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Wolfespada Kamen Rider review - Kamen Rider: The First
10 years ago
Man it’s been a while since I’ve done a Kamen Rider review. I’ve mentioned this many a-times that when it comes to rebooting a certain show or comic adaptation, making things dark and gritty, does not make anything mature or eve automatically good. It also matters in execution. Good example: Batman Begins, cuz it always had a darker structure. Horrible example: Fant4stic.
And that Power Rangers ‘fan’ film, and I use the term loosely was meant to be a parody of Hollywood making grim and gritty reboots.
It’s the essence of that certain show or comic that made us want to watch more of that in the first place, and when I see that adapted on the big screen, I hope they stick to it, like the movies of the Marvel Cinematic Universe have been doing so far. And hoooo boy, we have a good example here of when that moronic ‘let’s make it dark and gritty’ mindset plays here, even worse than Shin Kamen Rider. This is:
KAMEN RIDER: THE FIRST
This was a movie that came out in 2005. I was never able to watch the original Rider show from 1971, and the only time I was able to see Riders Ichigo to ZX was in the final episodes of Kamen Rider Black RX. When I first saw images of this movie, I was excited as all hell. Riders Ichigo and Nigo had kick-ass, modernized suits and motorcycles, and the creature designs made me even more excited to see it. In 2005, I frequented a Japanese video store/marketplace, saw it for sale and bought it. It had no subtitles, but I enjoyed it. I didn’t know any better that time like I do today. At Anime Expo 2011, I bought this movie WITH subtitles on DVD, enjoyed it then too… or did I. I hadn’t watched it for a really long period of time for over 2 years. Was bored one night and saw it again… and like with ‘The Dark Knight,’ I realized that I always downright hated it.
Also… this movie was written my TOSHIKI INOUE!!!!! Hunker down, people.
The movie starts out where two businessmen get killed by a Spider-man. No, not that one! For Kamen Rider fans, this is the modernized version of the Spider-Inhumanoid, probably one of the most popular enemies of Kamen Rider lore, that and the bat, so much that they’ve had a bat/spider monster in almost every incarnation of Kamen Rider.
This is where we meet Takashi Hongo, a university professor studying the effects of water crystals and how they affect peoples’ emotions, which was only pseudo-science, and it was such bullcrap. It’s subjective! Moving right along, Hongo likes this gal, Reiko, but she’s engaged to a dude named Kasuhiko.
That night while ridin’ home, Hongo’s attacked by the Bat-Inhumanoid, the representative of SHOCKER. SHOCKER is a terrorist organization bent on taking over the world with their cyborgs, and has been a mainstay evil bad guy group to today. Hongo gets taken and turned into the grasshopper cyborg labeled ‘Hopper,’ brainwashed into a merciless killing machine. Now in the old show, Hongo was recruited by SHOCKER due to his mentor, cuz he regrettedly recommended him to them. To be a SHOCKER member you must have a high IQ and excel in some kind of sport or activity. Boy, I would suck as a member, since my skills revolve around Legos and porn. Now the thing of the old show was that Hongo escaped thanks to said mentor before they could brainwash him, already cybernizing him. That’s not what happens here. Hopper is SHOCKER’s foot soldier.
Hopper, A.K.A. Kamen Rider Ichigo, or 1, robs a bank… or someplace, on his first mission out. I still say the suits are awesome.
Now the first 20 minutes, I really loved this movie… but then it kinda starts going downhill from here. Reiko, the girl I mentioned before, is an investigative reporter, stupidly fallowing leads of a string of murders that would link to SHOCKER, which makes her part of their hit list. So SHOCKER sends Ichigo and the Spider to kill Reiko, as she was interviewing a lead witness, but gets killed. Reiko, while escaping, gets knocked out (get use to that, people. She always gets knocked out here) her fiancé, Kasuhiko, sees this… and runs away, leaving her ass. Ichigo was going to kill him, till it starts snowing and the memory of Hongo returns via the water crystal crap… and it was crap. Spider kills Kasuhiko, and Ichigo snaps out of it, attacking Spider. Spider deems Ichigo a traitor and will kill him later. Ichigo is too late to help the dead Kasuhiko, and Reiko comes to, seeing her dead fiancé, with the now-reverted Hongo near the body, MISUNDERSTANDING THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF COURSE! Police sirens and Hongo runs away, leaving Reiko distraught over… the guy that left her ass to be killed. Some guy you picked, girlie.
