would put them in very serious jeopardy.
Their anger and fear, while frightening to see, was justified.
So. Going forward?
All the ABDF folks that I know personally aren't just careful to keep their fun behind closed doors, they're absolutely paranoid about keeping things private. Seriously, if any of them ever saw some idiot walking around in public at a convention, wearing a diaper and acting like a baby, every one of them would take them aside for a private conversation.
I suggest that should be the norm.
You see someone doing stupid shit? Take them aside and tell them it's not appropriate. Give them a chance to scurry back to their room and change into something more appropriate. If you're watching your roommate putting on a diaper before heading out, don't let them do it.
If they don't listen, or tell you to fuck off?
Call security. Loudly if you have to.
Because this isn't about spoiling someone's fun. This is about your ability to have a healthy relationship with other people, and about how the furry community is viewed by others.
And as a 20-year veteran, I would really prefer that we do NOT become the butt of another decade of jokes and trolls.
I am embarrassed at what occurred at last weekend's event and commiserate with the rest of the fandom who was equally "put off" by the poor judgment call by the individual and their friends.
I was given all manner of excuses for this person's behavior, advised that the convention itself did not see this as a "big deal" and even told that people aren't as "prudish" on the west coast as they are everywhere else.
The new generation of furs don't feel they need rules to ruin their fun. There's no real way to police them outside of the social venues, to set consequences after the fact. I'm afraid to say that at this point it is up to the individual conventions to dictate policies, no matter how distasteful, on the matters of fetish gear in public spaces.
EF had the balls to take a stand and reel in this rapidly expanding matter. Visible fetish gear, at a "Family Oriented" convention should not be seen in public spaces.
But Europe is a very different place. Consent and matters of privacy are vastly different than they are here. Most Europeans simply don't have the space for "American privacy", and develop a sort of "mental privacy", where they can be in their own private space inside their own heads. Whereas Americans have the ability to walk away from someone being an idiot, most Europeans don't have that luxury. And having someone flaunt bondage gear or diapers in public isn't just a violation of social propriety, it's a gross violation of their mental space.
Because no matter how hard you try, you just can't ignore something like that. It's a physical error in the world of vision. You can tune out their blather, you can even turn a blind eye to bad fashion sense.
But doing something that's so radically different from the societal expectation is a violation of personal mental space.
If you're doing it to make a statement, be it political or social, then fine. But do it in a place that's appropriate, such as the soapbox in Hyde Park.
As for me, I have had my share of bad run-ins at conventions, a couple of which I notified con-staff and assisted with the removal of those involved. [I am a licensed security officer IRL.] I agree that there should be limits, and as you said, if I come across someone wearing only a diaper and a Tee shirt I would pull them aside for a chat but there has to be a limit. For instance, if I were to see someone wearing overalls on top of a Tee shirt with a paci clip, I would most likely look the other way.
I think that the attitude and actions also play a role. I remember one year at furfright walking into the mens room just in time to see a cub sitting on the changing table, and the table being yanked clean off the wall. Both cub and care taker ran out before I could say anything. I alerted con-staff who quickly got the hotel staff and remedied the situation. The next day I passed someone wearing a Teeshirt with the words "I Enjoy Messy Diapers! Get Over It!"
I was so embarrassed by what I saw that I actually stopped calling myself a babyfur. I even refused to let myself be a cub just because of those two incidents. It just makes no sense to me why someone would put themselves, as well as a convention full of people, at risk like that.
Therefore they could have been new to the whole scene and unfamiliar with stigma surrounding ABDF community at conventions, and inadvertently stirred it up with their own play. In any case I'm quite sure with the large amount of negative attention the photo has garnered, the individual won't do this again.
Not that it makes what happened any better, however it is unfortunate that if my theory is correct, it is the baby/diaperfurs that take the heat (although given past instances and cultural beliefs among many it is not too surprising).
On the actual issue at hand, I agree that blatant display of any fetish gear in public should not be allowed at furry conventions, whether it is inflatables right through to exposed underwear. These are social gatherings and not sex parties, and I'm sure those that are interested in the latter can hold them in their bedroom, or even find a convention that will cater to those tastes. Subtle nods to your kink or padding under clothes? Sure, just keep it all at a sensible level of public acceptability.
The problem is, I would actually be inclined to believe that the "master" in this case knew precisely what they were doing.
And did it anyway.
And as I pointed out above, there's a reason to be concerned. The person I was speaking with dropped a nuke on some very important people in the community over this, and believe me, it was felt. Changes got made to at least two conventions within 48 hours, and the fallout is still coming down.
The sad fact that there will always be people who will push the rules to see what they can get away with.
People will always be afraid to speak up when they see someone doing wrong, because it's considered "rude" or afraid to look like the "bad guy". People seriously need to grow a pair and speak up instead of ignoring it thinking it will solve itself on its own (or wait until a week after the con to say something).
People who live by the belief that if they have some kind of mental deficiency like autism or ADHD, they are not subject to the same rules of acceptable public behavior like everyone else.
People who are genuinely diagnosed with Asperger's or ADHD are fully aware of their condition, and they absolutely hate it. I don't know anyone with ADHD who doesn't take medication for it, and those with Asperger's are always locked in a constant struggle of trying to recognize when their behavior is getting out of control. The few who don't try to control their behavior find themselves ostracized very quickly.
No, I find that the ones who are trying to use these conditions as an excuse for bad behavior all have ASSBURGERS, and should be treated accordingly.
Such as a boot in the ass.
Hard.