Alright, so - some of you know me for a while now, and more or less used to my strange behavior, moods and all that yadda-yadda. And some people know my "Fursona" thing a bit better, than others.

And while most of the people seem to get it, after a while, some are left completely confused.
Not to mention, that people who just met me even called me a schizo ( Not going to name the people, but it happened three times throughout my FA time. )

So, the idea of this journal is to attempt to explain the whole "case" in details - mostly so I could just show something to the confused people in the future.. Cause for some reason it actually bothers people, heh.

This may be a long journal, so I wouldn't be surprised to see TL;DR in the comments, hah!

Imagine, you wake up in the morning; and do whatever you do every time, you can probably tell how you feel, more or less (Mood-wise, that is.) .In my case - during the first hours after waking up, I feel how certain parts of me, certain "attributes" of my personality seem to be a little more "dominating" over other ones.

Further on, these attributes affect my behavior more, and more, in combination with other factors of course, forcing the certain "mood", during which I behave one way or another. When this "Mood state" is certain, the fitting fursona becomes my form for the day. And each fursona has own list of attributes they represent, and sometimes share between one-another.

Throughout the day, the fursona I feel like may affect certain choices, the way I talk with people, heck even the way I dress and etc. At certain extent I can see why some people cannot understand that, but frankly enough it seems I'm not completely fucked up! I even used to check that up, by my own will. And the doctor who analysed me seemed to say that I'm alright. And further on she said that it's just the way my mood works. (She also recommended me to become an actor, to go to the acting school, hah!)

But yes, overall there are eight fursonas/forms (I don't like to call them characters, despite of me sometimes playing them in roleplays.)
By time of appearance, names included:
Tigress - Liati
Bat - Ravira
Phoenix - Isabella
Crocodile - Noira
Jackaless - Sandra
Zebra - Medina
Lioness - Aylen/Aylenia
Gazelle - Dionne

And yes. The lack of name for the gazelle, leads the journal to the next point. How these fursonas appeared?

Don't know about you, but since childhood I controlled my own dreams: I created worlds, weird events, heroes, villains - whatever. It was all under my control, well, until my brain's activity went to an ultimate zero and I passed out for what was left of the night. And I still have this control over the dreams, though a bit less than in the younger days.
But sometimes, there dreams that were chaotic, random, uncontrolled. And they often happened after some emotional moments of my life, after some outburst of feelings of any sort. That's when, often, my fursonas appeared. Including their looks, their gender, their names and many of the details. Hence in some cases - it takes more than one dream to see everything. That's why, for example, gazelle has no name yet! However I don't think it's required to mention when, or how each of them appeared. In addition, every single fursona evolves with time, and it is why I hate change them by myself, "manually" in a way.

Overall - each fursona represents these attributes in one way or another, and further below I will briefly note the most important ones. Usually all fursonas represent both positive and negative attributes.

Tigress - A fursona that is the first by all means, appeared roughly a year after I joined the community. Throughout the years it evolved into something "darker". Now, she represents probably the most negative attributes: Vengeful, manipulating, flirty, cold, highly-egoistic in some moments. While she can be quite observative, attentive and overall curious and sensitive. Also this fursona tends to represent a negative state, when I just don't feel like exposing my true feelings, negative emotions about something or someone.. Until the "last moment."

Bat - Probably one of my most common moods/states (That also was a sort of my "icon" back in the day.). Bat represents a lot of my "childhood" at some extend: Unstable, bitchy, highly energetic, highly curious, represents the "strange logic" I sometimes possess. Represents my weird love of fire and everything fire-related. At some point she represents my artistic side, rebellious ( while being most.. ahem "submissive" in sexual scenes ), sometimes rude, and often brings a very "certain" way of chatting. "Hallo, zis iz bat."

Phoenix - The most dreamy fursona. Represents a lot of imagination-related moments. In addition - it is one of two fursonas who represent my "intelligence", including philosophical thinking, analytics, and etc., but this sona is always "away from reality", willing to escape the boring real world and sees most of "problems" of our life as meaningless and hence tends to show rather strange way of talking with others. Usually one of the most calm fursonas. Represents artistic attributes more than any other, so as the inspiration required for being one.

Crocodile - The most known, so far, fursona of mine on FA. My fursona of aggression, stubbornness, pride. This sona is most protective, and can be surprisingly motherly/fatherly. Also probably most "masculine" fursona behavior-was. Also it represents everything related to "will", bluntness, direct approach and pretty damn explosive temper. During this "mood" I'm usually a lil dangerous to approach, at least when the said approach is disrespective, and provocative.

Jackal - The second fursona, that represents the intelligence. However, unlike phoenix, this one is pretty down to earth, realistic, and even dark. Jackal sona is the most serious when side when it's needed, the most concentrated and often taken away by own thoughts, same as phoenix. Regardless, she's also relatively "smooth" when it comes to socializing. Overall relatively "adult" fursona of mine, that is more responsible, however also rather intolerant when it comes to outright example of degradation.

Zebra - The second most friendly "mood"! Most chatty, most laid-back and probably the laziest of them all! Zebra's my most "bright" mood, that always ready to spend time with people, go somewhere. Taking most of the things easy, this fursona is probably the most stress-resilient, but also tends to be quite light-headed, slow, irresponsible when it's best not to be so. But is also pretty stubborn! Not nearly as croc, but still.

Lioness - The first most friendly fursona! This fursona probably appeared that one day, when I felt that all bad stuff doesn't matter, and that I love folks around me, probably one annoying period of depressions. Anyway, this one is usually quiet, lovable, fragile, innocent on many levels. Basically a combination of attributes making this fursona a complete "hippie", making her a complete opposite to my Tiger and Bat sides.

Gazelle - Most straightforward fursona. While sharing the attribute, this one is a better "talker", more accurate, thoughtful when it comes to picking the correct word. Rather calculative, manipulative and egoistic at certain level. Sharing those attributes with Tigress, together with cold attitude of jackal - she stands somewhere in between of these two. But in addition, she is also the most evasive fursona, when it comes to bad situations/conflicts, as well as being rather smooth overall.

And that is still pretty brief, all the details and connections would make this simply too big, and the moment I worked on this journal - I was pretty damn sleepy!

And of course, since some of the attributes (Mostly ones I didn't mention) are shared by two or more fursonas, it leads to the final part of the journal - the conflicts of sides. Y'know how it is sometimes, you have to make one choice between a good pizza, or a good set of sushi (I am hungry as hell.) and one part of you keeps saying "Pizza". providing the arguments for that choice, and another half goes completely against it.

And that's how my fursonas tend to conflict between one another. The best example of that - my Jackal and Phoenix fursonas. These two represent my intelligence at it's max. And often, specially when it comes to some deep thoughts, these two will be like two completely different sides that have to tolerate one another, in order to achieve one answer. And in most cases - it doesn't happen, leaving me with only one choice. And my choice, in that context, affects what fursona "won" the conflict.


Overall, I can say that my personality maybe is a little weird, and perhaps people who do not know me well enough have all the rights to think weird shit about me! But eh! I know what I am, and the main point of this journal was to show how my brain works, mostly to prevent me from typing the same thing over, and over, and over again!

On that note! Stay awesome folks!