Turns out it’s a been a few weeks since Hongo’s disappearance, a d he’s getting use to his new cyborg strength. Reiko confronts him… and doesn’t say a word to his defense, like saying he didn’t kill her useless fiancé. Maybe he felt guilty, I dunno. It was still crappy how it went down. SHOCKER isn’t worried cuz their cyborgs need periodic blood transfusions, or they die after two days. But that doesn’t with Hongo… and that’s never touched upon so it makes no sense, other that they fact they said they may have made their PERFECT cyborg. So instead of waiting it out, they decide to make another Hopper.
Oh yeah, this is as good as time to tell you guys the subplot of this movie. It involves two terminally ill patients that begin to go on dates, fall in love with one another, get recruited by SHOCKER. We see two new Inhumanoids; Cobra and Snake, but you already know it’s the two patients now cybernized. They last till the end fight and get killed. This subplot was SOOOOOOOOOOO pointless it’s not even funny. You could easily take it out, and you wouldn’t miss a damn thing. It is THAT pointless.
Getting back to the main plot, which already had no story and it was going downhill before the utterly useless subplot, things are shoved in our faces that have been established over and over again, Hongo shows off what hero he is by saving a little girl’s life by a careening truck with just a hand… and getting a driving civilian that crashed into the truck killed in the process when he let’s go of the truck, the truck lands on the crashed car! Oh yeah, and he gripped her so hard, she lost consciousness. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, I know you can write the characters go through problems, but when you do it stupidly like here, it makes the writer lazy. He gets a motorcycle…. Somehow in a way where it makes no damn sense. This bike is the modernized version of his bike ‘Cyclone’.
Reio gets attacked by the Spider, Ichigo rides in, and kills Spider. Albeit this is a fun fight scene and it’s one of the only saving graces in this tedious mess of a movie. But Reiko gets knocked out AGAIN, just before Ichigo rode in. In case you haven’t figure out why I hate Inoue yet, this is it. He cannot write females unless they are weak and helpless. And Reiko is such an uninteresting character to begin with, it makes her getting knocked out and then later kidnapped just cringeworthy.
Later on Reiko’s in a bar, till she meets someone… who looks just like her dead fiancé. Long sotry short, this is Kamen Rider Nigo, named Ichimongi. Don’t ask me why he looks like her dead fiancé, they make no effort to explain this. Blah blah blah, he’s here to kill Ichigo, and fails. Nigo falls in love with her and decides to defect SHOCKER, and take the credit for saving her ass and giving her a ride home when it was really Ichigo that did it.
This movie takes SOOOOOO much time with the relationship triangle with Reiko, Hongo and Ichimongi, that’s all it becomes about. When you see a movie about Kamen Rider, you expect something to happen. Here, it’s just J-drama, and not the good kind. The acting is so lifeless and the scenes are just as uninteresting. And with Hongo refusing to tell Reiko he didn’t kill her fiancé only drags things along more than necessary. And that idiotic, aforementioned subplot really drags it to a grinding halt.
So, she gets kidnapped, and knocked out while Hongo and Ichimongi were having a walk, discussing protecting is a human thing blah blah blah. You two morons love this utterly useless broad so much, you let her get taken. They go to SHOCKERS island, kick some ass, defeat the bad guys, save Reiko and a load of other people SHOCKER kidnapped, people we don’t care about. And everything’s hunky-dory.
Forgot to mention, Ichimonji’s not like Hongo, he needs the transfusions, but ignores it. He lets Hongo have the girl, reducing Reiko to nothing more than a prize. He rides off to parts unknown. Hongo leaves with the unconscious girl along the beach at moonlight.
DA END.
It wouldn’t be sometime last year when I finally got to watch nearly all of the 1971 Kamen Rider’s unprecedented 99 episodes. And I’m glad I did… CUZ THIS MOVIE SUCKS!
Kamen Rider: The First represents everything I have hated from Inoue’s work. Not as bad as Twilight, but the romance subplots just drag on to nothing. Just like in Jetman, the essence of what made Kamen Rider cool to begin with takes a backseat to a pointless triangle. The acting is so wooden, the characters range from stock and boring to flat-out unlikable. Inoue’s sexist writing is at its peak with Reiko here, being nothing but a trophy. It’s Bella Swan-level of bad how crap a character she is. It becomes hilarious how many times she gets knocked out. Me saying that subplot with the two patients was so bad and unnecessary would be redundant. The fights are the only saving grace in this thing, which ain’t so hard cuz the rest of the movie is so ball-numblingly boring.
To Kamen Rider fans, I can’t recommend this movie. I give this a 1 out of 10. A ‘1’ cuz of the cool outfits.
But if you thought ‘The First’ was as bad as it got, get ready for…The Next.
Till that time, live the art and draw it.
Thanks for your time.
And that Power Rangers ‘fan’ film, and I use the term loosely was meant to be a parody of Hollywood making grim and gritty reboots.
It’s the essence of that certain show or comic that made us want to watch more of that in the first place, and when I see that adapted on the big screen, I hope they stick to it, like the movies of the Marvel Cinematic Universe have been doing so far. And hoooo boy, we have a good example here of when that moronic ‘let’s make it dark and gritty’ mindset plays here, even worse than Shin Kamen Rider. This is:
KAMEN RIDER: THE FIRST
This was a movie that came out in 2005. I was never able to watch the original Rider show from 1971, and the only time I was able to see Riders Ichigo to ZX was in the final episodes of Kamen Rider Black RX. When I first saw images of this movie, I was excited as all hell. Riders Ichigo and Nigo had kick-ass, modernized suits and motorcycles, and the creature designs made me even more excited to see it. In 2005, I frequented a Japanese video store/marketplace, saw it for sale and bought it. It had no subtitles, but I enjoyed it. I didn’t know any better that time like I do today. At Anime Expo 2011, I bought this movie WITH subtitles on DVD, enjoyed it then too… or did I. I hadn’t watched it for a really long period of time for over 2 years. Was bored one night and saw it again… and like with ‘The Dark Knight,’ I realized that I always downright hated it.
Also… this movie was written my TOSHIKI INOUE!!!!! Hunker down, people.
The movie starts out where two businessmen get killed by a Spider-man. No, not that one! For Kamen Rider fans, this is the modernized version of the Spider-Inhumanoid, probably one of the most popular enemies of Kamen Rider lore, that and the bat, so much that they’ve had a bat/spider monster in almost every incarnation of Kamen Rider.
This is where we meet Takashi Hongo, a university professor studying the effects of water crystals and how they affect peoples’ emotions, which was only pseudo-science, and it was such bullcrap. It’s subjective! Moving right along, Hongo likes this gal, Reiko, but she’s engaged to a dude named Kasuhiko.
That night while ridin’ home, Hongo’s attacked by the Bat-Inhumanoid, the representative of SHOCKER. SHOCKER is a terrorist organization bent on taking over the world with their cyborgs, and has been a mainstay evil bad guy group to today. Hongo gets taken and turned into the grasshopper cyborg labeled ‘Hopper,’ brainwashed into a merciless killing machine. Now in the old show, Hongo was recruited by SHOCKER due to his mentor, cuz he regrettedly recommended him to them. To be a SHOCKER member you must have a high IQ and excel in some kind of sport or activity. Boy, I would suck as a member, since my skills revolve around Legos and porn. Now the thing of the old show was that Hongo escaped thanks to said mentor before they could brainwash him, already cybernizing him. That’s not what happens here. Hopper is SHOCKER’s foot soldier.
Hopper, A.K.A. Kamen Rider Ichigo, or 1, robs a bank… or someplace, on his first mission out. I still say the suits are awesome.
Now the first 20 minutes, I really loved this movie… but then it kinda starts going downhill from here. Reiko, the girl I mentioned before, is an investigative reporter, stupidly fallowing leads of a string of murders that would link to SHOCKER, which makes her part of their hit list. So SHOCKER sends Ichigo and the Spider to kill Reiko, as she was interviewing a lead witness, but gets killed. Reiko, while escaping, gets knocked out (get use to that, people. She always gets knocked out here) her fiancé, Kasuhiko, sees this… and runs away, leaving her ass. Ichigo was going to kill him, till it starts snowing and the memory of Hongo returns via the water crystal crap… and it was crap. Spider kills Kasuhiko, and Ichigo snaps out of it, attacking Spider. Spider deems Ichigo a traitor and will kill him later. Ichigo is too late to help the dead Kasuhiko, and Reiko comes to, seeing her dead fiancé, with the now-reverted Hongo near the body, MISUNDERSTANDING THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF COURSE! Police sirens and Hongo runs away, leaving Reiko distraught over… the guy that left her ass to be killed. Some guy you picked, girlie.
Turns out it’s a been a few weeks since Hongo’s disappearance, a d he’s getting use to his new cyborg strength. Reiko confronts him… and doesn’t say a word to his defense, like saying he didn’t kill her useless fiancé. Maybe he felt guilty, I dunno. It was still crappy how it went down. SHOCKER isn’t worried cuz their cyborgs need periodic blood transfusions, or they die after two days. But that doesn’t with Hongo… and that’s never touched upon so it makes no sense, other that they fact they said they may have made their PERFECT cyborg. So instead of waiting it out, they decide to make another Hopper.
Oh yeah, this is as good as time to tell you guys the subplot of this movie. It involves two terminally ill patients that begin to go on dates, fall in love with one another, get recruited by SHOCKER. We see two new Inhumanoids; Cobra and Snake, but you already know it’s the two patients now cybernized. They last till the end fight and get killed. This subplot was SOOOOOOOOOOO pointless it’s not even funny. You could easily take it out, and you wouldn’t miss a damn thing. It is THAT pointless.
Getting back to the main plot, which already had no story and it was going downhill before the utterly useless subplot, things are shoved in our faces that have been established over and over again, Hongo shows off what hero he is by saving a little girl’s life by a careening truck with just a hand… and getting a driving civilian that crashed into the truck killed in the process when he let’s go of the truck, the truck lands on the crashed car! Oh yeah, and he gripped her so hard, she lost consciousness. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, I know you can write the characters go through problems, but when you do it stupidly like here, it makes the writer lazy. He gets a motorcycle…. Somehow in a way where it makes no damn sense. This bike is the modernized version of his bike ‘Cyclone’.
Reio gets attacked by the Spider, Ichigo rides in, and kills Spider. Albeit this is a fun fight scene and it’s one of the only saving graces in this tedious mess of a movie. But Reiko gets knocked out AGAIN, just before Ichigo rode in. In case you haven’t figure out why I hate Inoue yet, this is it. He cannot write females unless they are weak and helpless. And Reiko is such an uninteresting character to begin with, it makes her getting knocked out and then later kidnapped just cringeworthy.
Later on Reiko’s in a bar, till she meets someone… who looks just like her dead fiancé. Long sotry short, this is Kamen Rider Nigo, named Ichimongi. Don’t ask me why he looks like her dead fiancé, they make no effort to explain this. Blah blah blah, he’s here to kill Ichigo, and fails. Nigo falls in love with her and decides to defect SHOCKER, and take the credit for saving her ass and giving her a ride home when it was really Ichigo that did it.
This movie takes SOOOOOO much time with the relationship triangle with Reiko, Hongo and Ichimongi, that’s all it becomes about. When you see a movie about Kamen Rider, you expect something to happen. Here, it’s just J-drama, and not the good kind. The acting is so lifeless and the scenes are just as uninteresting. And with Hongo refusing to tell Reiko he didn’t kill her fiancé only drags things along more than necessary. And that idiotic, aforementioned subplot really drags it to a grinding halt.
So, she gets kidnapped, and knocked out while Hongo and Ichimongi were having a walk, discussing protecting is a human thing blah blah blah. You two morons love this utterly useless broad so much, you let her get taken. They go to SHOCKERS island, kick some ass, defeat the bad guys, save Reiko and a load of other people SHOCKER kidnapped, people we don’t care about. And everything’s hunky-dory.
Forgot to mention, Ichimonji’s not like Hongo, he needs the transfusions, but ignores it. He lets Hongo have the girl, reducing Reiko to nothing more than a prize. He rides off to parts unknown. Hongo leaves with the unconscious girl along the beach at moonlight.
DA END.
It wouldn’t be sometime last year when I finally got to watch nearly all of the 1971 Kamen Rider’s unprecedented 99 episodes. And I’m glad I did… CUZ THIS MOVIE SUCKS!
Kamen Rider: The First represents everything I have hated from Inoue’s work. Not as bad as Twilight, but the romance subplots just drag on to nothing. Just like in Jetman, the essence of what made Kamen Rider cool to begin with takes a backseat to a pointless triangle. The acting is so wooden, the characters range from stock and boring to flat-out unlikable. Inoue’s sexist writing is at its peak with Reiko here, being nothing but a trophy. It’s Bella Swan-level of bad how crap a character she is. It becomes hilarious how many times she gets knocked out. Me saying that subplot with the two patients was so bad and unnecessary would be redundant. The fights are the only saving grace in this thing, which ain’t so hard cuz the rest of the movie is so ball-numblingly boring.
To Kamen Rider fans, I can’t recommend this movie. I give this a 1 out of 10. A ‘1’ cuz of the cool outfits.
But if you thought ‘The First’ was as bad as it got, get ready for…The Next.
Till that time, live the art and draw it.
Thanks for your time.
Next one... is The Next
You should SO give it a try and where did you find all the episodes of the original kamen rider?
Are you available to chat for the belt designs too?
Not for a while, but I'll keep you posted